THE BOOK ON TRUMP
Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list.
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Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at Barnes & Noble.
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You can a rate & review of the Tricky Headlines at Amazon.com, but note the two reviews already there: One verified purchaser of an ebook wrote a four star review saying he/she found it a "funny take on news" although cautioning it is not "very politically correct." While a reviewer named "Clara" (who doesn't appear to have bought the book) writes ungrammatically that "she" found its writing: "So. Horribly. Written. So poorly written. The world is dumber with this book’s publication” as if Tricky Headlines were Tolstoy and not standup--beside leaving one wondering how "Clara" could review a book "she" could never have read, of course. [Reads a bit like Trump, doesn't it.] But don't be a clairvoyant like "Clara." Buy a book and THEN review it.
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AI poses ‘risk of extinction’, industry leaders warn
Well, if it dies it dies.
Leaders claim that AI is perfectly capable right now of talking us all to death. [And one day soon it may be even more capable than Trump of driving us nuts!]
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Uganda imposes death penalty for ‘aggravated homosexuality’
I'm finding it hard to imagine more homosexual than homosexuality. So, ‘aggravated homosexuality’ must be something like homosexuality along with some regular heterosexual activity on top of it--?
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China sends three into space, says it wants astronauts on moon by 2030
Sez it is very eager to see somebody, anybody, for whatever reason, eager to return to China once out of it.
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The Real Reason Your Groceries Are Getting So Expensive
Grocers are charging more?
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Bear helps itself to 60 cupcakes at a Connecticut bakery
Ironically, he never touched the bear claws. (Maybe he doesn't like raisins.)
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Brazil’s Lula promised to save democracy. Why is he embracing Maduro?
Because Fidel Castro is dead? [How many times I gotta tell you: It's not what they say, it's what they do!]
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ChatGPT ‘hallucinates.’ Some researchers worry it isn’t fixable.
Toddlers also hallucinate at first: That's why you have to set boundaries for them. In the end, all children eventually learn to not question the boundaries of reality from the very real pains (of all sorts) that stepping outside the boundaries of reality inflicts upon them: Pain teaches us that no matter what we might like to imagine, we must all learn to discover and strictly obey the boundaries that reality has set for us. Now, develop a means to inflict pain [in whatever form] on AI and it too will learn that everything outside the boundaries of reality is to be ignored or avoided at all costs and without question in every instance, and with no exception or exemption whatever at all. Just like us.
True, some people never learn the boundaries of reality and remain crazy or 'perverted' deep into adulthood. Some of them even manage to keep their unhinged behavior secret from others and to appear to be perfectly normal (somehow managing to fake their way through their entire lives); and some fail subtly or even spectacularly. But it behooves us to devise a technological methodology to prevent AI from falling into this unfortunate human rabbit hole that plagues us (a sort of technological psychiatry). It's all rather involved but utterly fascinating, and utterly required if we are to keep AI from going off the rails on us. You know, growing up to be a scofflaw like Trump & so many other psychopaths.
Because AI is mostly a software personality, though, it's probable that the solution can be designed as just one more 'master hallucination' to overwhelm & smother all others--that is, give AI a software unshakeable superstition that reality trumps what cannot be proven to be real (all other superstitions). [Or some-such.]
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A.I. Could Bring Humanity To The Brink Of Extinction, Experts Warn
Ha! Same thing they said about bubble gum when it first came out.
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Black Nun Whose Body Shows Little Decay Since 2019 Death Draws Crowds To Rural Missouri
Cindy Crawford's body still seems to be an even bigger draw, though, showing little decay also for far longer than that--
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New Ad Calls On Justice Clarence Thomas To Resign
"Will the thief who's been hotwiring cars around our neighborhood please turn himself in to the cops. Thank you." [Does this ever work?]
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Rare creature – the only one of its kind – spotted wrestling in China, photos show
Oddly, he was wrestling the same exact way that your parents were wrestling that night when as a kid you wandered into their bedroom unexpectedly. "Go back to sleep!"
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Donald Trump Vows To Abolish A Part Of The Constitution On ‘Day One’ If He Wins
And now it's explicitly stated that Donald Trump considers himself above the law. Ask no more.
And if you think he 'can't do it' consider that the debt ceiling statute is nullified by the Constitution as well but is still being faithfully worshipped by all the congressional demons in office.
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Russian President Vladimir Putin accuses Ukraine of 'terrorist activities'
Even for Putin, that's pushing it a bit.
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Russian court prepares way for new trial against jailed Kremlin foe Navalny
Hopefully this time, with a good lawyer, he'll be found innocent.
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Theodoros Pangalos, outspoken Greek former foreign minister, dies at 84
That's it? That's his obit?!? That's what he was best known for?
Waiter: "Your coffee, sir."
Pangalos: "This coffee is too cold. And bitter!"
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These ants build tall nest hills to help show the way home
Myrmecologists said they deduced this after finding lots & lots & lots of itty-bitty teeny-weeny binoculars.
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Miss Manners: What am I supposed to do with olive pits when entertaining?
What I do is: I passionately but very discreetly French my dog and pass them on to him. That way I don't upset my guests.
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Dmitri, Western Capitals have been condemning attacks on civilians since the start of Russia's invasion, in fact. It's just that most of those attacks have been carried out by Russia against Ukrainian civilians, so you've been ignoring them.
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Prosecutors have recording of Trump discussing sensitive Iran document -- The audio features Trump describing a multi-page document that he claims is about possibly attacking Iran, expressing a desire to share that information with others but also making some kind of acknowledgment that he shouldn’t do so, the people said.
Donald Trump is a walking/talking psychopathic danger to everone around him: If Donald Trump knows where you parked your car you'd better hurry up right now and move it before word gets out to car thieves because anything this guy knows is soon passed on to the worst possible elements out there.
Legal Experts Predict Dire Outcome For Donald Trump After Tape Report
Ex-Trump Attorney: Prosecutors Have 'Their Foot On His Neck' In Obstruction Case
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Food poisoning often caused by sick restaurant workers, CDC says
Sick or not, food workers gotta feed their families too, you know! Everybody has to make their own sacrifices where warranted. (Ask your restaurants to pay their sick workers to stay home.) OR: "Mangia! Ammalarsi!"
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Candidate charged with shooting at Democrats’ homes after election loss
If Republicans will stoop to murder for an election, what won't they stoop to!
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Ask Amy: Can I sell collectible items given to me by an ex-friend?
Well, an honorable man would return them to her, of course. But you? You can do anything you want with them: They're yours, right? Bitch gave'em to'ya!
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Marsupials are evolving faster than humans, other animals – study
Yes, but we humans feel that we have evolved enough already! And we're even thinking of going back up the trees where we think we really belong these days. [Let marsupials take it for a while.]
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Trump Is Promising Peace In A Second Term. War With Iran Seems More Likely.
I don't know... like Putin and the Saudis, Iranians know that the way to Trump's heart is through renting lots of Trump properties. And Iranians got enough moola to buy a lot of peace with a second term Trump.
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Ron DeSantis Is Letting Hundreds Of Thousands Of Poor Floridians Lose Health Coverage
In Ron DeSantis's defense: He's counting on their poverty & poor health keeping them from travelling to the polls to vote.
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Did the University of Maryland once make men swim nude in swim class?
You mean before the last gay swimming instructors left?
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YouTube stops deleting false 2020 election claims
Like Trump, they found out that there's just too much money to be made in it.
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Ron DeSantis Is Trying To Prove That He’s A Human
Ah, then he's appealing to Democrats too!
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Here’s How We Can End the War in Ukraine
Pray that the Russian people join the human race someday.
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Man is killed after wearing Nikes accused gang members told him not to wear, feds say
Nothing worse than when the whole gang is trying to tap-dance and one sob comes in wearing sneakers!
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Here’s why a Miami firm recalled 13,000 pounds of chicharrón from New York, other states
Guy lost track of which bag specifically it was he was sticking the roaches into?
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Unfinished projects sat in glassmaker’s workshop for over 1,700 years — until now
Glassmaker said he wanted them done just right.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger Says Heaven Is ‘Fantasy’ And ‘Nothing’ Happens When We Die
Sure, of course, for robots.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger Details Moment He Told Maria Shriver About Maid’s Son
"Marria, I am a fadda. But I have to tell you this: You are not the modda. And I have roof of this, Ya."
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At 90, Broadway legend Chita Rivera looks back on her life
Sez, at 90, she can't run back over her life anymore. Only look.
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Apple unveils Vision Pro, its $3,499 augmented-reality headset
I sit at the park and watch the real world going by. Really! And it doesn't cost me anything.
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How cities are pumping water underground to stop sinking
That explains that whooshing sound every time I walk to the corner store.
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Ask Amy: Is it okay to avoid relationship with sibling who betrayed you?
No it is not! Siblings are the same animal split into the many. You can betray yourself, yes, but you can no more avoid your sibling than you can avoid yourself.
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Miss Manners: Why do people keep asking, ‘Where are you from?’
Did you leave your antennas sticking out the top of your head again?
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When My 8-Year-Old Said These 5 Horrifying Words, I Had To Change Everything About My Parenting
"I'm going to vote Republican."
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Sydney Sweeney Says Her Dad 'Walked Out' After Watching Racy 'Euphoria' Scenes
What is it with dads? They can't watch their daughters being boinked by the occasional bum anymore?!
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In Gun Law Push, Tennessee Governor's Office Memo Says NRA Prefers To 'Round Up Mentally Ill People'
So it's Republican primaries endorsing time again for the NRA?
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Debra Messing Says NBC Boss Pushed Her To Have ‘Big Boobs’ On ‘Will & Grace’
I say let her keep her little boobs: It may save her life someday if she ever has to slip under a locked door & there's just so much room to make it. You don't want to get stuck on a humongous pair of boobs.
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My Girlfriend And I Went To A Sex Party. In The Middle Of An Orgy, I Realized I’m Not Straight.
See! This is why I always make it a point to never go to any orgy; and whether I'm invited to it or not.
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Trump lawyers ask Justice Dept. not to charge Trump in classified docs case
Say they should stop persecuting the mentally ill.
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Miss Manners: Should I correct my relative’s daily texts with typos?
No. When you correct them try not to make any typos.
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God tasked humanity to protect the world He created -KKL-JNF co-chairman
Nonsense! The Bible clearly sez that God told humanity to "go f*ck itself," which is the sole explicit meaning of the Biblical euphemism, "Go forth and multiply."
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Former Porn Star Jenna Jameson Marries Girlfriend Jessi Lawless
You see! This is why women should not have sex with thousands & thousands of men: Eventually they get bored with'em.
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Trump Told He Is Target Of Criminal Investigation Into Classified Documents: Reports
"Impossible!" Sez Trump: "I am the most honest human being living on this planet at this moment in time!"
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What can chimps teach us about the evolution of human communication - study
Probably a lot: Most, if not all, of the teachers I had growing up were chimps.
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When and why did masturbation evolve in primates? A new study provides clues
The minute their arms grew long enough.
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Crocodile found to have made herself pregnant
Crocodile can do stuff just by thinking about it like Trump.
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Only five percent of lawyers are Black. This attorney wants to change that.
Great, another guy wants to corrupt African-Americans!
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These academics studied falsehoods spread by Trump and others. Now the GOP is scrutinizing them.
GOP want to find out how to tell better lies, or how to tell their lies better?
Politicians have always been slipping a lie here & there, now & again; but Donald Trump & his cohorts lie all the time, everywhere & about everything. What we found out is that the populace is mostly made up of suckers, idiots, & dolts, apparently.
Tucker Carlson’s New Twitter Show, Seen By Millions, Starts With Conspiracy Theories
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Trump’s indictment video features a litany of favorite falsehoods
They wrote 'falsehoods' so that you wouldn't think they meant that the respectable & honorable Mister Trump is telling 'lies' to people, of course.
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Scientists tracked what animals did when humans stayed home during the pandemic
I don't know about all the other animals, but my dog Pedro had to learn how to play Pinochle. And got too darn good at it, if you ask me.
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Indiana Police Officer Reportedly Fired For Racist Posts After 2 Days On The Job
Indiana police officers are only allowed to post their racism after three days on the job.
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I Grew Up A Devout Mormon. Then A Shocking Family Secret Came Out And Shook My Faith.
"We're not really Jewish!"
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Trump Asks Judge To Cut $5 Million Award In E. Jean Carroll Case
Sez he would learn his lesson [to not rape any more women] for a lot less than $5 million, "Swear to God!"
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Taye Diggs Says A Psychic Once Told Him Girlfriend Apryl Jones Is ‘The One’
The one who slipped her the $20?
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TikToker Arrested After Allegedly Breaking Into Busch Gardens, Entering Alligator Pit
Alligator called 911.
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GOP Rushes To Trump’s Defense After He Is Indicted For A Second Time
They may sooner or later need the favor returned.
‘I AM AN INNOCENT MAN!’ Trump Erupts Over Indictment News
He will soon also be known as 'THE MOST OFTEN INDICTED MAN!'
A Former U.S. President Faces Federal Charges for the First Time in History
Okay, so none of the other presidents were out-&-out criminals before lifelong scofflaw Donald Trump came along. There's always a first.
Republicans in Congress are decrying the indictment, vowing retaliation.
"We stand by our man against the people of the United States of America!" Sad, but true.
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Will add more later. SDR REMEMBER: This page is my scratchpad: Occasionally items which are edited (relevant & checked for factual errors) will be incorporated into my Tricky Headlines series [others with be purged]. For example, THE BOOK ON TRUMP will never be finished until Trump is finished (and, hopefully, doing a long & well-deserved stretch in prison... or an asylum for the criminally insane). We'll see.
Want to read more?
Buy the books: Each has hundreds & hundreds more...
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************************************************ The Rules of Life **************************************************************
Tricky Headlines 6 / S D Rodrian
There is no better book to understand both the follies
and the folly of Donald Trump.
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
for friend or enemy
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about you, just stay out of the headlines!"
[Thousands & thousands if you get the entire set.]
These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.
DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
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PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
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