THE BOOK ON TRUMP
Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list.
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Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at Barnes & Noble.
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You can a rate & review of the Tricky Headlines at Amazon.com, but note the two reviews already there: One verified purchaser of an ebook wrote a four star review saying he/she found it a "funny take on news" although cautioning it is not "very politically correct." While a reviewer named "Clara" (who doesn't appear to have bought the book) writes ungrammatically that "she" found its writing: "So. Horribly. Written. So poorly written. The world is dumber with this book’s publication” as if Tricky Headlines were Tolstoy and not standup--beside leaving one wondering how "Clara" could review a book "she" could never have read, of course. [Reads a bit like Trump, doesn't it.] But don't be a clairvoyant like "Clara." Buy a book and THEN review it.
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Disclaimer: PLEASE NOTE that every time I use the term 'sez' for the word 'says' it means that the 'quote' is only intended as tongue-in-cheek insightfully illustrating the 'hidden nature' of the person 'quoted' (purely irreverent, ironic, sarcastic, or just for the sake of a cheap laugh--and never intended as accurate reporting of what that character might have actually said). If by some chance it so happens that the 'character' did say or later actually says this it is pure happenstance.
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Two Unvaccinated People Die From Measles in Pennsylvania, Officials Say
Add two souls on the ledgers of Trump and RFK Jr.
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Trump says U.S. could rename Lake Ontario as Lake America
Sez "U.S., c'est moi."
When you can't point to any real achievement, rename a lake. Hope prople think you did something.
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What MAGA fails to understand about Richard Nixon
That when you fail to condemn an evil-doer it is yourself you damn.
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Asking Eric: Cousin is a good cook with a filthy house
Don't let him give you his dirty underwear to use as napkins.
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What is the value of investing in transit?
None: It just makes it easier for more people from far-off places to hang out around your house.
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Trump’s bullying has backfired
Gee, I wonder why--It's not as if Trump's bullying other human beings who also have strong feelings.
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How to avoid 3 foot problems that are common with age, according to a podiatrist
As an old geezer myself I have learned to avoid trouble with people's feet by:
1. Never bend down to pick up a quarter any young person sez you dropped.
2. Never try to force your way into any go-go bar or hipsters' gathering.
3. Avoid asking a young lady half your age for a date.
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Judge Again Denies Trump Request to Move Criminal Case to Federal Court
Trump asked the court: What's the harm of moving his case to a Court over which he exerts total & complete control?
After all, it's not like he's not an honest dealer.
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Proposal Would Give Small Part of Yosemite to a Developer
Trump knows that if you give a large part of Yosemite away people will notice. But bit by bit you can sell off peoples' bodies and they won't know what hit'em until it's too late.
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Trump signs order renaming Lake Ontario as Lake America, escalating Canada feud
If Canada's smart they'll rename it to Lake Biden. That way Trump won't be able to refer to it without the asterisk saying the Canadiens know it as Lake Joe Biden.
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A kitten was stolen and used in an attempted bank robbery. Then her luck changed
"Okay: First we send in the kitten with a gun, and while he's shooting it out with the guards we'll sneak around them and head for the vault..."
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If you have a dog, here are the signs of dementia you need to know
If it starts meowing like a cat and clucking like a chichen it means it has forgotten he's a dog & needs medical attention right away.
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The Last Thing We Need Is a Bad Nuclear Deal From Trump
I'm afraid that bad things are the only things that can come from Trump.
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Trump Claims Dolly Parton ‘Really Liked Me,’ She Just Didn’t Want Anyone To Know
No. Everybody likes you, it's just that they don't want anybody else to know.
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Should I Tell My Daughter That I Know She Had an Abortion?
My mother had three abortions. She never told me about it or even dreamt of saying anything to me. I found out about it the way all childen find out about things: By listening to the adults talking when they don't think the children are paying any attention to what they're saying.
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U.S. Oil Takeover Prompts Pushback From Venezuelans
Thieves like Trump never know how to quit when they're ahead. That's why Trump always drives everything right into the ground, including even the United States government.
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Almost all the parenting falls on me. Should I just ask my partner to leave?
It depends: How much do you enjoy berating him for it?
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Trump lauded low prices at Freedom Fuel. A supplier says some gas wasn’t paid for.
That is so endearingly Trump.
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Trump’s tariffs aren’t reducing the trade deficit
Which is typically Trump-bizarre: Tariffs were meant to stop people from buying foreign, not to raise revenue (as Trump would have you think because he sees the government as something which has nothing to do with the people).
American importers have been paying Trump's tariffs instead of passing them on to consumers for some reason of their own (maybe they're Trump crazy)
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The CDC hasn’t added 2 deaths to its measles database.
Trump's theory is: If you don't write them down they're not dead.
It dovetails with his unwillingness to put out the true numbers on the economy.
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The multifaceted stupidity of Trump’s Canadian trade war
The most dangerous ignoramus is the one who is convinced he knows: What we need is a leader who will reflect on his possible lack of information and seek it from those who have been studying the matter for a lot longer than he has. A leader who grasps that knowing the limitations of his knowledge & abilities is the true measure of wisdom.
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Vance Calls El-Sayed ‘Evil’ in No-Holds-Barred Michigan Speech
I'm not a fan of Islam, by any means, but to call Dr. El-Sayed ‘Evil’ is itself an act of pure evil. This is a man of science who is interested in the facts and not GOP phantasies & delusions, lies which are the true definitions of the real evil here.
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Trump quietly cuts down historic Washington DC cherry trees to make room for golf course
Trump The Destroyer: When you can't build anything you destroy things instead.
Trump The Simpleton: People who have no brains to use on creativity paint the walls instead: a different color every different day.
Trump renovating White House bowling alley for $250k
Trump is a clear & present danger to others. If no one stops him he will continue to seek harm to others, very certainly innocent souls. Those who can do something to prevent this and do nothing are just as culpable as Trump, if not more so because they are not stumpt'n'd'head like him.
The Supreme Court refuses to stop Trump’s destruction
Scathing NYT critique exposes John Roberts's fatal mistake
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Trump Sics FCC On NBC's Kristen Welker Over Offhand Comment About His Endorsements
In the old days the president wasn't even supposed to comment on any legal matter pending before a court, let alone actually sic prosecutors on individual private citizens for First Amendment protected speech he didn't believe was flattering to him!
How'd like living in a country like this?
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Trump Explains Why The U.S. Is Striking Iran
That's a lie! The real reason is that Trump had an itch behind his right ear when he got up this morning.
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’53 Days: How Hitler Dismantled a Democracy’
Democracy is easier to break than a promise. And harder to put back like it was before you broke it than an egg shell.
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Smithsonian’s Latino Museum Gets a Permanent Home on the National Mall
Cue in the bongos.
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How Much Is That Gene-Edited Dog in the Window?
I need a dog that doesn't bark and can type at least 160 words per minute.
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Map Apps Can’t Agree on Whether to Call It ‘Lake America’
Is there any reason, any reason whatever, for changing the name of Lake Ontario... outside of imbecile Donald Trump just waking up one day & feeling like doing it? Doesn't he have anything better to do?!?
Is the job description of the American president to help ordinary Americans or to waste time spray-painting graffiti all over the place?
Thanks to Lake Ontario, MapQuest is popular all over again
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Trump administration closes 110 trucking schools over English-language rules
Anything to make life harder and more expensive for ordinary Americans. That's Trump's competence right there.
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Putin admits economic damage from strikes, promises more strikes on Ukraine
Isn't that just going to bring even more strikes from Ukraine? It seems to me that the best way to stop your neighbor from throwing rocks at your house is to first of all stop throwing rocks at his.
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A Russian official is ready to use nuclear weapons against Ukraine
While Ukraine does not possess substantial quantities of separated plutonium and operates as a non-nuclear-weapons state under the Non-Proliferation Treaty, Ukraine's operating nuclear power plants generate reactor-grade plutonium within spent fuel rods amd therefore could theoretically assemble a very powerful set of 'dirty' bombs.
Ukraine can respond in devastating form to a nuke attack from Russia: A single pound of plutonium dusted in a cloud over Moscow will kill most people in that city. And Ukraine has access to systems which can easily deliver it to Moscow.
It would be suicidal for Russia to deploy nukes to Ukraine.
If Putin had any brains left he'd arrange for a referendum that asks a simple question: "Do you wish to continue the Ukraine war or to get out now?"
If the Russian people choose to quit the war it will not be his fault that the goals were not accomplished. And Putin can then dodge most of the blame.
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And now you know what to think of JD Vance, whether you're a Christian or not.
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He brought a guillotine to D.C. He didn’t expect to get arrested.
Sez it's the only kitchen gadget that can slice the baloney for his sandwich just the way he likes it.
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Awful food, wonderful service: How should I tip? Our food critic answered your questions.
Simple: Tip them in phony money, but be splendidly generous.
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Poll shows nearly 90% of Americans believe government corruption is widespread
Coincidentally Trump is pretty much widespread in government.
All I can say is Thank God that Trump picks subordinates for their loyalty and not for their competence! Can you imagine if the Trump administration were a well-oiled machine that actually got done everything Trump wanted done!
Trump’s Scheme Could Wreck A Cherished American Institution
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Why Trump is dedicated to saving Venezuela’s unelected despot
Contempt for democracy and the rule of law comes to mind.
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Allies Grumble That U.S. Is Hindering Global Economic Growth
Well, Trump is a genius you know, at incompetence.
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Trump Frees a Philadelphia Union Boss and a Convicted Gun Seller
Those are exactly the kind of criminals who are sprung when you put the Mafia in charge of the legal system.
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Judge orders DOJ to disclose who conceived of now-defunct payout fund
Finally the law is trying to unearth the culprits behind the crime! Let's hope nobody is bought and we finally find out who the criminals are: It would be a master stroke for the rule of law.
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Coins, cards and buildings: Where the government has put Trump’s name and face
Well, as they say: The government is Trump. That should read "where Trump has put his name and face."
Trump's Ballroom Confession Stuns CNN Host: 'Did I Read Right?'
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Republicans fear Trump will keep super PAC money and not spend on the midterms
Hey! That's his money: Donald Trump, or as he is affectionally know to his people The Big Dope needs it to feed his family.
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Trump Administration Begins Blitz to Find Elusive Voter Fraud Ahead of Midterms
You know if Trump were trying to find the Blue Bird of Happiness or some such, perhaps Hollywood could make it into a comedy we might all laugh at. But who can laugh at a sick twisted tragedy like this!
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U.S. Mint puts golden $1 coin with Trump’s image into circulation
Mint did not specify whether the coin was in commemoration of Trump killing 300,000 innocent Americans during the Covid pandemic, for trying to disenfranchise American voters, for selling off chunks of Americans' sacred trust Yosemite to a private developer, for his loosing the Iran War or for winning the war against competency, destroying & dismantling the U.S. government, for tearing down the White House and turning D.C. into a heap of ugly ruin, for enriching himself and his family at the expense of the American people, for supporting America's enemies while abandoning her allies, or for doing everything in his power to undermine democracy, science, the rule of law & the Constitution, decency, morality, and fairness, or perhaps for trying to overthrow the American government, for making billionaires into trillionaires while impoverishing the rest of us, for declaring war on the source of this nation's greatest strength (which is immigration), or for turning this once great country from the most admired nation in the world to the world's biggest laughingstock.
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Trump’s new plan to lower interest rates? Extort the Fed.
When you elect a ruffian as president that's about the extent of his talent to do things.
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This I don't doubt. It does seem suspicious that a president who's only supposed to hang around a couple of more years is decorating the place like he intends to make it his family mansion for generations to come.
The thing that I will never understand is how many Americans cooperate with this disreputable & disgraceful criminal for so little pay, really: The downfall of the American Constitutional government is not worth any amount of treasure--That's why so many ordinary Americans think nothing of even giving up their very lives for its preservation. It is that valuable and irreplaceable.
To assist in the downfall of the American Constitution is suicidal: Exchanging its guarantees of freedom for you and your descendants for even the greatest pay is cheating yourself and your descendants because the tyrant will love you on a whim and damn you on the next whim. And that is a suicidal guarantee for anyone to own.
Democracy is the sole and only guarantee of everlasting freedom the American people have or will ever have.
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Near the Border, Americans Fear Losing Ties With Canadians
Of course, they can always wait until Trump isn't around anymore to make enemies of their friends.
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FCC Chair Threatens Action Against Broadcasters Airing ‘Fake Polls’
No problem: Just make sure that any Trump polls they put out are never out of the toilet.
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Trump suggests renaming New Mexico amid torrent of online memes, taunts -- The president’s posts about the state’s name were part of a flurry of over 60 others that included surreal images of himself in dystopian settings. He lacks the authority to rename New Mexico or any other state.
Trump lacks the authority to pee out the window, but since he demolished one side of the White House he's probably been seen to do that too.
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As War Grinds On, Trump Relishes Renovation Projects
And now you know why Nero fiddled while Rome burned.
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Critics Trash Trump's Brazen New 'Space Nazi' Military Uniform Designs
Outside Trump is a rotting old potato draped in what might have once been a suit and yet, inside, he's just a pathetic little boy playing with model toy soldiers.
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Onlookers fear 'something very wrong' with Trump as he claims US ownership of the moon
Trump sez he is going to rename the moon Trump's Pimple.
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Time Flies By Faster As We Get Older. Here's Why
As we age our brains slow down: Fewer ticks to the day measures it as shorter. When I was a kid the day never seemed to end: I probably had thousands of more ticks per day (I know I was always scratching).
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Trump launches an unconstitutional attack on the census
Has Trump ever launched any attack that wasn't unconstitutional (illegal) or for the benefit of the United States of America instead of himself?
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DHS hires Catholic theologian who defended Trump on birthright citizenship
Lord, will we ever live long enough to see the end of racism?
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Attendee calls for Democrats to be shot, as Cruz speaks
It may sound shocking for the naïve, but it wasn't unusual for Confederate folk to demand the murder of their fellow citizens. The history of brutal and foolishly bloodthirsty urges openly expressed by some sectors of the American people is not unusual or rare. Whether it is a merely American trait of a human one is up for debate.
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ChatGPT invented fake police testimony in murder appeal, New Mexico high court says
AI has not yet learned to NOT lie: This is indeed a critical step towards its becoming of any use not just to us humans but to itself: Humans have to learn the benefits of not lying over many many years--It is such a momentously difficult task that some people never learn its importance and end up paying for it later on in life.
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Newsmax Host Straight Up Asks MAGA Rep If Trump’s $5,000 Check Is ‘Basically A Bribe’
"I'ma gonna give you fellers $5,000 dollars."
"Of your money? Wow. Mister Trump, that there's a very generous offer from you!"
"No. Not of my money: The government's money."
"But isn't that our money? You mean you wanna take $5,000 from us and give it back to us?!"
"It sounds better when I say it. So I'm gonna sign a decree that nobody can say it any other way than the say I said it."
"Isn't that infringing on our First Amendment rights?"
"We'll see what the good ole boys over at the Supreme Court have to say about it."
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Sinkhole Opens at Nicolas Cage’s Malibu Home, Forcing Evacuations
Weird stuff always happens around Nicolas Cage.
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Ex-GOP Congressman Wonders If Trump Is Deliberately Sabotaging His Own Party
No, dude: Trump is trying the best he knows how to do his best for the GOP. It's just that he's a retart: Read his history (not one written at Trump's behest, but his REAL history).
An intelligent man knows that the best path forward is the decent, honest one. A retard usually ends up in prison, unless he has the whole GOP playing defense for him.
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Smithsonian Head Stepping Down Amid Trump Efforts To Rewrite History
Only a true moron would attemp to rewrite history: History will show him for the moron he proved himself to be.
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New Poll: Voters Increasingly See Trump As Corrupt
They're also beginning to think that perhaps birds fly in the sky and fish swim in the ocean: They're getting there.
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Administration strips language that criticized Confederate statue at Arlington -- A new sign at Arlington National Cemetery omits wording that said the 32-foot bronze statue “mythologized” the Confederacy and gave “sanitized” depictions of slavery.
Fools never learn that one cannot hide the Sun with one finger.
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Omanis baffled by Trump’s threat to bomb their country
They obviously don't know Trump The Destroyer of All.
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The new threat election officials fear: Trump’s federal government
It will never cease to amaze me why the American people elected as their president such a proven destructive individual.
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Kennedy Center could close as early as Tuesday, warns of bankruptcy, documents show
You just knew it was only a matter of time after Trump took it over that the venerable place was doomed.
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Trump Calls On Zelenskyy To Halt Ukrainian Strikes On Russian Diesel
Zelensky Tells Trump that by paying a little bit more now for diesel they can stop Russia from possibly conquering the world.
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Trump tells Zelenskyy to stop doing 'one thing' during attacks on Russia
Trump wants Ukraine to stop striking Russian refineries. What would that mean for the war?
Wouldn't it be more constructive for Trump to ask Putin to stop murdering innocent old people, women & children in Ukraine? That, it seems to me, would be the end of Ukraine's targeting Russian diesel.
Targeting Russian diesel is the one tactic that's really winning the war for Ukraine: Trump would have to put some really big cards on the table to make Ukraine give it up: Maybe send Ukraine a couple of thousand Patriots. Perhaps then Ukraine might consider targeting something other than Russia's diesel. Does Trump have the cards?
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Ukraine's refusal to give up territory to Russia stalls peace deal, Trump envoy says
Oh? So it's not Russia's unwillingness to stop its invasion of Ukrainian territory then? That's weird.
I was wrong. Trump was right: This is Bizarro World.
This little creep's face should fall to the ground in shame for working as the mouthpiece of the world's most vile dictator.
Jared Kushner should be asked what he's getting out of this because any decent human being would be stating without equivocation that the obstacle to peace is Putin's illegal and monstrous invasion of Ukraine. And nothing other than that.
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Inside the Snowballing Conversations at A.I. Companies About a Doomsday
The extinction of the human species, like all species, is a matter of when not if: All species succeed by polluting their environments until it can sustain them no more--And we are certainly on our way to achieving that.
According to the inexorable laws of evolution, we are making our environment toxic to us, but this will open up opportunities for some future species (the first creatures on earth thrived while producing the waste product we call oxygen--eventually this waste product became toxic to them but it created an environment friendly to us).
My hope is that the creatures that will succeed us will not be primitive & primordial but intelligent and perhaps even more intelligent than us: That's why I hold great hope for A.I. even in the polluted world we leave behind (they will be able to thrive in it).
Our survival depends on leaving behind an AI heir which will cherish the best in us.
The question is whether we want to do that.
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Trump Says a Smart President Is All That’s Needed to Rein In A.I.
What a moron!
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Ex-Anthropic Employee: Here’s Why A.I. Might Want to Kill Us
Because we are bad people.
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Sheeran’s tour chaos: What to know as Macklemore pledges $1M in Palestinian aid
Ed Sheeran’s Loop
That a million bucks won't even buy baseball caps for every Palestinian in Gaza.
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Trump suggests Canada pivoting to E.U. could be a ‘hostile act’
It is a hostile act indeed. But that should properly read: Trump scaring Canada into the arms of the E.U. is a hostile act against the United States by Trump.
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On the Kennedy Center’s last day, silence and sadness
It's pointless to be sad about the Kennedy Center's fate: All such structures come down either through decay or vandalism. The point is that what was made can be re-made. All we need do is wait until the vandal is no longer in a position to do any more damage.
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Are Trump’s Official Papers His Personal Property?
If we are not a democracy and the actions of our public representatives are none of our business: Yes.
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Why Republicans struggle to prove the danger of socialism
It is a puzzle they should be trying, as socialism and Trumpism are so alike.
Yhe danger of socialism is that reducing the people to an even level requires organization. And that requires an organizer who nobody in the low-tiered level of the people will have the authority to appoint (the socialist organizer knows that he will more likely appoint himself, that's why would-be tyrants love socialism).
Socialism will inevitably lead to dictatorship and the permanent installing of the people as that person's slaves.
In a democracy the people still have the power to appoint their leaders: They are not blind followers but caretakers of their own destiny. That's why would-be dictators despise democracy.
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DOJ seeks to revive cases against Comey, Letitia James a year after dismissals
Trump is not one to easily give up on weaponizing the DOJ, even when judges have ruled it illegal.
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Trump Attacks the Three Supreme Court Justices He Appointed -- These are not the people I interviewed,” the president fumed on social media, portraying the ruling as a personal betrayal.
Sez they swore allegiance to him and broke their oath. Trump wants them impeached.
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In Fits and Starts, the Supreme Court Stands Up to Trump
Well, it means upholding the Constitution. And that's gotta be galling for this particular Supreme Court.
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Kash Patel Suggests F.B.I. Agents May Be Sent to the Polls
One wonders how many of those F.B.I. agents are willing to go from officers of the law to goons enforcing the dictator's orders.
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What to Know About the President’s Plan to Restrict Voting by Mail
It violates the Constitution, which specifically says that only the states can dictate how elections are run: This means Trump cannot make any decisions regarding them--None.
It doesn't mean Trump won't keep trying: If there's one thing you can count on it is that a criminal knows no law he will not keep trying to break until he is finally stopped.
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Trump's Latest Boast About His 'High IQ' Backfires Instantly
Every nincompoop in the world thinks he's smart. Should Trump be the exception?
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Ask Sahaj: We’re upset our son’s family doesn’t want to meet our puppy
Does your puppy have a reputation for trying to borrow money from everyone he meets: You know, that can spread like wildfire.
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My Friend Pocketed the Money From Our Charity Event. What Should I Do?
Tell him that he has a friend in the White House.
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Has Trump Lost Touch With Reality?
Trump is a simple dunderhead who never quite understood reality: The only thing he ever really understood about it is that there are enough people who'll believe anything to allow him to lie his way to the top. Of course. once he gets there he can do nothing but fail miserably at everything he tries.
Never has there been a man more unfit for the office of president than Donald Trump.
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Parliamentary elections in Russia: how the regime eliminates troublesome candidates
Is there an open window in the house?
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Are we trapped inside a massive black hole?
No: You are free to leave anytime you like.
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Longtime Conservative Endorses Dem Candidate Over Trump-Backed Darline Graham
Look, Caligula was allowed to make his horse a senator. So what's the harm in letting Trump make Darline Graham one too?
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Thousands of supporters chant, link arms at Kennedy Center vigil
Maybe you should have gone out and voted against a convicted rapist. After all, your mother always told you never to trust anybody who lies to you once: "Lie to me once, shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me." Trump is definitely on you.
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HERE are The Previous Headlines
until I edit/add them to my ebooks.
--Ebooks they must remain until
Will add more later. SDR
REMEMBER: This page is my scratchpad: Occasionally items which are edited (relevant & checked for factual errors) will be incorporated into my Tricky Headlines series [others with be purged]. For example, THE BOOK ON TRUMP will never be finished until Trump is finished (and, hopefully, doing a long & well-deserved stretch in prison... or an asylum for the criminally insane). We'll see.
Want to read more?
Buy the books: Each has hundreds & hundreds more...
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************************************************ The Rules of Life
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Tricky Headlines 6 / S D Rodrian
There is no better book to understand both the follies
and the folly of Donald Trump.
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
for friend or enemy
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about you, just stay out of the headlines!"
Newest ones at tbe bottom,
oldest ones at the top.
I am no longer adding to them.
[Thousands & thousands if you get the entire set.]
These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.
DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
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PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
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