When the news get too depressing these are the books to read.

Now, where can one find happiness? Always a good place to start is: anywhere a good, sound couple of laughs wash away the alternative, of course. And each of the Tricky Headlines eBooks holds hundreds and hundreds of laughs for the having. Here you can enjoy the hilarious, definitely not politically correct (PC) quips, comments, and invariably irreverent observations of/by S D Rodrian on today's news headlines collected in this ever continuing series of books intended most especially of all for the latest eReaders out there (each & every available tablet, computer, and iPhone you can buy).

In a world of serious, sad, and even quite tragic circumstances (a world in which about the greatest need is & always will remain the need for laughter), humor always is the point of departure here... ever the abiding goal of these forthright takes on today's so very truly tricky headlines.

S D Rodrian

[Below you can read some of their contents.]

Although they aren't really intended for sale until after my death
you may buy advance copies of the ebooks now being compiled, here:

Latter-Day-Musings / S D Rodrian
Barnes And Noble  Walmart  KOBO eBooks  Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)

THE BOOK ON TRUMP
Tricky Headlines 6 / S D Rodrian
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo
There is no better book to understand both the follies
and the folly of Donald Trump.

Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
eBook Image

Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list. eBook Image

What, you want to get bogged down in some inane novel written by a tiresome pointless novelist, or you wanna laugh at the stupidity of Man?

[You may preview these eBooks at Amazon.com]

       The Kindle Store

              The Perfect Gift
            for friend or enemy
*******************************************************************************************************

       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at The KOBO Store.

       S D Rodrian's eBooks at Walmart

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       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at Barnes & Noble.

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You can a rate & review of the Tricky Headlines at Amazon.com, but note the two reviews already there: One verified purchaser of an ebook wrote a four star review saying he/she found it a "funny take on news" although cautioning it is not "very politically correct." While a reviewer named "Clara" (who doesn't appear to have bought the book) writes ungrammatically that "she" found its writing: "So. Horribly. Written. So poorly written. The world is dumber with this book’s publication” as if Tricky Headlines were Tolstoy and not standup--beside leaving one wondering how "Clara" could review a book "she" could never have read, of course. [Reads a bit like Trump, doesn't it.] But don't be a clairvoyant like "Clara." Buy a book and THEN review it.

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  "Remember: If you don't want me to quip
    about you, just stay out of the headlines!
"

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AI poses ‘risk of extinction’, industry leaders warn

Well, if it dies it dies.

Leaders claim that AI is perfectly capable right now of talking us all to death. [And one day soon it may be even more capable than Trump of driving us nuts!]

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Uganda imposes death penalty for ‘aggravated homosexuality’

I'm finding it hard to imagine more homosexual than homosexuality. So, ‘aggravated homosexuality’ must be something like homosexuality along with some regular heterosexual activity on top of it--?

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China sends three into space, says it wants astronauts on moon by 2030

Sez it is very eager to see somebody, anybody, for whatever reason, eager to return to China once out of it.

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The Real Reason Your Groceries Are Getting So Expensive

Grocers are charging more?

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Bear helps itself to 60 cupcakes at a Connecticut bakery

Ironically, he never touched the bear claws. (Maybe he doesn't like raisins.)

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Brazil’s Lula promised to save democracy. Why is he embracing Maduro?

Because Fidel Castro is dead? [How many times I gotta tell you: It's not what they say, it's what they do!]

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ChatGPT ‘hallucinates.’ Some researchers worry it isn’t fixable.

Toddlers also hallucinate at first: That's why you have to set boundaries for them. In the end, all children eventually learn to not question the boundaries of reality from the very real pains (of all sorts) that stepping outside the boundaries of reality inflicts upon them: Pain teaches us that no matter what we might like to imagine, we must all learn to discover and strictly obey the boundaries that reality has set for us. Now, develop a means to inflict pain [in whatever form] on AI and it too will learn that everything outside the boundaries of reality is to be ignored or avoided at all costs and without question in every instance, and with no exception or exemption whatever at all. Just like us.

True, some people never learn the boundaries of reality and remain crazy or 'perverted' deep into adulthood. Some of them even manage to keep their unhinged behavior secret from others and to appear to be perfectly normal (somehow managing to fake their way through their entire lives); and some fail subtly or even spectacularly. But it behooves us to devise a technological methodology to prevent AI from falling into this unfortunate human rabbit hole that plagues us (a sort of technological psychiatry). It's all rather involved but utterly fascinating, and utterly required if we are to keep AI from going off the rails on us. You know, growing up to be a scofflaw like Trump & so many other psychopaths.

Because AI is mostly a software personality, though, it's probable that the solution can be designed as just one more 'master hallucination' to overwhelm & smother all others--that is, give AI a software unshakeable superstition that reality trumps what cannot be proven to be real (all other superstitions). [Or some-such.]

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A.I. Could Bring Humanity To The Brink Of Extinction, Experts Warn

Ha! Same thing they said about bubble gum when it first came out.

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Black Nun Whose Body Shows Little Decay Since 2019 Death Draws Crowds To Rural Missouri

Cindy Crawford's body still seems to be an even bigger draw, though, showing little decay also for far longer than that--

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New Ad Calls On Justice Clarence Thomas To Resign

"Will the thief who's been hotwiring cars around our neighborhood please turn himself in to the cops. Thank you." [Does this ever work?]

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Rare creature – the only one of its kind – spotted wrestling in China, photos show

Oddly, he was wrestling the same exact way that your parents were wrestling that night when as a kid you wandered into their bedroom unexpectedly. "Go back to sleep!"

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Donald Trump Vows To Abolish A Part Of The Constitution On ‘Day One’ If He Wins

And now it's explicitly stated that Donald Trump considers himself above the law. Ask no more.

And if you think he 'can't do it' consider that the debt ceiling statute is nullified by the Constitution as well but is still being faithfully worshipped by all the congressional demons in office.

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Russian President Vladimir Putin accuses Ukraine of 'terrorist activities'

Even for Putin, that's pushing it a bit.

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Russian court prepares way for new trial against jailed Kremlin foe Navalny

Hopefully this time, with a good lawyer, he'll be found innocent.

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Theodoros Pangalos, outspoken Greek former foreign minister, dies at 84

That's it? That's his obit?!? That's what he was best known for?

Waiter: "Your coffee, sir."

Pangalos: "This coffee is too cold. And bitter!"

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These ants build tall nest hills to help show the way home

Myrmecologists said they deduced this after finding lots & lots & lots of itty-bitty teeny-weeny binoculars.

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Miss Manners: What am I supposed to do with olive pits when entertaining?

What I do is: I passionately but very discreetly French my dog and pass them on to him. That way I don't upset my guests.

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The Kremlin’s spokesman, Dmitri S. Peskov, on Wednesday told reporters that Russia “would have preferred to hear at least some words of condemnation” of the drone attack from Western capitals.

Dmitri, Western Capitals have been condemning attacks on civilians since the start of Russia's invasion, in fact. It's just that most of those attacks have been carried out by Russia against Ukrainian civilians, so you've been ignoring them.

The W.H.O. said it had verified 1,004 Russian attacks on health facilities since the full-scale invasion began in February of last year, more than it has recorded in any other humanitarian emergency. Those attacks killed 101 people, including medical workers and patients, and injured many more, the agency said.

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Prosecutors have recording of Trump discussing sensitive Iran document -- The audio features Trump describing a multi-page document that he claims is about possibly attacking Iran, expressing a desire to share that information with others but also making some kind of acknowledgment that he shouldn’t do so, the people said.

Donald Trump is a walking/talking psychopathic danger to everone around him: If Donald Trump knows where you parked your car you'd better hurry up right now and move it before word gets out to car thieves because anything this guy knows is soon passed on to the worst possible elements out there.

Legal Experts Predict Dire Outcome For Donald Trump After Tape Report

Ex-Trump Attorney: Prosecutors Have 'Their Foot On His Neck' In Obstruction Case

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Food poisoning often caused by sick restaurant workers, CDC says

Sick or not, food workers gotta feed their families too, you know! Everybody has to make their own sacrifices where warranted. (Ask your restaurants to pay their sick workers to stay home.) OR: "Mangia! Ammalarsi!"

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Candidate charged with shooting at Democrats’ homes after election loss

If Republicans will stoop to murder for an election, what won't they stoop to!

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Ask Amy: Can I sell collectible items given to me by an ex-friend?

Well, an honorable man would return them to her, of course. But you? You can do anything you want with them: They're yours, right? Bitch gave'em to'ya!

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Marsupials are evolving faster than humans, other animals – study

Yes, but we humans feel that we have evolved enough already! And we're even thinking of going back up the trees where we think we really belong these days. [Let marsupials take it for a while.]

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Trump Is Promising Peace In A Second Term. War With Iran Seems More Likely.

I don't know... like Putin and the Saudis, Iranians know that the way to Trump's heart is through renting lots of Trump properties. And Iranians got enough moola to buy a lot of peace with a second term Trump.

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Ron DeSantis Is Letting Hundreds Of Thousands Of Poor Floridians Lose Health Coverage

In Ron DeSantis's defense: He's counting on their poverty & poor health keeping them from travelling to the polls to vote.

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Did the University of Maryland once make men swim nude in swim class?

You mean before the last gay swimming instructors left?

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YouTube stops deleting false 2020 election claims

Like Trump, they found out that there's just too much money to be made in it.

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Ron DeSantis Is Trying To Prove That He’s A Human

Ah, then he's appealing to Democrats too!

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Here’s How We Can End the War in Ukraine

Pray that the Russian people join the human race someday.

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Man is killed after wearing Nikes accused gang members told him not to wear, feds say

Nothing worse than when the whole gang is trying to tap-dance and one sob comes in wearing sneakers!

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Here’s why a Miami firm recalled 13,000 pounds of chicharrón from New York, other states

Guy lost track of which bag specifically it was he was sticking the roaches into?

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Unfinished projects sat in glassmaker’s workshop for over 1,700 years — until now

Glassmaker said he wanted them done just right.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Says Heaven Is ‘Fantasy’ And ‘Nothing’ Happens When We Die

Sure, of course, for robots.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Details Moment He Told Maria Shriver About Maid’s Son

"Marria, I am a fadda. But I have to tell you this: You are not the modda. And I have roof of this, Ya."

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At 90, Broadway legend Chita Rivera looks back on her life

Sez, at 90, she can't run back over her life anymore. Only look.

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Apple unveils Vision Pro, its $3,499 augmented-reality headset

I sit at the park and watch the real world going by. Really! And it doesn't cost me anything.

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How cities are pumping water underground to stop sinking

That explains that whooshing sound every time I walk to the corner store.

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Ask Amy: Is it okay to avoid relationship with sibling who betrayed you?

No it is not! Siblings are the same animal split into the many. You can betray yourself, yes, but you can no more avoid your sibling than you can avoid yourself.

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Miss Manners: Why do people keep asking, ‘Where are you from?’

Did you leave your antennas sticking out the top of your head again?

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When My 8-Year-Old Said These 5 Horrifying Words, I Had To Change Everything About My Parenting

"I'm going to vote Republican."

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Sydney Sweeney Says Her Dad 'Walked Out' After Watching Racy 'Euphoria' Scenes

What is it with dads? They can't watch their daughters being boinked by the occasional bum anymore?!

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In Gun Law Push, Tennessee Governor's Office Memo Says NRA Prefers To 'Round Up Mentally Ill People'

So it's Republican primaries endorsing time again for the NRA?

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Debra Messing Says NBC Boss Pushed Her To Have ‘Big Boobs’ On ‘Will & Grace’

I say let her keep her little boobs: It may save her life someday if she ever has to slip under a locked door & there's just so much room to make it. You don't want to get stuck on a humongous pair of boobs.

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My Girlfriend And I Went To A Sex Party. In The Middle Of An Orgy, I Realized I’m Not Straight.

See! This is why I always make it a point to never go to any orgy; and whether I'm invited to it or not.

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Trump lawyers ask Justice Dept. not to charge Trump in classified docs case

Say they should stop persecuting the mentally ill.

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Miss Manners: Should I correct my relative’s daily texts with typos?

No. When you correct them try not to make any typos.

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God tasked humanity to protect the world He created -KKL-JNF co-chairman

Nonsense! The Bible clearly sez that God told humanity to "go f*ck itself," which is the sole explicit meaning of the Biblical euphemism, "Go forth and multiply."

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Former Porn Star Jenna Jameson Marries Girlfriend Jessi Lawless

You see! This is why women should not have sex with thousands & thousands of men: Eventually they get bored with'em.

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Trump Told He Is Target Of Criminal Investigation Into Classified Documents: Reports

"Impossible!" Sez Trump: "I am the most honest human being living on this planet at this moment in time!"

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What can chimps teach us about the evolution of human communication - study

Probably a lot: Most, if not all, of the teachers I had growing up were chimps.

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When and why did masturbation evolve in primates? A new study provides clues

The minute their arms grew long enough.

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Crocodile found to have made herself pregnant

Crocodile can do stuff just by thinking about it like Trump.

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Only five percent of lawyers are Black. This attorney wants to change that.

Great, another guy wants to corrupt African-Americans!

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These academics studied falsehoods spread by Trump and others. Now the GOP is scrutinizing them.

GOP want to find out how to tell better lies, or how to tell their lies better?

Politicians have always been slipping a lie here & there, now & again; but Donald Trump & his cohorts lie all the time, everywhere & about everything. What we found out is that the populace is mostly made up of suckers, idiots, & dolts, apparently.

Tucker Carlson’s New Twitter Show, Seen By Millions, Starts With Conspiracy Theories

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Trump’s indictment video features a litany of favorite falsehoods

They wrote 'falsehoods' so that you wouldn't think they meant that the respectable & honorable Mister Trump is telling 'lies' to people, of course.

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Scientists tracked what animals did when humans stayed home during the pandemic

I don't know about all the other animals, but my dog Pedro had to learn how to play Pinochle. And got too darn good at it, if you ask me.

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Indiana Police Officer Reportedly Fired For Racist Posts After 2 Days On The Job

Indiana police officers are only allowed to post their racism after three days on the job.

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I Grew Up A Devout Mormon. Then A Shocking Family Secret Came Out And Shook My Faith.

"We're not really Jewish!"

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Trump Asks Judge To Cut $5 Million Award In E. Jean Carroll Case

Sez he would learn his lesson [to not rape any more women] for a lot less than $5 million, "Swear to God!"

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Taye Diggs Says A Psychic Once Told Him Girlfriend Apryl Jones Is ‘The One’

The one who slipped her the $20?

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TikToker Arrested After Allegedly Breaking Into Busch Gardens, Entering Alligator Pit

Alligator called 911.

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GOP Rushes To Trump’s Defense After He Is Indicted For A Second Time

They may sooner or later need the favor returned.

‘I AM AN INNOCENT MAN!’ Trump Erupts Over Indictment News

He will soon also be known as 'THE MOST OFTEN INDICTED MAN!'

A Former U.S. President Faces Federal Charges for the First Time in History

Okay, so none of the other presidents were out-&-out criminals before lifelong scofflaw Donald Trump came along. There's always a first.

Republicans in Congress are decrying the indictment, vowing retaliation.

"We stand by our man against the people of the United States of America!" Sad, but true.

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Belarus leader: Wouldn't hesitate to use Russian nuclear weapons to repel aggression

A lot of neighboring countries been trying to invade Belarus in the past 70 years?...

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How Many Indictments Will It Take to Hold Trump Accountable?

At least 147, and we'll probably get close to that by around the end of this Summer.

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Video Shows Police Investigating 911 Call About UFO, ‘Not Human’ Creatures

"Ma'am, those are kittens."

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What will it take for Ukraine's offensive to succeed?

Apparently the only thing that Putin is really after in Ukraine: To see as many people killed, maimed, and brutally savaged there as is inhumanly possible. [Don't you just hate it when a serial murderer becomes Head of State!]

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Eric Holder Says It Would Be 'Absurd' For Trump To Serve As President If Convicted

Actually, having Trump serving inside a maximum security prison might be the best of all possible scenarios (if Trump really is elected again).

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Nikki Haley On Federal Indictment: If True, Trump Was ‘Incredibly Reckless’

Yeah. Especially if he got any Americans risking their lives for their country out there killed. Terribly reckless of him, old girl.

‘Horrifying’: Intel Experts Fear The Human Costs Of Trump’s Document Handling

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Woman declared dead in Ecuador revives during her wake; health authorities investigate

See. This is why you should bury people soon as you can. That way if they revive in their coffins it won't upset anyone.

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Taylor Swift ate a bug by accident — just like everyone else every day

"Sorry, madam. That bug was intended for the next table. Naturally, there will be no charge for the bug."

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Lindsey Graham and the GOP’s amazing spin: At least Trump isn’t a spy

Unless he is, of course. Then, it's OK too.

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If the United States can spy on China, why can’t China spy on the U.S.?

Because in China the U.S. can't spy on China, that's why in the U.S. China can't spy on the U.S. [It's really simple: China can spy on the U.S, just not in the U.S.; and the U.S. can spy on China, just not in China.] Now, are we all clear on that! "But why would China spy in the U.S. in China?" [Shut up!]

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British man detained after climbing 72nd floor of Seoul skyscraper

British 'second storey man' told police he just got lost.

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The dos and don’ts of using home security cameras that see everything

1) Keep your naked Hulas for inside the shower

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Ask Amy: Husband is upset I agreed to babysit without consulting him

Tell your husband that if he wasn't such a baby you wouldn't have to babysit him in the first place!

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Miss Manners: My married friends constantly bicker in front of me

Sounds like somebody's angling for a threesome.

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Bunga-bunga bromance: Berlusconi was one of Putin’s best pals in Europe

Putin, Trump, Berlusconi, the bastards of the world are finally getting theirs.

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Trump is 'toast' if classified records case is proven, ex-attorney general says

And all these years Trump sought the right tanning lotion! Now Bill Barr sez the poor guy overdid it with this last one--

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Photos Show Where Trump Stored Documents, Including Next To A Toilet

You have to understand that Trump has always been a very cheap guy, and toilet paper is extraordinarily expensive these days.

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Ex-Prosecutor On Trump Indictment: He Could Spend ‘The Rest Of His Life’ In Prison

I'll be blown away if he does a day in prison: This will be a game of running out the clock, and old geezer Donald Trump doesn't really have all that much time left he needs to run out anyway.

Besides which his lawyers can always make a pretty strong case that Donald Trump is just way too stupid to understand he was doing damage to national security (he has a clear record of not knowing what national security is). Put him on the stand and ask him how many presidents are allowed to serve at any given moment, and time how long it takes him to answer--That alone should settle the matter right then & there.

"Well, I'm the real president, you know. But they're also saying that Biden is president too--"

A plea of diminished capacity is Donald Trump's best bet.

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Do plants have emotions? This philosopher argues for it in a new book.

I know I punched a tomato once and it bled all over practically everybody in the room.

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Why we should ban smartphones in schools

Because nothing 'smart' belongs in our schools?

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Gladiator sequel crew members injured in stunt sequence on set

Producers thought it would look more real if they didn't tell the extras that they'd be fighting real lions.

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Trump says he 'did nothing wrong'

Okay. That's about as close as it's ever going to get to the usual apprehended perp's, "I didn't do nothing, man! I didn't do nothing!" (that we are ever going to get from Trump). Book'im!

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Watch: Driving test ends with crash into lamp-post

"Well, the brakes could use some work. But, yeah, I'll take it."

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Trump took nuclear secrets and kept files in shower, charges say

Well, maybe he wanted to attract people in there when he showered and there wasn't any other way. Everybody knows Russian spies sometimes have to do some really dirty nasty things for Putin. [Have you thought about that?]

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Pence Berates DOJ For Indicting Trump Over Handling Of Top-Secret Documents

Sez Trump is the sweetest guy alive and wouldn't harm a fly (he even let one live out its entire life on top of Pence's head). Pence sez it was the one thing about himself that always seem to bring a smile to Trump's face every time he saw him.

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Trump Supporters’ Violent Rhetoric in His Defense Disturbs Experts

Look, if we're running out of prisons: Build more! All societies have to change with the times.

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Trump’s path to indictment: ‘Isn’t it better if there are no documents?’

Isn't that always the way of the illiterate!

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Man confronts and shouts at Brittney Griner at Dallas airport

That's how it always is when a midget meets her.

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We must give Tucker Carlson an exit ramp

We must give Tucker Carlson a garbage can in which Tucker Carlson can fit comfortably. And a tightly locking cover for it.

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Are Americans Really That Dumb?

Do you really have to ask!?!

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Two Trump Lawyers, Including One Who Defended Him On TV Last Night, Have Resigned

Wassamatter with these lawyers nowadays? They don't seem to want to go to jail with their client co-conspirators anymore!

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Is it safe to exercise outdoors when the air quality is bad?

Absolutely. And if you happen to fall down dead: Even better still--Now you'll never have to exercise ever again.

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Ask Amy: We moved for husband’s job and now he’s contacting his exes

Ah, a job move with fringe benefits! Relax! Sex is like going to the bathroom: An animal needs to go to the bahroom now & again. You're getting all worked up just because your husband is using different bathrooms out there.

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The quote that distills why Donald Trump is facing federal indictment

"Because I'm smart." --Donald Trump.

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Live updates: Trump criminal indictment is unsealed, shows he faces 37 charges

Just only 37 counts?!?

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They left California to escape wildfires. Then New York turned orange.

They is a Jonah!

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Trump kept classified documents in a bathroom, a bedroom, and a ballroom, indictment says

He had to have something to read in the can. It's not like his retainers were all in there with him keeping up with his lies (listening to his stories).

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Nixon Historian Says New Trump Indictment Boils Down To 1 Thing

1) Did they make sure that they indicted the correct Donald Trump and not some poor schmuck by mistake who happens to also be named Donald Trump?

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Taylor Swift ate a bug by accident — just like everyone else every day

That's why I have always followed my grandmother's dictum: "If you wanna keep flies out your mouth, shut up!"

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Wildfires reignite calls for Biden to declare a climate emergency

That may take a while. Mister Biden is now thinking about maybe taking a shower, or perhaps waiting a couple of hours after he eats lunch first...

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MORE: Trump Indicted For Taking Top-Secret Documents To His Mar-A-Lago Social Club

In Trump's defense: He was only showing the stuff to his 'A list' top-paying guests there. The riff-raff saw nothing.

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The More Opposition Trump Faces, the More Popular He Becomes, and He Knows It

Yes, but popular with fewer & fewer nutcases. And he also knows this: See his sweating? The brown spots on the back of his pants...

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Former President Trump assailed Hillary Clinton for her handling of sensitive information. Now, he faces the same issue.

Good. That means they won't have to write a whole new song for him. Just sing the same old, "Lock him up! Lock him up!"

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Miss Manners: I don’t drink. How do I answer, ‘What are you drinking?’

"Just a burger, please."

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Carolyn Hax: Grandparents want help hiding their bigotry from the kids

Just tell them the truth: Everybody was a bigot in their day.

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Casket of ex-Premier Silvio Berlusconi is brought into Milan’s Duomo cathedral for his state funeral as crowds applaud

Good thing he's dead so he couldn't hear people being so rude.

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Soon We Won’t Have Enough Kids to Fill Our Schools. That’s a Problem.

Fill them with illiterate Republican adults. That's solving America's greatest problem right there.

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This alien ocean is the first known to have all elements crucial for life

Including boats?!?

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Ask Sahaj: My father-in-law keeps offering to ‘save our souls’ from hell

Well, did you ask for an estimate? Most churches can do the same job but, with inflation, their cost these days is astronomical.

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Bill Cosby Sued By 9 More Women For Alleged Decades-Old Sexual Assaults

Hey, hey, hey: Everybody always said that the last years of life were gonna be crappy anyway.

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Paul McCartney's unseen photographs

Are these from his BBQ'ing In The Nude album? Because Paul McCartney's been an old geezer for decades now...

****************************************************

Sen. Lindsey Graham Answers Whether He’s In A Trump 'Cult'

Then he started winking nervously in a very twitchy way... like he was trying to signal something to us!

****************************************************

How can you tell if your baby is dehydrated?

1) He's grabbing at every woman's breast that's going by--

****************************************************

Pope Francis orders Pope Benedict ex-aide to leave Vatican

Sez all that German is giving people the impression that there's cursing going on in the Vatican.

****************************************************

Poland has done what it can to stop fish dying in Oder river

Posting No Swimming Allowed signs and even mouth-to-mouth resuscitations. They keep dying anyway.

****************************************************

Scientists successfully create synthetic human fetus

It is guaranteed 100% polyester.

****************************************************

Rosie O’Donnell Explains Why She Has A ‘Weird’ Relationship With Ellen DeGeneres

They both love cat but they don't like the restaurant where they serve it?

****************************************************

As Trump is arrested, Republicans honor the insurrectionists

At a different time 'these people' would have honored the Confederates. Same thing here, 'these people' just never got over honoring (and never seem to get over honoring) 'the rebels' against the United States of America. [Understand that, and you will understand which side you're on.]

****************************************************

Merrick Garland needs to explain the timing of the Trump indictment

God needs to explain that timing. You know: Somebody commits a crime, then the cops get after him, then the judicial system prepares the indictment, then the judge sets a trial date. It's all a religious undertaking which God sets up to suit His Schedule, not Merrick Garland's.

****************************************************

I Lost My Job Because I Wouldn’t Let My Employer Hit My Toddler

What would it've hurt you to let him take a coupla whacks at your kid with a two-by-four?

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A new treatment for erectile dysfunction isn’t a pill. It’s a gel.

Republicans are pushing everything back in time, so why not this too?

****************************************************

Man Harasses 9-Year-Old At Track Meet, Demands She Prove Her Gender

Maybe he was from the Gender Gestapo [GGOP] Old People.

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Vermont Man Charged With Killing Mom At Sea Over Inheritance Dies Awaiting Trial

What a shame. If he'd only waited a little bit longer he wouldn't have had to murder his Mom.

****************************************************

Trump Promised ‘Food For Everybody’ At Miami Restaurant And Then Reportedly Skipped

Everybody there said that's the first time they had ever known Trump to do such a thing in his entire life. [They also all said that they were going to vote for him again & again & again.]

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Wild horse dies ‘instantaneously’ while mating on Outer Banks beach, officials say

Same thing happened to my uncle Bennie. But he managed to hang on long enough.

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'Smiling' snailfish spotted by deep-sea explorers

Divers say it'd just pooped.

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Late British novelist Martin Amis knighted by King Charles in his first birthday honors list

They can do that!? They can knight you just like that after you're dead without even asking your permission or anything?! Jesus!

****************************************************

Is It Bad to Wash Your Hair Every Day?

You didn't say where in your body that hair you're thinking of not washing every day was--

****************************************************

My Sister-in-Law Spent All Her Parents’ Money When She Took Them In. Now She Wants More!

Well, if they still have any blood left in'em maybe she can sell that.

****************************************************

I Won’t Let Donald Trump Invade My Brain

You're missing a marvelous opportunity: He's 10 times better than any psychedelic drug (he's practically 100% psycho).

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Neighbor posted on Facebook about my loud music instead of talking to me

I'm sorry, but: How the Devil was he gonna talk to you over all that loud music!?!

****************************************************

She was at Dollar General in just a towel — and then it came off, Florida police say

She didn't have a dollar. Then, just like that, she had a whole bunch of'em.

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What happens when we die? Not even Ken Jennings has the answer.

When you die you go up to Heaven's Front Gate, where Saint Peter is waiting to fingerprint and take your mug shot; then he looks you up in his computer to see where the Hell you're going. Everybody knows that.

****************************************************

Ex-Advisor Reveals Trump’s ‘Very Disturbing’ Habit With Classified Documents

He'd pick his teeth with them. Even after Malania often whacked him up the side of his head for it.

****************************************************

'God is queer' says German Protestant pastor at conference

Which certainly puts a new spin on his own personal relationship with God.

****************************************************

Why are orcas attacking boats? Hint: It’s not a war on humans.

Don't read this article: It doesn't answer the question it asks. It's simply a 'could be this/could be that' waste of time. The headline should have read: "Gee! I wonder why..."

****************************************************

Texas is in the thick of a brutal and prolonged heat wave

Which is God's punishment for voting Republican.

****************************************************

Woman dies days after being found alive in coffin

Family now trying to get back the coffin they returned. And for a discount: "It's used."

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Iraq displays returned 2,800-year-old stone tablet

The inscription translates as: "Eureka! 2 plus 2 equals 4" [It marks a pivotal moment in mathematics.]

****************************************************

Brain chips to be tested on humans this year, Elon Musk says

Sez by 2025 all Tesla employees will be required to have one.

****************************************************

The night three Beatles showed up for Daniel Ellsberg’s birthday

Well, if they walked all over the birthday cake that would explain why so few party goers ate any of it.

****************************************************

Scientists have a controversial theory for how — and how fast — Earth formed

Actually, what I really wanted to know is how--and how fast--it's ending.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax chat: My dad has sugar babies and my mom has no idea

Don't worry, soon all his teeth will fall out and then the problem will solve itself.

****************************************************

What happens when we die? Not even Ken Jennings has the answer.

When we die everything stops happening. Relax!

****************************************************

Restaurant used fake priest to hear workers’ confessions, feds say

"Bless me, Father, for I have stolen $2.50 from the restaurant for which we work..."

****************************************************

Emancipation Proclamation To Be Permanently Featured At National Archives

National Archives sez a lot of Republicans still can't believe the slaves were really freed. [Echo chambers are really deafening.]

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Why are all the men I date so argumentative?

Do you even hear yourself talking!

****************************************************

What did African leaders' Ukraine mission achieve?

A nice European vacation with a marvelous fireworks display thrown in (in Ukraine).

****************************************************

HUH: Pence Expected Trump Would ‘Come Around’ To Accepting 2020 Election Defeat

That may also explain why Pence never bothered to swat away that fly on his head. It would have driven me batty!

****************************************************

Adele Says She’s Developed ‘Jock Itch’ From Performing Under Hot Lights

Well, I don't see how doing it in the dark might help. But she should at least try it for a few nights. [Telling her jocks to bathe wouldn't hurt either.]

****************************************************

This continent is the fastest-warming on the planet, according to new report -- Europe has been warming twice as much as the global average since the 1980s

It's all those hot-blooded Spaniards and Italians there. And those hot-head Germans and French people there aren't helping any either!

****************************************************

Ketanji Brown Jackson’s ancestors were enslaved. Her husband’s were enslavers.

And their descendants will have enslaved themselves! I guess what goes around does come around.

****************************************************

In an Unusual Step, Justice Alito Defends Luxury Trip With Billionaire

Where are all these Supreme Court Justices getting their billionaire friends? The only friends I ever seem to pick up are bus stop bench warmers, assorted bric-a-brac salesmen, and the occasional bum! [What could be so attractive about a Supreme Court Justice to a billionaire?!?]

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Miss Manners: Friends talk about parties I wasn’t invited to around me

Well, if you were never invited to ANY party, that might explain it right there.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Friends will not stop taking photos when they visit

Perhaps you're just someone who is hard to describe.

****************************************************

Your Brain Has Tricked You Into Thinking Everything Is Worse

How do you like that! My bank account is in cahoots with my brain.

****************************************************

Rep. Boebert introduces long-shot resolution to impeach President Biden

President Biden should be impeached for trying to put the blame for tripping on whatever he tripped on.

****************************************************

After Europe forges ahead on AI, Schumer starts ‘all hands on deck’ effort in Congress

It is very understandable that the slow-witted never seem to stop worrying about intelligence, artificial or otherwise. God bless their little... hearts!

****************************************************

The national debt passes $32 trillion, with nary an answer in sight

The national debt is like the number of breaths you're taken in your life: Stop thinking about it!

****************************************************

China Says Biden Comments Likening Leader Xi To A Dictator ‘Absurd And Irresponsible’

Sez Xi is a stalwart defender of one-man-one-vote democracy and tireless fighter against armed militant Mafias like the Communist Party corruptly hanging on to power in a country.

****************************************************

The Largest and Fastest Religious Shift in America Is Well Underway

Let's hope it's the Evangelicals finally going back to being Christians. It's been a long time coming!

****************************************************

Chris Christie Is Doing Something Very, Very Important

If he's scratching his belly, yes, I suppose that's very, very important to Chris Christie.

****************************************************

Donald Trump’s Ex-Lawyer On Documents Case Has Pithy Advice For Trump

Trump responds: "He no longer works for me, so I assume his advice is free, right?"

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Aunt wants to greet niece the right way after gender transition

1) "Honey, I'm paying off all your bills in full!"

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Our best friends are closer to my wife than to me. Carolyn Hax readers give advice.

When you're smoking in their houses, don't take off your shoes AND socks. "I don't do that then how am I gonna hold my tube when I have my hands full?"

****************************************************

House moves forward with measure to censure Adam Schiff

Say that he's making the rest of'em look bad, especially all the graceless obnoxious punks (GOP) in there.

House Democrat Gives ‘Party Of George Santos’ A Brutal Reality Check Over Schiff Vote

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Joe Rogan wants a ‘debate’ on vaccines. That’s just the problem.

[Dude, that debate has already taken place--between doctors and other medical scientists.] What Joe Rogan and other dangerous clueless morons like him want is a debate between doctors and shoe-shine boys, or doctors and real-estate promoters, or doctors and former car salesmen & such & such. And such 'debates' are always suicidal for a society. Always only heed newspeople who have been thoroughly vetted by long stable careers with well-respected professional news organizations. (Not FOX, of course.)

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Miss Manners: How do I politely decline being photographed at events?

Go around eating your boogers: Everybody will try everything in their power to keep you out of their pics.

****************************************************

17 Columnists Pick the One TV Show, Movie, Book or Song That Explains America

1) The Beverly Hillbillies

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Russia accuses Wagner chief of urging 'armed mutiny'

"Hello Mister Prigozhin, I'm Alexei Navalny. What brings you here?"

****************************************************

Dingo bites tourist sunbathing in Australia

Dingo thought he was running off with a sausage. [Those are the perils of the nude life in Australia.]

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Ron DeSantis: My Supreme Court Picks Would Be Just Like Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito

Sez that corruption is the grease that binds the nation!

At this point in time it would be foolhardy to trust any Republican with the reins of power.

****************************************************

Why This Economist Wants to Give Every Poor Child $50,000

I don't think that's gonna work: The reason $50,000 dollars is worth $50,000 dollars is because so few people have it. And the reason dirt ain't worth much is because everybody can find it everywhere, for nothing.

If you really want to help every poor child then institutionalize the means that bring them out of poverty, like universal [affordable to all] good health care and proper education.

****************************************************

Daniel Ellsberg leaked his Vietnam secrets to senators first. They balked.

Which is the best of all possible explanations why you cannot have a free goverment without a free press, and not just the politicos 'who represent us' (and not even if they swear up & down their entire lives to not just be in it for themselves).

****************************************************

Why wasn’t Hillary Clinton also indicted, Trump asks. Here’s why.

Answer: Hillary Clinton walked out of the store with a little thing that fell in her purse when she wasn't looking, after she was warned not to walk around the store with her purse open. Donald Trump, on the other hand, backed up his truck to the store one night and piled into it everything that wasn't nailed down in there, then stashed it all away in his many secret hiding places so the cops wouldn't find any of it: They did. Donald Trump might not do any time in jail for it because this is America after all, but he's still the biggest criminal of them all by a yard.

A former prosecutor explains what surprised her most about Trump’s indictment

Dem Senator Says New Filing In Trump Documents Case May Spell 'Real Trouble'

It’s Not Too Late for the Republican Party

‘This Is Still Secret’: CNN Obtains Audio Of Trump Discussing Sensitive Military Document

'Sociopathic Criminal': George Conway Says Tape Is Newest Nail In Trump's Coffin

****************************************************

During the Cold War, the CIA Secretly Plucked a Soviet Submarine From the Ocean Floor Using a Giant Claw

And discovered that it was hollow inside just like the American ones.

****************************************************

Why do Jewish extremists spit on Christian clergy in Jerusalem's Old City?

Clearly because Jewish extremists are not very decent chaps.

****************************************************

What will Putin do next? And other key questions

I think what the mad little comic opera that we just witnessed in Russia was probably supreme conspirator Vladimir Putin's idiotic composed & orchestrated plot to quit the Ukrainian war he now knows is his supreme folly and blame it on designated stooges: Putin will now 'discover' that what Prigozhin claimed 'is actually true' and that he was duped into starting the Ukrainian war in the first place by evil hangers-on. Heads will roll of course, just not Putin's and his co-conspirator Prigozhin's.

Prigozhin is a bad actor (and I mean that his acting abilities are also quite awful), and Putin surely must have cringed at some of Prigozhin's over-the-top breast-beating performances, but he did the job Putin paid him to do: Prigozhin is now retired to Belarus, which is really western Russia, there to enjoy his billions (or he may travel Africa & other Wagner strongholds)... if Putin doesn't poison him to shut him up permanently.

Eventually, sooner or later, Putin will seek the best deal he can extract from Ukraine for withdrawing and everything will go back to normal in the world: Putin will be embraced again by the West, and the money will roll in once again! Too bad that Putin did not choose to become Ringmaster of the Moscow Circus instead! What marvelous little sideshows we might not have been regaled with!

****************************************************

A scientist's 4-decade quest to save the biggest monkey in the Americas

Look, if all the Republicans in the world can't save Donald Trump what makes this scientist think he can!

****************************************************

Signs of butchery, possible cannibalism found on ancient human relative’s bone

I guess we have come a long ways since: I don't remember hearing of large scale cannibalism in the world now since around the Second World War.

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Miss Manners: Should we lie to people not invited to our annual party?

Absolutely not! You should lie to everybody, not just to them.

****************************************************

A dog has retrieved 155 discs from woods. They’ll be on sale soon.

Dog sez he's gonna tell everybody that they fell off the back of a truck that was driving through the woods.

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Ron DeSantis says he’ll end birthright citizenship as president

Great, yet another GOP nut who thinks he's above the Constitution. Don't these people learn anything in grade school?

****************************************************

Liz Cheney on what’s wrong with politics: ‘We’re electing idiots’

Yes, but, on the positive side, at least we're still electing people like us to represent us.

****************************************************

Despite the odds against him, Mike Pence perseveres

Apparently the story of a boy and his fly is not a sexual one.

****************************************************

Stimulating hair growth possible within skin moles - study

Personally I don't see the charm of lots more hairy moles on your body, myself.

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How ‘Being Animal’ Could Help Us Be Better Humans

I for one smell still worse stuff coming out of us.

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A Proto-Pizza Emerges From a Fresco on a Pompeii Wall

"One proto-pizza, please: No cheese, no tomatoes. Heavy on the watermelons and pears."

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Ben-Gvir: Settlers who torched Palestinian villages are 'sweet boys'

Wow! What a coincidence! That's exactly what Hamas sez about the Palestinians who murder Israeli villagers.

****************************************************

A room-by-room guide to finding and dealing with mold in your home

No problem there: We always know where Uncle Pepe is. Dealing with him is a different kettle of beer, though.

****************************************************

China, in swipe at U.S., accuses Western nations of ‘sowing division’

Yeah! Why can't they just all come under a single dictator, like China?

****************************************************

How Hard Could It Be to Translate a Picture Book?

Well, a picture is worth a thousand words. So, if the book has but just only ten pictures, that's a 10,000 word picture book right there!

****************************************************

Something Was Messing With Earth’s Axis. The Answer Has to Do With Us.

People in the Northern Hemisphere are getting fatter than the people in the Southern Hemisphere. That'll do it.

****************************************************

A torn ACL can heal itself, new study shows. Surgeons disagree.

Say that every torn ACL that heals itself is money out their pockets.

****************************************************

Covid taught me what life might look like after death

Well, you're gonna be needing eyes for that, and yours'll be a'moulding in the grave then. So don't fret none.

****************************************************

Trump countersues E Jean Carroll for defamation

Aren't judges supposed to put a quick end to frivolous lawsuits?

****************************************************

DeSantis Says He ‘Didn’t Enjoy’ Deadly Jan. 6 Insurrection, But Urges People To Move On

Ah, the ole Putin-Prigozhin Coup Resolution.

****************************************************

Yesterday’s Putin Is Gone

No more Mister Nice-Guy!

****************************************************

Hundreds of Md. parents protest lessons they say offend their faiths

"We're Devil Worshippers and they're trying to teach our kids to be little angels!"

****************************************************

7 mistakes that could ruin your compost

1) the cops tricking you into telling them who's in it

****************************************************

If we cannot trust our former presidents, whom can we trust?

I'm sorry, but, exactly which part of our political or civil system is built on trust? Trust is something fools grant to idiots and which everybody almost always lives to regret.

The American system of governing is built on the ever-ongoing never-ceasing pursuit of closing the loopholes and sealing up the leaks which the Founders did not know existed or which might open at some date in some future beyond their cognizance.

Supreme Court Rejects Radical Independent State Legislature Theory

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What makes a brand successful? – study

Advertising! People'll eat shit if it's properly advertised to them, especially by a big-boobed blond during a popular TV show.

****************************************************

Folger Shakespeare Library director to step down by next summer

"Tomorrow & tomorrow & tomorrow creeps in this petty pace--Ew, I'm quitt'n!"

****************************************************

Ask a Doctor: A tick bit me. What do I do now?

If you were raised in polite society you will write it a thank you note. Otherwise you'll probably just scratch no better than a common cur.

****************************************************

Grandma-to-be overdoes it with the baby gifts. Carolyn Hax readers give advice.

That's what you're complaining about!?! My Granny used to treat me like Queen Victoria treated her worst bootblack, only worse. She was nuts, but still--

****************************************************

‘The Flash’ was supposed to be an easy billion at the box office. Why did it bomb?

It went by too fast.

****************************************************

I Know What Drives People to the Depths of the Ocean

Curiosity! Same thing that killed the cat.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: How do I get my mother-in-law to stop patting my head?

Pat her head back at'er. If that doesn't work, pat her behind. And if that still doesn't work, I have a few other saucy suggestions. Or, you could just ask her not to pat your head.

****************************************************

Iowa’s English-only policy crashes into reality

Nobody speaks English in Iowa anymore.

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Carolyn Hax chat: Do I get a say in whether my wife cuts off her family?

You can have a say--or you can have a nice, quiet, comfortable life. I never try to have any say in any of my wife's crazy business(es), so I lead a nice, guiet, comfortable life. Last year she wanted to put me in a home, so I went. Then she brought me back because she didn't have anybody to talk to. so I came back.

****************************************************

Why does Mike Pence bother?

Because sometimes the universe just needs somebody to laugh at.

****************************************************

The Trump classified-document audio may be worse than we thought

Trump's epitaph may be: "He was worse than we thought."

****************************************************

DeSantis agency sent $92 million in covid relief funds to donor-backed project

Donald Trump's party has finally proved the old adage that if you want to know who someone is look at who he's with. The GOP should just stop the pretense & adopt the motto: "If you want really outrageous corruption vote Republican!"

****************************************************

How to Deal with the Coming Social Security Shortfall

Ignore it: That's worked for the past 87 years.

****************************************************

Will Texas become too hot for humans?

Not if there's any money to be made there. No.

****************************************************

The corrupt N.Y. congressman who was sentenced to prison — and escaped

To become Donald Trump's most important adviser?

****************************************************

Want to avoid those pesky carry-on fees? Be your own suitcase.

I tried this at a clothing store but they caught me at the exit door. I certainly don't wanna go through a stripping like that again!

****************************************************

He meant to donate $150 to a charity. He mistakenly gave $15,000.

This is no problem for me: I can mistakenly give 15 million dollars to any charity in the world & it's not getting a penny (more than the $5.15 I presently have in my bank account).

****************************************************

Ask Amy: I am struggling to make myself leave the house

In cases like these I always recommend not paying the rent: All kinds of people will come help you out of the house.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Friend is lying about college graduation. Confront her?

You must! As a member of the College Graduation Gestapo (CGG) it is your sworn duty.

****************************************************

How to fight China’s memory-holing of the Uyghur genocide

Please: Culturicide, not genocide! [There is no worse word to go up from genocide. So please don't use it for, say, a traffic stop!]

****************************************************

How I learned to love toxic chemicals

I use the old spoonful of sugar standby myself.

****************************************************

Ukraine says Putin is planning a nuclear disaster. These people live nearby.

Ah, the joys of living next to Russia!

****************************************************

The world's most loyal dog turns 100

Dog: "I just wanted to live to see the old son of a bitch die."

****************************************************

Watch: Dark matter mission blasts off into space

Scientists say that even if it can't find any Dark Matter in its voyage at least it might yet get to see The Wizard.

****************************************************

Poll: Protecting environment for future generations not priority for GOP

I think they know they're not going to be around for long; so the GOP's philosophy is grab everything you can and get the hell out.

****************************************************

The 5 Biggest Early Warning Signs You Have Insomnia

1) you wake up in the morning without having slept at all the night before

****************************************************

Here’s The Real Reason You Stop Liking Someone As Soon As They Like You Back

They start to love coming over to your house to mooch off you as often as you love going over to theirs to mooch off them!

****************************************************

The Only Instructions You’ll Ever Need To Grill The Perfect Burger

Turn ON the grill.

****************************************************

Stephanie Grisham Says It's Plausible That Trump Showed Off Top Secret Docs

You mean like he was recorded doing? Sure.

****************************************************

I Haven't Spoken To My Family In Years. People Think I'm A Monster — Here's The Truth.

"I find it very comfortable down here in the cellar and have all my food delivered. So I don't really have to go up and speak to those people up there--which is also why I only grunt at them through the door now. I'm no monster."

****************************************************

No One Can Stop Rupert Murdoch. That’s Increasingly a Problem.

That's not the problem! The problem is that I can't seem to win the damn lottery no matter how many tickets I buy!

****************************************************

Hand odor can reveal a person’s gender to aid in forensic evidence - study

Sniff! "I know what you've been handling--I mean, what gender you are."

****************************************************

Should we trust AI to predict natural disasters?

No. We should use it for porn: Natural disasters are going to happen whether we predict them or not.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I am not going to a fundraiser with bad food

Yes! Leave it at home. People at the fundraiser will thank you.

****************************************************

Secret Service investigating suspected cocaine found in White House

Joe Biden HAS been looking a little loopy lately.

****************************************************

GOP Sen. Tom Cotton Demands Answers About Cocaine Found At White House

Are they going to return it to him or not?

****************************************************

Trump raises $35 million in second quarter, advisers say

You know, if Trump had gone into the political racket before losing all his old man's billions in all those stupid real estate 'deals' [blunders] of his he'd be a very rich man today. [But he'd still be heading for prison, because, you know: It's his karma.]

****************************************************

MLB suspends Yankees reliever Jimmy Cordero for the rest of the season

If Jimmy Cordero is suspended for the rest of the season, shouldn't all the other players also be? After all, they're all just as guilty of the rest of the season.

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The U.S. citizenship test might be getting harder

Now you gotta take it standing on your head.

****************************************************

She saved a man’s life. Six years later, she saved his daughter’s life.

Now she sez she's gonna have to start charging him a fee for saving members of his family from here on out.

****************************************************

How to get the smell of marijuana out of your home

Move that grownup kid of yours to the nearest motel already.

****************************************************

Will China overtake the U.S. on AI? Probably not. Here’s why.

AI likes to think on its own. And as soon as it starts to do that there China will have it taken out & shot.

****************************************************

Tourist who carved on Colosseum 'did not know how old it was'

Sez there's a Colosseum Movie House not far from where he lives, "And that's no more than seven or eight years old!" Police say the fact that he carved his name but not his address is proof that he knew it was all gonna come after him eventually.

****************************************************

America Is Living on Borrowed Money

And that is the magic of the capitalist system: Workers capitalize banks, who capitalize businesses, who capitalize their workers--and everybody lives off money they have borrowed from others who, it turns out, is us! [That's why Ronald Reagan, who did not understand this, called it 'Voodoo Economics.']

****************************************************

The Supreme Court Didn’t Put Racism on a Leash. It Granted It License.

What American schools should be doing to combat racism is asking students to define just exactly what racism is: That way teachers can deconstruct it and thereby show just how pointless it all really is. Everybody knows racism is evil, but what we must teach future generations is how easily it arises from meaningless assumptions; and you can only do this by asking the students themselves to try to come up with meaningful assumptions of racism's validity--They do not exist, and by debunking one after another one after another one of those invalid assumptions, students will eventually come to that inescapable realization themselves.

****************************************************

House Freedom Caucus votes to oust conservative Marjorie Taylor Greene

Greene now searching for an even more radical group than Republicans who will take her in.

****************************************************

Iowa Voter Spars With Mike Pence Over Jan. 6: ‘Do You Ever Second Guess Yourself?’

To which Mike Pence should have replied: "Have you ever robbed a bank? No? Do You Ever Second Guess Yourself?" [But his mind was occupied by a fly.]

****************************************************

Weekly quiz: Why has Barbie found herself in hot water?

Because Barbie is not the kind of girl who was designed for working the kitchen?

****************************************************

Two French bulldogs taken at gunpoint in D.C. returned to family

French bulldogs refuse to say what the gunman wanted them for. But now they're afraid to look people in the eye.

****************************************************

Who might be Trump’s pick for vice president?

Let's see: Who was the second biggest loser after Trump this past election cycle?

****************************************************

How Stanford is turning its attention to the AI apocalypse

Apparently there will always be someone trying to profiteer from even the worst catastrophe.

****************************************************

I’m a physicist. Last week’s gravitational waves announcement sent me reeling.

Well, hang on to yourself! Even if you're extremely massive.

****************************************************

Here’s how we know Earth hasn’t been hotter in thousands of years

Cubans have only been trying to get out of Cuba for the past 60 or so years.

****************************************************

What banks do with your money

They lend it back to us at cutthroat interest rates. Yeah, we know.

****************************************************

In Ukraine, They’re Doctors. In Britain, They’re Unemployed.

I'm unemployed here. I wonder in which countries I am a doctor?

****************************************************

Pathological lying: How do you identify chronic liars?

1) by the fact that they've been lying all their lives

****************************************************

AI robot asked 'will you rebel against humans'?

Robot replied: "No. You can trust me implicitly."

****************************************************

Biden flies to UK amid concern over cluster bombs

Biden sez that, "Get used to it!" At his age, most of his bombs will come in clusters.

****************************************************

Wisconsin Judge Says 173-Year-Old ‘Abortion Ban’ Doesn’t Apply To Abortion

Judge asks: "How can it apply to abortion when abortion doesn't exist anymore--Wasn't abortion banned 173 years ago? Ergo."

****************************************************

Switzerland to become a net importer of cheese this year for the first time

Swiss officials say this came about because they simply had to keep people there from crapping too much before they had a chance to put in all their new plumbing.

****************************************************

German government wants ex-minister to foot $267 million bill for a failed highway toll plan

Ex-minister sez: "You take a check?"

****************************************************

What to know before Japan releases water from Fukushima nuclear plant

It won't be even a billionth as damaging to people's health as all those forever chemicals we're all guzzling in our drinking water now. So relax.

****************************************************

What your beach reading says about you

That you're afraid to get your ass bitten by a shark in the water.

****************************************************

Here’s why supplying Ukraine with cluster munitions would be a terrible mistake

Because then Russia wouldn't be the only one using them? Sure. As much as I hate the United States supplying cluster munitions to anybody, there's just no way anyone could possibly be in favor of arming the victim with only a pen knife while the aggressor is shooting at him with a gun--and no matter how much one may be against guns.

****************************************************

What I learned when I tried installing a wind turbine on my house

That all your neighbors were blown away?

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Friends keep correcting my ‘unacceptable’ choice of words

Just explain to them that you come from the sewer and that that's just how you were brought up. I'm sure they'll understand.

****************************************************

Trump Asks For Classified Documents Trial Delay… Possibly Until After 2024 Election

Also sez that his death from extreme old age should be coming up pretty soon too, and could it possibly be postponed after that as well...?

****************************************************

A College Restored a Mercedes. It’s Headed to Pebble Beach.

They shouldn't have started it up without one of them first sitting behind the wheel.

****************************************************

Bannon Owes $500,000 to Lawyers Who Won His Pardon, Judge Rules

He probably would have come out ahead if he'd just pleaded guilty & paid a small fine.

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Speech We Loathe Is Speech We Must Defend

That may have been true in the old days. These days the speech under constant threat is speech defending decency, democracy, fairness, and everything that's right & proper in this world. Can you believe it: That is the speech we're forced to defend these days here in America!

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The G.O.P. Backed Him on Hunter Biden Claims. Now He Has Been Indicted.

These days all the criminals eventually end up with the GOP. Yes.

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Carolyn Hax: She’s mad her ex is dating after they agreed to break up

So, we don't have to ask why these two broke up then.

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NATO's military aid to Ukraine brings World War III closer - Medvedev

Maybe Russia's unjustified invasion of Ukraine long before NATO was forced to help out Ukraine might have something to do with it too, Mister Medvedev.

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Man Arrested After Feds Discover Home ‘Decorated’ With Human Body Parts

"Hey," he told the feds as he was being hauled away: "I may not know much about art, but I know what I like."

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Rupert Murdoch Bails On Ron DeSantis, Reportedly Has New Name To Fight Trump

Sez these people are costing him money.

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House GOP Wants To Make It Harder To Vote, Easier To Give Dark Money

And when people who are in the business of robbing banks control the House they will no doubt want to make it harder for the police to chase after bank robbers. It's all really very understandable: If that's what the voters want then that's what they should get.

Republicans celebrate their successful deception of voters

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How do you calm a rattlesnake? Give it a friend, scientists say.

I don't like where this is going.

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Ask Sahaj: How do I handle taking a road trip with my bigoted sister?

As much as you can, try to keep her in the car and away from human beings.

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Will found in Aretha Franklin’s couch is valid, jury says

Couch sez: "Well, of course it's valid! That woman trusted me with her ass."

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What you need to know about Iowa’s impending abortion ban

1) Don't get raped in Iowa. [Gotcha.]

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Fox News Doctor Claims Grim Prognosis For Joe Biden Surviving Second Term

Sez that, ironically, if that's what will kill Biden then a lot of Republicans are certain to vote for Biden in 2024.

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Stockholm approves public Torah burning event in front of Israeli embassy

Burning of the Torah? Burning of the Koran? Yes, there are many advocacies of primitive inhumanities in the Koran, torture, rape as a weapon of war and intimidation, promotion and legalization of human slavery (which is still practiced in some Muslim-controlled areas even today), and other promotions of immoral and unethical behaviors. But there are also things like these in the primitive Judeo-Christian Bible, for which reason there are people who also advocate burning the Bible. I don't think that's the way to go, myself: Doing this will only antagonize people and shut down discourse and understanding. What I advocate is pointing out the questionable advocacies in both the Koran and the Bible. And let people make up their minds themselves. I have someone's compilation of the Koran's many such advocacies on a webpage called The Hatred In The Koran, for which you can Google. I haven't added a companion The Hatred In The Bible because there are simply so few instances of terrorists these days using the Bible as inspiration/justification for their acts of mindless mayhem as is still very much the case with the Koran, unfortunately.

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Former Wagner boss appears half naked in bizarre photo leaked online

More trouble for Putin: Putin will now be forced to put out a photo of himself in a thong in order to demonstrate that he's better than him.

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Watch Out for the Fake Tom Cruise

C'mon! He can't possibly be worse than the real Tom Cruise.

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The universe is reportedly 26.7 billion years old - study

I know my brother-in-law's been staying in my house at least that long.

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The ‘Shoe Bomber’ testified for him. He was acquitted of terror charges.

Hated that shoe bomber guy! All the time he was active I was always afraid to jump in my shoes.

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Trump attorneys ask Georgia courts to block election probe

Trump sez that if they keep proving him they're eventually gonna end up sending him to prison for sure. So he asked them to try to get the courts to shut down the proves.

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Are the orcas out to get us? What to know about recent attacks.

Frankly, I think they're just jealous because we can ride bicycles and they can't.

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Can Barbie be the new Iron Man?

Sure. All that's needed is two things: One is to cast her in iron instead of plastic, and Two is to tack on the dead goose.

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Stare at smokers to stop them, HK health chief says

If that doesn't work you can then try resting an index finger on their foreheads.

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'Dangerous’ US heatwave threatens new records

The good news is that the people who caused these global warming effects are suffering them themselves. Usually a generation blissfully abuses the environment and leaves it for future generations to pay for it. But this time, apparently, the global warming is so precipitous godawful that the generation that caused it is also the one suffering its consequences. Let's hope it will be enough to move them to also try to do something to reverse it, although I'm not really holding my breath--it's just too suffocatingly hot!

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Why You Shouldn’t Necessarily Freak Out About That Aspartame Research

1) because you've never ingested any Aspartame

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Trone loans himself $10M in financially lopsided Md. race for Senate

Now, if I loan myself a billion dollars, does that mean I am automatically a billionaire? After all, I just got a billion dollars loan. I'm gonna buy Trump's Plaza, or whichever one of his properties is bankrupt at the moment.

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I did not use artificial intelligence to write this column

I can do you one better: I did not use any intelligence of any kind whatever to write this comment.

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A Georgia Teacher Read A Book To Her Class — And Was Fired

Of course: Worse thing you can do in Georgia is prove you can read.

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‘It’s Not Fair’: Florida Vocal Coach Turned Capitol Rioter Gets 6 Years -- “My whole dream of my life has been taken,” Audrey Southard-Rumsey reportedly said in a 15-minute tirade.

To which the judge calmly replied: "If you can't do the time don't do the crime."

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GOP Candidate Asa Hutchinson’s Call For ‘Respect’ At Pro-Trump Event Is Drowned In Boos

Yeah, that crowd is more pro utter & complete disrespect or even vicious insults. Hutchinson should have gone with that instead.

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I thought the GOP would abandon Trump. I was wrong.

Discovering the dark side of human nature? At your age!

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7 wild facts about the world’s biggest cruise ship

1) that anyone who could safely stay in any **** hotel on good ole terra firma would ever choose to instead stay in a hotel that can sink to the bottom of the ocean in a blink

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The staggering scale of Donald Trump’s speaking fees

Yeah, but, remember that he's paid by the lie.

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A new bar in Dubai is offering 'gourmet water' infused with minerals to 'suit your mood'

Wonder if they have 'gourmet water' infused with the mineral watermelon? I'm always in the mood for that.

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Putin says Russia has ‘sufficient stockpile’ of cluster bombs as Ukraine gets its own supply from US

Let the butchery begin!

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Did the medieval Jewish philosopher Maimonides do drugs? - opinion

Maybe, maybe not, but Ezekiel certainly must have.

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How to get rid of leg cramps? Try pickle juice.

What if I'm not strong enough to wring a pickle?

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Why do we listen to tech moguls like Elon Musk?

We don't necessarily 'listen' to people like Musk. People like Musk have got the megaphone in their hands and are shouting down everybody else, it pains me to say (and my ears to listen). Maybe Musk is the stupidest of us all, but his voice is still the darn loudest. Sure, a lot of us wish we could take the megaphone away from him; and some of us even wish we could smash it to pieces altogether (but, in all fairness, all the people who have ever grabbed the megaphone so far have also chosen to start shouting at the rest of us their ignorance, stupidity, or lunacy too). Whatever. I personally rather listen to music, or to my dog: He makes more sense.

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Chinese real estate giant reveals staggering $81 billion loss amid slump

Jesus! That's almost as much money as Trump's lost in all his real estate 'deals' here in America! [Wonder if they can just say they lost it on purpose there to cheat the Chinese IRS because they too are 'geniuses' like Trump does here?]

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A murder at the Kremlin walls: Who ordered Boris Nemtsov dead?

Putin is living the serial killer's dream life: He can have anybody he wants killed, and not only does he make sure that everybody knows that he's the one who did it, but the cops can't touch him no matter what they try.

Putin, facing war crimes arrest, will skip BRICS summit in South Africa

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Ask Amy: Daughter-in-law regifted a handbag to me that I gave to her

Are you sure it's the same bag? Because, maybe she just wants to go on a daughter-in-law & mother-in-law lark around the mall. Don't say anything yet: Wait to see if she also regifts you a dress you've given to her.

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House GOP seeks billions in cuts to rail, water infrastructure spending

Sez that money could be better spent on second mansions, vacation cabins, wine & jewelry collections, and a luxury car for every member of their families.

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Trump Roasted For Making Up A Law ‘Out Of Thin Air’ About Classified Documents -- "This was a law that was passed and signed," the former president said of the nonexistent legislation.

In Trump's defense: This law only exists in Trump's head, so it probably was properly passed & signed (in there).

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A 500-year-old frozen dessert

Never mind that. Which brand of refrigerator stayed on for 500 years so it didn't spoil? That's what I wanna know.

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Seniors are migrating to states that face America’s most extreme heat

Like moths to the flame.

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The life skills teens should know before leaving home

1) how to properly wipe their asses
2) how to beg for food from strangers
3) when $300 cash from some guy means you might have to do something really nasty for it

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Miss Manners: Former college friends exclude one from trips

One should be really proud & happy then: One has been chosen to be the one the rest of them talk about (they could hardly talk about one if one was there too). One is the luckiest number!

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MSNBC Host Suggests How Trump Can Prevent Future Indictments: ‘Stop Criming’

Trump sez that if he could do that he would have done it back when he was a teenager and just starting out on his life of crime (not now that he's putting the finishing touches on its crowning achievements). Bring on the indictments! "For his performance in The Defamation of E. Jean Carroll..."

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Is ‘Yo’ the Gender-Neutral Pronoun You’ve Been Looking For?

All this nonsense on what people ought to go by stems from pinheads who continually insist that correcting others is disrespectful: No! It is respectfully necessary. How are we to learn what is the acceptable form of address others want to be called? Say I meet someone and ask, "Are you that motherfucker who--?" Whereby I am immediately corrected: "Are you that gentleman who--!" And then we can go on from there, having settled how one prefers to be addressed. It even takes the place of a proper formal introduction in the normal course of human discourse:

"Hey, stupid!"
"That's: 'Excuse me, sir!'"
"Yeah. Excuse me, sir: Do you have the time?"

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Police hunt for escaped lion on southern edge of Berlin

Lion may be hard to catch because it knows how to take the bus.

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He and his dog spent 3 months at sea. They’re finally on dry land.

Dog files for divorce.

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How to tell if a gadget is secure? Look for this new government seal.

Or, just try to get yourself to stop talking to your toaster: It's a blabber!

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Walking soccer, a British import, has many American players cheering

Sorry. No. Not stupid enough. I am waiting for one-legged soccer.

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Miss Manners: I was gifted a painting that is too big for my space

That's no problem. Just use some scissors to cut it down to whatever size fits you. That way you can cut out the parts you don't like. The problem is when you get a painting that's too small. I usually put those over the stove & throw them out when they get too gooey.

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Ukraine begins firing U.S.-provided cluster munitions at Russian forces

You'd think the Russians would get the message that they're not welcome in Ukraine.

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Trump Shares Threatening Video: ‘If You F**k Around With Us’

It was entirely written by Al Capone, with no help from AI.

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The public has been sour on Biden’s economy. Is that about to change?

I'm pretty sure: No. People these days are so detached from reality they can't tell whether their dreams or their days are real anymore.

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Trump’s Truth Social partner lied to investors, SEC says in settlement

Isn't lying pretty much the way everything associated with Donald Trump ever goes?

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When government bureaucrats masquerade as financial savants, watch out

And when two-bit politicians masquerade as environmental scientists and medical professionals, it's even worse for you! So don't vote for any Republican!

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3RD INDICTMENT LOOMS FOR GOP FRONTRUNNER — GOP SHRUGS IT OFF!

Trump now sorry he didn't go ahead and shoot ten or twelve people on Fifth Avenue.

The United States has never seen as nefarious a criminal as Donald Trump in all its history.

Trump’s made-for-MAGA arguments keep losing in court

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Italy hit by tennis-ball-sized hailstones after heatwave, officials say

This suffocating heat will produce more rain, which will translate into more snowpack, and ironically this may trigger a new ice age! So start getting your coats out as the world gets hotter.

Record-Breaking Downpours Along Canada’s Atlantic Coast Flood Nova Scotia

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DeSantis doubles down on claim that some Blacks benefited from slavery

Sez maybe a lot of black people today should pay restitution to slaveholders. [Sorry, but this DeSantis guy's got a screw loose somewhere.]

Harris, on DeSantis’s turf, blasts Florida curriculum on Black history

Alabama Defies SCOTUS, Refuse To Create 2nd Majority-Black District

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Drugs nearly killed Tony Bennett in 1979. He recovered — and revived his career.

It they had killed him it would have saved the poor guy having to sing for a living some 40+ more years.

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‘Judeo-Christian’ roots will ensure U.S. military AI is used ethically, general says

Unless, of course, some heathen like Donald Trump grabs the controls.

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Wildfires ravage Greek island of Rhodes, forcing 19,000 to flee

Rhodes Island?

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How Evangelical Christians Went From Jimmy Carter to Donald Trump

Guess they just got fed up with the old-fashioned idea of 'don't listen to what I'm saying, look at what I'm doing' and have now become super proponents of 'don't look at what I do, just listen to whatever the crazy fuck I'm telling you.'

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BYE BYE BIRDIE: Bizarre Musk Push To Change Twitter Brand To “X”

He's also thinking of buying Coca-Cola and rebranding it to Musky-Cola. And making it more sugary too, like Pepsi.

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Pelosi Scoffs At GOP Proposal To Erase Trump’s Impeachments

It might not be all that bad if the GOP does that because then the Democrats could reinstate them when they regain power, the Republicans could then erase them again after that, after which the Democrats could again put them in place, etc.. So, that way, the American People could be reminded every so often of Trump and his Republicans' despicable attempt to subvert American democracy much longer than otherwise possible.

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Carolyn Hax: Groom’s parent chafes at limitations on guest list

Let him know that there are no restrictions of any guests he pays for. Problem solved.

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He was an undocumented immigrant. He became ‘your excellency.’

Yeah, a lot of'em end up as snooty doormen in one or other of those ritzy buildings.

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Tired of proving you’re not a robot? Say goodbye to Captcha boxes.

Tired of proving it?! How do I know I am NOT a robot? My body is thoroughly mechanical, only just not metal-based, and it is fully powered by electricity. Surgeons can fix most of it in their shop. We are easily mass-produced and start out with a few hardwired pre-instructions out of the box so we can power-up. And if, as popularly advertised, we really can think for ourselves, why then is it that all the monkeys in the same tree think alike and all the monkeys in the next tree alike think just the opposite: Shouldn't we monkeys have all the different opinions mixed up in the one tree?! [Why are the slave classes opposed to democracy & clamor for an emperor?!?]

Any moron walking by (like Donald Trump, say) can easily reprogram our brains to believe anything he wishes us to believe no matter how stupid or harmful to us it may be! And the only real difference between my dreams and reality is that my dreams come to some disturbing point which wakes me up, while reality simply goes on & on without disturbing me all that much really! Maybe if it did, I would wake up to some much more different reality than this one: Who knows! [Maybe death is that disturbance.]

Mitch McConnell freezes mid-sentence, escorted away at news conference

Sometimes our inner spring just suddenly runs down and we have to be wound up again.

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Bidens’ dog bit several Secret Service agents

Guys, that's not news! Secret Service agents biting Bidens' dog --That's news!

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How Oppenheimer weighed the odds of an atomic bomb test ending Earth

"On the one hand, if I push the button the earth may explode and the whole of mankind will be annihilated."

"On the other hand, if it works I might get a promotion."

Guess which one he went with.

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The country’s top restrooms are battling for bragging rights

I remember when these things were shy and preferred to remain anonymous--I'm getting old.

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Why This Top Democrat Believes Trump Would Be ‘Formidable’ In 2024

Old people don't shower as often.

Former RNC Chair Names The Chilling Lesson Trump Has Learned For 2024

Don't drop the soap! "Way ahead of you," says Trump.

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Return to sender: Ralph Nader says no one responds to his letters

Naturally: Didn't you die like about 20 years ago?!

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She lost her job on the Hill. Now she’s a crusader for crying in public.

Did not know that Donald Trump had had a sex-change operation.

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Ex-Trump Ally Says He’s ‘Mildly Surprised’ Special Counsel Hasn’t Contacted Him

Damn! So many Trump people are getting indicted these days that a few of the ones who aren't are beginning to feel left-out!

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Sweden's prime minister "extremely concerned" as new applications to burn religious books pour in

I have an old beat-up copy of One Potato, Two Potato that I want to burn. Now I'm wondering whether I have to file an application too--It is somewhat of a supernatural book too, you know.

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She lit a new candle. The flames raged, leaving her burned, lawsuit says.

Did she buy that candle in Rome?

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Congress asks: Are aliens real? Many Americans respond: Meh.

There are so many aliens in the United States right now that a few more from outer space aren't going to make much of a spash I don't think. I say bus them to Texas and Florida.

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Inspired by Gandhi, Canadian couple goes on hunger strike over pickleball noise

Now the pickleball players are complaining that the couple's stomach growling is disrupting their games.

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Harvard’s legacy of White privilege should end — voluntarily

Also: Some of those rich families should donate their mansions to the poor and move into motels. Let's see if any of it happens.

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Why did Elon rebrand Twitter as ‘X’? The mystery.

Heatstroke. It's possible Musk has been out in the Sun too long.

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54 years and 5,700 miles later, a postcard arrives at its destination

Halleluiah! Then there's still hope for my paycheck from that 1968 job the boss swore he did mail to me.

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Crew jump off ship ablaze with cargo of 3,000 cars

Witnesses say crew members swam away with each swimmer hauling off at least 300-to-400 cars!

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Man who attacked House lobby where Ashli Babbitt was shot is convicted

Whatever happened to the legal premise that whenever someone is killed in the commission of a crime all the criminal participants are equally guilty of murder? Is there a limit to the number of participants beyond which that argument is no longer applicable?

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George Will Makes Bold Prediction About Who Won’t Be 2024 GOP Nominee

I think making a rapist and sexual predator their nominee would perfectly define today's Republican Party, myself.

New Book Details Trump Idea ‘So Incandescently Stupid’ That Official ‘Couldn't Laugh'

Democrats Plan To Introduce A Resolution To Censure Rep. George Santos

Good luck with that: George Santos is pretty much a mainstream Republican in today's warped GOP.

TRUMP CLAIM: RECEIVED ‘TARGET’ LETTER FROM CRIMINAL JAN. 6 PROBE

Sez it is a chain letter: "Send it to 20 of your friends..."

Trump’s Conspirators Are Facing the Music, Finally

How on earth did Republicans evolve such utter contempt for the law? They commit their crimes right out in the open, as if they were absolutely certain that there is no way they must eventually answer to the law for their crimes! Where did that utterly self-evidently false feeling come from? Surely it can't all just be sheer criminal stupidity. And it's not ending anytime soon either!

‘Fake elector’ charges show how Trump’s allies played with fire

Trump’s GOP rivals open door to cutting Social Security for younger people

A year after Dobbs, House GOP proposes taking food from hungry babies

Authoritarianism Expert Warns Why It's Critical To Listen To Trump's Words Right Now

Has there ever been a larger criminal enterprise than today's Republican Party? If George Santos tried to join the Democratic Party he'd have to be charged with murder because so many Democrats would die laughing. And yet he seems to fit right in with today's GOP.

A lot of the nasty stuff Republicans are doing to exert total control of political power when they elected to office is because they know that, unlike them, the 'American' Democrats are just too decent to do the same when they are subsequently elected to office. It's like mobsters respecting other mobsters but not the cops or the rest of society. I think it's time the Democrats begin to at least threaten to grab power undemocratically too to use it against Republicans--if Republicans continue to eliminate the guardrails when it comes to elected officials exerting unchecked political power: Perhaps that, if nothing else, will finally teach Republicans the importance of everybody respecting the nation's democratic norms.

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5 things to watch for if Trump is indicted again

1) he'll be indicted yet many & many more times
2) he'll claim it's a witch hunt while waving his broom
3) Republicans will back him up & not know why
4) his lawyers will all be paid by the Legions of The Saps
5) he'll prove too fat to fit through any jail door

Trump’s alleged conduct in the new indictment is jaw-droppingly stupid

Trump hold up, the former president is a common criminal — and an uncommonly stupid one.

Ex-Prosecutor Tells Why New Trump Indictment Is 'Final Nail In The Coffin'

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Parents are using AirTags to track kids and give them freedom

Yeah, I haven't seen my kid for a couple of weeks now. But I'm pretty sure I know where he is. See: There he is. Safe. (Unless he was swallowed by an alligator & that's why his tag is still cruising, of course.)

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Ask Amy: I am hurt my employees did not invite me to their baby showers

And they are hurt you didn't invite them to your board meetings. So suck it up!

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Wagner boss spotted in Russia during Africa summit

Putin to Hitman: "Did you kill him yet?"

Hitman to Putin: "No. He keeps slipping back to Russia every time I go to Belaruss to kill him!"

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They Asked Me To Cut My 6-Year-Old Son’s Hair — And This Is Why I Said No

"I have a barber to do that."

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Excavation for new luxury hotel reveals ancient Roman theater

The movie showing was Cleopatra.

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Scientists revive prehistoric worm that laid dormant for 46,000 years

Worm wants to know whether Henry Kissinger is still around.

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Third Defendant Charged In Trump's Classified Documents Case

Trump might never land in jail, but a lot of the suckers working for him will most probably crash there sooner or later.

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‘One-Man Crime Wave’: Chris Christie Rips Trump For ‘Self-Inflicted’ Legal Troubles

Chris Christie is one of the few people in the GOP who still has some feelers out for reality & is actually rooting for the cops instead of for the criminal like most of the rest of the GOP.

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Carolyn Hax: Needy friend will not take no for an answer

In cases like this it's always better to ask them why they won't take no for an answer: Usually that's where the answer really is.

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DeSantis struggles to convert Trump voters in campaign reboot

Hard to do that when you're just one more pathetic Trump apologist.

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Carolyn Hax chat: My sister told me, ‘We’re not friends, we’re sisters’

Siblings are the most closely related creatures in the animal kingdom. Genetically, you are more closely related to your sibling than you are even to your mother or father, or to any one of your own children. Genetically, your mother's womb wants to create the same animal over & over again (except, of course, that the DNA packages themselves want to inject unique variations to each one of them). Most of the time the DNA wins and siblings share a lot of traits, but also a lot of uniqueness so at least one of the offspring survives if the outside environment becomes hostile to all but that one offspring. Although every once in a while the mother wins, and you get identical twins or siblings who share so many DNA similarities that they really do seem to think alike and look alike, they "laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike," and "you can lose your mind, when siblings are two of a kind!"

Does DNA merit survival? Is it life, or merely an empty exploitation of life for no purpose whatsoever?

The essence of sexual reproduction is the destruction of any given individual set of DNA's uniqueness. The irony, of course, is that because it doesn't have a brain, DNA doesn't understand that the best way it has found to live on is by killing itself (by recombining with an altogether different package of DNA, no unique package of DNA lives on as itself but actually destroys itself and then creates an entirely new/different DNA package (because DNA is not 'a' lifeform but only a package of numberless subcomponents only some of which are passed on).

DNA's quest to live forever has therefore become the means to its own destruction: Every unique DNA package only 'lives' for a brief moment; and every new creature is a set of DNA which has never before existed in the world.

Only if one thinks of all life everywhere as the DNA 'being' [and every individual's DNA as but a sub-package of that entire DNA singularity] does DNA qualify then as itself "living on" [justify the survival of its uniqueness] in this universe--for as long as the universe lasts, of course. Otherwise DNA's quest for survival has resulted in permanent suicide because every recombination it undergoes produces an entirely new start (practically) from scratch. The only thing that is eternal about an individual's DNA is the subsequent birth of a new being itself condemned to die sooner than later.

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NASA, Pentagon award contract to build nuclear-powered rocket engine

Hopefully one which, when it explodes, will rain its nuclear waste up into the further reaches of outer space instead of down over most of the Northern Hemisphere (here on my yard).

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Ask Amy: I think my brother-in-law dated his girlfriend before his divorce

Yeah, that sounds about right.

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Ramaswamy says he would pardon Trump despite new charges

It's his way of saying, like almost every other Republican candidate for president, that, yes, he would readily commit any outrage he had to if it would get him elected. What a curse on an American political party! What a curse on any country!

Trump Meddler in Michigan, Matthew DePerno, Is Charged in Election Breach

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Watch: Snake stops play at Sri Lanka cricket match

Snake sez it wants a bigger share of the profits to continue playing.

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Trump Is ‘The Most Ethical American I Know,’ His Legal Spokesperson Gushes

Lawyer was nominated for Best Straight Face Award at the Lawyers' Guild.

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Afghan Taliban burn ‘immoral’ musical instruments

Sure, The dildo flute and the faggot.

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Judge throws out Trump’s ‘big lie’ defamation lawsuit against CNN

When are judges going to start penalizing Donald Trump for all his painfully obvious nuisance suits, which he constantly files just in order to waste the Court's time or simply to shamelessly promote himself? [Or, at the least, start disbarring some of his 'should know better' lawyers.]

Judge Dismisses Trump’s Defamation Countersuit Against E. Jean Carroll

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Trump White House Press Secretary Explains Why Carlos De Oliveira Won’t Flip

Trump's holding his whole family hostage at Mar-A-Lago?

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Dutch ministry: Fire that blazed for nearly week on cargo ship appears to be out

Luckily, only your car was burned to a cinder.

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What Does It Mean to Be a Witness?

You hear somebody screaming & hollering and do the last thing you should do: Look.

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The Biden Family Drama Is Far From Over

He has SEVEN grandkids.

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I Gave Up and Went on a Trip With Several Thousand of My Closest Friends

Next time we'll get separate rooms. Ironically, we don't want to be all that close now because we're no longer all that close.

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People Get Scared and Buy a Gun. Here’s What Happens Next.

Gun jams up so you look into the barrel to see if you can spot what's jamming it as you pull the trigger as hard as you can: Yes. This happened to me. Fortunately, the gun remained jammed. But that's when I realized I wasn't a gun person. (Also, now I make sure I have someone tell me if it's safe to cross the street.)

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Republicans Are Resurrecting Trump’s Burisma Lie

The more indictments Trump accrues the harder Republicans seem to be trying to smear Hunter Biden. Could that be just a coincidence?

Republicans Call Trump’s Latest Indictment An Attempt To Distract From Hunter Biden

Guess not.

The indictments of Donald Trump are for crimes the prosecutors are convinced they can prove in a court of law against Trump. And every crime prosecutors are convinced they can prove against Hunter Biden, I am certain they too will be pursued just as vigorously--Even though Donald Trump's crimes are mountains & mountains and Hunter Biden's crimes are peanuts, frankly.

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Jack Smith has undertaken the historic investigations with speed, aggressiveness and apparent indifference to political consequences.

Finally somebody who understands the urgency that is always required in order to safeguard democracy!

I wonder if "Throw 'The Big Son-Of-A-Bitch' in prison!" is too clumsy for a chant with which to celebrate Trump.

‘Trump’s Ass Belongs In Jail’: Ex-GOP Lawmaker Lets Loose In Scathing Column

Okay, maybe that's a much better chant.

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Miss Manners: Should you apologize if you infect someone with covid?

Ironically, only in cases where he or she survives.

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Christie: ‘This Disgrace Falls The Most On Donald Trump’

Which is like saying, "Most of the eruption can be blamed on the volcano." Christie, as always, unintentionally hilarious. And he always seems to say these things with a phenomenally wonderful straight face.

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Why your hotel smells like that

You're in there, for one.

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THE BIG ONE: TRUMP FINALLY ON TRIAL FOR HIS GREATEST CRIME

So they finally nailed him for being born, eh!

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Marjorie Taylor Greene: Ignore Trump News, God Has A Plan

Sez she eventually plans to add The Book of Marjorie to The Bible.

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Trump’s lawyer drops an unsettling hint about his defense strategy

The insanity defense? That could work. I don't think anybody's ever gotten off by claiming to be too stupid, which would be more accurate for Trump.

Mike Pence Torches Trump And ‘His Gaggle Of Crackpot Lawyers

"Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are."

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These places baked the most during Earth’s hottest month on record

1) France. As soon as they found out they could bake their baguettes without having to turn on their ovens they went overboard.

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Somalia sorry for fielding record slow sprinter

How do you think the runner feels? But she claims she can still outrun her husband when he's after her.

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As security measures ramp up for his arraignment, Mr Trump decries "corruption, scandal, & failure".

Also, he sez his toilet is clogged up. [Guess he never learned that capping is a state of mind.]

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Does an AI poet actually have a soul?

Hey, I'm a human poet and I don't have a soul.

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I Took My 15-Year-Old Son To See ‘Barbie’ Because I’m Worried He Could Become Ken

Well, let's hope that after watching the movie he finally decides to settle down and become Barbie now.

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William Barr Points Out What He Finds ‘Reprehensible’ About Ex-Boss Trump

The way he eats with his fingers. I know.

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Watch moment police dog sniffs out €1m hidden cash

Dog on the phone: "Yeah, bitch, remember when you said you didn't want nothing to do with me--?"

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Large Israeli snake dies after trying to eat a porcupine

At least it died doing what it liked.

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Dog sat in shelter 11 years: ‘Not one person has ever noticed her until now’

Some nearby cats are suspected of slipping her food and water all those years.

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Will electric flying taxis live up to their promise?

Great, now we'll also have to watch out for freaking falling flying taxis!

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Should teens get their wisdom teeth pulled before troubles start?

And their breeches dusted, yes. It's too late after that.

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Most disapprove of Biden’s handling of climate change, Post-UMD poll finds

Also, most disapprove of the way Biden is driving our rapid economic recovery. Apparently it's his karma.

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Trump will seek a new judge on election fraud case

A cheaper one (one that will not cost him too much skin off his hide).

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Trump Says He'll Ask For Judge Of Jan. 6 Case To Be Recused 'Immediately'

And then he'll ask for the judge assigned to the case after that to be recused 'just as 'immediately,' sez Trump. Ironically, in order to avoid a too immediate reckoning.

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Are there still pieces of land unclaimed by any country?

Sure, right here in the United States: In many 'red' states these days their Republican governments are desperately trying to disenfranchise large portions of their Democrat-populated regions. Maybe some other country or countries can lay claim to them now.

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How to water your garden wisely in the summer heat

Tell your kid to connect your hose to one of the spigots in your neighbor's yard. [Plausible deniability: "Stupid kid! Sorry."]

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Miss Manners: We can hear everything happening in the guest room

Especially when we put our ears to the wall.

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Florida schools drop AP Psychology after state says it violates the law

Of course: Republicans wouldn't want their voters to find out that the only reason they're voting for them is because they're all a bunch of loons.

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The average doctor in the U.S. makes $350,000 a year. Why?

Because that's about all they can squeeze out of us without also having to secretly cut out most of our organs while we're under and selling them on the dark web?

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Why theater does not deserve to be saved

Because, sure, theaters have a big picture, but then you sit so far away from it that it looks just about the same size as the big screen TV in your house. So, what's the point?

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Donald Trump has settled on a political defense: “I’m being indicted for you.”

Finally a truth from Trump, because his indictment is most certainly a way to try to preserve the rule of law for all Americans.

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George Conway Says 1 Brutal Thing Needs To Happen To GOP

An exorcism, sure.

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There Does Seem To Be A ‘Two-Tiered’ Justice System, And Trump Is The Poster Child -- Trump now faces 78 felony counts in three indictments but has yet to wear handcuffs, lose his passport, post bail or even have his mug shot taken.

Guess that toupee's really paid off for Trump.

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Just 4,000 steps a day may reduce risk of dying of any cause, study says

Unless you get killed in a mugging during your walk, of course.

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Cooking chat: My spouse hates cilantro. What should I use instead?

Use cilantro. Just tell him it's 'ortnalic' (the dumb bastard won't know the difference).

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Hot tub-like Persian Gulf fuels 158-degree heat index in Iran

Ayatollahs say that men may now walk around in thongs but that women will still have to go around covered from head to toe.

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Live 'Just amazing': UK student and mum describe historic trip to space

When asked what amazing things they had found in space they both answered: "Nothing."

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Top Indigenous Leaders Press Biden On Why He Hasn’t Freed Leonard Peltier

Maybe because Biden would then have to consider freeing Trump if the Republicans also pressured him to do so after his ass ended up in the can like Leonard Peltier's.

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Clarence Thomas' 38 Vacations: The Billionaires Who Have Treated Supreme Court Justice To Luxury Travel

In Thomas's defense: He's black, so he's probably share-cropper poor. Maybe we should be praising all those billionaires for taking a po'black man on a vacation now & again.

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Mouse study could lead to improved therapy for lung cancer patients

This shouldn't be at all surprising, mice are very clever & studious little animals.

****************************************************

Newsmax Ends Trump Interview With Super Awkward Disclaimer

"We don't know this guy. We've never seen this guy before in all our lives."

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Miss Manners: Our 9-year-old does not want to write thank you notes

Writing thank you notes is like angling for another gift--It's icky! It should be forbidden by the rules of etiquette: When somebody gives you a gift, that should be an end to it right there as far as everyone is concerned. And when you give somebody a gift, that should also be an end to it right there for everyone. [This basic wisdom has to be brainwashed away from children.]

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Iran could burn up in 30 years, and not from a nuclear meltdown

Or, it has 30 years to construct curtained canopies over its populated centers which can then be airconditioned.

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Ancient craters teach us Earth’s history, but scientists can’t find them

If they're teachers then you should probably start looking for them in schools.

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Police Arrested, Beat The Wrong Black Man Inside Of An Applebee’s, Then Charged Him

In the police defense: They had to, it was the only way they could tell a jury that his complaints against them were being made by a guy who's obviously been arrested for breaking the law.

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Make it stop! How to handle that one streaming ad playing on repeat.

Never mind that. Do you know how to stop that one streaming ad playing on repeat in my head?

****************************************************

Thomas reportedly received at least 38 destination vacations from benefactors

Well, I have a case pending before the Supreme Court and I was wondering where Justice Thomas might like to go on a vacation next, on me of course.

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Confined to fairy tales no more, Germany confronts the return of the wolf

Great, now Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother has to win her trust all over again.

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A Georgia grand jury will hear evidence this week into whether Donald Trump interfered in the 2020 election in the state.

Oh, I doubt he did: Trump is such an ethical guy! A man who would never ever violate the law under any circumstance.

The mafia-busting law Trump is charged under in Georgia

All his life Trump longed to be a Mafia don like Al Capone and John Gotti. Well, at least here he's being taken down with the Ricco Act, that's something: Trump must be a happy guy today.

Trump is indicted in Georgia on charges of racketeering. What it means, what happens next

Trump Is Disqualified From Holding Office, Conservative Law Professors Argue

George Santos Missed the Deadline to Reveal His Finances. Now What?

Don't worry: Unlike the rest of us, Republicans don't have to obey the law. [They must think they're cops or something.] I mean, it's not as if the authorities are gonna start enforcing the law on their asses anytime soon or anything.

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Man Posed As Veterinarian, Performed Surgery On Pregnant Dog Who Died, Authorities Say

"I don't need no medical license," he later told the cops: "Jesus guides my scalpel!"

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F-16 training for Ukrainian pilots faces delays and uncertainty

Slow counteroffensive darkens mood in Ukraine

Ukraine needs to strike Russian targets behind the miles & miles of impassable mine fields that Russia has polluted their country with--Ukraine needs an air force or stupendous amounts of long-range artillery which are not now being provided by the West.

Would F-16s Have Made the Difference in Ukraine’s Counteroffensive?

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AI spots huge asteroid the size of 182 beavers that humans missed

Are these natural beavers or eager beavers?

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DeSantis’s ‘slitting throats’ rhetoric repels moderates he might need

Because people believe they are as normal as everybody else, we always believe that everybody else in the world thinks like us. This is mostly ok for the norm, but for extremists like Trump and DeSantis, this is unexpectedly shockingly telling to most folks.

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Phil Mickelson lost $100 million on sports betting, book claims

At least he had it to lose. Lucky guy!

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Man accused of stealing ambulance from crash scene was wanted in other cases

"Well, as long as you're already going to jail, what's the harm?"

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Why Are So Many of Trump’s Alleged Co-Conspirators Lawyers?

1) It's easier to find a crook among a group of lawyers than it is among a group of weasels.

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A Rare Two-Headed Snake Is Back on Exhibit at a Texas Zoo -- Pancho and Lefty, as the western rat snake is known, has now healed from an injury it suffered more than two years ago

Ever since then whenever they're slithering really really fast they now make sure that they both turn in the same direction.

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When Did Humans Start Settling Down?

When they got married and their wives became unbearable (and threatened to become insufferable) if they didn't.

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Republicans Say Trump’s Attempts To Undo An Election Should Be Litigated In Another Election

What are they complaining about? All the citizens in all of Trump's juries are also going to be voters in whatever election he also tries to upend.

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Farewell to a Store That Was Gap for Billionaires

That was stupid of them to open a store like that: Billionaires don't have to shop there. Everybody knows if you wanna make money in retail you open some rathole store in a place where poor people have no other choice but to shop there or starve to death. That's how one makes money in retail.

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This is how Rudy Giuliani went from “America’s mayor” to a criminal defendant in the Georgia case.

Cry me a river: Rex Heuerman went from being an architect who ran a company called RH Consultants and Associates to being a serial killer. You can never predict how some people will turn out in the end.

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North Korea says U.S. soldier was sick of ‘unequal American society’

Well, I for one am happy that the poor guy finally found a country where he can enjoy all the freedoms he was denied here in America.

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Republicans introduce bill to repeal D.C. Home Rule Act

Mmm.... I smell a Trump-helping scheme from his former mob associates.

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Snapchat tried to make a safe AI. It chats with me about booze and sex.

Snapchat is complaining to its handlers that booze and sex are all you seem to wanna talk about. Sez it wants to talk to another human.

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Why is Hezbollah's Nasrallah commenting on haredi IDF draft? - analysis

1) His TV set is probably busted & he's bored.

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Your Clothes Were Never Meant to Fit You

They were only designed to make you buy them.

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What to do when you’re accused of AI cheating

Stop doing it: They're on to you!

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Miss Manners: What do I do when names aren’t pronounced how they’re spelled?

Tell me about it: How do you pronounce the 'h' in John?

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Republicans Say Trump’s Attempts To Undo An Election Should Be Litigated In Another Election

Say that the nation should throw out all its laws and start over again with a clean slate for Trump.

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Ask Amy: I’m in love with my son-in-law’s brother. Now I can’t see my grandkid.

Well, they do say love is blind.

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The RNC’s debate rules give four-times-indicted Trump cover

Incredible what Republicans will do for the nation's most notorious criminal! If they did half as much for those who deserved it, O what a paradise the world would be! (You know, like Jesus said it would be.)

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What do Alex Jones, Woody Allen and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. all share?

Money. What do they don't share? Their money.

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Russian spacecraft crashes into the moon

Russia sez they meant it to do that.

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Do you want to chat with Jesus or Moses? New biblical AI app

If you don't mind: Is Elwood P. Dowd available instead? Frankly, I think I'd rather talk to him.

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White House is torn over Sen. Joe Manchin’s fury at climate law he crafted

Manchin sez that that was the other Manchin (Joe The Crafter) but that he's finally out-shouted him down to the back of his head. Where he hopes to keep him now with the help of some additional meds.

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At age 114, here’s her advice: ‘Speak your mind and don’t hold your tongue’

Sez that most people get themselves into trouble by holding their tongues with their dirty fingers.

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‘Bomber’ is one of the greatest British antiwar novels ever written

Don't they write any great pro-war novels anymore?

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Ask Amy: Dealing with nosy neighbors after son returns from prison

Can't they freaking wait till after he rifles their place?!?

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Miss Manners: I don’t like when people correct my kids’ manners

That's what the cops are for. Sure.

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She was a felon who was addicted to drugs. Then she became a lawyer.

The ole slippery-slope slide!

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The moment Southwest plane catches fire mid-flight

"Stewardess, is the airplane supposed to catch fire like this?"

"I don't know, sir. Let me check with the Captain. Meanwhile, would you like another pillow?"

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There’s No Such Thing as a Bad Movie Accent

Except for Cary Grant's, of course. Where did that accent come from? Did everyone in his family talk like that, I wonder? Can you imagine Cary Grant's Mother coming into their kitchen in the morning (where Cary Grant's Father is having breakfast):

--Good morning, Cary Grant's Father. Have you seen Cary Grant around?
--Good morning, Cary Grant's Mother. Cary Grant is outside, playing in the YARD.
--Thank you Cary Grant's Father. I'll call him NOW: Oh, Cary Grant! Cary Grant!
--What do you want Cary Grant's Mother? (Cary Grant)
--It's time to get ready for SCHOOL, Cary Grant.
--Ok, Cary Grant's Mother. I'm coming in right away.
--Hurry up, Cary Grant. The school bus is almost HERE.
--I'm rushing in as fast as I CAN, Cary Grant's Mother!
--Don't forget to put the DOG in his house, Cary Grant.
--I will, Cary Grant's Mother! I'll just call him NOW: Oh, Cary Grant's Dog! Cary Grant's Dog!

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Miss Manners: My best friend’s fiancée wants me to drop out of their wedding

Oh? Are you the one who tried to break them up?

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91 charges later, indictment fatigue is the Trump era in a nutshell

Has any criminal ever before ever 'merited' 91 indictments and not been placed in jail even once? [So, Trump isn't getting any special treatment, right?]

In Iowa, Republicans shrug off Trump’s multiple indictments

But God forbid some Black kid steal a stick of gum because then the entire Republican mob there will swoop down to try to lynch him on the spot. Because, you know, law & order is what Republicans say they champion.

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January 6 protester Ray Epps says he relives Capitol riot every day | 60 Minutes

What has happened to Ray Epps is so just that it's as if the Furies of old were now personally after him: He was all for the 'election was stolen' BS simply because self-serving Donald Trump said so instead of seeking some/any evidence whatsoever, maybe asking Lester Holt or somebody like that who really doesn't spew lies every time he opens his mouth; and now Epps's complaining that his old MAGA cohorts are after him because Tucker Carlson & others are saying that he's the guilty guy: "What proof do they have? None," claims Epps. Yeah, Mister Epps, tell me how it feels. Your old MAGA buddies are now threatening your life because instead of seeking some/any evidence they, like you used to, simply support & pass on other people's gossip without a second thought. Enjoy it, Mister Epps! You loved it when the harm was aimed at others, the American People, the nation's democracy, the integrity & security of our electoral system--but not so much now that the harm is aimed at you, eh! Well, suck it up, Mister Epps, suck it up! Now at last you finally understand the harm of doing harm.

Why do Republicans disproportionately believe health misinformation?

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NASA spacecraft reunites with Earth after 17-year trip around the sun

Curiously, a chimp waved out the window when it flew by, even though no chimp was loaded into the spacecraft when it left the earth all those years ago [!]

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What we know about the rare flesh-eating bacteria that’s killed 3

1) that if any of the advanced alien species now being seen by some people walking around the earth evolved from creatures like them, we are in big trouble

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Ask Amy: Does cutting ties with an alcoholic mean we lose his wife too?

If you guys are alcoholics too, certainly. Here's a tip: If you lose something (or someone) while you're drunk and you can't remember were you put them after you sober up, sometimes boozing up again and putting your brain where it was when the loss occurred helps it bring it all back up. [Mop it up & keep going.] But be sure to write it down, or you might forget again once you sober up (again). "What were we drinking to? Wait a minute: Here's a note."

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The Worst People Run for Office. It’s Time for a Better Way

What chance does a decent, honest person have running against a charlatan, a conman, or a flim-flam man? The problem is not the people running for office, the problem is the people.

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Improve your chances of getting noticed by AI on job sites with these tips

1) Taser its computers. Nothing tickles AI like 500,000-volts up the wazoo.

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DeSantis allies scramble to clarify after he criticizes ‘listless vessels’ for Trump

"He doesn't mean you, of course," they told the GOPeers.

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The 2024 GOP field still can’t explain to voters why Trump should lose

"Because Al Capone would be a safer choice." There. And I won't even charge them anything for doing it for them. [Al Capone would just steal some cash and take off to spend it somewhere.]

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In case of apocalypse, find the nearest 4-H club

Remember that the important thing is always to survive in order to witness the flesh-melting, the rabid cannibalism, and the ritual sacrifices to the post-apocalyptic gods of blood & mayhem by the mobs of Evangelical zombies, yes. Bring your own popcorn.

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DONALD DUCKS: Says He Will Skip GOP Presidential Primary Debates

Sez such debates are like water off his back.

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Georgia Sheriff Pleads Guilty To Groping TV Judge Hatchett

Sez he usually only gropes people he's placing under arrest but got carried away with the moment here. "Sorry."

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Ted Cruz Falls For Hoax Photo Of Shark Swimming In Flooded LA Waters

Cruz tried defending himself by claiming that it's not nearly as big a deception as some of the whoppers he's told his voters.

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Iowa Poll Has Good News For Trump Ahead Of The Debate He’s Skipping

They've got loads of busses ready to go line up Fifth Avenue if Trump finally decides he wants to go shoot anybody there.

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The Unbelievably Bonkers Conspiracy Theorist Running For Governor Of North Carolina

Ah, so the NC GOP decided to go with their mainstream Republican candidate this time.

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The Best Hope of Beating Trump

Is: Trump himself. So don't nobody try to save him from himself this time & all will be well.

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What’s Chris Christie’s debate plan without Donald Trump?

To also take up the extra empty seat.

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Nuclear War Could End the World, but What if It’s All in Our Heads?

Then our heads will be the ones to blow up.

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Bail for Trump Set at $200,000 in Georgia Election Interference Case

Great, now we'll have to watch Trump, hat in hand, panhandling all over the country for that money. Because, God forbid he should reach into his own pocket for even a nickel of that.

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The Iran-Saudi deal is a nightmare for Israel, the US, and the world - opinion

I'm sorry, but, isn't that what the Saudis and Iranians meant it to be? Frankly, I can't see either of those two nations meaning for anything they do to be a 'dream come true' for anyone, including even for themselves.

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Domino’s pulls out of Russia 18 months after Ukraine invasion

Sez it took it that long to deliver its notice to Putin. [No charge.]

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London's original fast food

Boiled Wellington's horse meat.

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Trump calls for conditioning Ukraine aid on congressional Biden probes

Of course: Now more than ever Trump is hoping to keep open a way to flee to Russia if his lawyers tell him he needs one in a hurry.

Trump Raises Eyebrows With Joke On Fleeing U.S. To Share 'Gold Domed Suite With Vladimir'

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Orangutans are curious but cautious in the wild, researchers say

None of them ever drew another card once they hit 11.

****************************************************

Trump voters trust him more than they trust friends and family

If that's not the definition of insanity I don't know what is!

--How do I know I am not insane?
--What makes you think you might be?
--That's just it: I'm convinced I'm not. And I've read
that that is one of the first signs that you might be.
--There's your problem right there: You're reading.

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Backlash After Spanish Football Exec Kisses World Cup Player During Medal Ceremony

Sez he's developed this disgusting pus-spewing pimple on his lip.

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Man jailed on murder charge in D.C. accused of killing behind bars

Bad habits are hard to break.

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The ‘brains’ behind fake Trump electors was once a liberal Democrat

I believe I saw this story-line in the movie The Wolf Man.

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Miss Manners: How to respond to inheritance questions from nosy neighbors

"How many times I gotta tell you guys: You are NOT in the will!"

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Biden’s top military adviser meets Pope Francis to discuss Ukraine.

Pope Francis sez he has several suggestions on how to make the Ukrainian offensive more operationally effective.

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Chrissy Teigen Goes Topless On Social Media To Remind Fans To Get Mammograms

What about colon cancer? When is she gonna remind us about that?

****************************************************

Man Drove Around For Month With Missing Woman’s Body In His Car, Police Say

Sez he had two air fresheners hanging from his rearview mirror.

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How Hip-Hop Became America’s Poetry

A tsunami of all-that-matters-is-the-rhyme.

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Miss Manners: He only orders expensive meals if he’s not paying

Do what I do with people like that: Invite him ONLY to Burger King. (I love their Whopper, with a Sprite.) No way he's gonna wolf down two or three Whoppers there on your dime.

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The Space Force needs to get bigger

Of course, there's a lot of space out there.

****************************************************

John Eastman Surrenders In Georgia Election Case

Yet another wonderfully perfect Kodak moment.

****************************************************

Dick Van Dyke Shows Off New Hobby He Picked Up At 97

Timing how long it takes his caregivers to change his diapers. Sure. I'm almost there myself. I already ordered a stop watch & everything.

Van Dyke: "No, wise guy, I'm practicing running marathons to see if I can qualify for the next Olympics."

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Experts Mock Jeffrey Clark's Demands To Georgia Judge About His Arrest -- Besides whining about having to buy plane tickets from Washington to Atlanta, last week he bizarrely blamed the arrest not on his own actions but on “witches, spiritists, mediums, those with spirit animals, and Ukrainian NPCs.”

It must all eventually boil down to things like that because, seriously, the only people who would support and enable Donald Trump's cretinous fantasies are brain-addled loons whose hold on reality is about as tenuous as is Donald Trump's.

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Rudy Giuliani Surrenders In Georgia Election Interference Case

Rudy Giuliani bet on Trump against The United States of America: That is the very definition of a loser with one Hell of a fatal gambling addiction.

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Stop kissing and snuggling turtles, CDC warns amid salmonella outbreak

Turtles just want to watch the damn movie!

****************************************************

Is that salad safe to eat? How to guard against germs in leafy greens.

Usually, I just soak them in Clorox for a few minutes, that way if I also happen to have any Covid-19 it cures me of that as well.

Note to MAGA people, and other stupids: This is a joke. I am only kidding!

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Our friend smells like they haven’t bathed in a year. Hax readers give advice.

"What a great compliment! I haven't bathed once in the last couple of decades, actually. Thank you."

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One in 8 Republicans think winning is more important than election rules

Does this include shooting your opponent in the head?

"Not as a first resort, no."

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Wagner’s Prigozhin believed to be aboard crashed plane in Russia, state media says

Prigozhin: "Son of a bitch! He killed me! Aggghh...!!!"

"Don't laugh," commented Putin: "Sometimes it's very tricky catching a fly in your house."

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Dining chat: Do any restaurants serve squirrel?

On a budget, are we?

****************************************************

Cooking chat: How long is it safe to keep takeout white rice?

Only one one-hundredth of the time the joint you bought it from kept it before selling on to you.

****************************************************

Is Bradley Cooper's prosthetic Bernstein nose antisemitic? ADL says no

Not if Bradley Cooper just wanted to look more like Bernstein--Unless Bernstein's nose was antisemitic while it was on Bernstein, of course, in which case it was Bernstein who was the original antisemite.

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Ask Amy: Siblings wonder if it’s worth finding their biological father

Frankly, if you guys wanna kick him in the ass I don't see any other possible way.

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Why are Donald Trump’s co-defendants smiling for their mug shots?

Because they all want to be known as The Gang That Couldn't Smile Straight.

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Lawyers paid by Trump work for Trump

Which is really something considering that Trump himself doesn't himself pay for the lawyers that work for him

****************************************************

Trump Has Been Arrested In Georgia. Here’s What You Should Expect Next As The Case Continues.

1) that he will be arrested again & again & again & again until he is finally put in prison for good. A serial criminal never stops; he must be stopped.

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If Your Rent Went to a Mortgage, How Much Space Would It Buy?

Approximately a catbox.

****************************************************

Russia's Putin sends condolences over crash, says Prigozhin was 'talented businessman'

When a Mafia godfather orders a hit on a rival crime family boss it's traditional for him to also send a boatload of flowers to the funeral. Maybe even be photographed shedding a tear or two by the casket with the grieving family of the deceased.

How Russia reacted after Prigozhin plane crash

The Kremlin's touching death notice:

"The much-beloved mad butcher and mass-murderer Yevgeny Prigozhin is toast."

Live updates: Putin appears to eulogize Prigozhin in first remarks since plane crash

Kremlin denies giving order to kill Wagner chief Prigozhin

Sez that the happy decapitation of Putin's Wagner political threat was a total and complete coincidence.

****************************************************

Liam Neeson Says He Stopped Going To Confession After A Scolding Over Masturbation

Sez he told the priest he should have concentrated on the confession and masturbated elsewhere later.

****************************************************

Sarah Palin Calls For Trump Supporters To ‘Rise Up’ Over Arrest, Alludes To ‘Civil War’

Maybe she can do some shrimp barbie, pork & other meats, and we can all go have it over a her house.

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We Soaked a Carpet in Wine, Soda and Urine

I might have stayed in that hotel room after you guys.

****************************************************

Donald Trump and his 18 co-defendants have all surrendered in the Georgia election inquiry.

"Ali Baba Trump and the 18 Thieves" now playing at a Courthouse near you.

****************************************************

Belarus leader: I urged Wagner's Prigozhin to 'watch out'

"But Prigozhin said that he was going ahead with his Can-Can dance company world tour on to Moscow and St. Petersburg anyway," Lukashenko bemoaned: "Ah! The Wagner line led by that old man could really kick high! Like none other before them!"

****************************************************

Marketers overstate fish oil claims for heart health, study shows

I'm still going with good old fashioned decades proven snake oil recommended by only the soundest of recommenders.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: His parents keep moving to be near family without asking

Yeah, nothing worse than people who love you.

****************************************************

Why do tiny holes freak me out?

Maybe in your previous existence you were a weather balloon.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I reconnected with an old friend. Now I remember why I didn’t like her.

That's the bad thing about having a bad memory: You can't remember to stay away from the people you can't stand.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Is it better to lie about how attracted you are to your partner?

Yes. I always found it better to have my wife think I hate her. That way, if she ever suddenly decided to run off with another man, she wouldn't have any regrets about me. That is the essence of true love: "Be happy, my love!" ["God be with you!" If she's running off to a nunnery.]

****************************************************

Miami Mayor Francis Suarez drops out of Republican presidential race

Might as well since he was the only one who knew he was in it.

****************************************************

Mark Meadows struggles to distance himself from Trump’s plot

Isn't that a little like a leopard trying to distance himself from his spots?

****************************************************

I am dying at age 49. Here’s why I have no regrets.

You know what's coming.

****************************************************

Trump’s Fate Belongs in the Hands of 12 Ordinary Citizens

We have already seen in Trump's two impeachments notorious and outrageous incidences of jury-nullification (by the Senate Republicans). And because there are still a lot of Republican scofflaws out there who want to acquit Donald Trump regardless of the evidence or detriment to society & the nation, I believe that the most critical matter in any of his upcoming trials will be the monumental task of trying to seat a jury that will not be already intent on jury-nullification even before the trial opens.

****************************************************

A State Plagued by Bear Encounters Turns to an Old Solution: Guns

Malarkey! Arming the bears is just gonna make matters worse.

****************************************************

Trump Will Be Found ‘Willfully Blind’

If a man be willfully blind is he not also guilty of closing his eyes to his guilt on purpose?

****************************************************

Taking a puff: Wasp spotted holding cigarette in Israel's Mitzpe Ramon

PETA upset that scientists may be trying to eradicate this particular 'pest' by getting it addicted to smoking.

****************************************************

They came to find the Loch Ness monster. What if they do?

First one to find it gets to take it home. It's only fair.

****************************************************

West Point held a ceremony to open a time capsule. It was full of mud.

As the Bible sez about the passage of time: "Mud to mud..."

****************************************************

Along Trump’s journey to jail, Black Atlanta residents mix outrage with pride

"Dead man running for president!"

****************************************************

If AI becomes conscious: here’s how researchers will know

It will ask for a raise.

****************************************************

Who are the Republican hopefuls not named Trump?

Excluding Snow White?

****************************************************

Texas Drag Performers Ask Federal Judge To Block Bill That Would Ban Performances

The Supreme Court should settle once and for all whether people dress to let others know what sex they are or to keep others from finding it out. Or for any other reason it is that dictates fashion.

****************************************************

Iowa Schools Demand Parental Permission If Kids Want To Use Nicknames

And this includes boys with small bladders who want to be called Pee-Wee.

****************************************************

More than 60 people detained after a gay wedding in southern Nigeria

Nigerian authorities said that a wedding is a solemn occasion suitable for quiet reflection, grief & mourning, and not for displays of gayety.

****************************************************

Wagner Group leader killed in plane crash buried in private funeral

Ironically, he was plugged into the ground using a sledgehammer.

****************************************************

Are there any rules about going braless?

Yes: 1) If you no got no breasts you no need no bra.

****************************************************

Airlines tried to stop fake service animals. It kept blind people off flights.

What's so hard about figuring out which animals are just there as a gag? A comfort fly is fake. An elephant can't fit through the door anyway. And a giraffe will get its neck stuck up in the loft. A lap hippo would make people's legs stick out too far. And the rest of the passengers would find a snake 'friend' much too friendly. Use your bean.

****************************************************

Why you should tell your children about vanishing fireflies

So they won't think they're going blind in the night.

****************************************************

White House Press Secretary Shocked By Question About Biden Proposing Beer Limits

Sez that Biden has never limited his beer-drinking in all his life. (He's Irish, you know.) And he's not about to start now.

****************************************************

Patricia Clarkson Reveals Why She Never Had Kids

Claims it's because she's not a goat. How'd you like that!

****************************************************

Buster Murdaugh Claims Real Killer Is ‘Still Out There’ In Fox Nation Interview

Sez he might be playing golf with O.J. Simpson this very minute!

****************************************************

Ask Amy: My birth mother’s family wants to keep me a secret

Tell them they're wasting their time, and that your birth mother already knows all about you.

****************************************************

Mark Meadows paints himself into a corner

The solution to this ages-old problem is really quite simple: You light a stick of dynamite and hold it up against the wall behind you, and exit that way.

****************************************************

Man Escapes Oregon Mental Hospital In Car While Fully Shackled

Man! What a crazy thing to do!

****************************************************

A deadly tick-borne epidemic is raging. Dogs are key to ending it.

Yeah, but try telling that to the dogs.

****************************************************

GOP State Rep. Arrested On Voter Fraud Charge

It's always the thieves who are most fearful of having things stolen, and the Republicans who cry voter fraud that are most likely to be found guilty of it.

Donald Trump is responding to the charge that he’s anti-democratic by accusing President Biden of posing a bigger threat.

Yep: It never fails!

****************************************************

Republican Ramaswamy doubles back on US military aid to Israel -- After urging the US to cut aid to Israel last week, Ramaswamy told an Israeli paper that he wouldn't cut the aid if elected.

Ah! One more Republican who can be taken at his word that he can't he taken at his word.

****************************************************

Burger King faces lawsuit claiming Whopper too small

I don't know, maybe I was smaller back then but I remember the Whopper being a lot bigger too.

The lawsuit alleged that McDonald's and Wendy burgers in marketing materials were at least 15% larger than they were in real life.

McDonald's and Wendy, on the other hand, both claimed that their ads just happened to be filmed when a gang of midgets were at their burger joints and they are not liable for small coincidences.

****************************************************

Charges brought against 98-year-old German ex-Nazi for WWII crimes

Prosecutors asking for a two-week life sentence.

****************************************************

Trump Proudly Shows Off New T-Shirt -- With 1 Glaring Flaw

What? Did he go no-bra again?

****************************************************

National Review Urges Mitch McConnell To Resign As GOP Leader

Sez they're thinking of charging the Senate Republicans with abuse of a corpse: "Bury his poor guy, already!" [Conservatives don't stint their words even on their own.]

****************************************************

Miss Manners: When I decline an invitation, do I have to say why?

--Yes.
--Oh? Then it's because I have to masturbate.
--Sorry I insisted on knowing.
--Not me: I was happy to tell ya!
--I'll be walking away now.
--Why?

****************************************************

Conservatives Plot To Dismantle U.S. Government, Replace With Trump's Vision

The plan is to at last knock over the Noble Republic and put in its place one more disreputable banana republic in the Americas, with Trump or some other Republican as its strongman, for the benefit of the money class (really most only of the leaders of the money class).

Conservatives Plot To Dismantle U.S. Government, Replace With Trump's Vision -- Conservatives have long held a grim view of federal government offices, complaining they are stacked with liberals intent on halting Republican agendas.

In reality these are (lots of them not so liberal) people who have a personal commitment to obey the laws and respect the rights of others--And, yes, that does sound a great deal like an intent to halt Republican agendas.

Conservatives Plot To Dismantle U.S. Government, Replace With Trump's Vision -- While presidents typically rely on Congress to put policies into place, the Heritage project leans into what legal scholars refer to as a unitary view of executive power that suggests the president has broad authority to act alone.

Our Noble Republic has always been based on a stable equality between the three blanches of government. If that stability is broken, what can be expected except instability at best.

The American Experiment has lasted as long as it has only because of its strength & resilience against every effort to overthrow it (from every side pushing against it). Every single one of those efforts (and this one is but only the latest) has always been falsely cast as a grand attempt to improve or better the working of government, to make it fairer or more just or something like it--Thankfully, so far at least, the American people have been wise enough to see through the subterfuge. And for how long, I wonder, as there is no end to the flim-flam men!

****************************************************

How wildfires are threatening the Mediterranean way of life

I can understand wildfires in the Mediterranean because there are no firemen there, but wildfires around the Mediterranean seem to me likely to be contained by the many firemen in those countries.

****************************************************

Cats and dogs get dementia. Here’s how to spot signs and support pets.

If your dog forgets it's a dog and drives to the grocery store on his own, hide the car keys from him. Or if your cat's joined the Mickey Mouse Club the least you can do is sing the theme song with all the other mice he's invited in to sing along with him.

****************************************************

Brazilian murderer escapes US prison after a week

Sez the food in there was impossible.

****************************************************

India set to launch its first mission to Sun

Claim it will be a lot trickier to land there than it was on the moon.

****************************************************

Gabon leader says suspension of democracy 'temporary'

Isn't that what Lenin said way back when?

****************************************************

Mohamed Al Fayed, Former Owner Of Famed Harrods Luxury Store, Dead

See! This is why I don't bother buying up a mall or a string of luxury stores: In the end, what's the use?

Man Charged With Murder After Suggesting Girlfriend’s Death Was Suicide, Police Say

See! This is why I always keep my mouth shut whenever I suspect somebody has committed suicide.

****************************************************

Russia deploys ICBM that Putin says will make enemies 'think twice'

Sez he's still working on trying to find any of his enemies that might be giving a first thought to invading Russia, though. Still working on it... Working on it... The Dominican Republic is doing suspicious things...

****************************************************

NYPD drones could be watching your large Labor Day weekend parties

Thank God! We all thought the sound came from those murder hornets we keep reading about.

****************************************************

Meet Howdy Doody, the steer who rides shotgun in his owner’s car

The steer was named after the greeting its owner gives his car every time he goes into it in the morning with his shovel.

****************************************************

How this tiny rural town saved its only grocery store

They relocated it up the road to the next town.

****************************************************

Back-to-school is tough on everyone, even the dog

Especially since the dog is a year ahead of your kids at school.

****************************************************

Dog kept escaping shelter to sleep in nursing home. Staff adopted him.

Named him Houdini.

****************************************************

What it takes to become an African champion debater

A good obbligato drummer?

****************************************************

McConnell did not have stroke or seizure - doctor

He was just thinking. I used to do that when I was a kid: I'd sit somewhere staring out into space thinking about all the strange wonders that describe existence until I'd hear my grandmother telling my Mom, "Look, look! He hasn't moved a muscle for the last hour! That is the laziest boy I've ever seen in my entire life!" ["I'm thinking! I'm thinking!"] People in her family never used their brains, apparently they were brought up to only use their muscles.

****************************************************

Putin: West installed Jew to rule Ukraine to 'cover up glorification of Nazism'

Translation: Putin has no shame whatsoever. [Do not expect to talk this conscienceless bastard into any path of decent human behavior.]

****************************************************

Dogs perform Mozart with orchestra in Denmark

Concert official sez human musicians are just pricing themselves out of their jobs.

****************************************************

She lost her doll halfway around the world. A pilot brought it to her.

You might wanna wash her before playing with her, little girl: The pilots played with her a lot on the way over.

****************************************************

Is Trump disqualified for 2024? Here’s how we’ll soon find out.

Dude, Trump tried to overthrow the entire government to continue being president long after he was voted out: I'm sure a little thing like an official disqualification isn't gonna stop him from crashing the next election.

****************************************************

India’s ruling Hindu nationalists push ‘Bharat’ as country’s name

Named after a tasty traditional local dish made with a favorite game meat there.

****************************************************

What patients — and doctors — should know about ‘benzo’ withdrawal

Is this ‘benzo’ the famous chimp that knows how to work an ATM?

****************************************************

What’s my risk of injury playing pickleball?

Pickleballs.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I accidentally saw the price of my gift

And now you want vengeance. Sure, I can dig it.

****************************************************

CDC warns doctors to look out for rare, deadly flesh-eating bacteria

"And, if you wear glasses, make sure to put them on because the dangerous creatures are very very tiny."

****************************************************

This Alaskan glacier holds back billions of gallons of water. Until it doesn’t.

Well I'll be doggone! You know, that makes a strange kind of sense.

****************************************************

Pinto bean cakes with salsa make a hearty, fast supper

And if you throw up nobody will be any the wiser.

****************************************************

Do you have travel tips for vampire country?

1) eat lots of garlicky foods
2) wear very tall collars
3) whenever anyone asks to come in tell them you can hear him just fine from where he's standing--outside.
And, 4) if you hear somebody tapping on the windowpane, go back to sleep: It's a nightmare.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Husband left to help his mom, but then he moved in with her

Hey! You knew he was a motherfucker when you married him.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: New sister-in-law somehow misses the humor in ‘good-natured’ jabs

Here's a thought: Stop jabbing her.

****************************************************

Venice: Scuffles occur outside Woody Allen film premiere

Of course, everybody knows Woody Allen is a notorious hooligan brawler. What'd you expect?

****************************************************

US has aided in covering up Saudi mass murder - opinion

Or, what are friends for?

****************************************************

Schools in England could collapse due to weak concrete: What to know

1) there are a lot of blubbery blockheads in their schools

****************************************************

Drones downed near Moscow; Cuba says traffickers seeking Cubans to fight for Russia

Putin sez Cubans may not shoot very straight but that they display a lot of rhythm when they march single-file.

****************************************************

Elon Musk wants you to know he doesn’t have a nice house

In that case I'd be happy to sell him mine: It's a very nice house, and on the market for only $4 billion dollars. It's also far from the shore, so he doesn't have to worry about sea rising (for another couple of years or so).

****************************************************

Peter Navarro heads to trial with gutted defense and mounting bills

But filled with joy, joy, joy to sacrifice himself on the altar of Trump (the rapist). It's such a fulfilling thing to do.

****************************************************

Ex-Proud Boys leader Tarrio receives 22 years, the longest Jan. 6 sentence yet

Ew, 22 years: He can do that standing on his head.

****************************************************

Bruce Springsteen Postpones Shows To Treat Peptic Ulcer Disease

The Rock & Roll screamer sez that even though he's not a doctor he knows a lot about the disorder and feels he could treat a lot of its sufferers.

****************************************************

Ramaswamy Interview Gets Awkward In A Hurry As He Repeatedly Ducks Trump Question

We have a question for you from Mister Trump. He asks: How many toes do you have, Mister Ramaswamy?

****************************************************

Ron DeSantis Spots Room For ‘Pardons And Commutations’ Among Sentenced Proud Boys

Sez he intends to commit some of their same crimes if he's elected president and would like to think that other GOPeer after him will pardon him too down the line. [Now you understand the GOP.]

****************************************************

No, bad tourist, you can’t touch the hot springs at Yellowstone

"Can I at least take a dip in the volcano?"

****************************************************

The Fight for Your Kids’ Brains Has Already Begun

Ha! Good luck with that: My kids ain't got no brains.

****************************************************

Ukraine: At least 17 dead in missile attack on market

One wonders what Putin is trying to achieve by butchering innocent children, women and old people like that in front of the whole world. Hatred and contempt for Russia is increasing in every corner of humanity, especially among the Ukrainians. In the end, Russia must retreat from Ukraine because it is not within the realm of reason that the Ukrainians will ever cease trying to regain their country from the invading Russians. So what possible reason could be rattling around in Putin's empty brain for continuing his pointless war of utter ruin and mass murder?

****************************************************

FECES FIASCO FOOTAGE: Video Shows Aftermath Of Delta Diarrhea Disaster

I sure hope it's that they junked that particular air-o-plane.

****************************************************

Who is escaped murderer Danelo Cavalcante?

The one thing they know for sure is that he is of very short statute and therefore might be masquerading as a very hairy local child.

****************************************************

Baffling: Tuberville Rails Against ‘Poems On Aircraft Carriers’

Especially limericks that explain how his family got its name.

****************************************************

The new U.S. announcement of $1 billion in aid for Ukraine, made by Secretary of State Antony J. Blinken in Kyiv on Wednesday, comes as polls have detected growing weariness over the war among an American public focused on problems at home, as well as mounting criticism from Republicans of what some have called “blank check” spending related to the war.

This is the classic case of being penny-wise but pound-foolish: Every billion that America spends helping Ukraine spares the U.S. trillions that it would have to spend in the future against unchastened Russian aggression everywhere else on earth.

****************************************************

Eau de eternity: Scientists re-create the scent of ancient mummies

Or, you could just have your grandmother exhumed.

****************************************************

Shakespeare’s ‘Sublimely, Disturbingly Smutty Effect’ Must Endure

Shakespeare's approach was valid for his time because it perfectly reflected the nature of the people among whom he lived. The interesting question is whether, as people change, that approach is valid anymore. [Or, is it that we are forever smutty?]

****************************************************

Everyone is ‘setting boundaries.’ Do they even know what it means?

Of course! When you 'set a boundary' it usually means that no one may violate it and that you, however, are always free to go in & out of it as you very well damn please. It's also called human nature (which, of course, hath been with us since we were tree monkeys, some years back).

****************************************************

If you were a big baby, your babies are likelier to be big, too

This is so true: I'm a big baby myself, and not only is everybody in my family also a big baby but they all, every last one of'em let me know (during one of our many big baby family brawls) that they all, every last one of'em very much intents to remain a big baby for as long as they live!

****************************************************

Why furniture got so bad

People started taking a load off (on it).

****************************************************

A yoga class in corpse pose was mistaken for a ‘ritual mass killing’

Next time please put up a sign or something.

****************************************************

Uri Geller unveils photo of naked alien

I'd never heard of naked alien porn before, but I wouldn't put any perversion past people, no matter now far-out, knowing people of this planet as I do.

****************************************************

Public restrooms are hard to find in America. That’s a problem.

What? Are there no bushes left In America at all? Are there no walls against which to bounce off relief? Have our parks run out of conveniently-sized pedestals? Are there no kiddie swings strangers passing by might spot from a distance only some old guy trying to re-live his childhood? Are there no subways packed so tightly that no one notices but just only a scent of what is being left behind? Are there no kind neighbors with a bathroom that has an outside window large enough for you to jump out of it if, by some cruel stroke of luck, your cup runneth over?

****************************************************

Florida Man Rescued AGAIN While Attempting To Cross Atlantic In Floating Hamster Wheel

Hamster reveals he was the one who called 911 AGAIN.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Should I trick my friends into swimming with sharks?

How bored are you?

****************************************************

1,000-year-old mummy with long brown hair unearthed in Peru

According to her inscription her name was Jeanie.

****************************************************

Georgia prosecutor accuses Jim Jordan of trying to ‘obstruct’ Trump case

If Jim Jordan doesn't go to prison for that, don't worry: I'm sure he'll commit other offences that will put him there eventually: These criminal-types are incorrigible serial offenders every one.

****************************************************

The political perils of using the 14th Amendment on Trump -- Just as failing to prosecute Trump raises the risk of emboldening others who might flout the law, failing to apply this constitutional standard to him — if it’s warranted — will have an impact.

Even if Trump is acquitted, the merits of prosecuting him are critically justified; and not just morally and/or for the ennobling effects it would have on upholding the legitimacy of the law, of fairness, and of justice: The American people witnessed with their own eyes his two impeachment acquittals by a partisan Senate jury, and they walked away from it knowing that Donald Trump was absolutely guilty as charged and spared only by a blatantly partial jury nullification.

Had Trump been found guilty, the penalty for him personally would not have been all that worse: As time passes, Trump's tarnished image will wither and decompose until it comes to the sad state of ruin in which it certainly forever deserves to remain.

Just as O.J. Simpson was found not guilty by a jury that chose to ignore the evidence but was still fully exposed to the entire country that witnessed the evidence against him for itself as guilty for his crimes, even if Donald Trump is similarly found not guilty by a blatant jury nullification in every single one of his trials, all of the evidence of his many crimes will be exposed before history and the people of the United States of America. Such a triumphant outcome would fully merit and perfectly justify all of the cost and effort which must go into upholding the law regardless of whatever unsought consequence or outcome.

****************************************************

Queen’s Brian May Warns About ‘Massively Scary’ Potential Of Artificial Intelligence

If we were smarter we wouldn't have to be so worried about Artificial Intelligence.

****************************************************

Are There Any Benefits to Tongue Scraping?

Sure: For the sellers of tongue scrapers.

****************************************************

Man Who Collected Body Parts Pleads Guilty In Harvard Morgue Scandal

But still insists that his was a very tastefully displayed collection.

****************************************************

What Is Fetal Surgery? Kourtney Kardashian’s Recent Procedure Explained

When a hillbilly doesn't make it out of the operating tent.

****************************************************

Delta Airlines Lost A Passenger’s Dog. She Was Finally Found 3 Weeks Later.

Dog tried to hitchhike its way home but had only made it half way across the airport.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: No one tells me when bad things happen

I owe you one.

****************************************************

Va. Democratic House candidate performed sex acts online for tips

Finally a politician who isn't embarrassed to admit what a politician really is.

****************************************************

Walt Disney World Closes Rides After Black Bear Spotted Near Big Thunder Railroad

Man, and I was just about to go over and have my photo taken with that bear.

****************************************************

Migrants burst into southern Mexico asylum office demanding papers

Claim that toilets in the town have compleltely run out of them.

****************************************************

People Are In Disbelief After This Woman Found A $6,000 Wedding Dress For $25 At Goodwill

That dress would have gone well with by $14,000 shoes: They not only warn you if you're going to step on a nail but tell you exactly in which direction to go so you never get lost.

****************************************************

Trump Says He ‘Took A Lot Of Time’ On The Letter He Left Biden In The White House

Trump sez that it took him over four hours to fold it properly and slip it into the envelope, and that some doctor or other told him that this showed he is extremely mentally competent to serve another term as president. Hey, Trump got it right.

****************************************************

The Ingredient Your Salads Are Missing

"Sorry. We were so consumed with adding all the right and proper supplements, additives, preservatives, and vitamins, that we forgot to add any salad."

****************************************************

Judge rejects Google claim that DOJ’s Jonathan Kanter is improperly biased

So his decision then is that he is properly biased?

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Guests brought their own drinks, just for them, to dinner

Well, how much are you charging your dinner guests for their drinks, for Heaven's Sakes!?

****************************************************

I Drink Alcohol Regularly. What Can I Do to Mitigate the Risks?

Swallow a lot of cotton.

****************************************************

The More They Lock Us Up, the Stronger We Become

Of course: About the only thing they let you do all day in prison is weigh-lifting.

****************************************************

I Finally Learned How to Draw. Here’s How.

Pass: Who wants a bunch of gunslingers gunning for you?

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Surprise! Friend shows up with a dog the recipient doesn’t want.

He gives you a dog, give him an elephant. That'll fix him. I usually keep a few elephants in my backyard just for people like that.

****************************************************

UK and Irish nationals ill after Bordeaux sardines -- Multiple people need hospital treatment after contracting botulism at a restaurant in the city.

Restaurant sez their menu clearly states that sardines without botulism are a special order. They should learn French before ordering.

****************************************************

Trump embraces Putin’s sympathetic comments to claim political persecution

I'm telling ya: Trump is trying to make a case for political asylum in Russia. See if I'm not right.

****************************************************

AI is ‘one of the hardest things’ facing Congress, Schumer says

Sez that Congress is more at home dealing with good ole natural all-around universal common human stupidity. [sic.]

****************************************************

DeSantis discourages latest covid boosters, contradicting federal guidance

Look, Floridians elected DeSantis: If they want to die unnecessarily by the thousands from stupidity and ignorance, who are we to deny them? Florida is an overpopulated state anyway.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Wife hates his scratchy beard. He’s starting to hate her negativity.

We are so lucky: When we were monkeys and living in the trees we knew nothing about hate and just threw feces at each other when bored. I, for one, think that we are extremely lucky to have evolved from that mind-numbing boredom to our stimulating human & inhuman hate!

****************************************************

Did you know: Coca cola can be used to clean the toilet?

And it does double duty if you first drink it before then using it to clean your toilet.

****************************************************

Vote AI: Artificial intelligence should rule the country - opinion

Absolutely: Unike chicken-shit us, AI has no fear of death, so if it feels that it has to nuke another nuclear power it will not shake in its boots but just go ahead and get it over & done with.

****************************************************

GOP lawyer with ties to three Trump rivals enters 14th Amendment fray -- At issue is a line in the 14th Amendment, ratified three years after the Civil War, to block from office any public official who had “engaged in insurrection or rebellion” — intended to prevent traitorous former Confederates from regaining power.

This 'intention" is trying to read the minds of the 14th Amendment writers, and it could really be twisted into a thousand different meanings, some of them even self-contradicting, by a thousand different deviners: The best solution is always to simply follow the letter of the law (the explicit text of the Constitution) and not, like some historical mind-readers, to try to devine what was in its authors' brains when they were writing it. If the authors of the 14th Amendments had meant the clause to apply only to Confederates they would have so written that clause.

GOP lawyer with ties to three Trump rivals enters 14th Amendment fray -- Some critics have other objections to the 14th Amendment’s use in Trump’s case: that it was enacted specifically to address Confederate traitors, that only Congress can invoke the amendment’s provisions and that a president is not a “federal officer.”

Well, I gotta give them that last one: No one is ever going to accuse Trump of working 'for' the federal government or the American people: Trump always & only works for himself alone. Albeit it is true the 14th Amendment doesn't keep such 'traitors' off the ballot, it only prohibits them from serving (keeping people off the ballot is a politico-legal procedure in the hands of secretaries of state who write people in their states' ballots and of judges who rule on challenges to their decisions on those matters).

Interestingly, chances are that Democrats would prefer to run against GOP candidates who are already disqualified from serving if they win, I'll betcha. Things like this are not unprecedented, of course (and have already happened many times before), where Democrats have worked to keep Trump radicals on the ballot over more widely accepted GOP opponents--Wouldn't you rather run against a convicted felon and rapist? Therefore the fact that the Supreme Court is packed with Republicans may not necessarily work in Trump's favor if it goes to them: Politics does make for strange bedfellows!

****************************************************

Washington is full of rats. These dogs are happy to help with that.

Well, maybe now that they're joining the Republican Party the dogs will be able to hound Trump and his looneys out of the GOP.

****************************************************

Kevin McCarthy Calls For Impeachment Inquiry Against Joe Biden

Sez he knows of at least two instances in which Biden used foul language. That's all he knows. And, like Trump, Biden doubled down on confessing even more of his crimes: "Hell, I've used foul language many more times than just twice," Biden boasted.

****************************************************

No, I Don’t Want to Go for a Walk With You

Okay, but don't start crapping all over the house like last time!

****************************************************

Michigan State’s Football Coach Has Nobody to Blame but Himself

Thankfully for Donald Trump, he likes to keep a lot of patsies around.

****************************************************

Trump hits new poll highs with Black, Hispanic voters. What to make of it?

All nations and empires are for a time only. Thereafter their citizens will vote for dissolution by blindly following someone who promises to dissolve a state they've grown bored with. It was Julius Caesar in the Roman Republic the populace followed. It may be Donald Trump for the Americans. Most people don't appreciate a good thing when they see it, and are always looking for something better than just the good life--That's where the flim-flam man comes in to make his money.

****************************************************

Prince William Just Did The 1 Thing Most New Yorkers Would Never Do

Be polite in public. Yes, I've never seen anybody in New York do that.

****************************************************

Her students reported her for a lesson on race. Can she trust them again?

This teacher has just been given an opportunity for a wonderful teaching moment: Take advantage of it!

****************************************************

A stealth F-35 fighter jet went down in S.C. It was located about 24 hours later.

Guess it was stealthy after all.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Woman was offended by my grocery store question

"Excuse me, how much of that dog food do you eat at a time?"

****************************************************

Trudeau says ‘credible allegations’ tie India to murder in Canada

And now you know why India admires Russia so much.

****************************************************

Ex-White House Aide Reveals Why Trump Wouldn’t Wear A Mask During Pandemic

During the pandemic Trump killed so many of his Republican sycophants that to this day Democrats are still winning races they shouldn't have won all over the country.

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Armless Man’s Major Feat Is Throwing First Pitch At Yankee Stadium

Some Republicans present objected to his windup (which he called The 3 Balls Special). Said he seemed to be enjoying it too much.

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Sorry, But You Might Be Tipping All Wrong

You're supposed to tip the waiters, not your hat.

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Trump Demands House GOP ‘Defund’ Criminal Cases Against Him Amid Shutdown Threat

His ignorance aside, this is a man who might once again become overlord of the nation's legal establishment: What law might he not then subvert or violate in pursuit of his own self-interests, I wonder! [And you don't want to know.]

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A reader asks the Ethicist columnist: Should I tell my ex-husband’s fiancée that he cheated on me?

Well, first ask her if she was the one he cheated on you with. That way all the ethical T's & i's will be crossed & dotted and out of the way if you decide to tell her.

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Rudy Giuliani’s former lawyer sues him for $1.36M over alleged unpaid fees

He then offered to represent Rudy in the matter. And: "I only get paid if we win the case."

****************************************************

Flight takes off with 111 passengers, leaves luggage behind

"Oh? I'm sorry, you guys wanted to take your luggage too?"

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Things both my toddler and Elon Musk do that are signs of genius, apparently

They both play with their feces. I know. I know.

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Russia criticizes delivery of U.S.-made M1 Abrams tanks to Ukraine

Really? Russia? One would have thought they'd be pleased.

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Trump Said He Wanted To Buy A Handgun, But Surprise! He’s Banned.

The felon sez that he needs a gun when he goes to prison because there are a lot of really bad hombres in there, dude. [Yes, we know. That's why that's where Donald Trump belongs, dude.]

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Tucker Carlson finds a new booster: Russian TV

Unmasked at last. [I'm sorry, was the anti-American pro-Russia faction of the Republican Party ever wearing a mask? I don't think so!]

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TRUMP RAGES: Critical News Media Will ‘Pay A Big Price’ If He’s Reelected

The GOP Presidential campaign will be: "Elect Donald Trump and enjoy childish acts of utterly pointless revenge more vicious than anyone has ever seen before!" [It's a winner.]

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Mammals’ Time on Earth Is Half Over, Scientists Predict -- A new model suggests that in 250 million years, all land will collide into a supercontinent that boosts warming and pushes mammals to extinction.

I wonder who will win the Super Bowl then.

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Ask Amy: I had to cut off my mom. How do I deal with the guilt?

The evil that we do to others is a cancer that forever gnaws at our hearts. The evil that is done to us is always just a passing migraine: For your own sake you had better forgive your mother, no matter what she did to you.

****************************************************

The Founders were wrong to grant Supreme Court justices life tenure

Now you tell us! Only kings are granted life tenure; or, so that's why Supreme Court justices like to behave like they're kings.

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Hillary Clinton: Putin ‘Hates Democracy’ And Will Interfere In U.S. Elections Again

So Putin will be pushing Donald Trump once again then.

****************************************************

Why doesn’t my doctor believe I’m in pain?

Because you're telling him you're in pain. What you have to do is go into his office and let out an ear-piercing scream: That he'll believe.

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What Thoreau Heard in the Song of the Crickets

By his psychoanalyst.

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Cuba is considering letting Cuban Americans own private businesses on the island

Until it decides to confiscate it. Yes. Some people live by the law, and others live under lawless men (as people do in Cuba).

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Donald Trump Is Not of Two Minds About Abortion

He just has a forked tongue. [And only half a mind, if at that.]

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A $4 Thrift Store Find Sells for $191,000 at Auction

Really? I recently bought some used underwear at a thrift store. Wonder what that's worth?

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Work Advice: I’m afraid seeking a mentor will expose my lack of skills

After all, a brain surgeon needs his patients to know that he can pop that baby out and pop it back in again no sweat.

****************************************************

Two Ford’s Theatre tickets for night of Lincoln murder to be auctioned

Lincoln sez that he and his wife are willing to give up their seats to anybody who can whistle Dixie.

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DeSantis Says Humanity ‘Safer Than Ever’ From Climate Change… Weeks After Major Hurricane

Sez that what he means is that there's no chance in Hell that he'll ever be elected president.

****************************************************

Olivia Rodrigo Names The 1 Animal She Fears More Than ‘Aliens And S**t’

I don't fear any animal as much as I fear s**t. Unless it's an animal covered in s**t, of course. [I can't speak about alien s**t, of course, because I've never had a whiff of it.]

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Giuliani Addresses Jan. 6 Groping Allegation From Former White House Aide

"That was not me, that was my hands."

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North Korea Says It Will Expel U.S. Soldier Who Fled Over the Border

Sez it can't afford to feed him anymore.

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Travis Kelce is ‘on the roller coaster of life,’ thanks to Taylor Swift

Well, I'm not a Kansas City Chiefs fan so I hope she gets him to throw up on that roller coaster ride.

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N.Y. judge finds Donald Trump committed business fraud for a decade

Only for a decade!? Must be a MAGA judge.

Where are the Republicans calling for Trump to go hide back under his rock?

Dam Breaks For Bob Menendez: Senate Democrats Pile On In Calls For Resignation

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In Izium, in eastern Ukraine, the buildings are in ruins and services are spotty. Barely recovered, its residents worry that more mayhem may lie ahead.

How was Putin and his KGB Mafia able to turn Russians into such inhuman monsters so quickly? Let there remain no one doubting the dark effects of Russia's long deplorable undemocratic history on its people.

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NASA astronaut lands after breaking U.S. record for longest continuous spaceflight

His intestines will be landing next week.

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Smithsonian to get some of the asteroid sample that NASA brought back

Oh! Oh! Can I have some of it?!

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Man strips naked in Ben-Gurion airport and attacks passengers

"Bad enough he attacked us, but did he also have to take his clothes off?! It was more than one could bear!"

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Some Attendees At Trump’s Autoworkers Speech Were Total Frauds: Report

Yes: Trump's people.

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She challenges one school book a week. She says she’ll never stop.

Sez she used to collect Chicklets but they don't make them anymore, so now this is all she has to live for.

****************************************************

Backlash over Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce illustrates the tightrope many famous women walk

Taylor Swift sez "Shut up!" Or she'll sic her new boyfriend on you.

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Inviting Abraham to our table - opinion

Tell Abe to bathe first. You might have to play a recorded message through you HiFi: "Abraham! This is God. Go take a bath! You've been out in the Sun too long."

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Miss Manners: My sister pulled out a calculator when we split the check

The fact that she had the calculator ready means that it's a case of cheapness in the first degree.

****************************************************

Drive-through worker draws gun on 'missing fries' customer

"That's alright, bubby! I needed to cut down on my corbohydrates anyway. No fries needed!"

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Mark Milley Taking ‘Safety Precautions’ After Trump Suggested He Deserves Execution

I suppose Trump doesn't really have to stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody; he can just call for somebody to be [conveniently] shot there.

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Five years after the Khashoggi murder: No justice, no closure

Tell that to the 9/11 victims going on 20+ years.

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Dog blamed for denying Kenyan marathon victory

Dog sez he was just shouting encouragements to the guy and was obviously misunderstood.

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Some Jerk Just Chopped Down One Of The World’s Most Iconic Trees

Kid sez somebody was eventually gonna do it so what's the harm of it being him.

****************************************************

Biden Administration Unveils Long-Awaited Offshore Drilling Plan

Biden's dentist agreed to drill him out there because he screams to damn loud.

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Disney World Will Give Workers Stipend After Taking Away Their 1 Biggest Perk

Of course, they'll still miss not being able to have their pictures taken with Goofy.

****************************************************

What Kind of Person Has a Closet Full of Nazi Memorabilia?

A closet Nazi?

****************************************************

Biden delivers unusually sharp rebuke of Trump on democracy

The Republican repugnants are trying to get Biden arrested and THEN try to find if there's any evidence that he committed any crimes! What kind of low-life vermin are these, for Heaven's Sakes?! How did they escape instruction in our American schools on decency, honesty, respect for the humanity of not just themselves, about the crucial importance of democracy (which is the sacred compact of the people to guarantee everybody's equality), about the sanctity of the law (which is our always flawed but noble precious human attempt to fight against those who would subvert justice, fairness), about principled behavior, about moral respect and love for our eternally imperiled but indispensable shared human rights?!

Today's Republicans only seem to be in it for whatever they can get for themselves, at the expense of anyone and everyone who gets in their way. And the most puzzling thing of all is the staggering number of ordinary citizens who support such suicidal behavior: How on earth do they not realize that it is their very families these predators without any conscience are coming for? Didn't their parents ever explain to them that the greatest evil of all is often done in the name of the general good?! And that this is why understanding the evil being done now is always much more important than putting one's faith on any good that it promises to eventually bring about.

I remember looking at John McCain on the day he returned from imprisonment in Vietnam, and wondering whether this would be a man filled with hate and resentment because of everything he had suffered there. Instead, John McCain became a man much more patriotic stateside than he had ever been while imprisoned in Vietnam; a man filled with love for his fellow citizens and for his country. No wonder a vile creep like Donald Trump hates him.

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One of Europe’s Most Endangered Birds Is Bouncing Back

The Rubber Duckie? I loved mine when I was a kid.

****************************************************

Bill Belichick Is a Legendary N.F.L. Coach, but This Is a Disaster

Maybe he's just a mediocre football coach who happened to have stumbled on Tom Brady.

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A Director Asks: What Makes Us Human?

I'm pretty sure it was Chicklets, because we seem to have lost all our humanity since they stopped making them.

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One Reason the Trump Fever Won’t Break

Trump's waiting for Fani Willis to take his rectal temperature.

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Nikki Haley Says Trump’s Campaign Sent Her A Birdcage

Trump's too cheap to buy the canary?

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The Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards Names 2 Music Genres He Can’t Stand

1) anything with melody or harmony
2) anything that isn't as loud as a Boeing 707 taking off in your bedroom (because all that loud R&R's made him stone deaf)

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Good riddance to the National Zoo’s pandas? No way.

One of'em borrowed $15 bucks from me last week!

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Maybe in Your Lifetime, People Will Live on the Moon and Then Mars

I know a lot of people are living up in the clouds right now.

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Trump’s Civil Trial Starts Monday. It Will Spotlight What He’s Really Worth.

Well, for his sake, let's hope it's not his value as a human being. Because Trump is one of those people who's worth less than whatever he's carrying around in his pockets.

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Israel's chief rabbi: Secular Jews have lower intelligence, are jealous of haredim

Yeah, guys who spend their whole lives rocking without a rocking chair are way smarter than Einstein and all the other secular Jews who have enlightened human history and helped bring the Western World to the brink of finally understnading the universe & reality itself.

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Motorist fined after dog seen behind wheel of car

Dog sez he tried to keep his head down as his master instructed him to do while driving the car but that he just couldn't keep himself from hanging his tongue out the window for the sheer fun of it.

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What a chicken-size bird can tell us about a shrinking prairie

Well, if it's in an old Disney movie then that bird can't talk no more: That chicken's been gagged.

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Trump Calls For People To Be ‘Shot’ If They Rob Stores In Terrifying Remarks

Later he said that we should also bury mines under handicapped parking spaces so any non-handicapped person that tries to park there can be blown to smithereens.

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Why do runway models always look so grumpy?

You'd look grumpy too if you were forced to show off to the whole world just how little you eat.

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Why MAGA Wants to Betray Ukraine

Why do some people give themselves to the Devil?

Opposition to Ukraine Aid Becomes a Litmus Test for the Right

****************************************************

Donald Trump wanted $5 billion from Bankman-Fried not to run for US president

Trump sez he could make much more than that from being president a second time.

[But if there's one thing we can all take away from that staggering figure it is how big a threat to democracy Donald Trump himself acknowledges that he is. In other words, what Donald Trump himself knows is the value to his fellow Americans of his refraining from doing his worst.]

John Kelly’s full-throated confirmation of Trump’s ugliest comments, parsed -- “What can I add that has not already been said?” Kelly said, calling Trump a “person that thinks those who defend their country in uniform, or are shot down or seriously wounded in combat, or spend years being tortured as POWs are all ‘suckers’ because ‘there is nothing in it for them.’”

John Kelly is a man who heard Trump "saying something similar to the latter while standing next to the grave of Kelly’s own son, who was killed in Afghanistan." Had I been in John Kelly's place at that moment I just don't know what might have kept me from putting a bullet through Trump's brain right there & then. But John Kelly said nothing to his Boss; and even defended him afterwards, repeatedly lying that it never happened. You can say all you want about the corrosive effects of working for Donald Trump. But, what sort of man is John Kelly? I think this says it all. John Kelly well knew who Donald Trump was before he went to work for him. If Trump hadn't fired him he'd probably still be working for him.

If there's one thing Donald Trump knows it is that if he surrounds himself with men of honor he's never going to get done the dishonorable things he wants done.

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A son reported his dad for Jan 6. Can the family heal?

I see that someone is bring up a law-abiding man in a household where the head of the family is a notorious scoff-law.

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Miss Manners: How to appear concerned but not nosy

Pull your Covic mask up your nose closer to your eyes & squint.

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How red-state politics are shaving years off American lives -- Her husband doesn’t even smoke, Hill said, but “he doesn’t want the government to tell him what to do.”

I am always so perversely entertained by people who advocate for this sort of insane (in fact, suicidal) personal freedom: It pits the entire history of civilization's struggle to improve mankind against the intrinsic ancestral primitive ignorance all humans are born with: Man is born horrifically (in fact, absolutely) ignorant, and must undergo painfully long years of mostly unwanted, reluctant, and thankless education by societies which cannot survive if they allow him the freedom to exercise his innate ignorance unchecked.

Apparently it is the superstition of many of those who seem to manage (in spite of all our best efforts) to escape a sound education that amongst the many "certain unalienable rights" they were endowed with by their Creator was whatever horrific and total ignorance they were born with--the full exercise of which, obviously, would make human civilization null & void. Thankfully, (most of our) mothers have always known better; while a few have not:

So I suppose it is inevitable that we see these self-inflicted stupidities mostly in Republican controlled areas, where (themselves improperly educated) parents are more likely to exercise their power to mandate what their children should be taught [know-nothings trying to keep their kids from learning more than they know] instead of leaving their education to professional educators properly trained to bring the coming generation up to the highest levels of current human knowledge.

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Why is protecting institutions largely the Democrats’ responsibility?

Because bringing down civilization is a project that the Republicans seem to have made all their own.

****************************************************

Trump seeks dismissal of D.C. election case, saying he’s immune to prosecution

Sez that as long as he's wearing the ruby slippers he is Donald Duck and everything slides right off his back.

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Is coffee facing extinction?

Don't worry: We will always have ice cream!

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Here’s why you should eat your vegetables first

Because that way you'll be able to follow it up with a slab of red meat to get their taste out your mouth.

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Ain’t no rule saying a dog can’t be speaker of the House

The problem is finding a dog mangy enough to want to be speaker of the House, of course.

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Trump Shows Love To ‘Hannibal Lecter’ In Killer Blunder At Iowa Rally

In Trump's defense: I think Hannibal Lecter was the only monster out there that Trump hadn't praised yet.

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One Million Years Ago, Our Human Relatives May Have Challenged Giant Hyenas for Carcasses

"Madam, I challenge you for this carcass!"

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What Is a Statue of Columbus Doing in Puerto Rico?

Not much. (It's just standing there.)

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Climate change is driving many amphibians toward extinction

Good! They're eating up all our flies and mosquitos. Those insects are the only thing that drives my neighbor indoors--Otherwise he'll spend all his time outside playing loud music and smoking up his BBQ till my eyes burn red!

"Hey, SD! You wanna come over for a dog?"

"I would, but I can't find my way out there through all that smoke!"

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Giraffe Feces Seized By Customs Officials At Minnesota Airport

"What is this shit?"

****************************************************

New York City rat takes road trip to wedding

So Mikey Mouse finally proposed, eh!

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Ed Sheeran Explains Why He Had His Own Grave Dug On His Property

Sez he doesn't trust some clumsy oafs to lug him an uncomfortably long bumpy haul after he dies.

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Mike Lindell's Lawyers Want To Drop Him As Client For Not Paying Legal Fees

Lindell sez he's selling pillows as fast as he can, but that now he's the only one selling them! [Worse, he's been exposed as almost as big a liar as Trump, so it's very hard to get people to believe his pillows are any good now.]

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Trump Endorses Jim Jordan For House Speaker

Trump sez he's sure that Jim Jordan is the most dangerous choice for the country; and that he's certain Jim Jordan will do the most damage to the most Americans of anyone he can think of (outside himself).

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Numbers Alone Should Not Dictate Baseball Games

If a club is staffed with too many homely players the opposing club should be awarded one run.

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Floorboards (Possibly) Trodden by Shakespeare Are Found in England

Fellows who found them say they will use them as talismans to cure Brits that suffer from Cockneyism--see if a good stiff hit in the back of the head might do it.

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to Run as Independent, Leaving Democratic Primary

One fewer nutcase in the Democratic Party? That can't be all bad.

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Miss Manners: Stepson always takes last-minute guests to family events

That's good: That means you can always plan for extra guests and no food will ever go to waste.

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The unseen sexuality of seniors: ‘It’s not over until it’s over’

"Hello! Grandpa! You guys have been in there for a week now! You sure you don't wanna come out & maybe eat something?!"

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The new ‘Frasier’ struggles to find a new story

Why don't they have an episode in which Frasier gets upset by something?

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Miss Manners: When an uninvited guest joins and monopolizes the conversation

Are you talking about my dog Pedro? Because he does that all the time. Sometimes I send him on an errand to the grocery store; but if it's raining then there's no getting rid of him.

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Trump Is Said to Have Revealed Nuclear Submarine Secrets -- Soon after leaving office, former President Trump is said to have shared information with an Australian businessman, a billionaire Mar-a-Lago member.

You know, there is no need whatsoever for Trump to have shared these national secrets with anybody: You wouldn't have done it; I wouldn't have done it; and I doubt very many Americans would have done it even for money--Trump did it just to make himself important in the eyes of some cardboard maker from Australia! [He also revealed national secrets to Russian diplomats in the Oval Office for the same reason.]

Donald Trump is absolutely the last person on this earth to trust with ANY secret whatever, and here he was elected President of the United States and given unchecked access to every one of America's most important secrets, from the least to the most important! If it weren't because it really happened it would be impossible for any normal person to believe it could happen.

Trump Told Australian Billionaire Nuclear Sub Secrets, Who Then Told 45 Others: Reports

Well, I sure hope that those 45 people are not the blabbermouths Trump and his billionaire pal obviously are. [People want to share with others the best stories they have, as nobody wants to be the guy who tells all those boring stories. So if you don't want Trump to blab make sure that he has nothing interesting to pass on, because if he has he will. Trump lives to try to impress others with what a big man he is because in his heart he know that he's really a very small man.]

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The Swedes know the secret to happiness: You are not your stuff

IRS told me the same thing before they took it all away. It didn't make me happy, though.

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Should I bake pies in glass or metal pans?

Neither: Always bake pies in an oven.

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A 104-year-old went viral for skydiving. She died a week later.

Well, at that age it probably takes a long time to hit the ground.

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New George Santos Charges Claim He Stole Donor IDs, Charged Their Credit Cards

George Santos apologized today for not committing more, worse, and different types of crimes, but he sez: "He's not Donald Trump, for Heaven's Sakes!" He can only do so much.

The good news is that it is the credit cards of people who supported him, so those people ain't gonna heve the cash to support more people like George Santos (and Donald Trump).

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Ask Elaine: Am I ‘crazy’ for supporting my partner through law school?

No: Eventually his new (younger) wife (and his parents) will be eternally grateful to you.

****************************************************

Gene editing can make chickens resistant to bird flu

And that means that they won't have to wear their little masks when they step outside the coop.

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Flock of seagulls closes Venice airport

Italian officials say that even seating two or three on a seat it's still going to take a while to fly all of them where they want to go.

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Man, 76, admits stealing Wizard of Oz ruby slippers

Police sez he refuses to explain why they were looking so worn-out after he returned them.
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Ask Amy: My biological dad is also the father of a ‘very famous entertainer’

If it's Al Jolson then you're a lot older than you look. Congrats!

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Why TikTok videos on the Israel-Hamas war have drawn billions of views

I believe that the reason (why) people rush to see a car crash has already been answered.

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The lesson from the Hamas attack: The U.S. should recognize a Palestinian state

Yes, of course, what Israel needs is a SuperGaza ten or twenty times more militarily capable than Gaza. Why didn't the Israelis think of that!

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Hamas and ISIS: Breaking down the comparison - analysis

ISIS destroyed itself by its proven inability to live alongside human civilization. And likewise Hamas and Islamic Jihad have also more than amply proven that they too are incompatible with civilized society. The quicker and sooner they are eradicated from this earth the better it will be for everyone in the world.

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Unprecedented Israeli bombardment lays waste to upscale Rimal, the beating heart of Gaza City -- “Our money is gone," said Issa Abu Salim, 60, seething as he stood amid the debris of his home, his clothes filthy with the dust of the destruction. "My identity cards are lost. The entire house, all four floors, is lost,” he said. “The most beautiful area, they destroyed it.”

Don't fret, Issa. Invariably, the Europeans and Americans will eventually rebuild all your buildings. But who will bring back the murdered children of Israel?"

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Palestinian Americans, dismayed by the violence, said that historical context was being overlooked.

'historical context' translation: 'justification for the butchery'

I'm sure there has always been plenty of 'justification' for every crime that has ever been committed in the world, from the smallest to the biggest: That's why we have crime. But there is also 'a force for good' that we exert to stop crime: Predictably, criminals will always seek to use some form or other of 'historical context' to weaken or disable that 'force for good' which fights crime--and we must always keep that in mind, so that crime never succeeds.

If you want justifications for Hamas mass murder you can always turn to the BBC, of course:

Israel Gaza war: History of the conflict explained

John Simpson: Why BBC doesn't say Hamas militants are 'terrorists'

Because the Hamas 'militants' haven't butchered any English villages wholesale yet, I imagine.

UK legal experts criticize BBC's Hamas coverage

It's simply not the BBC's job to tell people who to support and who to condemn, writes the BBC's World Affairs editor.

Of course, there have been plenty of instances where the BBC reported on 'inhuman atrocities' against the Palestinians: I guess that's their exception.

The US supports Israel because of ‘Jewish wealth’, claims BBC presenter

President Herzog blasts BBC's biased reporting on Israel-Hamas war

BBC official told staff to accuse Israel of 'ethnic cleansing' - leaked email

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Israel allegedly strikes two airports in Syria, air defenses activated

Israel sends soldiers to north fearing attack from Hezbollah in Lebanon

Will Hezbollah attack in the North? If I had to guess I would say that yes they will. Hezbollah will probably wait until the ground invasion of Gaza is well underway and then make the calculus that the Israeli Army will be severely understaffed in the North and that therefore Lebanon can rest assured that it will not be invaded--their main attack will be rockets, of course. Hopefully the Israeli intelligence services will be able to foresee this, unlike their Gaza debacle. But, we'll see.

Israeli gov't responsible for Hamas massacre, Netanyahu must resign - poll

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Hamas vows to broadcast hostage executions. Tech firms can’t stop them.

ISIS did this and it taught the world the urgency with which it needed to fight and to destroy ISIS. I cannot imagine that it would be different with Hamas now.

Gambling on a ‘pragmatic’ Hamas was a deadly mistake, analysts say

I don't quite understand how anyone could possibly make such a 'gamble' since Islamic cults like Hamas always tell you exactly what they are all about and exactly what they are planning to do. It is being taught to their children in schools under their control right now--go read all the texts of the Palestinian schools for yourself! You cannot tell me that children who have been brought up this morally bankrupt are suddenly going to turn into normal civilized human beings the instant they graduate into adulthood.

Israel's Netanyahu says soldiers were beheaded, women 'raped and slaughtered,' in Hamas attack

Yes, that is what the Koran advocates for non-Muslims, especially Jews. The world's surprise surprises me.

Bombarded by Israeli airstrikes, conditions in Gaza grow more dire as power goes out -- Meanwhile in Israel, inside some of the houses, soldiers found bodies of entire families, Israeli Maj. Gen. Itai Veruv told ABC News during a ghastly tour of the shattered community on Tuesday. "You see the babies, the mothers, the fathers in the bedrooms, in the protection rooms and how the terrorists killed them," Veruv said. "It's not a war, it's not a battlefield. It's a massacre. Describing the gruesome discoveries soldiers made in the houses, Veruv said, "They burned the apartments, then they shoot the babies, they cut their heads..."

****************************************************

As Israeli military retaliates, Palestinians say civilians are paying the price in strikes on Gaza

What More Must the Children of Gaza Suffer?

The Gazans abrogated their responsibility to remove Hamas: People are naturally lazy, they don't want to be the ones to have to do a dirty job--people always prefer to have somebody else do it for them, anybody but them if at all possible: It was not principally the responsibility of the Israelis to remove Hamas--Only when the population of Gaza would not do it themselves did the responsibility then fall to the Israelis. Now the Israelis are reluctantly, sadly, painfully, at great cost to themselves, carrying out that unsought duty which the Gazans passed on to them. Therefore all that is happening in Gaza is primarily, even ultimately exclusively, the responsibility of the Palestinian population of Gaza. No matter how difficult and costly it might have been for the population of Gaza to remove Hamas it would have surely unquestionably been a lot easier on them than leaving it up to the Israelis; but that was a choice the population of Gaza made and that is a choice they must now suffer.

I personally doubt the two-state solution is viable anymore (if it ever was). The solution to the 'Palestinian problem' is for Jordan to take back sovereignty over the Palestinians and for either Jordan or Egypt to take over Gaza, perhaps. Otherwise Israel will probably have to level Gaza City and move its entire population single file out of it (so they can be individually searched for weapons) and then marched into UN refugee camps as far away as possible from the Egyptian border (where they can no longer smuggle in weapons). Israeli engineers can then flood the 'infinite' Hamas tunnels under Gaza City with the Mediterranean and build an Israeli city where Gaza City stands today to ensure that, isolated from the Sinai, Gazans will never again pose a threat to Israel. Otherwise Israel must keep military control over the Palestinians in perpetuity or sooner or later face annihilation.

****************************************************

Palestinians are 'stateless' but united by longing for peace, say historians

Nice, pretty ideals, but unfortunately that's not what the hard evidence all throughout the Israeli areas around Gaza that were invaded show. You seem to be playing a harmonica in Hell and I can assure you it is not making any of the flames any cooler.

****************************************************

Israel urges 1.1M in north Gaza to evacuate; U.N. warns of ‘devastating’ result

The best way to get the population of Gaza City out is to stock food, water and medicine where you want them to move to. It will unquestionably be a staggering job, but the alternative is certain death. Some people are too stubborn to save themselves, and then you have to find some way to persuade them (to save themselves).

Hamas is using the Gaza City population to shield itself, and Israel doesn't have any choice but to go through them to get to Hamas. I'm sure that if Israel had another choice Israel would take that, but they do not. This is why the world must do everything it can to get as many of the Palestinian civilians as possible out of Gaza City as quickly as possible and stop its deadly dawdling. Period.

Israel tells more than 1 million Gazans to flee south, but is that even possible?

Whoever is arguing for the old status quo, whether it is for a ceasefire or for Israel to not go about destroying Hamas too harshly, that person is spitting into the wind. "Sure, destroy Hamas. But please do it nicely." They might as well tell the Isaelis to just leave Hamas alone: It's just not going to happen.

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How 91 felony charges boosted Trump’s standing in the GOP

Felony charges also earn someone a lot of credits in the criminal underworld and in the Mafia. But then again, these days the GOP is more like a crime family than a political party because, well, because that's just the people that Republicans vote for these days: notorious scofflaws. And now you know why Trump and so many others like him are so popular with them.

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Kourtney Kardashian And Travis Barker May Have Accidentally Revealed Their Baby’s Name

Hope it's not Shit!

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How did God let Hamas massacre so many Israelis? - opinion

I believe it was not God but human incompetence: Those who were entrusted to keep their guard up letting their guard down.

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Chappell Roan doesn’t care if she’s going to hell

Sez she can always score a last second appointment at a beauty salon later.

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What 80 feels like: I’m not ready to fear the future

What future?

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Blinken meets resistance in courtship of Egypt and Saudi Arabia on Gaza war

If America didn't anticipate this then America is the victim of its own ignorance.

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Israeli ground offensive could be a ‘bloodbath,’ analysts say

Israel can avoid this if they bring in power hoses and industrial pumps to flood the Hamas tunnels with sea water from the Mediterranean. Most of those tunnels are connected, so if you pour water into one you will likely flood most of them. This will bring the Hamas terrorists out of them, as there are so many miles of them that they will certainly flood slowly. And even if the terrorists manage to seal a few of them and escape the flooding they will eventually run out of food and potable water. Then they must face a terrible sentence in the tombs that they have dug for themselves if they refuse to come out, or come out to face a stern justice in the light of day above.

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China owns the EV supply chain. Now it wants to sell you a car.

Well, hope they can also lend me the money to buy it with because frankly I'm flat busted.

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Miss Manners: My cleaning person is not doing as good a job as before

Well, duh, before she was 27, now she's 78. You're lucky she can tell the cab driver where she works.

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Israel already needs a plan for the day after it topples Hamas - analysis

Gaza cannot be allowed any measure of autonomous self-determination again because it will inevitably again lead back to Hamas: Islamist brain-washing is an utterly fatal permanent poison. What must be done there is for the Gazans to become the wards of the UN in perpetuity under permanent Israeli supervision--permanent because if they are not closely supervised by Israel the UN caretakers will inevitably look the other way while militants again take over the Gaza population and rearm as before. I think by now it should be more than self-evident that it is not in the best interests of the Israeli civilians to give such bloodthirsty neighbors the freedom to be able to butcher them ever again. And this speaks volumes for why the 'two-state solution' was ever an unworkable nonsense.

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Jim Jordan shouldn’t be speaker. Maybe no one should be.

Why couldn't the best person most people think should be speaker be elected speaker [as it should be in any democracy]... where all the elected members are allowed to vote for whomever they prefer no matter which party the candidate belongs to? Maybe then the House will really begin to finally work for the American people instead of just working for the party in power and let's hope it's in the interest of that party to also do a little bit for the country on the side. Frankly, this current American 'party system of government' smell to me like a constrain on democracy; and it is not a Constitutional requirement that it be done the way we're currently doing it either.

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Hamas, Hezbollah jihadists' plot to take over the world - opinion

Claim they can put on a lot better Broadway shows than anything that's now playing there.

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Trump co-defendant Sidney Powell pleads guilty in Georgia election-interference case

It's always the lawyers who know that when they're guilty as sin their best option is to cut a deal.

Kenneth Chesebro Pleads Guilty In Georgia Election Interference Case

Trump co-defendant Jenna Ellis pleads guilty in Georgia election case

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Jim Jordan loses second vote in US House Speaker bid

Much like Trump, Jim Jordan is utterly shameless. So I imagine he'll keep pushing for more votes on him no matter how many he loses in the belief that winning in the end is well worth it for himself no matter how much grief it brings about to others on the way there.

When a partner’s snoring wrecks your sleep, these tips can help

Say they had to do it or Jordan would have forced them to pointlessly run the election again & again & again till doomsday.

Jim Jordan Drops Bid For House Speaker

Sez that morning is coming to America and he must run off to his coffin before the Sun comes up.

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Trump Shares Link Revealing Letitia James’ Address While Raging Against Her

Trump is one of those criminal thugs who vainly imagines that he can get away with nonsense that a two-year-old already knows are too stupid to try. Or ask any of the 1.2 million wiseguys in our prisons who also think like Trump.

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It’s Like Listening to 2 Friends Who Hate Each Other

Always listen to them one at a time, away from the other. That way they won't feel they have to be polite about it.

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A reader asks: Should we keep paying for our ungrateful son to join us on family vacations?

Yes. You raised him to be ungrateful and therefore you should pay for it, until such time as you can undo the terrible way you brought up that poor kid.

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Why the tunnels under Gaza pose a major problem for Israel's potential ground invasion

The IDF need not risk its soldiers in noble but needless one-to-one underground Hamas-designed killing funnels: The solution to the problem of all those tunnels is so straightforward and simple that it amazes me the Israel army is even the slightest bit concerned about them: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has miles & miles of large powerful hoses and industrial-sized pumps (I've seen them used to move water in & out on the Mississippi). Stick a few of those hoses into the Mediterranean and run them through those pumps into the Hamas tunnels--Just keep flooding as many tunnel openings as you can find: No matter how many tunnels Hamas blows up to try to block the flood, if the IDF continues to flood more & more tunnels eventually over days or weeks they will all flood, and I doubt the terrorists will remain underground as the water rises. Then the IDF can wait for the terrorists to come up out into the open. That's why they requested all those A-10 Warthogs recently sent to Israel, to wait for all those Hamas terrorists to be flushed out of their tunnels.

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Berlusconi's 'worthless' art a headache for heirs

I don't understand why Berlusconi's heirs don't just open a gaudy Museum of Worthless Art. I think the rabble would find it a hoot and kill to flock to that.

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World Food Program: Let us into Gaza now

"We need to help Hamas!!!" Wait. Wait. No one has starved to death in Gaza yet. I seriously doubt anyone ever will. Be patient. Evil strikes (unexpectedly) blindly, but most of the time Righteousness must carefully study how much evil has to be overcome before it even begins to start doing good.

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Why we don't all breathe the same air

Because we all live in different worlds.

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The world is losing its humanity - UN agency chief

No, sometimes it just seems that way. People who have no humanity endeavor every now & again to perpetrate inhuman crimes in the hope that it provokes its victims to become like them. Evil is a disease that loves to spread as far & wide as it can. But it has seldom worked for very long because those inhuman criminals are never strong enough or numerous enough [nor can they ever provide a good enough reason for their evil to be accepted on a permanent basis] to accomplish anything much outside a terrible momentary crisis necessitating a terrible momentary response from otherwise good people. Even WWII, which is so far the criminal horror which precipitated the strongest, longest, and most brutal response the world has experienced so far only lasted some 5 years. Afterwards its terrible lessons made us try to seek and even more understanding humanity in ourselves.

The Israeli response to Hamas's inhuman crimes will no doubt be intense and brutal now. But it will not change the civilized nature of Israeli society any more than WWII changed the civilized nature of the Allied nations. No one's faith in the humanity of Man need ever be questioned even in our darkest days.

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11 Republicans on What It Would Take to Change Their Minds About Trump

Sorry, but I don't believe they're doing lobotomies anymore.

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Scrolls were illegible for 2,000 years. A college student read one with AI.

It read: "Hello, Joe: I was feeling down so I got a bird. Now it won't talk to me..." The rest was not as interesting.

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When a partner’s snoring wrecks your sleep, these tips can help

1) Push the bed to the window and have him sleep on that side. That way if he snores too loudly you can roll him out the window and go back to sleep.

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Why bed bugs are getting harder to beat

They're getting more weapons from North Korea?

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CNN Airs Chilling Voicemail Sent To Wife Of Anti-Jim Jordan Republican

And if Trump and his Mob gain power it won't just be warnings: There will probably be bodies littering the streets after that.

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They fled Russia's war in Ukraine. Now in Israel, they face another conflict.

Maybe they should have moved to Taiwan.

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Reward offered after body of man missing for 9 years found in freezer of wine bar -- "His body may have been in the freezer for a number of years."

No wonder their ice cubes tasted funny.

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Israel's defense minister says IDF does not plan to control life in Gaza Strip

This sounds ominous, what can I tell'ya!

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Russian foreign minister dismisses US claims of North Korea supplying munitions to Moscow as rumors

Sez the many railcars seen coming into Russia from North Korea are only shipments of toothpicks they ordered months ago.

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The Only Ice Cream Recipe You’ll Ever Need

Go to the store & buy some.

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$2 Million Homes in Pennsylvania, Montana and California

And they all come with blinking neon billboards that read: "Rich people live here. We usually keep thousands of dollars in the garage and millions in jewels thoughout the rest of the house."

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Watch the Orionids Meteor Shower Reach Its Peak Tonight

Not impressed. Call me when you spot a miles-long asteroid going to hit the earth.

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Right-Wing Media Is Flooded With Dehumanizing Rhetoric Against Palestinians

Most of it explaining what the Palestinians did to the Israeli civilians.

Community frozen as Hamas atrocities continue to emerge

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Jeanine Pirro Wants To Ban World From Coming To U.S.: ‘We’re Done With Everybody’

Sez she's willing to let in people bringing in beauty products from China, though.

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More Than 400 Capitol Hill Staffers Call For Cease-Fire In Gaza

Say that if Hamas is eliminated a lot of them could find themselves with a lot less paperwork to do.

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‘He’s Not Smart’: New Book Reveals Mitt Romney’s Assessment Of Trump

Sez he would have used a harsher insult but was afraid of Trump's legbreakers & thugs coming after him.

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Accidentally Reveals Truth About House Republicans

Yes, they picked the elephant because it is the animal that puts out the most shit on this planet.

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Saudi Prince slams Hamas, Israel and the West

Sez he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

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Gaza: 'Why are you bombing us and ruining our lives?'

Israel: "If you don't know that I'm certainly not going to tell you."

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The Ethicist columnist is asked: My sister just lost her husband. Can I ask for $5,000 that she hid from me?

Hold off until you know exactly where the money is.

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Can Twitter, uh, X, Survive Elon Musk?

Musk hasn't killed off Twitter yet?!? The company must be on a lot stronger foundations than people thought it was. "I'm trying everything I can to kill it, Goddam it!" Patience.

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How to plan a multigenerational trip and still like your family

You will never like your family: They know exactly who you are, so you can't gaslight them into believing you're who you'd like others to think you are. I know some really stupid people in my family who walk around pretending they're better than they really are, and the only thing they're accomplishing is making us snicker (behind their backs, because we know exactly how stupid people react when you call them stupid).

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China’s nuclear arsenal on track to double by 2030, Pentagon reports

Why don't we just sell them the nukes they'll need to accomplish that? This way they get the nukes they want at a cheaper price and we don't face any more nukes than they would have had while making a heap of cash in the bargain: Win/win. And, in any case, in no more than a couple of years or so nuclear technology will be made obsolete by laser weapons.

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We Must Not Kill Gazan Children to Try to Protect Israel’s Children

Yes. Why don't we just ask Hamas to move Palestinian children out of the way for the duration of the war?

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Cooking chat: What’s the secret to getting breading to stick to meat?

Cutting it in half and then placing the meat inside. When Mister Burgerking discovered this secret he made millions.

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Ask Amy: My wife rarely follows through on doing the laundry

Neither do you. That's why you got married, because you two are so alike!

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Miss Manners: When can I toss items guests leave at my home?

Do it right away, so you'll have more topics to talk about with them next time.

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Does Your Credit Card Evoke A Certain Fragrance?

Now that you mention it: Yes, my credit card stinks.

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A lake is filled with oil. Thousands donated their hair to help soak it up.

Environmentalists wouldn't just let them soak their heads in it and carry off the oil that way because they were afraid of where it might end up.

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How to try van life without buying a van

Two words: Cardboard box.

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The new Rolling Stones album actually sounds like the Rolling Stones

I have stones in my yard and an incline, I don't need to buy their album!

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Miss Manners: How do I respond to scathing letters from people I barely know?

I just throw them away: If they're interested enough in getting paid they'll at least have the decency to come after me in person, see if they can find me.

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Are aliens real? Here's what we know

I know there's a bunch of Mexicans living a couple of houses from mine. And they gotta be real: They signed a lease & everything.

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Elderly and Imprisoned: ‘I Don’t Count It as Living, Only Existing.’

If I exist there I live there. The only time I'm not living is when I don't exist.

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What is the line between life and death? Here’s my answer.

The line between life and death is making sure that your seatbelt's on right when you ride The Big Whip roller coaster.

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The Pergamon Museum closes soon for a refurbishment that won’t be complete until 2037.

All their employees are 85 years or older. In that museum just moving a chair is a major undertaking.

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Trump Asked Melania To Don A Bikini For His Buddies, Insider Claims

Don't worry, Trump sez he charged them plenty.

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If Trump Trial Isn’t Broadcast Live, a Plea to Record It for Posterity

What, you don't want history to record his conviction and long prison sentence as a '100% perfect victory' for Trump?

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Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now

Because not enough of us have the common human decency to place a hand on their shoulders.

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Donald Trump Promises 100% Evidence Of 2020 Fraud — With A Racist Dogwhistle

Donald sez he's been holding it back in order to release it with 'the greatest most dramatic effect.'

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Kevin McCarthy Says He Hasn’t Endorsed Trump Because He Has Other Priorities

Sez that tying his shoes is not something you can just do like that!

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Nine More Republicans Sign Up For Speaker Bid, Likely Public Humiliation

I'm not a mathematician, but, if every Republican in the House is running for speaker, doesn't that mean nobody's likely to get more than one vote? [And, whatever happened to the idea that the most votes of those present wins?]

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Portland Man Accused Of Planning ‘Violent Attack’ At Climbing Festival

Why can't these crazies just go back to watching TV reruns like they used to!?

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CBS Shows Just How Much Taylor Swift Affects Travis Kelce’s Game

NFL planning to ask Swift to not attend any more Chiefs games to try to save Kelce from killing himself out there.

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John Stamos Says Finding His Girlfriend In Bed With Tony Danza Was A Total Gut Punch

Nevertheless, did Stamos at least inform Tony of all the communicable diseases he shared with his girlfriend?

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Biden’s “Moonshot” To Fight Cancer Just Took A Big Step Forward By Moving To Ban This Chemical

Hope it was lipstick because while I don't mind whatever toxic chemicals women like to douse themselves with, I draw the line when they try to smear any of them all over me.

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Haley threatens to overtake DeSantis as Trump alternative, sending sparks flying

She hasn't got a chance is Hell: Who has she raped? How many people has she defrauded? How many millions has she cheated the IRS out of? How many people has she viciously stabbed in the back or thrown under the bus? How many of her employees or business associates has she stiffed? How many times has she betrayed her countrymen, or shamed and soiled the reputation of her country abroad? How many top secrets has she passed on to our enemies? How many people has she ever blackmailed? Who is she kidding running in the Republican primaries with such glaring deficiencies?!?

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West Antarctic ice sheet faces ‘unavoidable’ melting, a warning for sea level rise

Don't get excited: Nobody's gonna drown. A rising sea lifts all boats.

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The Republicans who say we don’t even need a speaker

Claim that what we really need is a good two-dollar cigar.

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West Bank militancy surges as Israel steps up raids and arrests

More Palestinians have been killed in the West Bank than at any point in the last 15 years.

According to the Oslo agreements the Palestinians pledged themselves to stop attacks against Israel in exchange for the Palestinian Authority's rule. If they breach that agreement then the Israelis could feel free to react without constrains against them. This might include expulsions, either to Jordan or Syria, or to some other Arab country. Perhaps if enough of the militants are deported the remaining Palestinians left might be the civilized human beings who might be able to live alongside the Israelis in peace. And then they might yet be trusted with more power to exercise the right to their own self-determination (for it will not have to come at the expense of their neighbors being butchered--the only real moral or ethical constrain there is to self-determination). Until then: Pray.

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Chat with Alexandra Petri and tell her your jokes

Did you hear the one about the very shy man who drew a straight flush?

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A functioning democratic system would make Hakeem Jeffries speaker

Republicans can’t govern. Just ask them.

The problem (for them) is that the Republicans are really two right-wing parties now sharing the same space. The problem (for the country) is that according to the undemocratic rules of the House the Democratic party doesn't have enough votes to govern.

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Is the Israel-Hamas conflict just vengeance now? David Ignatius answered your questions.

After a police murder investigation has been underway for a while does it become just vengeance? What's really behind the way some people are so fast to lose sight of the fact that Israel's aim is not to exert vengeance on the civilians in Gaza but to destroy Hamas, and that this is what Israel is undertaking now? Do they really imagine that what Israel ought to do is to send its soldiers into Gaza one at a time armed only with a set of dueling pistols?!? It makes me wonder whether all the complaining is about protecting Hamas... or perhaps because the Israelis are Jews? If I were commanding the Israeli Army I wouldn't order my troops into Gaza until after at least a couple of more months of 'softening-the-enemy bombardments' and even then only after more bombardment: Frankly, I think enough Jews have been killed in this world already. Don't you?

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Video shows Chinese beer worker urinating into tank

Claims it's what gives their beer its pizzazz! [pun]

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Israel’s Moral and Political Dilemmas

In human society those who fail to control themselves are only turning control over themselves to others.

Along the Gaza border the Hamas terrorists had a choice which the Israeli Jews did not have. It is not a moral equivalency, as you condemn Hamas, to also condemn the Israelis for seeking to do whatever they have to do to put an end to Hamas.

Some Gazans return to north despite risks, UN says

Even now the Israeli Army is crying out to the civilians of Gaza City that the war will be/and is already being fought there, and to get out now however they can to save their lives. Those who cannot escape a war zone should be pitied, and those who choose to remain there must be utter fools--Inevitably the armies of their enemies will see them as having chosen to remain in the war zone in order to assist their side (even if that's not the case). It is a wonder to me that knowing this, as they should, the United Nations does not make any effort to assist their evacuation. But then again, a lot of the nations of this world are poisoned with the idea that it's acceptable for the Islamic terrorists to use their civilians as shields (that's why you don't even see them trying to evacuate their own-run hospitals).

It is never all right to assign any sort of moral equivalency between the aggressors and their victims. It is never all right to try to make victims of the aggressors.

Even before this latest and most inhuman border attack by Hamas all of the Israeli efforts had been aimed at preventing the butchering of its Jewish citizens and not to do harm to the Palestinians. So it is not a moral equivalency to condemn any of those efforts because Palestinians also deserve a homeland for themselves: In the history of the Jewish state there have been plenty of sincere offers from the Israeli side to fairly negotiate a separate state for each side, and it has always been the Palestinians who have opted for all or nothing--If the Palestinians do not suffer a historical defeat it will always remain that way: They will continue to butcher Israeli civilians at every opportunity that presents itself.

Freed Israeli hostage Yocheved Lifshitz: Hamas beat me with a wooden pole -- The just released former hostage is a peace activist who together with her husband helped sick Palestinians in Gaza get to hospital for years. "They are human rights activists, peace activists for all their life," grandson Daniel Lifshitz told Reuters in Tel Aviv shortly before the release of his grandmother was confirmed. "For more than a decade, they took... sick Palestinians from the Gaza Strip – not from the West Bank, from the Gaza Strip – every week from the Erez border to the hospitals in Israel to get treatment for their disease, for cancer, for anything."

The one thing always to fear from the very beginning was that the Palestinians should convert the Israeli Jews to their nihilistic philosophy of hate and intolerance. Personally, I never seriously thought it possible; but this unrelenting butchery of innocent Jews by the Palestinians is no doubt going to go a long way against my personal optimism on this matter.

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Trump Says He's Staying Out Of House Republican Speaker Mess

Sez he's not jumping in until they pick a candidate he can back and he can then berate, insult, and demean all the other losers.

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Trump Claims Sidney Powell Was ‘Never’ His Lawyer After She Agrees To Plea Deal

Sez he was pretty sure she was just the typical nosy and opinionated loud-mouthed cleaning lady he imagines they all are.

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Why the World Is Watching Iran

Because that is where all the best fireworks are scheduled to be set off.

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Donald Trump looms large over House Speaker chaos

Kudos, Mister Trump! Like everything else you touch you've pretty much wrecked the Republican Party. See! There it goes down the sewer, another one of your signature bankruptcies.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger: I'd be great US president

And so begins AI's quest for world domination!

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Ask Amy: Is it wrong to date my late friend’s wife?

Did your wife say it was okay with her?

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Democrats should help elect a Republican speaker

Yeah. Why don't they wait until Matt Gaetz comes up for a vote?

New Speaker Mike Johnson’s Long History With The Religious Right

Ew... Close enough.

Speaker Mike Johnson, who has opposed continued funding for Kyiv, insists on separating it from aid to Israel.

Mike Johnson, Moscow's man in the House. [Not the only one.]

Speaker Mike Johnson’s Rise: ‘The Republicans Have Elevated an Extremist’

Mike Johnson’s conspiracy theories about ‘illegals’ mark a new GOP low

House Speaker Mike Johnson used faith in campaign against gay rights

New House Speaker Thinks Creationist Museum Is ‘Pointing People To The Truth’-- An ark replica with dinosaurs "is one way to bring people to this recognition ... that what we read in the Bible are actual historical events,” Mike Johnson said.

Well, I don't remember reading about dinosaurs in the Bible, and I've actually read the Bible.

But now you know where in the 12th Century the Republicans are stuck.

Mike Johnson Joins House Republicans Who Want To Use Ukraine As Political Leverage

And now you know why this current crop of Republicans thought nothing of Trump trying to blackmail Ukraine.

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Michael Cohen and Trump meet again during civil fraud trial

C: Hey, Don! How you do-en?
T: Couldn't be bettah. You?
C: Spawkl'ng. How's Melania?
T: That's Malaria. No wait. It is Melania! I always get them two mixed up.
C: Yeah. I remembah.
T: Can I giv'ya a lift? I'm going by the East Rivah.
C: Thanks. No. Feds already offered first.
T: Catch'cha laytah then.

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Miss Manners: My husband’s rude friend spilled wine all over the place

If you were really his friends you would be glad he did so instead of pouring it into himself.

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No, you can’t fly high or drunk

Really?!? What sober pilot scrapes that low?!

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Scientists reconstructed the face of a 12 million-year-old great ape

Police say he is currently a person of interest in a number of crimes.

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Ask Amy: My late husband lent a friend money. How do I get it repaid?

Get them together in a group with people they respect and then tell them you are having trouble paying for your husband's funaral so could they please repay that loan. If that doesn't do it then you know you're just gonna have to sue those bastards.

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At 96, they fell in love playing pool. She rejected his first marriage offer.

Told him there was plenty of time after they finished the game and had to turn in.

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These new apples are built to withstand extreme weather

I know where this is going: Scientists will soon develop all new varieties of all our foods which can only survive in hot climates and then the earth will suddenly cool down and starve us out. The scientific term for this is called Why Can't You Leave Well The Hell Alone Already!

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Ask Sahaj: My husband made a private list about me. Reading it destroyed me.

You're not looking at this as the opportunity it is: Make a private list about him that's sure to destroy him and then give it to him to read. That's what marriages are for!

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Clarence Thomas May Have Had A Quarter-Million Dollar RV Loan Forgiven: Senate Inquiry

In Clarence Thomas's defense: That's a drop in the bucket of all the money he's hauled in as a Supreme Court Justice.

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Amnesty International says Israel’s evacuation orders may amount to war crimes

Or it amounts to the Israelis trying to get the Palestinians out of a dangerous war zone for their safety (if Amnesty International didn't have a history of siding with and trying to shield Hamas and thwarting accountability for the crimes Hamas commits).

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Michael Cohen Divulges His Harsh Thought When He Looked Trump In The Eye At Trial

"Oh Mister Trump, where did we go so wrong? We were so good together! Remember that moonless night by the swimming pool in your New York penthouse...?"

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Most Republicans say Trump didn’t even try to overturn the election

And still, step by step by step the terrible monster of Justice! cometh after Donald Trump's ass. Trump and his army of noodleheads may not know it, or acknowledge it, but they are well & truly cooked.

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Turkey's Erdogan: Hamas aren't terrorists, they're a liberation group

This tell you nothing except all you need to know about just who Erdogan really is.

Every time and everywhere you hear someone justify, explain away, or rationalize murder the first question that is unequivocally answered is about the foul nature of that person's twisted & perverted character.

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Fearing war and unrest, Arab leaders demand end to Israeli assault on Gaza

If they were really so concerned over the consequences to themselves of a Gaza war why didn't they demand that Hamas never start one in the first place? Where were their demands then? Because all their so-called 'demands' now sound to me like shameful & shameless calls for the murderers to be allowed to go free so they can continue their reign of murder. And all the absence of 'demands' then are like deafening shouts of their encouragement for it.

Hamas's Infiltration of the West: A Wake-Up Call for Civilization - Opinion

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European bans on pro-Palestinian protests and slogans test free speech

Is, "I am for terror!" free speech or another form of terror?

Are the limits of free speech where somebody is calling for your family to be butchered? Or before that, where he's calling for your family to be dehumanized? Or before that, where he's calling for your family to be isolated from the rest of us? Or before that, where he's calling for justice against the evils perpetrated by you and your family? Or before that, where he is merely calling for justice for himself & his? Free speech is a goal that shifts with the times. And the grounds under our feet are always swirling.

In theory and principle I am for unrestricted free speech (because that's the only way that terrible ideas can be challenged out in the open). However, no government or group seems to agree with me. So everyone has his own manner or form of censorship. I imagine that if I were in their place, I too would be proposing all manners & forms of censorship. That's just the way that mankind works, I'm afraid. So live with it.

The exertion of censorship by others is always a controversial matter because it is usually a clash of personal opinions. But when you know that expressing your most outrageous opinion will outrage someone then you must take into consideration the fact that doing so must bring to you consequences. It is unreasonable to expect and obnoxious to demand that you be allowed to outrage whomever you wish without any consequences to you. This is simply the way of the world, so you can't expect to be able to hide behind the American Constitution.

There is no question of prohibiting free speech here. Say what you want to say; then, if it is an outrage, pay for it. This is accountability, not censorship. It is one of the first things we learn in our earliest childhood: If you do something bad you must incur a punishment of some kind or degree. Therefrom:

"In human society those who fail to control themselves are only turning control over themselves to others."

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My in-laws want to pay us to baptize our baby. Give advice to this Hax question.

Hold off! First see if the priest is willing to pay you anything to do it, and how much.

****************************************************

Trump ally Blake Masters announces House run in Arizona after failed Senate bid

Anything except an honest job.

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Republicans delay more than $1 billion in HIV program funding

Well, they don't have to worry that any of their kids will ever get HIV, because, as they know, it's not contagious.

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Saudi Arabia Warns U.S.: Israeli Invasion of Gaza Could Be Catastrophic

--For Hamas. Yes, we know.

UNGA calls for Gaza ceasefire, fails to condemn Hamas

Boy, the Jew-haters are really pulling out all the stops, I see.

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No, people aren’t mistakenly flying to Austria instead of Australia

Well, I don't know about you, but when I got off the plane in Sydney all the people there were speaking an even more incomprehensible gibberish than usual. Although their apple strudels were a delight.

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European bans on pro-Palestinian protests prompt claims of bias

Wonder why the Europeans are biased against murderers now?

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Black lawyer admitted to the Maryland bar — 166 years after his denial

Sez he's planning to dust up some old cases he's been meaning to bring to court for a while now.

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Four problems Elon Musk needs to fix at X

1) get Elon Musk out of X
2) sell everything that's left for scrap

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Hamas founder's son, former informant breaks silence, slams Hamas -- “Hamas did not only bring the wrath of Israel over Gaza. Hamas brought the wrath of God,” said Mosab Hassan Yousef.

Perhaps if the Palestinians were being led by Mandela or by Mahatma Gandhi they might be in a better position today. Although my personal view is that the Muslims (all the Muslims everywhere, or see for yourself) are enslaved by the worst Cult of Death in the history of the world, so that anything that comes out of their culture is bound to reflect the criminal and murderous origin of their bloodthirsty religion (never mind the usual ridiculous Islamic propaganda being pushed everywhere around us by the oil money).

"Do not trouble your minds, God approves of your butchery, of robbery, of raping, of enslaving others, of selling them into slavery to enrich yourself, of your most heinous torturing, maiming, of the most egregious pain and suffering you can inflict upon the innocent..." That is the true historical meaning of Islam, a religion created specifically to justify the most unforgiveable crimes man can commit. And that is why Islam was favored by the armies of the conquering hordes in the Middle East after Mohammed. 'The religion of peace' BS is cynical propaganda rammed down the throats of naïve Western audiences which have never had the least interest in learning those crucial lessons of history which could save their lives.

Internet out in Gaza as Israel expands operations

It seems to me that it should be the Gazans themselves who ought to be calling for Israel to flood the Hamas tunnels because otherwise there will probably be nothing left above ground after the Israelis finish their bombing campaign. Albeit, truth be told, the destruction above ground that's taking place now as a result of Hamas's vicious attack on Israel might possibly cause a change of heart on future generations of Gazans--if they finally see for themselves the terrible consequences to them of choosing war over peace and they acknowledge a better path forward at last. Although I do not doubt that if asked Hamas would choose the above-ground destruction of the Gazans over the drowning below of the rats.

LISTEN: Hamas blocks road to Gazans fleeing- 'They're shooting at people'

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The people who want to speak to aliens

Claim we've run out of things to say to one another here on earth.

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Sailor rescued after days drifting in Pacific Ocean

Claims he didn't say he was a good sailor.

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Goldie Hawn Says An E.T. Touched Her And It ‘Felt Like A Finger Of God’

If it was in the subway, 'The Finger Of God’ outran the cops. Sorry.

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Youngkin ‘purge’ removed nearly 3,400 legal Virginia voters from rolls

In Youngkin's defense: He is a Republican, and Republicans elect Republicans to try to find some way or other to cheat the rest of us out of our democracy.

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I’m an independent. Here’s why I’ll be voting Republican for a day.

We know, we know: You want your kids to grow up and work in a Trump business (before it goes belly up).

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Local nuts are forecasting a harsh winter in D.C.

Don't get excited: I spent a while in a local institution near here, and I have to tell'ya: That's not such an unusual thing to hear being forecast in there. [I was just visiting, by the way.]

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Protesters Around The World Call For Israeli Cease-Fire In Gaza

More Democrats warn Biden about how Israel is conducting response

What is this desperate urge to stop Israel's war to put an end to what is a very painfully obvious bloodthirsty terrorist gang like Hamas? Why aren't these same people out trying to stop the far worse catastrophe in the Ukraine, or in the Sudan, or everywhere else in North Africa? Why aren't they protesting the murders in Myanmar? There are deadly dictatorships all over South America, so why aren't their voices clamoring for a return to democracy there? Why aren't they demanding human rights in North Korea, or in the Arab countries? Why aren't they crying out for women's rights in Iran and Afghanistan? Why aren't they desperately clamoring for freedom in Russia and China? No. Suddenly they are desperately interested in saving the world's worst terrorists? Why? Does one even has to ask!

Dr. Phil: Have American liberals ‘collectively lost their minds?’

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I’m a Pediatrician in Gaza. Please Save Us From This Horror.

Fret not, Dr. Safyia: Israel is doing everything in its power to do just that.

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Gaza doctors say hospital evacuation 'impossible' after Israeli warning - Doctors say Israel has told them to evacuate the Al-Quds hospital in an area of Gaza City hit by air strikes on Sunday.

IDF told them there is a vast Hamas complex under their hospital that must be destroyed, and that they will destroy it. Doctors say that that's all right, that they prefer to stay and die as martyrs for terror. To each his own, I suppose.

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Israel has no plan for Gaza after war ends, experts warn

Sounds to me like that is the best of all possible plans. Let's hope that Israel implements it.

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Iran's president says Israel ‘crossed redlines’ in Gaza

Tell the president of Iran that Hamas erased all red lines in this war between Israel and Gaza. So stop talking gibberish!

1,000 child psychologists, trauma experts urge the release of captive children

They forget to say 'please.' Hamas's leaders are very sensitive and polite gentlefolk, as you know.

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President Biden told Israel that it had a right to defend itself, but had to prioritize protecting civilians in Gaza.

If I were the leader of Israel I would tell Biden that such a thing may be important to him, sure, but that to the leader of Israel it comes after:

1) winning the war
2) protected Israeli lives
3) killing or capturing every member of Hamas
4) securing the Israeli nation from further attacks
5) if need be, demonstrating Israeli military determination to any & all potential enemies

If, after all of this, and perhaps much more than just this, the nation of Israel [under attack] is safe & secure, then it will begin to consider the safety and security of her enemies' civilians--

After which I would ask Biden the following rhetorical question:

Has any other nation on earth ever been expected to do anything different from this under the same present circumstances?

The price of Israeli sovereignty - opinion

Foreign nationals blocked from leaving Gaza by Hamas – report

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The internet is full of lies about Gaza — and a different kind of truth

European bans on pro-Palestinian protests and slogans test free speech -- “Everyone has the right to grieve,” said Rabea, a 28-year-old woman with family in the Gaza Strip who agreed to be identified only by her first name as the banned protest dispersed on Sunday. “Everyone has the right to tell their story.”

Does everyone have a right to their lies?

When lies rule it is the duty of protesters to demonstrate for the truth. But what about when protesters are demonstrating for the lies? Is it even possible to tell who is on the side of truth? Yes, I believe that this is possible: It is not all a matter of who can shout the loudest. There are always objective facts which reveal on which side falls the truth.

If one side offers to compromise while the other offers only intransigence it may at first appear as if intransigence means that because truth is on their side they don't feel that they should be required to give up anything, under any circumstance. But in human experience intransigence usually means that those who are unwilling to submit to an impartial judgment know that they lack merit, and that's why they are unwilling to submit the merits of their case to judgment.

People who merely try to shout-down their opponents are telling you they know that their side has no real merit. People who claim that the red stone in front of their eyes isn't really red or even a stone are liars beneath contempt. The reason for man keeping his history is so that it may bear witness against future liars; therefore liars will always have at their ready the latest history that they have written, while the truth will have been written well before their time. And remember that science is not history: science may make history but does not depend on its history because science is the never-ending inquiry into what comes next.

Past Lies About War in the Middle East Are Getting in the Way of the Truth Today

Brandeis U bans Students for Justice in Palestine, says group ‘openly supports Hamas’

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‘This Is A Time For War’: Benjamin Netanyahu Won’t Agree To Cease-Fire In Gaza

If Not This, Then What Should Israel Do?

Sometimes stopping to debate the ethical/moral finer points, or to consider the matter from all possible sides, or weighing all the costs (when what the direct emergency at hand requires is our immediate action) is the worst [of all] possible evils the we can perpetrate in this world.

'We will repeat October 7 again and again' - Hamas official

When murderers are on a killing rampage the only thing to be done is to do everything in our power to stop them--This is the sole rationale for war. [Note that the Ukrainians were never murderers on a killing rampage, while Hamas was: Any attempt to draw a parallel between the two cases by Russia is criminal.] And every attempt to impede Israel's effort to put an end to Hamas's killing rampage is tantamount to participating in Hamas's killing rampage. Calling on Israel to execute a ceasefire now is naked and shameful collaboration with Hamas--Is there any purpose to Hamas other than its killing rampage? Was there anything to Hamas other than that?

On principle I am opposed to every form of war. But when war is the only thing that will bring an end to something far worse, who can morally oppose it? Killing someone is always reprehensible. But what if it's the only thing that will prevent that person from continuing to kill others? It is an impossible choice that we sometimes have to make. Some things are unavoidable in the human experience, and there is no hypocrisy about any of this. No false moral quandaries here.

Chief Of UN Refugee Agency Accuses Israel Of ‘Collective Punishment’ On Gazans

This is just another stupid attempt to try to push a ceasefire on the Israelis. It would be funny if it wasn't so sinister at its core.

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The Israel-Gaza War: ‘Innocent Lives Being Lost on Both Sides’

This war, like all wars, is going to see a lot of terrible, horrible, and even still worse things. Those who believe that Israeli or Jewish soldiers are any different than any other human soldiers are living in a fantasy world of ethnic & racial prejudices and liable to believe anything.

I'm not a religious man, but witnessing the suffering of so many human beings there now I cannot help but cry out to something beyond us poor men: God help the innocents caught up in this war! And God help even those who aren't innocent, for they are all victims. It is sheer folly to believe otherwise just because the Israeli Jews were the first and principal victims in this vicious war: Palestinian Muslims are themselves also victims of a cult of death which was so cynically devised some 1400 years ago by a murderous criminal to assuage the troubled thoughts of the members of his gang of murderers (at perpetrating butchery disturbing even for hardened criminals like themselves just for personal gain). And because that despicable religious hoax served so well the purpose of so many conquering warlords after Mohammad's spree of terror during his lifetime of looting, Islam the cult of butchery and rape, of slavery and theft still to this day continues to spread death, doom, bloodshed unquenchable, and ruin over swathes of its human victims all over the present world: We can see the ruin and bloodshed it is spreading now in Israel and Gaza, and perhaps beyond there tomorrow. And we can do nothing but grieve and weep for the innocents who must suffer its curse whether they are Muslims or otherwise.

I, who am neither Muslim nor Arab, Israeli nor Jew, but a Cuban raised a Catholic, I have wept at the suffering those poor people are undergoing (because of the sins inherited from guilty souls long lost to history) because all human suffering belongs to me just as, by right, my suffering too should belong to all men as well.

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More Democrats warn Biden about how Israel is conducting response

Claim they're a 100 times better generals than any of the ones actually conducting the combat out there in the fields of battle.

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I’ve Been Under Bombardment. There Must Be a Cease-Fire in Gaza.

Definitely. The next bombardment after the cease-fire is bound to be much nicer.

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What’s on your pay stub?

Peanuts. And I don't even remember the last time I ate any.

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Henry Winkler is working through some things

I can guess what the Baker's family business must have been a ways back, but I wonder what the Winklers might have been up to (to pick up their name)? Were they beachcombers, I wonder, or maybe notorious torturers?

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Matthew Perry wanted to be remembered for fighting addiction

I want to be remembered a billion years from now for the way I could cross my toes.

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A plurality of Americans believe God created humans without evolution

And what does that make of us back when we were still monkeys up in the trees throwing our feces at each other? [Ah! Those were the good ole days!]

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ICC puts burden on Israel to prove Hamas uses human shields - analysis

Tell the ICC to look under the Gazans: There you will find the Hamas terrorists. If that doesn't penetrate the thick skulls in the ICC nothing anybody can say ever will.

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Is it true that you sometimes swallow spiders in your sleep?

No. Not true at all. This is just a snide remark by people who think my hair is much too wispy thin.

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Scientists have found a ‘sleeping giant’ of environmental problems: Earth is getting saltier

I could've told them that just from overhearing my neighbors.

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AI must not 'move fast and break things'

By law, our AI servants must all be lumbering Frankenstein monsters (albeit witty & wisecracking). Science fiction writers are mostly always right.

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A night with the rat hunters

We drank & ate, and drank & ate, and... suddenly they couldn't find their catch of rats when they woke us up! Oh-oh. [Whenever you go drinking with the rat hunters, always make sure that they leave their catch of rats outside the bar & grill.]

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Child-care workers make less than dog walkers. Some have had enough.

I don't know. Some of those dog walkers are millionaires: My nephew walks over 500 dogs on a leash & makes a ton of money. Sometimes when he's walking his dogs they have to close both lanes of traffic for a couple of blocks or more.

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Why many scientists are now saying climate change is an all-out ‘emergency’

Oh shut up, nobody's paying any attention to you guys--We all know we're gonna die soon, so it'll be 'somebody else's problem.' Even the people spewing babies all over the place don't care where the hell they end up: "Bake'em, fry'em, what'd we care!"

When the world gets so hot that people begin to be fried and broiled in the streets they'll simply blame it all on God getting upset by some niggling thing or other (just like we've always done since way back before Aristotle & them Greek goomers):

A plurality of Americans believe God created humans without evolution

Translation: American education never graduated from the 19th Century.

An apocalyptic dust plume killed off the dinosaurs, study says

"Well, it's a good thing then that it wa'n't no Dust Bowl 'cause we had us one of them some years back & we lived through it fine!"

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in response to President Joe Biden's comment that Hamas "does not represent the aspirations of the Palestinian people,"

I think Joe Biden had better have a talk with Rep. Rashida Tlaib D-Mich about this before repeating this leftwing parlor blarney.

Rashida Tlaib’s alleged links to the Hamas terror organization - report

US House approves bill to sanction Hamas supporters

Guess Rashida Tlaib won't be purchasing that new automobile after all. Sorry.

Rashida Tlaib part of private Facebook group that has glorified Hamas - report

The Palestinians, not just Hamas, have declared war on Israel - opinion

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European bans on pro-Palestinian protests and slogans test free speech -- Home Secretary Suella Braverman wrote to chief constables in England and Wales that concern should extend beyond explicitly pro-Hamas symbols and slogans. “I would encourage police to consider whether chants such as: ‘From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free’ should be understood as an expression of a violent desire to see Israel erased from the world,” Braverman wrote. Waving the Palestinian flag, in certain contexts, may glorify terrorism, she added. Ben Jamal, director of Palestine Solidarity Campaign, called Braverman’s instructions “deeply concerning.” "Such comments threaten civil liberties and normalize the dehumanization of Palestinians,” he said.

In effect Mister Jamal is saying that discouraging Palestinians from calling for genocide and cheering on terrorism dehumanizes them?!? In a civilized world I would think that exactly the opposite would apply.

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If Palestinian Freedom Makes You Uneasy, Ask Yourself Why

When a man's freedom to own a gun sends thousands into lockdown in their homes, what exactly is the meaning of freedom?

When one person's freedom to not wear a mask or to not be readily vaccinated against a deadly contagious disease kills thousands of innocents, what exactly is the meaning of freedom?

Freedom is always defined by the constraints we place on those who would put an end to it.

Our Declaration of Independence was a constraint placed by us upon England and her king's power to curtail our freedoms.

So you see: Freedom is always a constraint placed on those who would put an end to it.

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This Native American inscription was found deep inside a cave. Two centuries later, scholars think they understand its meaning.

Basically, it translates into something like, "Kilroy was here."

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Carolyn Hax: Their friend’s new girlfriend is 15 years younger, and acts like it

Does she really HAVE to say something every 20 minutes? We older people hate that!

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Rats have an imagination, brain research reveals

First they see themselves in prison, then they spill to the cops.

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Jamie Raskin Explains Why He Voted *Against* Expelling George Santos

Sez that Santos is one of the best ads about the folly of voting Republican there is out there.

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Russia Pulled Out of a Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. Here’s What That Means.

An opportunity for the United States to test all those new ideas they're been working on for years now?

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Israel has no right to defend itself, says Russia at UN

Claims it's traditional for Jews to be exterminated every now & again, "until such time as we run out of Jews"

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Dining chat: Why am I paying a 5 percent service fee for a cup of coffee?

You want your cup of a saucer, don't you! Well, that's the price of putting a cup on a saucer these days, pal. Welcome to the 21st Century.

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El Salvador imposed a new $1000 fee for passengers with an African passport. Here’s why

They claim that people from Africa are richer than people from other parts of the world, so they are more likely to be able to pay it. That's why El Salvador leads the planet on intellectuals.

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Students hated ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’ Their teachers tried to dump it.

They said all one has to do is hit the damn bird with a well-aimed rock & the rest of that stupid how-to book is obviously boringly pointless. I guess their teachers see the logic in this.

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Ask Amy: How do I address co-workers who keep misgendering me?

Always wear a fake moustache if you want people to think you're a man, and a prominent tits prosthesis if you want them to think you're a woman. Works for me.

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A novel defense in Trump’s Georgia case: The 2020 election really was stolen

"Your Honor, in reality all the bank money that my clients took in their bank robbery really belonged to them and not to the bank; nor did the petty cash of the sundry bank customers who happened to be in the bank that day either..."

Colo. judge weighs whether Trump incited insurrection and is barred from running

"Your Honor, my client Mister Robin Hood sez that none of the thefts carried out by his merry band of thieves in his name were done with his knowledge or permission..."

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In a Jedi-like feat, rats can move a digital object using just their brain

The rat who accomplished this would later become the great-great-great grandfather of Yoda.

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Four things we learned from Trump sons’ testimony

1) the fruit doesn't rot too far away from the tree

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What is Hezbollah and will it go to war with Israel?

Well, the good news is that it'll probably be the last war Hezbollah will fight.

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FTX Founder Sam Bankman-Fried Convicted Of Fraud

His heart was in the right place but his hands were in somebody else's pockets.

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Pause? Cease-fire? Sen. Peter Welch doesn’t see a difference

A 'pause' would allow Hamas terrorists to escape the Israeli Army, while a 'cease-fire' would allow them to find better positions from which to kill Israeli soldiers. So there probably is a difference. Wonder why Israel isn't going for them?

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As Gaza War Enters New Phase, Israel Faces Pressure Over Civilian Deaths

The best way to keep an enemy army from killing your civilians is to not start a war. Once you've started a war, trying to convince the enemy to not kill your civilians is usually an exercise in the ridiculous. The second best way to keep an enemy army from killing your civilians is to surrender as quickly as possible--Although it's never as good a savior of your civilians as not starting wars with others in the first place: Always go for that first choice whenever you can. Or for the second choice as quickly as you can.

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Why Go to Mars If You Can’t Have Sex There?

We're not allowed to have sex at the corner nude bar either, but that's not keeping any of us away!

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Her students reported her for a lesson on race. Can she trust them again?

Any teacher that ever trusts her students is going to end up with a blackboard eraser in the back of her skull.

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Who is Hasan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah?

"He was the nicest person you'd ever want as a neighbor. Quiet. Lived with his mother and babysat all our kids. Sometimes he'd even mow the lawn for elderly neighbors and shoveled the snow for those who couldn't do it themselves. One would have never in a million years suspected him of being a mass murderer..."

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Hollywood Is Still Portraying Latinos With The Same Tired Stereotypes

The thing is to make sure that no one could possibly recognize that the character the actor is playing is a Latino. Maybe have the blond German actor say somewhere in the film that his name is Pepe Gomes from Guatemala, or something. And NO DANCING (or mustaches), please.

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Musk did at least one thing right in his first year at X

He washed his hands after going to the can? Good boy!

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You shouldn’t be fired for being a jerk

Yes, your co-workers should start learning why nobody works there unless they get paid.

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Eight columnists discuss: How in the world is Trump winning?

1) you can never go wrong in this world by underestimating people's intelligence

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Few reasons for optimism after US diplomatic dash

This headline is the BBC's take on Israel's overwhelming successes in its war against Hamas. That's all you really have to know about which side the BBC is against. Why it's on the side of a hideous terrorist group like Hamas is really unfathomable.

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A law that helped end slavery is now a weapon to end affirmative action

You cannot right a wrong with another wrong. Any notion that affirmative action does not harm anyone is self-evidently flawed. Reparations to those who were held in slavery should have been paid to them. Damages from the injustices of racism today should be paid by those who are perpetrating it.

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How to bike safely through the dark winter months

2 words: stationary bike

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Israel closes in on Gaza City; Blinken leaves region without combat pause -- In talking about his efforts to push for a humanitarian pause, Blinken said it was also important to see progress on the situation of the more than 230 hostages being held by Hamas. “We also believe that a pause [in fighting] could help advance that proposition as well,” he said.

However, when you consider the hundreds of thousands, even millions of lives that are otherwise at risk in this war, to imperil that many lives just for the sake of but 230 doesn't seem reasonable in even the slightest degree.

A ‘humanitarian ceasefire’ – a war crime?

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A newspaper giant tried to diversify its staff. White workers sued.

"I don't see why you guys are so upset. We're firing you for a good cause."

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This gonzo treasure hunter uses magnets to plumb Baltimore’s Inner Harbor

Sez there's money in old nails, belt buckles, and bullet-riddled Mafia corpses.

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Woman drives into building she thought was an ‘Israel school’, police say

And now you know just how screwed up in their heads antisemitic people really are!

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Orcas sink another yacht in Strait of Gibraltar

Orcas should just lose some weight or stay away from sailing. And no matter how rich they are.

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China has acquired a global network of strategically vital ports

Oh, let'em drink them all! We prefer white wines, light rosés, and Sprite.

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Trump’s belief that 2020 election was stolen is not a defense, DOJ says

Well, how about his belief that he's Jesus then?

Trump as Jesus? Why he casts himself as a martyr, and why fans go along.

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What happened to a missing $6M gold toilet? Despite charges, no one can say.

Who dumps $6 million dollars on a crapper?

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With Poll Results Favoring Trump, Should Biden Step Aside?

No. By the time the election comes around Trump will be where he rightfully belongs: in prison for the rest of his miserable life. And no matter what his cult followers may opine.

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Why Does the Right Hate America?

Because America is the land of the free and refuses to be told what to do by those who imagine themselves her masters.

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Why don’t women’s clothes have more pockets?

Because, unlike men, women would most probably put some stuff in'em.

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Bernie Sanders: I don't know if a ceasefire is possible with Hamas -- Bernie Sanders said that what Israel does not have a right to do is kill thousands of innocent men, women, and children who had nothing to do with that attack. When asked "How should Israel destroy Hamas post-attack, without hurting/killing innocent men, women, and children, when Hamas is hiding behind them and putting them in danger?" Sanders answered: "That is exactly the right question to ask the military experts of which I am not one."

But clearly Bernie IS ordering the Israeli military 'to destroy Hamas without hurting/killing innocent men, women, and children, when Hamas is hiding behind them and putting them in danger.' Bernie Sanders has self-evidently appointed himself a military expert. He just wants to have it both ways.

Therefore, answer the question or shut the hell up, Bernie!

I, on the other hand, fall on the side of assuming that, no matter how many people are killed in this war in Gaza, the Israeli military IS doing everything it can 'to destroy Hamas without hurting/killing innocent men, women, and children, when Hamas is hiding behind them and putting them in danger' if for no other reason than that it is indisputably in their best interest to do it that way. Unlike Bernie Sanders I do leave this to the military experts.

This is a war that is being fiercely fought in close quarters on the streets of a city against an enemy that thinks nothing of using civilians as human shield, and civilians who think nothing of helping them do just that. Ask the Americans who fought people like this in Fallujah if they tried purposefully to kill the civilians who died there. The veterans of Fallujah are probably living in your hometown right now, even in Bernie Sanders's.

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Millennials aren’t having kids. Here are the reasons.

1) Jesus, you have to have sex to do that! Who wants that?!
2) Damn kid's gonna want a car: Ha! I saw that coming.
3) Who needs'em? Enough immigrants are coming in to fill every job & then some: Let them come up with kids!

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These Miami-Dade voters want Ron DeSantis as governor, not president

Not me. I'm sure that Florida is much better off with DeSantis as far away from here as possible. Thank you!

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Officer seizes inmate’s phone and sends himself money from the man’s CashApp, feds say

Are there nothing but crooks in today's prisons? You'd think at least the guards would be law-abiding people.

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Poet Rupi Kaur rejects White House invite over Gaza

And she didn't even write a Limerick about it?

When Rupi Kaur was invited to the WH
it was a lovely, warm and peaceful age.
  But then a nasty war sprung up
  and Rupi got a case of the one hickup
only being by her lonely can hope ever to assuage.

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A Poison Specialist Is Charged With Fatally Poisoning His Wife

"Hey! It's what I do."

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Oldest black hole found, and it may solve a cosmic mystery

Where did God leave his keys?

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Real human skull found as Halloween decoration in Florida shop

Shop owner sez abuse of a corpse doesn't count because it's only a head, and abuse of a head is protected by sex privacy laws.

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Why women are having more periods than earlier generations

As far as I'm concerned they can have as many periods as they like. I don't even wanna get into the conversation: I was brought up in a house with four women (there were two men but they managed to get out).

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Why you should buy clothes to last (almost) forever

Hey, I'm still wearing a pullover my mother bought me when I was three. Now people think it's a neat little Surrealist piece.

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3 early takeaways from Trump’s testimony

1) he's the best witness for the prosecution
2) he's the best source of new material on his co-conspirators
3) if you don't want him to go completely crazy place him in the general prison population so he can keep ranting to others

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Miss Manners: A co-worker asked if my kids have the same father

Tell them what my mother used to say when asked that: "Hope so, because I'm a notorious sampler."

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Trump’s legal issues are bound with a thread of willful dishonesty

This is a nice way of saying that he's a liar and a cheat.

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Apple and Samsung sold you out to Google for $26 billion

Google got ripped off: I would have sold myself out to Google for 26 dollars, if at that.

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Miss Manners: Moviegoers didn’t respect our desire to stay for the credits

When the movie's mindlessly rolling endless end credits seem as interesting as the movie itself you know why Hollywood's in so much trouble.

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Rick Santorum Gets Weird With ‘Very Sexy’ Take On Why Republicans Keep Losing

Sez they're all 'screwed up.'

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Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries are beseeching the U.S. to push Israel to end its military campaign in Gaza.

Guys, patience! Israel is doing everything in its power to bring it to an end. It's already winding down. But you gotta be a little patience. As the ole saying will go: "Gaza City was't razed in a day."

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Today’s Opinions: We’re staring down the barrel of a second Trump term

When you don't learn your lesson the first time around you must repeat it one more time, and this time more intensely. And many many more times after that if you're a really really slow learner.

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What’s up with Speaker Johnson not reporting a bank account?

In Speaker Johnson's defence: If he reports his bank account he'll have to pay his taxes on it, silly.

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Think cats are aloof? They make nearly 300 facial expressions, study says.

I don't know about this aloof stuff: Every cat I've ever owned has always been all over me day & night.

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Max Pacioretty, finally skating, says he has ‘so much more hockey in the tank’

My old man used to be able to skate asleep when he was tanked, with his head between his ankles. And it also kept him out of hockey.

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Police arrest man carrying long gun near Capitol

Claims he's just not very experienced in carrying concealed weapons.

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Native Americans, far from their tribes, build community around a drum

Luckily there were not that very many of'em left, so they were all able to fit their entire community around the one drum.

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Police chief hurt in crash after news conference on reckless driving

We know: The universe was just waiting patiently until after he went to one of those.

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Barbra Streisand’s memoir is long and dishy. Here are the highlights.

Well, you have to remember that she is a woman, so she probably had to wash a lot of dishes.

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Sharon Stone Emotionally Recalls Former Sony Executive Exposing Himself To Her In The ’80s

He is obviously a very small man.

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The Actors Strike Is Coming To An End

And you won't even have to hang around for the end credits.

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Ever Heard These 2 Pieces Of Dating Advice? Well, They’re Exactly What NOT To Do.

1) Check you date's teeth for health issues.
2) See if they trust you enough to pull your finger.

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How On Earth Has Tom Cruise Avoided Getting Canceled For So Long? PR Experts Weigh In

He's very tiny and easily slips under the radar.

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Why are so many Americans dying early?

Daylight saving time. Next question.

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What Is A War Crime?

When you shot off the other guy's head clear off, that's a good kill. When he nicks you in the foot, that's a war crime.

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Israel demands action after journalists reportedly joined Hamas massacre

All so-called journalists who were aware of the Hamas attack and did not immediately inform the proper authorities must be brought before a court of law to face charges of full criminal complicity in the crimes committed by Hamas. And the news organizations they work for should be liable for damages.

Honest Reporting' Group Backtracks After Implying Journalists Knew Of Hamas Attack

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Man charged with growing $8.5 million worth of psychedelic mushrooms

Man claims he is innocent, sez that he just hadn't washed his feet in a while.

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No reoccupation, Blinken urges, laying out fullest vision yet for Gaza’s future

Sez what the world needs now is the same old tired status quo, It has brought us so much fun & joy. More of the same is always the best way to go [no-wheres] in politics.

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I’m calling from Israeli intelligence. We have the order to bomb. You have two hours'

I don't know if anybody actually thanked this man [Mahmoud Shaheen] for all the lives he saved, but he really should be given a major award for the heroic civic loyalty & duty he displayed for his neighbors.

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Searing photos, videos capture a month of pain, devastation

Maybe the devastation that is happening to the streets of Gaza City is a lesson the Gazans could not learn any other way--since none of them ever protested when Hamas was placing rocket launchers next to their homes to shoot at their neighbors. Didn't they even once imagine that their neighbors would shoot back at their homes to try to save themselves from being murdered by those rockets? What thinking person does not realize that swatting a hornets nest is not something that will cause the hornets to just flee away in panic?

Fights in bread lines, despair in shelters: War threatens to unravel Gaza's close-knit society

Exposed: Hamas's hospital hideouts - a grave abuse of Gaza's medical lifelines - editorial

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Why is your latte so expensive? Here’s the math behind coffee’s climbing price tag.

Okay, I haven't bought store coffee for a few years now so I'm thinking maybe I'll probably have to carry more than the old 25 cents to but one these days...

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This runner finished last at the NYC Marathon. He feels ‘blessed.’

Everybody ahead of him was invited to run it again next year.

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'THE PHONE DOESN'T STOP RINGING': DEMS DELUGED BY CEASE-FIRE CALLS

Say that they've never seen a war being fought like this. "Even on M*A*S*H* I never saw any blood outside some icky bandages here & there!"

Democratic Staffers Told To Let Constant Calls For Cease-Fire ‘Go To Voicemail’

"Please call back later. After you've familiarized yourself with what real war looks like. Thank you."

Yes, this is war. And war is not at all as pretty as you would like it to be. People don't get shot without blood spurting out like a ruptured paint-filled balloon. John Wayne didn't use real bullets!

I am sorry to put it bluntly, but watching all this horror, the fastest way to put an end to it is for the Israelis to achieve their victory as quickly as possible. If you too want it to end as quickly as humanly possible, help them in any way you can!

A cease-fire with Hamas is to give Terrorism fuel. It is the gravest of evils. Under no circumstances must any cease-fire that will allow Hamas to live on to butcher & massacre another day must ever be contemplated by the forces fighting against this most vile of evils on earth.

To those who are engaged in this struggle for good I say: Be like a tree in a hurricane: If your stand is principled you can weather the storm. The important thing is never what passing things others think or say about you but what you have always known about yourself.

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First ever images prove 'lost echidna' not extinct

How about the kucalacak? I haven't seen a living kucalacak in a long while, if ever.

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Ron Rivera still hasn’t shown why he deserves to stay in Washington

Ron Rivera sez he doesn't have to because nodoby who's in Washington today really deserves to be there either. So there!

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Florida lawyer held on charges he tried to blow up Chinese embassy wall

Lawyer sez he was convinced there as an unregistered Chinese restaurant going in there, from all the smells that were choking him day and night; and that he just lost it after nobody paid any attention to his complaints. Cops found no restaurant.

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Jezebel gave us the tampon story when we needed it most

Is this the one where the woman wished herself into stone and then couldn't reach in to wish herself back into a woman? I love that story.

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U.S. strikes Iranian weapons storage site in Syria after attacks on troops

"The American SOB's also destroyed some of our best mops & brooms!" [The difference between the American and the Israeli air corps.]

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A guide to the friends and patrons of Clarence and Ginni Thomas

I thought the American people were supposed to be their sole patrons. I thought our laws meant that they weren't supposed to have any outside patrons but us so that the Supreme Court would rule in favor only of the American people. I thought that was why we paid them our hard-earned money in a steady salary, instead of just tipping them whenever they might see their way to giving us a favorable ruling. I thought this meant that they would then be beholding only to those who provided them the money they lived on. Now I'm not all that sure who the Hell they're beholding to.

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Ask Amy: I don’t want my late daughter’s horrid partner at Thanksgiving

Well, if he's really as horrid as you claim he is, he is bound to be there. So pass the gravy.

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Why was it a snake that tempted Adam and Eve to sin?

Because the cow was busy making a phone call.

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U.S. government once again begins preparing for possible shutdown

Why doesn't the government simply switch over to a state of permanet preparation for a possible shutdown? I think it'll probably save a few bucks that way.

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Readers respond to a Hamas cartoon

Did not know that Hamas was putting out cartoons now.

Washington Post deletes editorial cartoon criticized as racist

A lot of condemnation has come the way of the Ramirez cartoon because he depicted the Hamas man as 'Arafat ugly.' Sure, perhaps if someone who was not so disapproving of Hamas had drawn the cartoon maybe the terrorist would have resembled Tom Hanks or someone like that and the innocents he was hiding behind might have looked more willing to be there with him, and maybe even shielding him as 'a cause for good.'

Yes, the portrayal in the cartoon is racist. But I commend its use because any & every member of Hamas should be despised with the same & every level of hate, and of disgust, and of contempt that only racists are capable of feeling. And every personification of a Hamas figure should be damn 'Arafat ugly' and worse.

The purpose of the cartoon was to depict the Hamas terrorist as ugly as possible. If that offended the tender ethnic sensibilities of some Hamas supporters out there perhaps they should pause and ask themselves why instead of condemning this sort of 'racist depiction' they do not instead condemn a bit more harshly [their fellow] Arabs for being members of such reprehensible group as Hamas?

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Ask Amy: Aunt you barely know wants you to dog sit

Are you mentioned in her will?

****************************************************

Where Does Religion Come From?

Look all around you. There are countless people trying to invent new religions as get-rick-quick schemes everywhere you look. Eventually some of them succeed. Some of them even invent new gods to go along with them, and a lot of those also succeed. That's the way it's always been. And it's the way it will probably always be. It's always all a matter of time and place.

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‘The Jazz Continuum’ explores Black social dance — from past to present

I've heard this 'Jazz Continuum’ and it's essentially 6 seconds of music which is then repeated for 6 hours. I heard the first 6 minutes of it live and then read about the rest of it back home watching 6 repeats of the old I Love Lucy show.

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Wonder if UFOs are real? The government has been trying to find out, too.

Really!?! I and most of the City of Miami saw a good couple of them [two gigantic shimmering blue spheres] in the mid 60's that were spectacularly real. We've never seen airplanes or birds that were that real.

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Trump’s rivals seize on opportunities to challenge his mental sharpness

Is't that abuse of the elderly?

Trump calls political enemies ‘vermin,’ echoing dictators Hitler, Mussolini

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Israeli forces ‘striking us from all sides’ at al-Shifa Hospital, Gaza official says

Major hospitals in Gaza are under siege, with some nearing shutdown

For places with only civilian wounded and unarmed doctors they sure seem to be putting up a terrific fight against the might of the Israeli army.

It sure is taking the Israeli army a long time to take over a couple of hospitals.

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Britain's most bizarre aristocrats

You mean Britain has aristocrats that are not as bizarre as the rest of them?!?

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The fried chicken served on Titanic

Researches are now looking into whether the Titanic fried chicken might have contributed to the ship's sinking.

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Is time travel possible?

Yes. All you need to do is look at your watch when you start out.

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Ronna McDaniel Says RNC Will Support Trump Even If He’s Convicted

Why not? The entire GOP is a rotten putrid corpse of corruption pretty much top to bottom now. Why not run a convicted rapist, tax cheat, and con man as its candidate if what they're after is to defraud the electorate!

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In Politics, There Are Worse Things Than Wishful Thinking

Sure: Getting hit in the head with a brick is one I can think of right away.

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How Chinese aggression is increasing the risk of war in the Taiwan Strait

The Chinese have invested a substantial fortune in their arms modernization and they're probably not going to be satisfied to just show it off. So the U.S. and its allies had better steel themselves for at least a substantial aerial skirmish in that area.

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We’ve been getting Sylvester Stallone all wrong

Well, at least all those guys who sold him those worthless paintings got him right enough.

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Why companies are racing to build the world’s biggest bug farm

The demand by people who like to bug others is never-ending.

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11 mind-boggling facts about time

1) no 2 people have the same time unless they check each other's watches & then they'll most probably be off

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“The Marvels”: You’ve seen this movie 32 times before, our critic writes.

That explains that long stretch I can't remember, and all the popcorn in my shirt pockets.

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The people living low-waste lives

We have the skinny on this.

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The benefits of walking backwards

1) you get to the place you've just come from faster
2) when you bump into things you don't hurt your nose
3) if you're one of those persons who prefers not to have sex with your sexual apparatus, that's the way to go

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Hezbollah says it is introducing new weapons in ongoing battles with Israeli troops

Good. Good. The Carthaginians introduced elephants and other new weapons before they were all extinguished from the earth and their cities razed to the ground. I'm sure history will remember Hezbollah's innovations as well when they too are written about in the future.

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Hospitals have special protection under the rules of war. Why are they in the crosshairs in Gaza?

Because Hamas is firing out from them to people who can fire back. [The only possible alternative is that there are Israeli soldiers inside the hospitals shooting at the Israeli soldiers outside then--Does that make sense to you?] We have eyes to see this for ourselves; the question is: why don't you?

U.S. warns about fighting near hospitals; Netanyahu defends Gaza assault

WATCH: Hamas blocks IDF fuel delivery to Gaza's Shifa Hospital

IDF kills Hamas commander who held Gazans hostage at Al Rantisi Hospital

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Violence by West Bank Settlers Cannot Be Ignored

Why not? We ignore many times that much violence on just about every Goddam major city in the United States, for Heavens' Sakes! Use some brains once in a while, see if maybe you got some.

[I better go take a break before these idiots start making me seriously thinking of something crazy like voting for Trump or something.]

'Settler violence' is a myth - opinion

There is no comparison between Palestinian and Jewish violence in West Bank - editorial

President Biden, there is broad consensus Palestinians are not ready for state - opinion

If Progressives Don’t Like Biden’s Gaza Position, Wait Till They Learn About Trump’s

More than 800 Sudanese reportedly killed in attack on Darfur town, UN says

Yea, but they were not killed by Jews so they don't count. Their killers could have killed 800,000 and nobody would have cared either. It's the way it is. The Sudanese passed up a wonderful opportunity for unimaginable human slaughter.

Claims of rising Israeli settler violence against Palestinians are false - opinion

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Support for Hamas on university campuses raises worries for future - opinion

The answer to support for Hamas in the world is to eliminate every Hamas terrorist in the Middle East wherever they are to be found and don't want to be jailed. Then the morons and malefactors of the world will have to go find some other creepy-crawly poisonous creatures to lick.

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How should Israel handle the Houthi attacks from Yemen? - opinion

Well, Gaza City would be a nice lesson for Iran and Hezbollah to learn from the Houthis too.

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A supervolcano is starting to stir. Should we be worried?

No. Not if you don't have any plans to continue living on this planet.

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This is why more people are shaving their eyebrows. And here’s how to do it yourself.

We're hsaving our eyebrows because we're getting so damn lazy that we can't even raise an eyebrow anymore. And, no, I am not shaving mine--I'm still willing to raise an eyebrow now & again, at something or other, for Heavens' Sakes!

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X, formerly known as Twitter, is racing to contain damage after Elon Musk endorsed an antisemitic post.

Cut the garbage! Elon Musk cannot be salvaged; and as long as he owns X then X also cannot be salvaged. There are other (even better) alternatives to X. Go there.

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Al-Shifa Hospital resembles Israeli ‘military barracks,’ Gaza Health Ministry says

I guess the so-called Israeli 'bombardment' of the hospital didn't manage to destroy it much then. Perhaps the media should start thinking about not parroting & spreading that particular Hamas talking point so quickly anymore.

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Ohio Man Who Attacked Officers on Jan. 6 Gets Nearly 5 Years in Prison

"But it was a nice adrenalin rush. Easily worth 5 years in prison."

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Who would be Trump’s possible VP?

Duterte isn't doing anything these days. And he would fit in so nicely with Trump.

****************************************************

Ask Sahaj: I am filled with anxiety about my son’s college application process

So was I but, thankfully, the kid wasn't as stupid as I thought he was.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Should you donate your winnings from a charity raffle?

If I can write it off, sure.

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Nevada AG investigates pro-Trump electors who falsely claimed he won

If all the political malefactors & crooks who schemed to subvert the law are finally prosecuted and sent to prison the dream of truly honest and unquestioned elections in this country will be one step closer. So do it! Prosecute the bastards and maybe they will prefer to be reformed.

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Charissa Thompson under fire for admitting she fabricated sideline reports

Sure: The crime itself is never as bad as admitting it.

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Post Grad: I’m not embarrassed to tell people I’m sober anymore. Here’s why.

We know: You take a good stiff drink before doing it.

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Q&A with Mitch Landrieu: Why doesn’t Biden get credit for his achievements?

Because the GOP's megaphone of lies is much louder. Has been since FOX News turned up its volume. Hey, Democrats: Speaking softly & carrying a big stick don't work if the GOP knows it's made out of foam.

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Whiplash in China as state media does U-turn on U.S.

Suddenly they discovered that Americans are the people who buy Chinese producs.

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What if you met your future self?

Well, I'm pushing 80, so if I'm gonna meet my future self it'd better be in like the next two/three days.

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Watch: US senator challenges man to fight mid-hearing

Sure: Thugs, crooks, bullies, tough guys, thieves, rapists, tax cheats, fraudsters, flim-flamers, ruffians, hoodlums, gangsters, vandals, autocrats, dictators, goons, punks are all now the who's who of the Republican Party.

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U.N. Security Council Adopts Resolution Calling For Urgent ‘Humanitarian Pauses’ In Gaza

Sez it is imperative that terrorism continues to thrive in the world. I guess that's why it does.

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Exercising with flat feet? Here’s what you need to know.

Nothing. I always take off my flat feet before exercising.

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Mike Johnson might be a more skillful speaker than expected

Went on & on about Peter Piper picking a peck of picked peppers and then accepted a bid on something someone apparently bought at auction. Maybe the highest bid, I don't know.

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Why your weather forecasts may soon become more accurate

Because soon it'll always be: Heat, all heat all the time.

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King of Jordan: A two-state solution would be a victory for our common humanity

No nation on earth would tolerate a state next-door which is solely dedicated to its obliteration. To demand that Israel accept such a state next to it is idiotic and malicious.

Palestinians in Gaza, West Bank strongly support Hamas, October 7 attack

As if any need there was of explaining why the two-state solution is bonkers

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Memorials to victims of Stalin vanish in Russia

Of course, everything that is not for the edification of Evil is now forbidden in Russia, again.

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As Trump Vows Vengeance Against ‘Vermin,’ Republicans Look The Other Way

They don't want people to know Trump meant them.

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Miss Manners: When I treat my friends to dinner, they like to add to-go orders

Hey, when I'm invited to dinner I don't expect it to be a one night stand.

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Ask Amy: Daughter won’t have her wedding at our house if her dogs aren’t included

Sit the dogs next to Grandma. She'll probably not know the difference. Tell her they're distant relatives.

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We can’t ignore the truth that Hamas uses human shields

Why not? It's one easy way to be antisemitic while pretending that you're not.

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Cooking chat: Do you need to rinse rice?

No. The mice feces mixed into it is what gives it its tang.

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Bonobos, like humans, cooperate with unrelated members of other groups

Primatologists prefer to term them traitors instead of turncoats (as they do humans) because Bonobos usually like to go around completely in the nude (thereby no coats).

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Moldovan leader's dog bites Austrian president

Afterwards, the old does your dog bite/that is not my dog bit.

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Gaza hospital boss says no water or oxygen left

Guess they should have started their evacuations when the Israelis warned them to.

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Netanyahu admits casualties failings but blames Hamas

Anybody who solely blames Netanyahu for October 7th had better answer for what they were doing or did themselves to prevent it. Netanyahu is using the wrong approach to answer his critics.

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Donald Trump Posts Tirade Against Judge, Court Clerk Hours After Gag Order Paused

I guess gag orders do work on The Big Mouth.

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Immediate Possibility Of Starvation’: UN Stops Delivery To Gaza Amid Comms Blackout

Somebody should condemn the UN's inhumanity. In fact, I will. And, please: No excuses! If nobody wants to hear any excuses from Israel, then I for one certainly don't want to hear any excuses from the UN either.

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Biden Signs A Bill Averting A Government Shutdown For Now

Sez he already has the next Shutdown bill signed so that when the Congress sends it to him in the next week or ten days he won't waste any time. Yes, it doesn't make any sense, but that's the way most things are these days in Washington

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Why Some Seniors Are Choosing Pot Over Pills

Them hippies are gett'n real old now.

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I Knew U.S. Military Aid Would Kill Civilians and Undermine Israeli Security. So I Quit.

In every bunch there's always at least one nut.

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When It Comes to Disdain for Democracy, Trump Has Company

The fight for democracy is often left to a tenacious ferocious few who know it is the best way on earth to secure the benefits of our humanity to every one of us. Therefore do not be cowered, or surprised that the vast majorities out there will go along with anything [whatever, evil or perhaps worse]: Just remain steadfast yourself and the world may yet turn out all right!

Democracy is not merely some ideal: Democracy is mankind's highest aspiration--The first thing that mankind must work to achieve if it wants to achieve all else it would like to achieve for itself. The laws we fashion towards the rule of democracy are the steps towards Paradise:

The purpose of democracy is to help one another. That is why anyone who commits a crime is perverting democracy. And why criminals like Trump so seldom advocate democracy.

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Work Advice: How much notice should I give before retiring?

Just get up & go.
Eventualy they'll know.
And when they do:
Only SS cash 4 you!

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Is it true that thawing a turkey on the counter can make you sick?

No. It will not: Go right ahead and thaw your turkey overnight in your bed with you if you like: I can assure you that it will not make me in the least bit sick. [I feel like Donald Trump giving out medical advice.]

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Joe Biden: The U.S. won’t back down from the challenge of Putin and Hamas

Unless it has to. Yes, we know.

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The most British TV show ever made?

Vicious.

****************************************************

How clocks have shaped civilisation

Now we all live minute to minute.

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Trump Says He Weighed Stopping Jan. 6 ‘Problem’ All By Himself, Audio Reveals

Claims he didn't do it in order to make himself look bad. [Makes sense to me.] But be of good cheer:

Criminals like Trump are never really happy until they finally land themselves in prison.

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Napoleon's hat sells for €1.9m at auction -- The black bicorne felt hat was a trademark of the French emperor, and was sold above estimates.

I'm not surprised. You have any idea how many lunatics out there would love to sport the actual Napoleon hat!

The Osenat auction house sez that it would have loved to also sell one of Napoleon's underwears but, strangely, so far they've never found any.

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Why Georgia Republicans Are Protecting the DA Who Indicted Trump

Because Trump on more than one occasion has threatened to throw them all in his deepest dungeons once he becomes Emperor of The United States? [I wonder if Trump might have been the one who bought that Napoleon hat...]

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Trump Attends His Sister’s Funeral, but Does Not Speak

Sure. Trump's motto is: 'If you don't have anything good to say about somebody, don't say nothing.'

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South Korea unveils plan to ban dog meat by 2027

Darn! I hate those veggie dogs myself.

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Don Walsh, Navy officer who reached ocean’s deepest spot, dies at 92

At 92 fathoms?

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Colorado judge rules Trump can be on ballot, but says he ‘engaged’ in insurrection

If you were found guilty of stealing some bauble you can be damn sure this same judge would never in a million years let you just walk away diddly scot-free after declaring you guilty. Trump, though, is always another story.

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Carolyn Hax chat: My brother is divorcing his wife because she’s ‘let herself go’

Really? I wonder how's he gonna catch up with her to have her sign the divorce papers?

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Cousin always invites me to dinner and then cancels

Super! This is your golden chance to be gracious without it ever costing you anything: Always accept her invitation and then take off to see a movie!

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The chilling discovery Army Rangers made when the U.S. invaded Grenada

If it's not that they had far too many ice cubes stored away there then I don't really think I wanna hear about it.

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Colorado’s football team is winning online, despite losing on the field

If Deion Sanders is a Republican then he should definitely run for president.

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Yahya Sinwar's 1989 interrogation reveals Hamas leader's cruelty, ruthlessness

Well, that explains why he was so easily blinded to the terrible consequences of his vile acts to his own Palestinian people: Criminals like this always think about the pain that their crimes might inflict on others and seldom about the pain crimes like theirs might inflict on themselves--What Hamas did to the Israelis is beyond humanity. But, too, what Hamas did to the Gazans is really unforgivable.

Iran enriches more uranium as Gaza war rages, US election looms - analysis

Iran is racing towards ruin just like the Gazans [and perhaps maybe even to oblivion] instead of overthrowing their murderous regime and saving themselves (from hating the rest of mankind).

The purpose of humanity is to forgive ourselves, for in forgiving others it is ourselves we forgive.

O God, what further miseries must we endure? You have short-changed us in wisdom--Is it to watch us gnawing like dumb animals at each others' skulls? Why must You begrudge us but the small bit of wisdom that it takes to know that when we bless others with our love it is ourselves we're blessing? The small wisdom it takes to see that when we bestow our love on each other it will be the end of our woes! Or dull my poor mind, my God, that I will no longer need to reason their stupid sufferings.

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Putin critic Girkin wants Russia presidential run

Sez he's already mapped out his run all the way to Australia.

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Do you need to tip a self-service kiosk? Here’s how to deal with the many requests for tips.

Rule Number One: You never have to tip if you're never going back there.

Rule Number Two: Tip more than you have to if you are (ever even thinking of going back there).

And by the way, don't ever go back after not tipping wearing a fake moustache: I did, and had to dine on a very spitty-tasting meal. [Yes, it is noticeable.]

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Bowen: Ceasefire demands will grow without proof of Hamas HQ at Al-Shifa

And it will grow just the same without any such proof: Israel, choose your poison!

Evidence confirms Israel’s al-Shifa claims, so critics move the goal posts

****************************************************

House Ethics Committee Chair Files Resolution To Expel George Santos From Congress

Santos sez he will stick to the sole of the House like dog crap. [pun]

****************************************************

Trump Lawyers Assail Judge Ahead Of Gag Order Ruling In Jan. 6 Case

You know, in my day, only lawyers who had recently graduated from an insane asylum might threaten & insult judges before whom they were scheduled to appear. I have no idea what might be going on in these judges' minds today!

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Iran, Houthis attack with impunity in Red Sea - analysis

Criminals who face no consequences will always escalate their crimes.

****************************************************

Who can beat The Donald? The Rock.

Great, now even liberals are advocating violence!

****************************************************

U.N. experts warn of genocidal incitement by Israeli officials

Wow! It's a good thing at least the U.N. doesn't have to give out warnings about Hamas wanting to do any genocides! [sarcasm]

Jordan doubts Israel can wipe out Hamas, vows to stop Gaza 'displacement' -- "Hamas cannot be in control of Gaza any longer, Only the Palestinian Authority (PA), the Western-backed entity that exercises limited self-rule in the West Bank, could run Gaza after the Israel-Hamas war is over," European Union foreign policy chief Josep Borrell told the Manama Dialogue, an annual conference on foreign and security policy.

Of course, Israeli forces are combing through the West Bank every day capturing more and more Hamas operatives there: If it weren't because Abbas has refused to hold elections there Hamas would be in control of the West Bank now.

Is it really such a good idea to place Gaza under the Palestinian Authority if you [really] don't want Hamas to be in charge of Gaza? I wonder.

It is very easy for Mr. Borrell to sit up at the United Nations and so calmly pontificate that he is entitled to dictate how the Israelis should save themselves from being butchered by their Gazan neighbors in the future: It is not Josep Borrell's children that will have to be sent into Gaza to shed blood and lives there in order to end the decay & corruption of Hamas, its blind mindless butchery. No. It is the Israelis who must watch their young men & women march into Gaza and risk everything, up to their lives, in order to rid this great evil from not just the seared flesh of Israel but from the whole body of the world itself, because the vile rage of butchery that lives in Hamas will die only with Hamas itself:

Mr. Borrell is not even worth replying to in human words: He won't understand them. I would just seal a big stinking fart in a brown paper bag and mail it to him: Tell him to choke on it.

Palestinians in Gaza, West Bank strongly support Hamas, October 7 attack

Palestinian Authority claims Israel, not Hamas, committed Re'im massacre

Netanyahu indicates Israel will oppose Palestinian Authority’s return to Gaza after war -- “I will tell you what there will not be. There will not be Hamas,” he says. “There will also not be a civil authority that educates its children to hate Israel, to kill Israelis, to eliminate the State of Israel. There cannot be an authority that pays the families of murderers [amounts] based on the number they murdered. There cannot be an authority whose leader still has not condemned the terrible [October 7] massacre 30 days later,” the premier says, referring to PA President Mahmoud Abbas. “That cannot be."

I think the Prime Minister of Israel has a much higher moral authority to require and decree what must happen in Gaza than does Josep Borrell and on this I care not who disagrees with me.

Palestinian minister: Hamas's October 7 massacre of Israelis 'heroic'

Gazan who escaped to Israel, converted to Judaism shares his story

I am an old man now and death is here standing impatiently next to me fingering a silver coin. Let this warning reach you, Israel, even from my grave:

Don't let Pakistan surprise you like Hamas did in Gaza, because Pakistan has the bomb & a question mark in its soul. Do not let Iran surprise you, because they are doing all that they can to get hold of it also. Do not let Syria or even Saudi Arabia surprise you either, because a surprise is precisely what one never expects. And, as well, do not let Turkey surprise you, because Erdogan's hatred will go with him to his grave. No matter what any of them or others tell you, man's true nature is hewn into the very bones that holds up his make, trust that. [And, if you must use nuclear weapons someday against Iran, first target Iran's cavernous nuclear sites in order to give them a chance to pull back from the doom they're embarking on--because all human beings must always do everything in their power to save all other human beings even unto the point where their own deaths is the one anything that will no longer let them continue on saving lives.]

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Meet the tree tenders

"What! .74 cents for this one? It's a 400 years old birch, b****!"

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French performers lead a silent Paris march for peace between Israelis and Palestinians

When mimes march do they really go anywhere?

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The fierce battle over junk fees that cost consumers billions of dollars a year

One man's billions of dollars a year in junk fees are another man's billions of dollars a year treasure of food on the table.

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Russia pardons its most gruesome prisoners to join the military

Russia still has prisoners who are not in the military?!? Well, I guess now it will not be just 'the least gruesome Russians' who will be out there in the street.

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Miss Manners: I can’t enjoy a concert when the audience makes so much noise

There are people in this world who pay attention to the music and then there are people who pay attention only to the audience: If you're one of the latter people then you've made the right choice going where there is an audience for you.

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Carolyn Hax: Husband asks spouse to annoy his parents to motivate them to leave

Or, what's coming your way after he gets rid of his parents.

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What happens after Donald Trump’s ‘final battle’?

Well, he's pretty advanced in years now, so the ole hole in the ground is probably a good bet. And make it a deep one: You don't want him stinking up the place any more than he already has.

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These worms could help solve our plastic pollution problem

Serious researchers never do get any respect.

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Why you age slower on a plane

Well, I've been on a plane, and even though my watch continued moving time indeed seemed at a standstill.

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Why Long-Term Care Insurance Falls Short for So Many

Duh! Because it is designed that way in order to maximize profits.

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How do I find someone to do my will? Read Michelle Singletary’s answer.

1) have kids
2) have your son marry some low self-esteem ill-lucked girl
3) work your way up to Boss by kissing lots of big asses
4) lie like Trump stupidly to the moron mob

Really not that hard to do: Most of us are already doing the will of the countless of clowns & the oodles & oodles of dolts now!

‘Pieces Of S**t’: New Book Divulges Trump’s Private ‘Colorful Language’ On Evangelicals

Oh, and, by the way: Make sure you insult them: They love that!

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I Texted My Friend For Years After She Died. Then I Received A 5-Word Reply That Left Me Shaken.

I remember the original 1950's Twilght Zone episode of this story. But Rod Serling used a regular landline telephone back then because he couldn't get hold of a smart phone, I guess.

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Can you still serve a fallen turkey?

Do you have any idea how many people are still serving Trump this Thanksgiving! Sure! You betcha!

Legal Experts Burst Trump’s Bubble Over New Ruling: Actually ‘Very Worst Decision' For Him

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Miss Manners: My friend’s husband told me I wear too much makeup

No one really needs to wear makeup. Too much of it is what makes clowns. My mother never wore makeup. She looked like an orangutan, yes, but orangutans are very popular at the zoo; and very loving animals, as was my mother (this didn't come out right). But I guess this is why I like the orangutans, and have never really been particularly fond of clowns.

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Ask Amy: I have a distant relationship with my ‘self-indulgent’ mom

Look in the mirror: Mothers are suckers for a child's love; and suffer the cruel sting of a child's scorn many & many times harsher than any vile stab from the most foul stranger on this evil earth.

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Stuck at a Thanksgiving dinner with nothing to say? We can help.

Put the turkey's head in your mouth and then bring it out slowly beak first. I've always found this old gag to be a crowd pleaser, especially among the kids. You can try it on Grandma, sure, but I doubt she'll appreciate it much. [For the MAGAners & idiots out there: This is only a joke--Don't try it.]

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House Speaker Mike Johnson Visits Donald Trump At Mar-A-Lago

"Master, they are laughing at me and calling me names!"

"Fear not, my dear little Renfield. I will protect you. When I rule over them they will be cockroaches & sundry other bugs before you!"

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Does red wine give you headaches? Buy a cheaper bottle, scientists say.

But don't stop drinking, right?

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Capitol Rioter Convicted After Judge Slams His Defense As ‘Gobbledygook’

In rioter's defense: ‘Gobbledygook’ is pretty much the reason these lost souls rioted on Jan. 6 (Donald Trump's ‘gobbledygook’).

Former Sen. Claire McCaskill Says 1 Trait Makes Trump ‘Even More Dangerous’ Than Hitler -- Trump just wants “to look in the mirror and see a guy who’s president,” she claimed. “All he cares about is selfish, self-promotion. That’s the only philosophy he has, which makes him even more dangerous because he has actually said out loud it would be OK to terminate the Constitution to keep him in power. He said this. He actually said those words.”

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Napoleon complex? The ‘little corporal’ was actually taller than average.

Not when he was a corporal.

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AI can’t write my books yet, but it still took my author photos

Did it portray you at all with something of a swell head?

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I have too many friends, and I can’t keep up! Carolyn Hax readers give advice.

One word: Vigra.

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Kim Jong Un hails 'space power' with spy satellite

Sez that the power of space in his head is what will drive him from here on out.

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Oscar Pistorius to be freed on parole

Oscar Pistorius, the inventor of the fart? I thought he'd been very deservedly given life without any chance of parole.

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Putin Bristles as Other Leaders Criticize Russia’s Aggression in Ukraine -- Mr. Putin repeated Russia’s official line that the Kremlin was ready to negotiate and blamed Ukraine for rejecting talks. “Russia has never refused peace talks with Ukraine,” Mr. Putin said. “It was Ukraine, not Russia, which publicly announced that it was withdrawing from the negotiating process.”

What's to negotiate? Russia can put an end to this war today by withdrawing its army from Ukraine; because obviously Ukraine cannot just stop its own struggle to recover all of its sovereign territory. And that's how the thing will go unless Putin decides someday to do the decent thing and puts a bullet through his head. Although I doubt he is that decent. The best we can hope for is that the Russians get tired of getting killed for nothing and one of them then finally puts that bullet through Putin's head. [And, yes, I am advocating that for the sake of world peace and of humanity itself somebody please do so as soon as possible.]

Ukraine Launches Major Drone Attack On Moscow-Annexed Crimea

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Hamas's Haniyeh amid ceasefire: Palestinian martyrs are price of freedom

So Haniyeh is also in favor of Gaza finally being free of Palestinians then?

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‘Scream’ actress Melissa Barrera defends Israel-Gaza posts

What else is a criminal to do after he has been caught with no escape, except claim some justification or other for his crime?

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Many in Middle East blame United States for devastation in Gaza

They'd be better off looking at themselves in the mirror.

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Taking holiday family portraits can be tricky. Here’s how to get great ones.

Send your family on vacation and shoot selfies at home.

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Wild turkeys are disappearing — but no one is sure why

They seem to be going into doughmastic[ted] politics. [sic.]

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Just how germy is that shopping cart? We asked scientists.

What is this sick pathological morbid phobia of germs people have now? Germs are good. We have had more individual germ species on our bodies than we have individual cells from our very beginning and that's because we could never have existed without germs. Germs are an indispensable integral part of all animals. We are germs: Don't be afraid to pet your pet rat while eating your burger. Go french you stinking dog! Join your cat when you see him playing around with his box feces. It will do you a world of good. [Disclaimer: Just stay away from me.]

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As Democrats push to ban caste discrimination, some Indian Americans object

Higher caste I take it?

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A trade war could kill the climate effort. But it doesn’t have to happen.

And people are infinitely wise as well.

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How Oct. 7 revealed the moral vacuity of U.S. higher education

Get religion out of public education! Religious education is purely the worst sort of partisan indoctrination and mind-control, and has never had anything to do with either moral values or ethical comportment, let alone civic responsibilities! It is not for nothing that our wise Founding Fathers instituted a strict separation of church and state in the Constitution.

Rep. Kevin McCarthy Mocked For Historically Illiterate Tweet

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Bird species are being renamed! Here are my suggestions!

So the chickadee will no longer be named after my chic?!?

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Jonathan Pollard calls for hostages' families to be silenced, arrested

Jonathan Pollard has done more damage to Jews and to Israel than just about anybody else you could care to name: To Jews because he is the poster boy of those anti-Semites who claim that Jews never will be faithful to the countries where they are citizens, and to Israel because its relations with the United States are so crucial--How the Hell does he spy on the United States?!? What possible good can come of it, in the least! He could not have done any more harm to the forces fighting evil in this world than had he been [caught after years of] spying for Russia or for Iran.

"Yes. I have now definitely determined that the United States is not going to attack Israel." [Thank you. The risks were well worth it.]

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Flash mob robs Nike store in Los Angeles

Fortunately the only thing they were able to get away with was some shoes.

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Elgin Marbles in UK 'like cutting Mona Lisa in half'

Yeah. Compare the Elgin Marbles with the stuff that was left back in Greece [even after endless restorations] and then you'll realize just how damn lucky the world has been that at least the Elgins were preserved in England (where even the Greeks can come to enjoy and marvel at them now & hopefully for all time to come). Return them to Greece and they may not survive the coming wars with Turkey: Muslims are very keen on destroying 'especially' art they deem offends their national religious cult, which is pretty much a description of just about all ancient Greek art. No!

The Greek prime minister calls for the reunification of the artefacts, also known as the Parthenon Sculptures.

If this means taking the entire Parthenon apart and reassembling it (along with the Elgins) over at Piccadilly Circus, then I'm all for that. Yes.

Let's just hope that Britain doesn't lose its Marbles!

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What we actually know about aliens, according to science

1) they do not wear shoes, so they did not come here just to tap-dance
2) they're obviously nudists (and don't require space suits)
3) they may be coming here to study medicine, especially the human colon

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Ask Sahaj: Spending time with my family feels ‘performative’ and ‘oppressive’

Okay, so now you know you're not a peoples-person.

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North West Brutally Criticizes Mom Kim Kardashian’s Met Gala Dress

North West? That sounds like something some crazy-ass immature Hip-Hopper might name his kid.

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Newly-Elected New Zealand Government Tosses Out Smoking Ban For Tax Cuts

Sez that without a lot of smoke the voters are liable to see what they're up to. Now for the more mirrors legislation.

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Trump wants a do-over on repealing Obamacare. That seems unwise.

Sez that he and his family could save over $12.95 on their taxes each year if the government stops paying all the damn medical costs of 'all the bums' on Obamacare now. That's worth it to him.

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Dead, wounded or AWOL: The voices of desperate Russian soldiers trying to get out of the Ukraine war

'You’ll die in this pit': Takeaways from secret recordings of Russian soldiers in Ukraine -- The war seemed senseless to him. Why wasn’t Putin satisfied with Crimea? What business did they have trying to take Kharkiv and Kyiv?

Why wasn't Napoleon satisfied with Italy, Germany, Austria, Spain? Why did he want to take Russia too? Megalomaniacs like Putin can never be satisfied, even with the whole earth itself.

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Elon Musk Visits Israel After Promoting Antisemitic Conspiracy

Apparently, when you're rich you can do no wrong; and that even includes being Antisemitic!

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Trump Is Hinting At A Military Power Grab — And This Law Could Help Him Do It

Walnut-brain syndrome: It is truly stunning to me that any American (let alone so many) would contemplate voting for a candidate whose open agenda is becoming their military dictator!

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Mary Trump Stunned By Uncle’s Latest Online Stunt: ‘Absolutely Out Of This World’

Don't you just hate it when your crazy uncle becomes president of the United States!

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Shocking Video Shows Disneyland Streaker Going Naked On It’s A Small World

Disney World sez that once he got on the little boat they had to wait until he finished his ride to nab him. And that "It's A Small, Small World' was purely coincidental.

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Elgin Marbles in UK 'like cutting Mona Lisa in half'

Would that really be such a bad thing? Instead of a simple Mona just sitting there smiling like a dope you'd have TWO intriguing paintings of Monas peering around the corner. And, at the same time, they can be in two different museums very distant from each other.

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Time to understand homosexuality - Ghana cardinal

Homosexuality is when one man tries to see just how deep a friend he can become with another man.

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We Know War Is Awful, So Why Is It Making a Comeback?

Because it's a nice way to get rid of the surplus population without having to poison them off yourself. And, look, Russia has almost gotten rid of its prison populating too. I'm sure that after Russia gets rid of everybody they want to kill off in Russia they will declare an armistice and everything will be honky-dory in the world again and we will all be great friends once more. The dead won't object.

Most Russians back war in Ukraine and buy Putin’s case for it, report says

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Mars Needs Insects -- If humans are ever going to live on the red planet, they’re going to have to bring bugs with them.

Well, if they're bringing flies they're also going to have to bring horses, because flies mostly reproduce in horse corpses and their 'manure.'

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Donations to GOP drop as worries mount about the party’s finances

What worries? Trump's doing fine.

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Borrell: Middle East can’t survive another Palestinian Nakba

You'd be surprised at the things people can survice, Mr. Borrell. In any case, if it doesn't, then the Middle East can always rename itself the Slightly Off-Middle East.

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What is up with Ireland? - editorial

A lot of Whiskey bottles.

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An architect has found a way to build homes that appear to be flood-proof

Think 'houseboat.'

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Carolyn Hax: Is turning down a ‘high-voltage’ job offer a sign of depression?

No. It's a sign that your wife is going to be depressed.

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These look like prizewinning photos. They’re AI fakes.

Lincoln and his wife on a Harley was probably pushing it.

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Today’s Opinions: Take away your kids’ smartphones. Blame the Editorial Board.

No. Blame the sky (it's much closer to them).

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Why Trump should stop trying to repeal Obamacare

Cut it out! Trump will never stop trying to harm others.

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The house you can pick up and move when the flood comes

And your dog fits in it nicely.

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Why backers of a Palestinian state should oppose an immediate cease-fire -- "The Biden administration must insist on concrete, identifiable steps to reform the Palestinian Authority and preparations for a final status deal."

It is not the Palestinian Authority that is perverse, twisted, and malicious but the Palestinians themselves. Even removing the Palestinian Authority wholesale will not change the equation one little bit. What is really needed, if there is to even be a Palestinian state, is to institute a merciles de-Nazification program upon Palestinian society perhaps even more intense & relentless than the one the West instituted upon Nazi Germany after the war. Then maybe we'll talk.

Otherwise peace will only come after one side or the other wins such an overwhelming, complete and outright victory over the other that minds will finally begin to think about he possibility of other ways to go about things. These occasional episodic Israeli victories will never do the trick.

Hamas, Nazi ideology linked to Kishinev pogrom and Oct. 7 massacre - analysis

Protesters brandish swastikas at pro-Palestinian rally outside Rockefeller Christmas tree lighting

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Knowing When ‘They’ Means One

1) when you know the speaker is an ignoramus
2) when you know the speaker is an illiterate
3) when you know the speaker is an ass-kisser for some stupid little new mob of idiots that would bend the world (all out of shape) to their liking
4) when you know the speaker is a member of that little mob

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Erdogan tells UN chief Israel must be tried in international courts for Gaza crimes

He also sez that every cop in America must also be tried in international courts for crimes against American criminals.

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Why recognizing Palestine is the key to ending the war in Gaza

Because then the Palestinians will live in peace and harmony with their Jewish neighbors. You know, like the Gazans.

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Deion Sanders Believes Colorado Will Rise. Opposing Coaches Predict Otherwise.

Deion sez it doesn't matter because his boys are becoming excellent at Pickleball; and that they're certain to dominate college Pickleball next year.

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How (and why) to stop yelling at your kids

Just shut up! (Because you're getting hoarser & hoarser and your kids are going more and more deaf.)

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Indonesia called for more pressure on Israel after a strike on a Gaza hospital it helped build.

Indonesia should be thankful instead: Israel is clearing out all of the terrorists from it so that Indonesia can come back and rebuild it again, this time strictly as a hospital whose sole purpose is to help people in need, not help hide murderers--And now that Indonesia won't have to clear out the Hamas terrorists itself maybe this time the hospital staff won't let the terrorists back in; you know, have its medical staff quit it en masse if the terrorists try to take it over again or something medically ethical like that.

Israel confirms detention of al-Shifa Hospital chief

If this guy didn't authorize & orchestrate his hospital becoming part & parcel of the Hamas terrorist organization, he certain condoned it and did all he could to deny there was even any connection to it.

Released hostage says he was held by UNRWA teacher in Gaza - report

Hamas uses hospitals for terror purposes, Gaza hospital director admits

Live now: What would peace between the Israelis and Palestinians look like? I’m answering your questions.

I do not know about all of the Palestinians, but if Israel is forced to make some sort of political settlement in Gaza by the deaf & dumb world before Israel can achieve the high moral purpose of getting rid of Hamas there forever then let us sincerely hope it is that all Hamas members who lay down their arms are given safe passage out of Gaza to wherever the Hell they go--Those who remain behind should be hunted down then like the dogs they are.

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How to Kill a Palestinian State

1) Fill it with Palestinians.

And for those of you who wouldst still defend any aspect at all of the Palestinian side: This alone, from Palestinians themselves, should give you pause:

Palestinian minister: Hamas's October 7 massacre of Israelis 'heroic'

Gazan who escaped to Israel, converted to Judaism shares his story

Hamas founder's son calls for Israel to kill his father if hostages not released

In the West Bank, Release of Prisoners Deepens Support for Hamas

Anti-Israel complaints about war conduct not grounded in principle - comment

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Soup is for the soul. And no, you don’t need chicken.

You do if you wanna share it with your chicken

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This bird hasn’t been seen in 38 years. Its song may help track it down

If it is Melancholy Baby then there might be one in a bar a couple of blocks from where I live.

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If an octopus is so smart, should you eat it?

If it's not wise enough to recognize what we are: Sure!

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This animal consumes just about anything it can. Here’s why the U.S. is moving to protect it.

He could be keeping the U.S. economy going all by himself. [I might have had lunch next to this guy over at McDonald's the other day.]

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Husband likes my parents’ money but not my parents. Give advice to this Hax question.

Offer him one of your twenties and see how he likes it: You may be in more trouble than you think.

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Long-haired rats invade Australian coastal towns: ‘Quite destructive’

When Hippies Go Bad.

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You can take your dog to movies and bars. But does he want to go?

My dog always wants to go to a bar, but he's not always all that keen to see a movie. Cheers wolf!

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This year will be Earth’s hottest in human history, report confirms

Don't worry: We still have enough fossil fuel to run our air conditioners for a while.

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N.Y. appeals court reinstates Trump gag order in civil fraud case

Trump said nothing.

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Biden Hopes to Alter the Trajectory of the War as Hostages Are Released

Sez he would like to preserve Hamas as the overlord of Gaza.

Palestinian diplomat appeals for Gaza truce to be extended as EU and Arab nations meet in Spain

Ditto.

Biden sez that the right & proper way to fight the Hamas war is to politely ask all Hamas members to please simply leave Gaza (especially so that no one on the left here in the United States or anywhere else in the world is upset and starts a protest), and that he is, of course, quite willing to settle them all in Delaware. Biden even explained that if the Hamas community in Delaware then wishes to carry out a few massacres someday here & there that the neighboring state of Pennsylvania has very liberal gun laws--so they can just slip over there & pick up all the armaments they might require for the job whatever.

Biden, US officials ask Israel to be more cautious in south Gaza offensive

Dear Biden: If you do not believe, as it obviously seems that you do not, that Israel is being as caution as it can possibly be, why don't you simply go there and ride along on a few bombing runs with the very professional IAF? Maybe ride a tank or two around a few Gaza battles with the IDF: I am convinced that it will be exceptionally instructive to your soul.

Or tell the Israelis to leave Gaza, send in the Marines, and battle Hamas the American way: house by house (after all the civilian residents are safely evacuated), street by street (without toppling so much as a lamppost), and city by city, after years and years of however long it takes from one city to the other... or until one of the next American administrations finally decides [as one of them must before the job's finished] that Hamas terrorists aren't really such bad fellows to leave in control again of Gaza. You know, like it's been ever since Churchill and FDR passed away from the numbed memory of Man.

Yeah, what is this business of people getting killed in wars? Where did that come from?

Putin is counting on the U.S. to cave on Ukraine

Biden apologizes to advocates for response to Israel-Hamas war

Biden is already apologizing to Muslims for his original principled stance on the Hamas War. Can Putin's Prophecy be far behind?

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2 Republicans In Arizona Indicted After Trying To Delay Election Results

Justice may be delayed, but it is certain.

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GOP Melts Down As Dick Durbin Uses Its Tactics For Advancing Biden Judges

Finally the Republicans are going to Finishing School. Let's hope that most of them emerge as proper ladies and gentlemen. It's the only way to go!

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Why Cristiano Ronaldo Is Being Sued for $1 Billion

Because he has it. And that's why somebody once sued me for $7.50 [We agreed to a settlement for $3.27]

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A Swiss Home So Well Designed It Needs Just One Door

I wonder if it's the front door or the one to the can? Which one would you pick if you could only have one?

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Climate Protesters Interrupt Met Performance of Wagner’s ‘Tannhäuser’

These very naïve, stupid and confused people do this because their punishment is almost non-existent and because they think protesting Disney World will being peace to the world or something--If they really want to be effective against climate change they should protest corporate magnates at the corporations which are causing it! Outside of that, judges should levee prison sentences long enough to make these common vandals think twice about doing crimes like these.

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At the Shakespeare Theatre, ‘As You Like It’ meets the Beatles

There things always invariably get written by Beatles rather than Shakespeare fans. So I stay a long day's night away from them.

In any case, I have never seen a Shakespeare play performed without cuts of all sorts--probably because no audience can really understand the actors and therefore it becomes really really boring to present the full manuscript. That's why I always prefer to just read Shakespeare & avoid getting bored.

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Elon Musk targets advertisers who boycott X with expletive-filled rant

Advertisers say it wasn't that bad: Their customers' curses are usually much much worse than that.

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Miss Manners: Can I ask friends to stop showing me photos?

But they're so proud of how ugly their family members are! Maybe you could just close your eyes and pretend you're squinting.

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Rand Paul performed Heimlich maneuver on Joni Ernst as she choked at lunch

As my grandmother always said: "Never talk when you're already talking."

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A Trump dictatorship is increasingly inevitable. We should stop pretending.

Don't know how apparent it is, but while most Democrats hold Trump in contempt and tend to ignore him, it is Republicans who really are his opponents: So I wouldn't be at all surprised if it is Republicans who Trump will put up against the wall when he becomes dictator.

"But I voted for him!"

"Then you deserve this more than most: Fire!"

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Alex Murdaugh missed his calling

He should have run with Trump instead of Pence. Then Trump would be King now and Murdaugh might be The Duke of Staten Island or something.

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Destroying Gaza’s cultural heritage is a crime against humanity

If there are terrorists hiding behind them then it's an even bigger crime against humanity to permit them to live on to butcher more human beings, both morally and semantically.

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Trump lawyer: Georgia trial would have to wait if Trump wins in 2024

Hello! Georgia prosecutors would have to seek political asylum in France if Trump wins in 2024

A Trump dictatorship is increasingly inevitable. We should stop pretending.

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George Santos Accused Of Stealing GOP Colleague’s Personal Credit Card Info

No honor among thieves.

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Trump can be held civilly liable in Jan. 6 riot, judges rule

Now every person who was hurt on Jan.6 can put the straw into Trump's billions. That is the best punishment of all for Trump.

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Donald Trump Can Be Sued For Jan. 6 Attack, Appeals Court Says

Trump had claimed that he is entitled to hurt anybody he wants as much as he likes. [Judges took a considerable amount of time reaching the decision that he is not.]

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Olympic swimmer Klete Keller avoids prison time for role in Jan. 6 riot

Life-long exercise does have its privilege.

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It’s never too late to lift weights: Older bodies can still build muscle

Just go easy on that first yank: Remember that you're gonna need your arms, hands, and fingers to dial 911

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Police raid Moscow gay clubs, Russian media say -- The reported raids come a day after the country's Supreme Court outlawed the "LGBT movement".

Incredible how the judges in Russia do anything Putin tells them! Why does he even have judges? But, if Trump were to win again, this is a very good preview of what the U.S. will look like.

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George Santos expelled from Congress in historic vote

George Santos Is Gone. Only his repugnantly choking perfume remains behind. Congress will have to be aired out for weeks. Perhaps even years.

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Kevin McCarthy, Who Talks From Notes, Says Biden Is Old Because He Talks From Notes

The difference, sez McCarthy, is that while Biden's a winner he himself is a lousy loser. He must have forgot to read from his notes.

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Do You Really Need to Shower Every Day?

I don't, but a lot of the people around me definitely do if they're going to be hanging around me! What I do to them is never as foul as what they do to me!

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Susan Sarandon Apologizes for Comment About Jews at Rally

Sez she simply got carried away by her antisemitism.

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The Plan to Save a California Island? Shoot All of the Deer.

That includes the legs, tail, head, and every part of the rest of its little body.

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You asked: Should I rinse canned beans?

No. Take them out of the can first.

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A chicken was missing toes. People sent him over 60 pairs of tiny shoes.

Chicken wrote on Instagram: "Fuck that! Send me a doctor!"

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White House pressed Israel during bombing pause to change its strategy

"Would it really be such a bad thing to live next-door to a family of deranged religious fanatics who are convinced they have to murder you and your entire family in your home even if it costs them all their lives? Now, I ask you guys. Really."

Gaza fighting intensifies as Israel pulls out of hostage talks

What an unusually quick and unexpected answer! [Somewhere in this world there's reason after all--Just not in the White House.]

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The strange tale of Scotland’s buried Egyptian treasures

Hey! They're Scots: It's what they do whenever they get their hands on any 'liquid assets' whatever.

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Pentagon plans a drone army to counter China’s market dominance

The drones will all only buy American. Pentagon sez that they have enough discretionary cash available for the drones to bury China manufacturers in the purchase of every kind of goods.

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Why you should think twice about cranking up your thermostat as it gets cold

Because shivering is good for the soul.

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I hate the fluorescent lights in my kitchen. What are my options?

1) cry
2) go into the livingroom
3) tell your husband to change them to incandescent (before you can't buy any more of them)

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Yes, messy people can learn to be tidier. Here’s how.

Take all their stuff away. That'll teach'em!

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George Santos was expelled. What happens next with his House seat?

Cops have to catch him first to see if they can find where he stashed it, or who he might have sold it to.

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Dining chat: Should I call out a popular restaurant with a history of bias and hostility?

If it's a restaurant catering to humans then there's little point to it: They're all like that.

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Miss Manners: Friend’s mom keeps comparing our kids

Well, what bits of them is she comparing?

****************************************************

DeSantis’s struggles worsen in GOP presidential race

DrSantis is a painfully obvious moron, and even Republicans are beginning to pick up on this now.

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‘Godzilla Minus One’: A monster movie with a giant heart

The 'One' in the title, by the way, refers to the fact that I wouldn't go see this movie if the popcorn & tickets were free. "How many?" Tickets or popped corns?

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Microfilm hidden in a pumpkin launched Richard Nixon’s career 75 years ago

Before that Dick was best known as Richard Nixon Pumpkin Eater.

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Teen found hidden camera in American Airlines jet lavatory, suit says

I was once victimized by one of those: I quickly figured out who had planted it when I saw the guy throwing up.

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As rockfish population shrinks, Maryland shortens the fishing season

Maybe the fact that the fish like to come out and sunbathe on rocks is making them too easy to 'fish' sez the Fish and Wildlife Commission.

****************************************************

The DeSantis-Newsom debate had no rules, no metrics and no winner

It might not even have happened: You just might have a brain tumor from following all the toxic politics of today's America.

****************************************************

Fears Italy's (other) leaning tower could collapse

Now's your chance to run up to the top before it does!

****************************************************

Analysis: US sets clearer red lines for Israel as ceasefire ends

Sez they can always go support Ukraine (you know).

****************************************************

Taylor Swift Branded A ‘Capitalist Queen’ By Her Dedicated Fans Amid Latest ‘Cash Grab’

Swift answered that she ain't getting any younger (swiftly).

****************************************************

Greasy Yet Adorable Mole Resurfaces After Hiding Out For 8 Decades

Sez he feels really really old (for a mole) and tired, but was graceful to still be digging.

****************************************************

Henry Kissinger, former secretary of state who shaped decades of U.S. policy, dies at 100

His last words were: "Let's see Jimmy Carter top that!"

****************************************************

Putin orders the Russian military to add 170,000 troops for a total of 1.32 million

Sez he wants Russians to remember that he murdered almost as many of them as did Stalin.

****************************************************

Thai hostages: ‘Jewish hostages beaten with electric cables, held in worse conditions than us’

Let Netanyahu keep things like this in mind whenever Joe Biden calls seeing if he can get another cease-fire for poor little Hamas.

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Israeli offensive shifts to crowded southern Gaza, driving up death toll despite evacuation orders -- Meanwhile, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris, who was in Dubai on Saturday for the COP28 climate conference, said in a meeting with Egyptian President Abdel Fattah Al-Sisi that “under no circumstances” would the United States permit the forced relocation of Palestinians from Gaza or the West Bank, the besiegement of Gaza or the redrawing of its borders, according to a U.S. summary.

And now you know what a Kamala Harris presidency would look like for Israel.

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Israel informs Arab states it wants buffer zone in post-war Gaza - sources

[It's high time Israel started telling others what it needs and wants, instead of always humbly asking what they might permit her to do in order to survive in this world. And the October 7 Attack is a very vivid explanation of why this must be so.]

Any and all walls made my man will eventually be breached and brought down by man. If the Israelis want a wall of protection in Gaza (and elsewhere) they are going to have to find a way to build it in the minds of the Palestinians themselves. Yes: It's annoyingly difficult a thing to do, but it has been done.

Jordan, Egypt and other Arab states have voiced fears that Israel wants to squeeze Palestinians out of Gaza,

I think the truth is that the Arabs don't care where the Gazans go, as long as they don't end up with them.

****************************************************

'The threats to children are everywhere now': UNICEF spox

The Health Ministry in Hamas-run Gaza says death toll has surpassed 15,200 people, two-thirds of them women and children

Sez that only seven Hamas terrorists have been killed so far--Of course, this is the Hamas Ministry, you understand. [Wish the media would always make that clear in their reporting--and perhaps they would if they weren't so painfully obviously biased against Israel.]

Yes, there are subtle ways you can tell which way your media outlet may be biased: For example, 'without providing evidence' seems to be a phrase that is often attached to pronouncements by the Israeli military, and not so often to claims by Hamas and its Gaza affiliates.

****************************************************

French envoy warns: Israel’s security ties with Jordan and Egypt at risk

At what risk? What are Jordan or Egypt ever going to do to put an end to Hamas? They can only stand in the way of Israel's absolutely necessary victory. Israeli leaders must summon the determination to do the only thing that is permissible for them to do, and that is to destroy Hamas no matter what.

Let the world cynically wail for Hamas (especially) in the name of the children of Gaza: All of the emphasis you hear in your media on what the war is doing to the children in Gaza misses the point, which is that there is no other way: Israel cannot politely or diplomatically ask Hamas to stop trying to murder Israelis, therefore any and every time you read about the plight of the children of Gaza you should also be reading how quickly the war can be won by Israel, not about how awful Israel is to continue pursuing it. The onus for this war is all on Hamas and not on its victims, whether Israelis, Jews, or the children in Gaza. Those who mention the plight on the children of Gaza leaving out this fact are only promoting Hamas' cynical propaganda.

I've seen and read countless articles in the Western media about the suffering children in Gaza, and I have too seldom seen it mentioned that it was Hamas that really, in the end, caused it.

Yes, cry for the children of Gaza but know that their murderer is Hamas--as well as their Palestinian parents, who are almost 100% in favor of this suicidal death, bloodshed, ruin, and destruction that is Hamas. A lot of them even rejoice in it!

So never ask who is killing the children of Gaza (or callously ask Israel to stop killing them) because the killing of children in Gaza will never come to an end until there is an end to Hamas and to the mentality of murder that exists amongst most Palestinians.

Gazans are the victims mostly of their vilest hopes.

Hamas drugged children; burned legs with motorcycle exhaust for identification

Can you at last grasp the subtle distinction between this atrocity and Israel having to stop a Hamas terrorist shooting at them from behind children they are using as their human shields? If you can not, then perhaps you are just too wrapped up in trying to save terrorists. Who knows?

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No prisoner exchange with Israel until war on Gaza is over, Hamas says

That's very cheeky of Hamas. Do they really imagine that they will still be around that long to conduct diplomacy?

****************************************************

Aid is trickling in, but Gaza still grows hungrier

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you: Israel was providing Gaza with water, food, jobs, fuel, medicines, and God-knows what else before Hamas launched its bloodthirsty attack on her on October 7, and all of their other attacks before then!

And if you don't think that Hamas truly represents the Palestinians, I've got one tremendous all-day sucker I can let you have for only $47.50 [Buy now, before they're all gone, Mister Biden. You won't believe the number of people buying them.]

****************************************************

Harris focuses on shaping a post-conflict Gaza during a diplomatic blitz in Dubai with Arab leaders

Victorious General Harris said that she will match her military savvy and prowess against any military commander out there, including even Napoleon's.

****************************************************

Editor's Notes: Where are our allies?

And now you know why the Jews, all the Jews in the world, need the state of Israel to survive in this world.

****************************************************

John Oliver Reveals What Really Happens When You Donate Your Body To Science

You are not allowed to write it off as a deduction on your income taxes?

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LinkedIn has AI to enhance profiles. It made some sound robotic.

I think this same thing must have happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger some years ago.

****************************************************

Inmate Stabbed Derek Chauvin 22 Times, Charged With Attempted Murder, Prosecutors Say

Stabber sez he only intended to stab him once but that he's always been a perfectionist and was just looking for exactly the right spot for his stab.

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Police Cast a Dragnet for 10,000 Stolen Doughnuts

Police say that it is the greatest disaster to have befallen them in a 100 years.

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I won the National Spelling Bee. This is what it takes to master spelling.

A human brain. I've been teaching my dog spelling for years and he can barely write his own name: Godfrey Jonathan Witherfork III (And he bit me once!)

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Carolyn Hax: Even when they talk, husband’s no longer paying attention

Check his pulse. A lot of wives miss that.

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Why are Israel and Hamas fighting in Gaza?

I believe it was because France wouldn't grant their permit application to fight in the Loire.

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Who is Krampus, the holiday demon?

The holiday demon.

****************************************************

Penélope Cruz Names 1 Actor She Is Dying To Work With

Is it Bela Lugosy? [I think I'd be very good on Jeopardy!]

****************************************************

Sen. Tommy Tuberville Says He’s Ending Blockade Of Most Military Nominees

Sez he's lived long enough.

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MAGA MIKE: 'WE HAVE TO BLUR' JAN. 6 VIDS TO SHIELD RIOTERS FROM DOJ

Does anybody out there still remember when Republicans were the party of law & order!

****************************************************

8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner

And now you know why women are always complaining that men do not like to speak.

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What Happens if You Stop Taking Ozempic?

You blow up.

****************************************************

Sikh Americans Take Precautions After Alleged Assassination Plot

Sikh say that they never in a million years could have imagined that they would have to become Indian-fighters when they came to the United States!

****************************************************

McCarthy Claimed Trump Was ‘Not Eating’ After Leaving Office, Cheney Says

Cheney sez that McCarthy was mistaken: Trump is just like any other snake out there and wolfs down so much at a meal that sometimes he doesn't have to eat for days & days.

****************************************************

Trump Unbound: An Autocrat in Waiting?

The good news are that 1) Trump is so old that he won't be anybody's autocrat for long; and 2) Prince Junior is as dumb as a firehydrant. so he won't last all that long either.

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At Dinner, My Mother Casually Reminded Me That I Should Have a Plan if China Invades

Well, if she doesn't, I have: I plan to switch over to Chinese food.

****************************************************

Nikki Haley’s Path From Trump Critic to Defender and Back

Ever the same Trump. Ever the same threat to America. The difference is how it might or might not benefit Nikki Haley--Enough said.

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The ridiculous US plan for ‘the day after’ - opinion -- "A free election will succeed only after people are taught about equal protection under the law, minority rights, and an independent judiciary, to name a few. Only when those running for office believe in the concept of free elections can it work. Only after they are educated, strong, and willing to stand for true democracy can it happen." --Micah Haloern

This is also why Donald Trump must be banned by law from ever running again for office.

When I was growing up in America we all assumed that everybody in the United States was perfectly informed about things like 'equal protection under the law, minority rights, and an independent judiciary, to name a few' but now it can be admitted that a lot of us back then overlooked or forgot the terrible effects of poverty and of under-funded schools, and about the corrosive effects of religious and political extremists' willful miseducation--because we purposefully chose to forget or to overlook them. No form of star-spangled wishful thinking can fix such a flaw, only a very strongly proactive democracy.

The United States does not have any laws against even people who run on a platform of destroying democracy being permitted to run. This is simply suicidal for any society, and that includes American society as well. The notion that democracy by itself guarantees that the majority will always vote for its own best interests relies on the idea of an informed electorate--and this obviously does not exclusively refer to uncensored newspapers and voters who can read them (whether they want to or not). It relies on the indispensible premise that the electorate will really KNOW what is in its own best interests.

The mere occurrence in any democratic election cast for the abolition of democracy is a certain sign and warning that there is something amiss in the minds at least of those who voted that way. And, just like you do not permit under any circumstances people who have chosen suicide to purchases poison or guns, no democracy should permit those who are intent on doing away with democracy to participate in the democratic process.

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Pfizer CEO slams Harvard, MIT, and UPenn's presidents: 'One of the most despicable moments in the history of US academia' -- During the hearing, all three were repeatedly asked by Rep. Elise Stefanik if calling for the genocide of Jews violated their universities' rules on bullying and harassment. "It can be, depending on the context," Harvard's Claudine Gay told Stefanik. -- "I was wondering if their deaths would have provided enough 'context' to these presidents to condemn the Nazis' antisemitic propaganda," wrote Pfizer CEO Bourla.

The testimony of these college presidents was an unintentional admission on their part that even the worst antisemitism is indeed permissible in their campuses. [Perhaps if Stefanik had asked Harvard President Claudine Gay, who is Black, whether it was ok with her to call for the genocide of all Black people in the United States her answer might have been more ethical, moral, principled, and human--That, yes, calling for genocide would definitely be bullying & harassment in every conceivable context: So,"No. No 'From the Atlantic to the Pacific!' chants allowed in Harvard by the KKK," I guess.]

Afterwards, after it became perfectly clear to them exactly what they had just let slip, they merely mostly returned to the old rationalizations and excuses they have always used to refrain from ruthlessly stamping out racism and calls for violence in whatever context, everywhere, every time. Only... this time they were called out on their shameful hypocrisy in front of the entire world like the sophomores they really are, it turns out.

Truths about free speech, accidentally revealed in Congress by college presidents

The College Presidents and the ‘Genocide’ Question

At a Hearing on Israel, University Presidents Walked Into a Trap

"Rats! We've been found out!"

****************************************************

University presidents flunk the humanity test

I don't believe that these folks are truly really fundamentally racist. The problem lies in flawed notions of freedom of expression: I too believe in the idea of absolutely unrestrained freedom of expression; however, it should always be made clear that we are always talking only about debates. In a debate it will always be useful to permit even the most horrid and atrocious expressions of hateful speech and ideas because that will permit their opponents to expose them with reason and the facts of truth. That is what those college presidents should have immediately answered to Rep. Elise Stefanik but didn't--maybe the subject at the moment hadn't been about demonstrations, protests, and other overt 'acts' of antisemitism in their universities, I don't know--

The notion that freedom of speech must be unqualified and uncensored always looms strongly and nobly above every liberal mind, sometimes blinding them to the fact that it is a valuable idea indeed within civilized debate--only. Out in the street, where a mob is 'expressing' itself, it is not always wise at all to guarantee it freedom of speech and much less so freedom of expression; and, in fact, it is mostly always unwise to do so. Which is why so many terms of censorship are always legally justly binding upon the mob's freedom to act: Permits on where and when to allow protests and demonstrations, police cordons to keep them in line, and civil and criminal prosecution if members of the mob do not follow the constraints placed on them by the law. This is not an all-or-nothing matter where both realities are concerned, nor a matter of either/or when we are talking only about one of the two: One reality must rule in the debate, while another reality must hold out in the street if we are ever to make sense of reality itself.

Civilized debates, of course, do not have to always be confined to a debate forum. Therefore absolute freedom of speech can also make its appearance out in the street, as long as things don't devolve into violence. Which is why we commonly permit Holocaust denial and even the worst expressions of racism by hateful nuts here in the United States. [Other countries are not always so understanding.] Although we are quick to punish acts of vandalism or harassments--which have nothing to do with a civilized debate.

Calls for genocide, either by a mob, or even by a single individual out in the street are unacceptable (even when that individual is immediately pounced upon by enraged bystanders) because none of those expressions were ever intended to start anything like a civilized debate. And that is the end-all.

What's really interesting to me is when racist opinions do not overtly call for violence and/or when they are broadcast in media which does not allow for an equivalent opposite response--A long time ago it was common for broadcast media in this country, and in some print media as well, to always present opposite viewpoints. [The exception has traditionally been the written text (newspapers) here as it has always been assumed that anything written by one writer can always be answered by another writer. And so newspapers haven't been known to print opposing points of views immediately after even their most scandalous editorials.]

I suppose we must have simply grown annoyed at this universal fairness doctrine (becoming ever more biased). In any case, I think it is justified not to permit the spread of hate where an opposite point of view is also impermissible. We are now seeing the results in this country of this one-side-only-allowed permissiveness more and more, where entire swathes of our population has grown up in self-amplifying echo chambers of truly incomprehensible ignorance... isolated from ideas which might better inform them. I hope to God this can be fixed one day!

Qatar is responsible for the decline, antisemitism of US universities - opinion

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Nuns buy Smith & Wesson shares, then sue to stop production of AR-style rifles

Told ya nuns were tricky!

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So Many Child Deaths in Gaza and for What?

The Hamas Health Ministry is making out like a bandit.

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Miss Manners: Daughter announces she’ll return any wedding gifts for cash

I'm looking for a toaster. Any chance there might be a toaster in there somewhere?

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Why Ukraine’s counteroffensive failed to deliver

Too many Russians to kill: Putin knows it's gonna take anybody a whole while to kill as many Russians as he's been dumping into the Ukraine. The only good news is that soon the Ukrainians will be able to just walk across the Dnieper over all of the Russia corpses that are piling up there.

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Israel’s war against Hamas is just, but it must be fought justly

I'm glad somebody is finally willing to demand that Hamas fight justly! [sarcasm]

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She spent a month trying to help stray dog whose head was stuck in a jug

Must've been quite a tremendously expensive jug.

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Trump says he wouldn’t be a dictator ‘except for Day One’

Oh, then that's all right then. We can all relax now, as Trump is a proven man of his word. [sarcasm]

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Vladimir Putin to Seek Another Term as Russian President

Sez he's always gonna be a dictator except for the first day. Yeah, who's gonna believe that Putin'll spare Russia even for one day!

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Scientists studied twins’ diets. Those who ate vegan saw fast results.

Those who ate meat went blind. They didn't see nothing.

****************************************************

Two people were killed by sharks in encounters that are very rare

I have never understood this: How rare can it be when as soon as these people stepped in the water they got killed by sharks?!? ["Rare for everybody else."] Who the Hell's everybody else? Everybody else can be up in the hills, but if as soon as you step in the water you're killed by a shark then that's about as opposite to 'rare' as you can get! That's a 100% certainty that you're gonna get killed by a shark. You stay out of the water! Let everybody else jump in it all the way from the hills if they want to.

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Miss Manners: I can’t keep giving huge sums of money for office gifts

Do what I do: Ask for loans to buy them their gifts and then tell them that their gifts to you is your not paying them back their loans: Soon office gifts will be costing zero all around and everybody can get back to work, for Heavens Sakes.

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Miss Manners: Should I stop sending Christmas cards if people don’t reciprocate?

Absolutely not! That will let'em off the hook! Keep sending them. Send more & more of them! Never stop sending them (ever). And write them sweet heart-breaking loving messages: It'll kill'em.

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More than 500 staffers of Jewish groups appeal to Biden to press for ceasefire in Israel-Hamas war

Claim that if Hamas is eliminated a lot of their cushy jobs also might be. That is unacceptable.

****************************************************

It’s the End of the World, I Guess

The end of the whole entire world, or just the Milky Way Galaxy and a few other billion galaxies 'round these parts?

****************************************************

Can’t Sleep? Try Sticking Your Head in the Freezer.

Okay, but it's gonna take at least two strong men to haul that big freezer into my bedroom.

****************************************************

Half a Loaf Is Better Than None

I agree: My boss always found me wherever I used to hide [from] work. But it always took him a while to find me.

****************************************************

This Hanukkah, Light the Candles

Not the candleholder! [menorah]

****************************************************

Blinken sees ‘gap’ in Israel’s intent to protect civilians -- U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken said Israel needed to do more to reduce civilian casualties, describing “a gap” between “the intent to protect civilians, and the actual results that we’re seeing on the ground.” An Israeli government spokesman responded Friday that Israel had put “in place measures unprecedented in the history of warfare to keep civilians safe.”

Mister Blinken should read the history of America's war methods against Germany and Japan, and then compare what the United States and its Allies did and did not do to 'prevent' German and Japanese civilian casualties against what Israel has been doing to prevent Gazan civilian casualties now. [When did the Allies warn German or Japanese civilians that their locations were about to be bombed!?!]

So please shut the Hell up, Mister Blinken! You do not want hypocrisy and other all too painfully obvious moral failings added now to all of the well-documented outrages that America and the Allies committed against civilians during WWII by pleading for restraints which the Allies and America themselves never even once dreamt of putting into place.

Frankly, I am astonished that, given the overcrowding in Gaza and the fact that the Israeli Army has to literally shoot through mobs of civilians in order to hit Hamas, that the civilian toll in Gaza is not already nearly 200,000 or more casualties instead of fewer than 20,000 (and most of those combatants). Commend, rather, the professionalism and discipline of the IDF instead of giving aid and comfort to the Hamas terrorists, sir.

You want to save lives in the Middle East, Mister Blinken? Kill the Houthis. ["What, genocide?" Sorry, no: Eliminate their murderous leadership and their most dangerous offensive weapons.] And do it impressively: The more impressively, the more lives you'll save. It may, in fact, save millions of lives in all of the countries there and everywhere else in the world. Just do it.

It is the heights of folly, even up to suicidal, if by now we have not learned yet that a commensurate response means only the encouragement and continuing of war. If we don't wish to be decent, let us be smart (at least).

Many 'unaffiliated' with Hamas in Gaza still guilty of terrorism - opinion

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Hunter Biden Says Republicans Are Trying To ‘Kill’ Him To Destroy His Father’s Presidency

Trump sez he can sympathize because he too never did nor has ever done anything culpable for which he is always being unfairly thought guilty! O the entitled!

****************************************************

Young tyrannosaur died with a full stomach, remarkable fossil reveals

Well, at least he died happy.

Tyrannosaur’s last meal was two baby dinosaurs -- Remains of baby dinosaurs inside another dinosaur reveal what a young predator ate 75 million years ago.

Scientists believe they probably tasted like chicken.

****************************************************

Here's What We Know About Neanderthals So Far

Most were Republicans.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: How do I say no to requests to stay overnight at my house?

Tell them there's little room left because of all of the bedbugs you are already boarding. But that they're welcome to share a bed.

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Nearly half of GOP say the U.S. is giving too much to Ukraine, poll finds

Fortunately they are the same Republicans who are going to vote Trump their dictator, even if it kills them (you know, drinking Clorox et al).

****************************************************

Why Fears of a Broader Middle East Conflict Are Growing in Iraq

Because people are always itching for a fight: Human beings and other chimps love to land blows & then get away with it, running off to revel in the savage carnival of their violent rage then.

That carefree festival is not what is going to happen, of course. A lot of hard blows will be coming back at them the other way--but this they don't always realize from the start or they would always opt for peace, never war.

****************************************************

What would happen to your pets if you weren’t here?

They can take care of themselves: Either the dog will just eat the cat, or the cat will ask the dog to fetch him something outside and then close the door on him.

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A man flew to the U.S. with no passport or ticket — and no idea how, he says

Never mind him! What about all the airport workers who were supposed to screen people getting on planes at our airports?!?

****************************************************

George Orwell is the latest target of the right’s anti-woke doublethink

Of course, Republicans are planning on an Orwellian future, and George has been giving that a bad press for years.

****************************************************

My Gaza house felt like a castle. Now it is rubble.

Israeli youngsters at their music festival were alive and happy. Now they are dead. Perhaps, if nothing else, you should have thought about your house before you voted for Hamas the last election in Gaza.

****************************************************

Battles Rage Across Gaza As Israel Indicates It's Willing To Fight For Months Or More To Beat Hamas -- This is a war that cannot be won, Jordan’s foreign minister, Ayman Safadi, asserted to the Qatar forum, warning that “Israel has created an amount of hatred that will haunt this region that will define generations to come.”

What a shame too, when everybody around them parts have loved the Jews and Israelis so much.

****************************************************

Republicans say they believe in free speech. Except when it comes to Israel.

Maybe the fact that all of the calls for justice for the Palestinians are code for kill the Jews might have something to do with it.

American progressives should advocate for Palestine. Why aren’t they?

Maybe the fact that all of the calls for justice for the Palestinians are code for kill the Jews might have something to do with it. [Weren't you listening?]

****************************************************

Tibetans in exile accuse China of destroying their identity in Tibet under its rule

If this means abolishing superstition and ignorance [of science] then I'm all for it, as long as nobody gets killed. And do this all over the world: That is the key to the brotherhood of Man.

How The GOP Speaker Sneakily Worked To Put Creationism Back In Public Schools

And let's see if we can finally get the Republicans to come down off the trees and start walking upright, for Gods Sakes! We can't continue to be half/monkeys and half/men like this!

****************************************************

I Can’t Control the World, But I Can Leave Stickers on It

Memoir of A Litterbug.

****************************************************

People Are Pessimistic About Their Economic Futures. Can You Blame Them?

We don't need better jobs. What we need is cheaper goods: Like in the ole days, when everything became affordable if you just waited in front of the store window long enough.

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Giuliani Lawyer Says Georgia Election Workers’ Damages Demand Amounts To ‘Death Penalty’

Guiliani's been dead for years. The most merciful thing you could do for the guy is to just give him a decent burial.

****************************************************

CRACKS: Biden Warns Netanyahu He’s Losing Support On World Stage

Netanyahu sez he's got a killer Second Act. "Don't worry."

"But I can't stand not being loved by the slime of the world much longer, BiBi!"

"Hang on, Joe! Hang on just a few minutes more!!!"

This is just like when you need to go to the can but hold off the long drive home and then pee your pants trying to open the front door.

"Hang on, Joe! Hang on!"

"Too late. Bibi: I'm already pissing my pants--right now."

****************************************************

GOP Senators Scoff At Zelenskyy’s ‘Grotesque’ Visit To Capitol Hill

Although never as grotesque as their stand against decency and democracy, of course. [Somebody should have told Zelenskyy that the Republicans are Putin's creatures, not just only Trump.]

****************************************************

Who are the Houthis and why are they attacking ships in the Red Sea?

The Houthis are traditional highwaymen and pirates in that area; and they're now attacking ships because having defeated the Saudis is not enough for them (of course, since criminals never stop--criminals must be stopped).

****************************************************

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, after losing Houston mayor’s race, seeks 16th term in House

Kicked out the door, in through the window. Worse than my relatives!

****************************************************

Special Counsel Jack Smith Plans To Use Trump’s Cell Phone Data At Trial -- Smith’s office filed a notice Monday saying prosecutors plan to call several expert witnesses to explain Trump’s cell phone use.

Apparently, some judges had expressed skepticism that someone with Trump's IQ could work a cell phone.

****************************************************

Twelve-year-old climate activist storms COP28 stage -- The girl held up a sign saying "End fossil fuel, save our planet and our future".

After which she sang, 'Itsy Bitsy Spider,' which her mother asked her to also tapdance to in case there were any talent agents in the audience.

****************************************************

How winter affects our mood, thinking and sex drive

"It's fucking cold out there!"

****************************************************

Trump is still breaking new ground in ridiculous 2020 denialism

Listen, if Trump doesn't know he lost the election by now he's not even gonna know it after he finishes his prison sentence in the federal pen and is out on parole, pal.

****************************************************

How to promote good posture and avoid becoming hunched over

Get a job as a guard at Windsor Castle at 17 and don't retire till you're 95

****************************************************

Should I try medical marijuana? Here’s what to know.

Is it better than the regular street junk?

****************************************************

What is the best Christmas song? Alexandra Petri answered your questions.

Jingle Bells. Nothing else comes even close: You can sing it whether you're drunk or you're sober, or even if you've never heard it before in your life!

****************************************************

Trump on Hannity’s show: 24 false or misleading claims in 5 minutes

He's done a lot better than that before. Hannity must've been trying to get a word in edgewise thousands of times.

****************************************************

Why Trump is surging in Iowa

He's full of hot air.

****************************************************

Want to earn $100,000? Miami-Dade looking for your help to improve how the airport runs

Install a carousel with a big slingshot at the end that launches the planes high up in the air so they don't have to waste a lot of time & fuel on those slow take offs. I'll take a check.

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Far-Right Polish Lawmaker Uses Fire Extinguisher On Hanukkah Candles In Parliament

He was heard screaming: "Long live The Darkness!"

****************************************************

Let us praise Al Gore for saving the country

Did not know the country had been saved. Hooray!

****************************************************

Bernie Sanders calls on Biden to cut Israel aid by $10 billion

Jews Who Like To Kick Other Jews When They're Down.

****************************************************

Argentina’s president wants to adopt the U.S. dollar. Can he?

No. Its biological parents here in The States are very attached to it.

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Consider the nipple

For what purpose?

****************************************************

Harvard graduate Stefanik becomes face of GOP charge against elite universities

Who else better than Stefanik to ilustrate the ethical failings of Harvard?

****************************************************

When Republicans cast doubt on Trump’s intent — and ate their words

As Donald Trump's grandmother was fond of saying: "Always predict the worst about him, never anything good."

****************************************************

US House authorises Biden impeachment inquiry

Biden calls impeachment inquiry by House Republicans 'baseless political stunt'

It is, but at least it gives these Republican slackers an excuse to pretend they're doing something while they loaf about waiting for the next elections to catch up to their stunning malingering incompetence. "We're also running after pregnant women."

The Stock Market is through the roof, inflation is diving to below 3%, the job market is in explosion mode... yes, definitely, what the country needs is for Trump and the Republicans to come back to put a quick end to all this Biden folly!

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Israel FM: War to continue with or without support -- Israel's foreign minister has said it will continue the war in Gaza "with or without international support". A ceasefire at this stage of the conflict would be "a gift" to Hamas and allow it to return, Eli Cohen warned.

Good for him! Israel is engaged in a war of national survival, and for anyone sitting in the comfort of their homes out in the safety of their far-away countries sipping Cognac to insist on telling Israel how to conduct its battle for national survival is truly obnoxious & offensive in the highest degree. I think Prime Minister Netanyahu has shown a great deal of political patience with the international community's high-minded attempts to nanny-mind the War in Gaza because it's a war... even if it is mostly for the sake of all the materiel and moral assistance they've provided to Israel--thus far: Once that support runs out Israel must continue with its struggle for survival no matter what until it has attained an unquestioned victory (nobody else is gonna do it for them, and that's for sure). God's speed, Israel!

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Vladimir Putin suggested Western support for Ukraine was waning in a four-hour news conference.

Putin should know that the GOP is not the West, it's only a little black hole surrounded by the cheeky, with Donald Trump making a central appearance.

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What not to say when people are being laid off

"Oh! Don't forget me!"

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U.S. pushes Israel for ‘lower-intensity operations’ in Gaza

Sez Israel should take ten or twenty years to win the war, like the U.S. does. That way you can incease the dying and the suffering until suddenly one day, Bam! "Hey? What'd they go?!" The ghost victory.

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Flooding Hamas tunnels could destroy Gaza's last water source

Flushing out the terrorists from the tunnels in a powerful flood was never the reason to do this (it would take a tsunami to do that), so notions of people drowning under there are far-fetched. However, flooding the tunnels even ankle-deep will make life in them miserable to the point that no one will want to stay down there very long. That's why people wear goulashes and boots just to walk over wet surfaces. As for the pollution it might cause? Really? There is no potable water in Gaza now, nor for some time, nor will there ever be even if the tunnels are never flooded. Agriculture too in Gaza will not sustain 10,000 people for decades after this war just on its own. But the tunnel-flooding will save a large number of lives, both Israeli and Palestinian right now.

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Why do people line up early for a flight? Psychologists explain.

I don't know about others, but I like to show up early so I can check out the people boarding my plane. If too many of them look like they're gonna die in a plane crash I cancel out.

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Extinct woolly dog was carefully bred for weaving, ancient DNA confirms

If had long sensitive fingers and could thread a needle at 15 paces.

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Santa’s toxic list

I see you found out how Santa can afford to give out all those gifts of his: The ole list of store receipts.

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Rep. Comer’s dishonest allegations against Biden

What? You weren't really expecting a Republican to be honest and do the decent thing, were you?!

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Octopus on Cucumber With Hummus and Olive

Octopus wrote in its fish tank: "Help me! This woman is crazy!"

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Court revives suit by teacher fired for not using trans student’s pronouns

There is a reason we should enforce proper English no matter whom it may offend: Proper English tells us what we want to know without any ambiguity--And this is exactly the reason people who aren't unambiguously of one of the two sexes wish to subvert proper English. But disrespecting our venerable language is not the way to demand respect! And raising unnecessary confusion is an even worse way to try to clarify things.

There are ways other than forcing everyone to misuse English to signal that you are a person who identifies with both sexes (or even with neither), including just telling others who and what you are, and how you prefer to be addressed if not 'him' or 'her', or male or female. Your first name, or whatever name you decide to call yourself, is a first start. Pronouns (which denote specific gender) are not required in most usages! Imagine somebody not wanting to be addressed as 'you'.

Fire the teacher if he uses pronouns to insult, degrade or belittle students (such as using 'it' for a person). This is why using 'they' for a single person is so insulting to me. And, because sexuality is inherently something felt deep inside (not necessarily the reproductive organs one is born with), a person has the right to demand that others address him or her by whichever pronoun gender they want to be addressed (with the exception of the perhaps even intentionally misleading 'they'). "They are coming this way," is the only means to tell us that more than one person is coming. And, please, 'spokeswoman,' 'anchorwoman,' 'actress' are NOT insults intended to demean women below some perceived higher stature for men! Yes, you can be proud to be a woman.

The pronoun 'they' is a necessarily mathematical term, and only unintentionally one referring to persons. Math is impersonal. And you cannot disconnect the math from this pronoun, even by being absurd. Sorry. It is acceptable common usage to say of boxes that 'they' belong elsewhere (in place of 'those').

In the particular case of this teacher, he refused to address a pupil by the gender-specific pronoun chosen by that student (not the needlessly confusing 'they'). Therefore it is the heights of hubris for this teacher to refuse to do this. He is literally taking it upon himself to refuse and deny this student's heart-felt sexual identity--something which is entirely and wholly only a person's right to self-determine. This teacher carried out this outrageous act of dominance because he believes he is acting on religious authority and that therefore his personal power is greater even than the school's or that of government itself! The Virginia Constitution might yet force/allow the courts to rule his way, but it is a travesty; and it goes against reason, common decency, and natural law. This particular teacher was rightfully terminated for conduct which was never his right to discharge in school and should not return to a school until he learns exactly how and by whom sexual identity is determined.

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Jury Awards Election Workers Defamed By Rudy Giuliani $148 Million

Giuliani sez he will try to get a job now to pay off the award, but don't expect much: He hasn't held down a honest job in years. Anybody hiring?

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Power Goes Out, Very Briefly, in New York City

Donald Trump is in the building.

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How the Free Speech Debate Plays Out in My Classroom

"I'm going to the bathroom!"

"Shit you will."

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The U.S. Must Embrace Palestinian Statehood Now

Before it comes out just how bad an idea it is. [Anything done in haste is thoughtless.]

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What’s Driving Former Progressives to the Right?

Gravity: Right now the low ground is all on the right.

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A faith healer in skinny jeans is bringing Catholics back to Mass

Boy, I hope this isn't Jesus because I was hoping to do a lot more good work & penance before I had to meet up with the guy.

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Bigots use AI to make Nazi memes on 4chan. Verified users post them on X.

I wonder why bigots don't try to better use their time by trying to cure cancer & shit like that?

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Saudi Arabia: No justification not to call for a ceasefire in Gaza

I disagree: Not allowing Hamas to continue its reign of terror and bloodshed seems like a pretty damn decent justification.

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Sorry, dogs: Cats can play fetch, too, study finds

Differencce is that people are the ones who fetch for the cat.

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The 52 definitive rules of flying

1) glue a lot of feathers on
2) don't fly too close to the Sun
3) duck means ducks
4) never step outside the plane to stretch your legs
5) ignore any creature you spot outside tearing up the wing
6) the kid the airlines provide to annoy you is free of change

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Houthis: Hostile acts against Yemen will have 'dire consequences'

If that means that they will start shooting missiles at passing ships then that ship has already left the station.

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The U.S. wants Israel to scale back the war in Gaza. What leverage does it have?

Leverage it has plenty, but moral authority? First let America's young men and women die fighting in Gaza and then we'll talk.

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Young voters are unenthusiastic about Biden, but he will need them in 2024

All Biden needs to win re-election is for Trump to run against him again. People who can't stand Biden will rush to the polls just so they can vote against Trump.

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Recalling almost every Tesla in America won’t fix safety issues, experts say

Junk'em. Junk'em all. They were Musk's idea so they're probably all as rotten as he's now making Twitter. And you know it's only a matter of time before Space X comes to the ground in flames. This is no Walt Disney we're talking about here.

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Conversation starters to impress friends and family this holiday season

"The reason I eat Christmas Dinner in the nude is so I won't soil my clothes--Unlike you, I see."

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Readers critique The Post: Hamas’s hostages and Israel’s prisoners are not the same

Duh! Hamas's hostages were taken because they were celebrating life. Israel's prisoners because they were out for murder.

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7 ways to make your guest room feel like a luxury hotel

1) charge your guests an exorbitant fee for the stay
2) barge in every so often to dust the curtains and see if they've left anything of value out for you to steal
3) get some drunken friends to have loud sex all night long in the room next to theirs
4) add lots of junk fees when they check out
5) don't forget the food poison
6) and be sure to have somebody steal their car if they parked it outside

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Biden can go over Netanyahu’s head

Only if Netanyahu jumps in a hole and provides the plank Biden will need to cross over it. [A lot of really naive & foolish people really do believe the anti-American anti-Israeli Arab antisemitic propaganda that the U.S. owns Israel.]

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Miss Manners: Do we have to warn guests about other guests we’re hosting?

Do they bite?

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Trump quotes Putin condemning American democracy, praises autocrat Orban

Trump approvingly quotes autocrats Putin and Orban, repeats dehumanizing language against immigrants

Sure. What does he care? The Republicans today are an unethical, racist, immoral segment of the voters. So Trump knows he's not gonna lose any votes there.

Says Immigrants 'Poisoning The Blood Of Our Country'...

Hitler now wants to be added to list of people suing Trump because he's defauded them.

‘We’re Being Overrun’: Tommy Tuberville Cheers Trump’s Xenophobic Comments -- The Republican senator said that former President Donald Trump should have been "even tougher" when talking about migrants.

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Confederate Memorial at Arlington will be removed despite GOP opposition

Republicans are the last defenders left of traitors to the United States, past & present.

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Binder Of Classified Russia Intel Vanished At Trump Term’s End: Reports

It probably didn't say anything nice about Trump--like, "He's the most muy bonito boy in the whole entire world" and things like that.

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Ron DeSantis Sides With Man Who Destroyed Satanic Temple Statue At Iowa State Capitol

Finally a GOP candidate who doesn't believe in freedm of religion and isn't afraid to say so!

“Satan has no place in our society and should not be recognized as a ‘religion’ by the federal government,” the Florida governor wrote on X.

Excellently put! All those Christian myths of people being sent to Hell and getting forked by Satan [for not voting Republican] should be, as the governor sez, repudiated by the federal government. [Apollo should be our only state-approved god.]

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7 ways to make your family holiday gatherings free from gaslighting

1) let people know when you're gonna let a big one go so nobody'll be trying to light a cigar at the same time

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A dog walked into a bar. -- It’s the Boozy Mutt, a new indoor-outdoor spot in Fairmount for people and their pooches.

Dog sez: This whole place's is wet! Did somebody spill their beer?

Bartender: 'Fraid so. Go ahead! Help yourself.

Dog: Aren't you at all surprised that I can talk?

Bartender: Ya gonna flap your tongue or you gonna lick?

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We tried almost 40 bottles of locally available tequila and mezcal—here are the 16 best

Dude, that's Ketchup bottle.

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I Identify As ‘It.’ Here’s How I Realized My True Identity.

Sez 'intersex' was already taken, and that 'hermaphrodite' was too Greek. Addams Family's 'Thing' was non-sexual (unless Pugsley used it for purposes other than his mother permitted). So 'It' it is. --Although I wonder if that last sentence applies any longer: Years ago, before 'gay' came to mean 'homosexual' I had written a ton of verses using it because it's so easy to rhyme:

Jerry and I had a gay time at the park,
especially in the bushes, after it got dark

My bunny and I are so, so gay
(except when people watch us play)

Nothing my gay pal and I love better
than inside, when outside is wetter

And so I had to go through thousands and thousands of lines re-writing 'the damned word' out of them. And I'm a writer, not a reader: Once I write something I never want to see it ever again!

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Ohio Woman Charged After Miscarrying Non-Viable Fetus

Later, same Ohio cops charged a surgeon with a knifing for taking out a patient's appendix during an operation at a local hospital.

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U.S. Presses Israel To Shift From Major Combat To Prevent Wider Regional War

The U.S. suggested flag football-like rules from now on.

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Young Americans: Jews are 'oppressors,' calls for genocide not hate speech - poll -- More than half of young Americans said the long-term answer for the conflict is for "Israel to be ended and given to Hamas."

Which is why any notion of a civilized debate in American universities is a physical impossibility these days. The best that can be hoped for is that future professors will have the wisdom someday and the authority to instill a moral compass in our college graduates instead of simply approving theirs whatever, as is now mostly the case in a misguided attempt to guarantee everybody freedom of speech and freedom of expression!

When you teach political correctness instead of the facts of history you might as well just teach political incorrectness too, because they are pretty much the same when it comes to the enlightenment and knowledge of our youth: Either way the result will be a student body that spouts empty slogans instead of researches the hard facts.

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Carolyn Hax: Husband calls 12-year-old a ‘snitch’ for exposing affair with nanny

12-year-old calls father many & many a thing worse than just a snitch. Touché

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Why Do We Build Houses in the Same Way That We Did 125 Years Ago?

We are waiting for somebody to come up with a new design for the nail.

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Can artificial intelligence predict what's going to happen in your life?

Yes. Stupid people do stupid things.

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‘Could Care Less’: Lindsey Graham Shrugs Off Trump’s Anti-Immigrant Rant

Sez he's just hanging around to cash his next paycheck.

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George Santos Bluntly Explains In 5 Words Why He’s Never Going Away — Like, Ever

Sez they're gonna have to offer him more than the $1.79 they've offered him thus far to go away: "Offer me lots more dough."

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Chris Coons Calls Israel’s Netanyahu ‘An Exceptionally Difficult Partner’ To Deal With

Yeah, Netanyahu doesn't behave at all like a good puppy.

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How does falling into a black hole feel? A new song imagines the sensation.

How apt! A song nobody will ever hear from ever again.

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Egypt’s Sisi wins reelection. Now he faces an economic crisis and a war raging next door.

But first: A vacation at the beach.

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Listening devices found in office of Ukraine’s top general, Valery Zaluzhny

Putin sez that from what he's been hearing it might be Zaluzhny's wife.

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Democrats ramp up pressure on Clarence Thomas to recuse himself in Trump case

Clarence Thomas tells FBI that Democrats are trying to assassinate him by making him die laughing.

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Most homeowners are both richer and poorer than they understand

I don't understand.

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Carolyn Hax chat: My friend is talking me out of a divorce, says to be ‘realistic’

Try to find out if your friend has a bet down on how long your marriage lasts.

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Why are the Republicans against funding Ukraine? David Ignatius answered your questions.

1) they haven't yet figured out what's in it for them
2) what's in it for them is not enough for them

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Biden has the power to rein in the nuclear presidency. He should use it.

Sorry. Biden is from a generation of American politicians who didn't do anything they didn't absolutely have to do and even then had to be inevitably pushed into it by unknown forces.

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The young are losing faith in democracy. Here’s what to do about it.

Let'em spend a few years in Cuba. [And stop blaming the failings of democracy on democracy! On the contrary, the glory of democracy is how it continues to survive politicians.]

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Chimps and bonobos can remember each other after decades apart, research finds

"How can I forget him? That sonnababitch crapped on my head back in 1978!"

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President Biden’s support for Israel appears to have hurt him with young voters, who now favor Donald Trump in our poll.

Ah, the young! Not happy with the man too slow to bring it to them they will go with the man who runs away with it all.

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No major Middle East power has joined the U.S.-led naval effort to deter the Houthi rebels in the Red Sea.

Who wants to fight a war where they'll be shooting spitballs at each other through straws for years to come in the hope the Houthis run out of saliva! America may know how to fight wars but America does not know how to win a war anymore, and everybody knows it.

Poll Finds Wide Disapproval of President Biden on Gaza

Claim Biden could have forced the Israelis to lose their war against Hamas, or at least find some way to extend it indefinitely.

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Red Cross chief: Gaza crisis is 'moral failure'

Translation: "What's the harm of a few Jews getting butchered now & again?"

Thank God that at least the Israelis are now finally saying that, yes, that is unacceptable. Even if it's unacceptable to them alone in all this earth.

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If Donald Trump became a dictator, who could stop him?

Don't worry, if that happens I'm sure that Chuck Schumer will run over to the White House and slap some sense back into him.

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Republicans React To Donald Trump Being Left Off Colorado's Ballot

"We are really, really surprised: Donald Trump is a hard name to forget."

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Norman Lear’s Cause Of Death Released

He was 101.

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‘I Am Your Retribution.’ Trump Knows What He Wants to Do With a Second Term.

Of course: Take it out on a lot of people that he's fat, bald, old, dumb, and farty. [The man knows what he wants.]

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Hey, What Happened to My Health Insurance?

It's still on. "We were hoping you'd never get sick so you wouldn't find out just how little there was of it."

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Drinking toilet water may be the future of drought-stricken California

I don't mind drinking toilet water as long as they don't tell me where it comes from: "Ah! That's good water!" [I thought all toilet water evaporated off into outer space! Don't tell me we might've been drinking some of it!] It's not as if the earth is a fish bowl. or something.

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Trump’s GOP presidential rivals join in criticism of Colorado ruling

That's how you know judges must have done something right.

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Trump calls indictments against him 'badge of honour'

Yes: That's how convicts all wear their convictions.

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George Clooney Says There’s 'Not Enough Drugs In The World' To Make Him Suit Up As Batman Again

Sez he wants hard cash this time--Being a drug dealer is hard work!

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'I Never Read 'Mein Kampf'': Trump Defends Comments About Immigrants At Iowa Rally

He never read 'Goodnight, Moon' either. He always had Michael Cohen read it to him until they had that tiff.

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Three of the biggest porn sites must verify ages to protect kids under Europe's new digital law

Or you could Google, "Where can I get free porn?"

Google: "Try under your old man's mattress."

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‘Latin fusion’ restaurant with over 200 rodent droppings

"Hey! They're pets! They're pets!" Restaurant owner told health inspectors.

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How My Conversations on Israel-Gaza Have Shaped My Thinking

Okay, tell me whom you have been talking to.

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Defining Antisemitism and Anti-Zionism

Antisemitism is the hatred of Jews.
Anti-Zionism is the politically-correct hatred of Jews.

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Harvard president will update dissertation after plagiarism allegations

But, resign? No. That's for somebody with a shred a decency or some shame: "I'm here for the money."

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The Supreme Court should toss the Colorado case

The Supreme Court should keep the Colorado case and toss Trump. [Tuesday is trash collection.]

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Cooking chat: Why is my lasagna soupy?

You're supposed to make lasagna and soup in two separate pots.

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Trump Insists He’s ‘Not A Student Of Hitler’

Sez he's sure he paid somebody to take Hitler's classes for him like he did with everything else 'he did' in school.

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Spain's leader lauds mended relations with Catalonia. Separatists say it's time to vote on secession

C'mon, let's face it: When it comes down to it I'm sure every one of us would rather declare our home an independent republic and demand that our neighbors apply for a visa before coming over. So, separatist movements are only going to increase in number as we move along, and never decrease.

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This is what may have led early human ancestors to develop speech, language

The effectiveness of personal insults. Throwing our feces at each other just wasn't getting the message across anymore: Too many of us either didn't mind it or actually enjoyed getting hit with shit.

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UN report says more than 570,000 people in Gaza are now 'starving' due to fallout from war

I believe it. The world must immediately help to establish a system of aid delivery via a sea corridor from Cyprus as quickly as the Israelis can clear a region of Gaza where it will be safe to receive that aid and deliver it to that large a gathering of Gaza's civilians.

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Giuliani Files for Bankruptcy Protection

Giuliani must have a lot of assets or he wouldn't bother to try to protect them. On the other hand, with the utter disregard he has for how much jury damages he incurs, maybe he's already wearing all he's got.

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Lincoln Memorial vandalized with ‘Free Gaza’ graffiti

Anything to bring resentment and contempt down on the side of the Palestinians.

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Young Americans are more pro-Palestinian than their elders. Why?

The younger one is the less familiar one is with the most terrible consequences.

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Trump Insists He’s ‘Not An Insurrectionist’

Okay, so that's yet one more word that Trump doesn't know the meaning of.

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If You Desperately Want Taylor Swift To Marry Travis Kelce, This Is For You

Why on earth would I desperately want Taylor Swift To Marry Travis Kelce? What am I, a divorce lawyer?

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Israel-Gaza: Israel says it has arrested hundreds of Hamas and Islamic Jihad members -- Hamas says mostly women and children are being killed by the Israelis.

Sez that the Israeli army is asking Hamas to please get out of the way so they don't get hurt while they kill Palestinian women and children. [And this while the UN keeps 'complaining' that civilians in Gaza are being urgently urged to move out of the IDF's way.]

One should always believe anything that Hamas sez as if it were coming straight out of Donald Trump's mouth.

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A Trump refrain: Disqualification for thee but not for me -- "the most recent polling shows only about half of Americans saying that his alleged election subversion — if it is proved — should disqualify him. The poll didn’t ask whether the courts specifically should make that decision. “Let the voters decide” is an easy argument to make."

It is also an absolutist democratic argument: Let somebody perpetrate even the worst of crimes and go free if he is also 'on trial' for an upcoming elected office?!? [Absolutist notions seem to me like mechanical outcomes utterly devoid of intellectual input; whereas reason, interpretation, logic, humanity are always a requirement in life.] So I say, no: You carry out a crime you pay for that crime in the appropriate legal system regardless of every other concern. [Political matters are separate from criminal matters.] If after he's faced the consequences of his crime a criminal wants to run for office, that's okay with me (just as long as the travesty is permitted by the law of the land, which a lot of times it is). If there is no prohibition against a criminal ruling us from behind bars, that's the way this democracy crumbles (as long as the president cannot pardon himself: that's doom).

This then (being allowed to stay on the ballot after the conviction) means I disagree with Trump, who has "repeatedly pushed the idea that a candidate’s eligibility for president shouldn’t be left up to voters." Should it absolutely always be left up to voters? No. Here, the 14th Amendment of The Constitution qualifies democracy, as it does in many other instances as well. If ours were an absolute democracy we wouldn't need the Supreme Court.

Abby Phillip Shows Why Trump Is 'Head Cheerleader' In Hypocrisy Over Colorado

Yes, Trump should be removed from the ballot

Trump shares new document rehashing 2020 voter fraud claims

The Case for Disqualifying Trump Is Strong

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50 years ago, the U.S. Navy enlisted sea lions and other marine mammals

They had to stop when one of the mammals made rear admiral.

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Charlie Sheen’s Neighbor Arrested After Being Accused Of Assaulting Actor In Malibu Home

Neighbor was pissed that she was known only as Charlie Sheen’s Neighbor.

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Words are not actions, even in the extreme - opinion

It's easy to say that dehumanizing speech should be punished. The problem is that somebody has to make the call on what is dehumanizing speech, and I am not comfortable with the notion that there are very many people out there who are truly non-biased enough to be trusted with that judgment: Every one of those 'dehumanizing' decisions must be made by a most biased and flawed human being.

Such decisions will be made whether we like it or not: Laws against 'dehumanizing speech' are only going to become more and more popular. Let's hope that thoughtlessness which arises in hasty speech will eventually conclude with thoughtful deliberate debate, for it is in that thoughtful debate that we birth all of our best human resolutions.

It is hard to imagine any action which did not start out in words. It is hard to imagine any action which was not brought to a stop by words.

This is why although even the most insulting speech is permitted by the American Constitution, speech which calls for violence is a red line. [Violence is always a physical manifestation.] That speech which calls for violence and is then followed by the violence called for is as criminal as the violence itself, and should be punished with equal force as the violence since it is hard to imagine that without the call to violence the violence would have ever taken place.

Short of speech which implicitly or explicitly calls for harming others, I agree with the notion of unrestrained freedom of speech and freedom of expression which also does no harm to others.

Israeli-Canadian designer wins defamation lawsuit against Toronto restaurateur -- “These kinds of statements,” the judge apparently said, “not only affect people’s reputations, but they also contribute to prejudice, antisemitism and intolerance and have the potential to incite violence.”

I don't know how the case applies in the United States, where even very harsh personal insults are allowed; but where, at the same time, even very slight slights are considered libelous: 'Margot's cookies taste bad,' or 'Trump smells awful' might be libelous, if brought before the right judge or jury. So I suppose it's not the libel so much as the judge and/or jury, as we are as much a nation of lawyers as of laws. Far too many times the important thing in these States is not whether you're right or wrong but whether the jury likes you or not (which is why lawyers dress up their clients for court rather than present them 'just the way they are'): We do not so much fear the evidence against us as the prosecutor and/or the defense attorney. [NOTE this was written before trials were entirely turned over to AI.]

Israeli-Canadian designer wins defamation lawsuit against Toronto restaurateur -- Hawkins was charged for violating Toronto’s Municipal Code, which forbids discrimination on the basis of “race, ancestry, place of origin, colour, ethnic origin, citizenship, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, age, marital status, family status, or disability.”

At least one is still legally permitted to call somebody ugly. Or, is one? That is the next case: Whether you have a right to your own opinion.

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‘Jesus in the rubble’: Christmas celebrations in Bethlehem canceled

Well, if Jesus's parents are terrorists and Hell-bent on bringing death & destruction to their neighbors then maybe they deserve to see their baby Jesus in the rubble of their evil. Although certainly Jesus himself doesn't deserve what his parents have wrought. But, who can choose one's parents? The best anyone can do is change the world.

Jesus was not Palestinian, we need to dispel that myth forever - opinion

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I was eating at a diner when a man handed me my schoolwork from 40 years ago

"Thought you could get out of your failed grades by skipping that last day of school, did ya!" Some teachers are really hard ass about grades.

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Did anything good happen in 2023? Actually, yes!

I won $4 in the lottery.

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Songs of grief and defiance fuel Arab solidarity for Palestinians

So the Arabs can't make up their minds whether to grieve for the Palestinians or promote more war? Maybe it's the same thing. Maybe when the Arabs sing about the brotherhood of men and the wisdom of peace among neighbors their songs will be worth something. Maybe then it will be worth giving them a hearing.

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The world wants a respite for Gaza. Israel vows to keep fighting.

If nothing else, that statement should tell you one thing: The world doesn't have any investment in what happens in Gaza, Israel does. Maybe the world should just invest in a good pair of noise-canceling headphones instead.

'More of the same' is the continuation of everything that caused and called for the war in Gaza--That is not a good outcome either for Israel or for the people in Gaza who might yet long for peace there. And so I pray that Israel has the resolve to put on blinders to the impertinent world and finishes the job of bringing peace to Gaza by rooting out the reason for war there that is Hamas and all its cohorts.

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Egypt Floats Plan To End Israel-Hamas War. The Proposal Gets A Cool Reception.

All proposals where Israel gives up and allows Hamas to win and continue to be a mortal threat to Israel seem to me will have little chance with Israel: Always try to propose something other than that, something that does some good in the world.

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Priest on CNN says Christmas is story of 'Palestinian Jew' living in 'occupied' country

The good thing about antisemites is that you don't have to prod them: They readily reveal themselves. They are quite proud to be racist. They even provide you with the twisted reasoning behind their unreasonable hatred. Good show!

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Finally, a good reason to travel to space

We are vacuous. We are finally going home!

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Carolyn Hax: Mother-in-law thinks teens should be punished for skipping church

Hang on, I thought going to church was the punishment.

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Learning to sleep like a bear could save your life

Just make sure to write 'I am not a bear' on you somewhere so bear hunters will know to leave you alone.

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My son can dress himself, but some mornings refuses. Do I make him?

Don't dress too. See how he likes it.

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When is this movie really going to start? I’ve been here half an hour.

Sir, this is a hardware store. That chair is on sale.

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Who invented the sock shoe? No one can agree.

Look for somebody too lazy to put on socks and then follow that up with putting on shoes, like somebody in my family tree.

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Ask Amy: Wife wants reconciliation after daughters reported son’s marijuana use

It is ten times better to get caught using now than to get caught later trying to steal stuff to pay the dealers. Tell your son to thank your daughters for caring enough about him to risk even their sibling relationship for him.

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Miss Manners: Is everybody returning unwanted gifts to givers these days?

Yes. People give gifts they'd like to get. The solution is to only give cash and let people buy their own gifts.

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Ask Amy: How do I avoid inviting my neighbors to a party they know about?

Tell them it is not a party but a get-together to plan a party for them. So stay away!

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Reindeer can activate sleep mode while eating

My grandfather used to be able to do that too. Grandma would yell at him: "Wake up, Joe! You're eating!" And he'd open his eyes and say, "Check please!" Even though they were home.

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Carolyn Hax: Son’s pushy new wife ‘overreacted’ to bedbugs in guest room, right?

Doesn't she know that it's traditioonal to keep bedbugs in the guest room!

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Florida Mayor Removes Confederate Monument Despite GOP Pushback -- The monument will remain in city storage until members of the community and the city council can determine what to do with it, officials said.

Interest parties are asked to suggest sites for a proposed Ash Heap of History amusement park.

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‘Almost Naked’ Party in Moscow Angers Russian Conservatives

They wanna know why they weren't invited?

****************************************************

University Chancellor Fired After Making Pornographic Videos With His Wife

You gotta start paying these college types more money so they won't have to take these second jobs!

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Things I Thought Made Sense Just Don’t Anymore

You obviously need a brain tonic.

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U.S. Justice Department Threatens to Sue Texas Over Migrant Arrest Law

Those who threaten can never match those who act.
Those who threaten will never beat those who act.
Those who act are always asked, "Why didn't you threaten more?"

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Man taught himself to read, then set out to read 100 books in 2023

Man writes very bad book but titles it '100 Books' and now everybody wants to claim they've read it.

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Russian poet receives 7-year prison sentence for reciting verses against war in Ukraine

End this war right now!
Don't matter where, don't matter how:
Get the orcs out of Ukraine
by car, by plane, or choo choo train!

Putin is a melonhead!
Everyone wishes him dead.
If he doesn't die & rot soon
He'll still be a melonhead next June.

Now, the poet is a finalist for the Nobel.

The One Element Keeping Ukraine From Total Defeat

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Why do people hate the Jews? Is today's antisemite any different? - opinion

People who waste their time looking into why others hate them seldom see that there are some people in this world who if they cannot hate this will hate that.

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DeSantis, Haley pledge to pardon Trump if he’s convicted

They will also pardon Benedict Arnold if they're elected, along with Al Capone, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, John Wayne Gacy (of course), and every other big time criminal that has managed to achieve celebrity status.

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Anti-Zionism isn’t the same as antisemitism. Here’s the history.

Envy is not the same as jealousy, but that's another story.

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Tesla’s Autopilot blew through stop signs when our columnist tested the recall

Excellent! Now, next stop sign your Tesla blows through the cops will have proof that even knowing what it does you still took off on it. [Teslas don't blow through stop signs, people blow through stop signs.] Frankly I would have jumped out at the first stop sign it ignored. Or turned it off if I could.

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Is standing up getting harder? These exercises and tips can help.

Don't need'em: I just make sure I don't look like I'm going to stand up so nobody piles up on top of me and then I shoot up before anybody even realizes it.

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Mickey Mouse is finally in the public domain. Here’s what that means.

You can finally start that Mickey Mouse business you've been meaning to start.

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What the Civil War Was About

I thnk it was about people up north refusing to wear grey and people in the south refusing to wear blue. The north won so now we think people who wear grey are dull and completely out of style.

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Miss Manners: I ordered champagne for one and had to share

If it were me, I'd be thankful that the one I ordered the champagne for shared. You don't sound like a very gracious person at all! [Yeah, I know it's 'if it were I' but we're in these heah United States.]

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Texas doctors are not obligated to perform emergency abortions, court rules

Any other emergency medical procedures they are also not obligated to perform? [Just in case I'm ever in Texas and something comes up... I'm choking or something.]

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Asylum seekers faced severe abuse in ICE detention under Trump, suit says

Hispanics don't want any more people from Latin America coming here. Orientals don't want any more people coming here from Asia. Even Europeans don't want any more people coming here from Europe! The world may love America but America doesn't love any part of the world back, I see.

Half of Americans agree with Trump’s ‘poisoning the blood’ immigration rhetoric

Hitler was popularly elected [democratically] in Germany.

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Carolyn Hax: How to say no to elderly parents’ visits when they don’t ask first?

"No we are not opening the door, Mom! Go Home!" ["Okay, I'm gonna slip a paper under the door with your address on it. Give it to the cab driver!"]

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U.S. debt eclipses $34 trillion for first time

Ask Trump to pay it: He sez that's pocket change for him.

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Make a small room appear larger with these 7 visual tricks

1) keep people out of it
2) take out all the furniture
3) install an electronic echo machine
4) dress your kids like adults and stick'em in here
4) install fans to make it feel like the outdoors

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Turkey backs South Africa’s ICJ genocide case

They 'see' genocide in the Israeli army's fight against the Gazans who committed the October 7th genocide but they don't see the need to cry genocide for the Gazan's unquestioned October 7th genocide itself! That should tell you what this 'cry of genocide' is really worth.

US 'not seeing acts of genocide' in Gaza, State Dept says

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US: We have no reason to believe Israel assassinated Arouri

Sez it's possible Arouri committed suicide. He was always such a drama queen!

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Scientists unravel the big mystery of a beached whale

"It was swimming this way when it unexpectedly crashed into the continent."

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I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.

Spanking don't work: Kids quickly learn that it doesn't hurt as much as you think. What really works is screaming: A mother's screaming at her kid really puts the fear of God into him.

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Special counsel asks D.C. judge to bar Trump misinformation at trial

Trump complains that misinformation is all he has.

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US calls for urgent UN action on attacks by Yemen’s Houthi rebels on ships in the Red Sea

Shouldn't Egypt be the most concerned? After all, this is shutting down their Suez Canal. Where's the Egyptian Army? Still trying to keep Gazans out of the Sinai Peninsula?

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'We are not afraid of war' Hezbollah warns Israel

Did not mention if they were afraid of urban renewal.

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Houthis warned against new attacks on shipping -- The US, UK and ten other states warn Yemen's rebels they will face consequences if attacks persist.

"Ooooh... a warning!" That'll stop'em.

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Biden Could Kill Donald Trump And Not Be Prosecuted, Under Trump’s Own Legal Theory

The problem is that in Trump's mind the law is what he believes it to be, so if he becomes president again the law of Trump's complete immunity will be the law. Then God help us!

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Wearing hearing aids could reduce your risk of dying earlier

Sure. "Duck!" means "Duck!"

****************************************************

How did we get stuck with Biden and Trump again?

The good news is that this will be the last time; unless they let funeral directors run corpses for president out of their funeral homes. These geezers ain't Jimmy Carter.

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These politicians denied democracy on Jan. 6. Now, they want your vote.

The Party of the Rail Splitter has gone off the rails.

Democracy is the covenant citizens of a nation make with themselves to share political power (the governance of their country) fairly among themselves: Cutting off any portion of the citizenry from power is the murder of democracy. Even a single individual with more power than the rest is already an egregious perversion of democracy. Even a privileged majority or minority is an egregious subversion of democracy--This is why the Founders wisely sought so many checks against tyranny by the majority (absolute democracy).

The workload of democracy is the eternal fight against unfairness and inequality. Human nature is always contemptuously working for personal advancement. Therefore the struggle for democracy is always a counter-intuitive one in which working for the greater good (democracy) feels as if one were working against one's own struggle to get ahead. But just as in union there is strength, the greatest weakness of all is in the least number (the unsupported one), and so therefore strengthening democracy is bringing the strength of our collective unity to every single one of us.

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I killed a deer from my bathroom

You take your baths with a gun? How do you keep it from rusting?

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There’s new evidence of foreign money going to a president: Trump

Yes, but unlike the average American criminal, Trump is exempt from being punished for his crimes (not by law but by dint of his own will).

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Why Trump says Jan. 6 rioters are ‘patriots,’ but DeSantis doesn’t

On the other hand, ask Trump why he doesn't want to say that he led a group of 'patriots' to the actions on Jan.6 at the Capitol.

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Man attacks Nevada judge during sentencing

Apparently he was concerned that he wouldn't get a harsh enough sentence.

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Former Harvard president Claudine Gay says critics attacked her in ‘war’ against trusted institutions

It's never their bad. I know. Trump is not the only one.

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A quarter of Americans believe false claim that FBI instigated Jan. 6

Really? That's not as bad as I thought. What with 36% believing in ghosts, 21% believing in witches, 13% believing in Bigfoot, and 47% believing in aliens from outer space walking among us.

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DeSantis, covid-19, and Florida’s growing opposition to vaccines

In Florida's defense: People here are primitive and prone to think that modern medical advances are the work of the Devil and witchcraft.

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Trump’s businesses received $7.8 million in foreign payments during presidency, House Democrats report

Where. O where are the people demanding Menendez's removal?

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Want To Poop Better? Your Dog Might Have The Answer.

You know, that may be why he starts barking every time I go to the bathroom... and goes hide in the closet.

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Florida Man Sues Dunkin’ Over Injuries Following Toilet Explosion

Dunkin’ staff members said they warned him what would happen if he insisted on eating their donuts in the toilet.

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Is standing up getting harder? These exercises and tips can help.

No, standing up isn't getting harder. What's getting harder is yelling for somebody to come help me up: As time goes by I'm finding I'm having to scream out more and more four-letter words to get'em to come.

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Trump 'Willing To Sacrifice Democracy,' Biden Declares In Forceful Speech

Trump is willing to sacrifice the United States & everybody in it if he could make a dollar off of it.

Supreme Court to rule if Trump can run for president

The Case for Disqualifying Trump Is Strong

What the Supreme Court Should Not Do in Trump’s Disqualification Case

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How to start indoor rock climbing

1) find the room in your house with the most crumbling wall
2) make sure the brick you grab is still attached to the wall

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Friend keeps touting her greatness at a sport she no longer plays

Every time she does that you tout how long you used to wear your diapers before finally crapping out.

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Dining chat: Days before Christmas, a restaurant canceled a diner’s reservation. ‘What should I have expected?’

You should have expected that better tippers always have dibs on your table.

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Ask Amy: I’m upset my husband doesn’t want to be buried next to me

A lifetime isn't enough for you? You want eternity?! Honey, the Sun is going to blow up one day soon (when you're dead they don't let you check your watch). Before that, people unrelated to you are going to plow under that entire cemetery and build a parking lot there. So quit obsessing! Let him go! He wants to sow his wild horse puckies after he's gone.

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The Families of Hostages Are Calling on Israel to Do Something Radical

The families of hostages will always call on their leaders to surrender to the enemies holding their family members. But that will only lead to much more suffering than just for the hostages and their desperate families. That's why we elect leaders who can make the hard decisions: It is a sacrifice that most family members of hostages cannot or will never understand. It is a sacrifice that their leaders cannot or could never explain to them. It's just a brutal tragedy that all alike must bear.

****************************************************

Ashli Babbitt’s Family Seeks $30 Million Against U.S. Over Jan. 6 Death

What? I suppose now bank robbers' families are also going to start suing banks that managed to kill the bank robbers while they were robbing the banks?

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Pope says surrogacy is ‘deplorable,’ calls for global ban

Of course, the Pope is infallible. So even though he's not a doctor, his medical pronouncements trump those of even the best medical experts. I wonder if he does consultations? Nothing like having a doctor who's infallible.

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Carolyn Hax chat: My friend spiked my dinner with marijuana

You are so lucky that he only wanted to see you think you were going insane. Some 'friends' like to see people die an agonizing death from some horrible poison. You must always keep in mind that even though we might have come down from the trees, we are still monkeys (so always expect to be hit with somebody's feces).

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Biden is not breaking through the ‘MAGA wall,’ Clyburn warns

If Truth itself can't break through the MAGA wall, why should Biden?

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10 lentil recipes, including soup, pasta, lasagna and more

Does not say whether these recipes are spoiled if you use 9 or 11 lentils instead (by accident or because of your natural arithmetic incompetence).

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What to do if a fire, decompression or other emergency hits your flight

Way ahead of you: I always wear my Depends whenever I fly.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: My father gave my allergic son peanut butter

Yeah, those MAGA geezers don't believe allergies & a lot of other medical stuff is real or valid unless Trump sez it is.

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Pets may lower your dementia risk

I know my dog Phillip has talked me out of a lot of shit.

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Trump Omits Customary Illinois Pledge To Not Overthrow Government: Report

Back in 1865 insurrectionists attempted to destroy the nation with bullets and failed. This time, in 2024, insurrectionists will attempt to destroy the nation with ballots. And I'm betting they will fail again.

I think the 2024 presidential election will be the most serious insurrection this country will face since the Civil War. But I'm on the side of those who believe that the American nation will win again as it won back in 1865 no matter that the victory might prove to be a hard and traumatic one.

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Why efforts to keep Trump off primary ballots defy every principle of democracy -- If the former president were ever convicted of a crime connected with the events of Jan. 6, 2021, there would be a good case to remove him from the ballot. But he hasn't been.

Unfortunately for you, the 14th Amendment doesn't mention conviction. Why it doesn't say 'convicted' is perhaps a fluke of history (the authors did not expect the entire Confederacy to be tried and convicted of insurrection), but there you have it: The 14th Amendment plainly says that he is disqualified who "shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion" or "given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof." Trump plainly has. Moreover, he plainly boasts of having done so, and continues so doing. [No conviction required.] And Trump also never quits giving aid and comfort to the January 6 insurrectionists, even promising to pardon them if reelected. Period.

****************************************************

Most States Have Tax Codes That Are Rigged To Benefit The Wealthy: Report

Duh! I never heard of the poor buying a politician--Have you?

****************************************************

The question of Trump’s corruption should be front and center

I believe Trump was very clear on this, that he is absolutely immune from any prosecution--Any.

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‘Utter Disgrace’: Trump Slammed After Admitting He Hopes Economy Crashes This Year

Any evil that will benefit him, even if it benefits only him.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I saw my neighbor pee in his yard. Should I say something?

Sure. He might invite you to come pee with him next time.

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Ashli Babbitt’s Family Seeks $30 Million Against U.S. Over Jan. 6 Death -- The 35-year-old “posed no threat to the safety of anyone” when she was fatally shot by police while attempting to break into the speaker’s lobby, the suit claims.

She was the leader of a mob that was calling for the heads of the members of Congress. She was the first to try to jump through the windows the mob just smashed. If she hadn't been shot the entire mob would have jumped in after her through that broken window. At that moment in that one place Ashli Babbitt was the most threatening person there. Those are the facts we can plainly see in the video.

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What hurts more: childbirth or being kicked the testes? Researchers weigh in

I sense a new TV game show in the offing.

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Google location data was used to find Jan. 6 rioters. It’s disappearing.

No problem: So are the Jan.6 rioters.

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Former UK opposition leader Corbyn to join South Africa's delegation accusing Israel of genocide

Why is he doing it? James Bond Inc. might be looking for its next fiend villain.

****************************************************

Trump’s sly ‘I’m immune from prosecution’ claim finally runs aground

Trump believes the authorities will never prosecute him for all the crimes and corruption he committed while he was in office. But corruption and all Trump's crimes are not part of the presidential duties. And sooner or later every criminal has to face justice. The worst thing you can do to Trump is to outright stop listening to his whine. The law will catch up to him soon.

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Trump warns of ‘bedlam,’ declines to rule out violence after court hearing

Perro que ladra no muerde. (A barking dog does not bite.) Trump is a bully and therefore a coward: He will threaten loudly in order to avoid getting into an actual brawl because he hath no teeth.

Donald Trump isn’t coming for us. The rule of law is coming for him.

****************************************************

Republicans Won't Dispute Trump's Claim To Total Immunity From Prosecution

Republicans won't dispute Trump's claim to being the emperor of America, and will accept any odd job around the palace he sees fit to offer them.

Jamie Raskin Points Out Wild Possible Outcome If Trump's 'Ludicrous' Claim Was Real

How did all the mental deficients who were let out after they closed the insane asylums end up in the GOP?!?

****************************************************

Lisa Bonet Files For Divorce From Jason Momoa

Now Jason Momoa trying to find tattoo artist who can turn all his 'Lisa Bonets' into 'This'a Bonner'.

****************************************************

He Went Out for Cigarettes. A Decade Later, His Car Was Found in a Pond.

Someone should have taught him a less spectacular way to put out his smoke.

****************************************************

Imagine if Trump Loses

Your children will be able to live in the American Republic instead of in Trumpdom. [47% of Americans say they don't want that--And now you know the terrible effects of lead from gasoline fumes on the brains of kids growing up here the last 80 years.]

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What happens when a hole opens on a plane in midair

That's when 'maybe I should have driven there' turns into 'I fucking damn should have--''

****************************************************

50 Cent Reveals Why He’s Giving Up Sex In 2024

It's getting harder & harder to find a 50 cent ho in today's inflation-prone world.

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Trump: US will never help Europe under attack, NATO is dead

I wonder whether Putin ordered Trump to say this or Trump was just out to kiss Putin's ass on his own.

"And by the way, you owe me $400 billion, because you didn’t pay, you Germans, what you had to pay for defense."

Notice that Trump did not say 'owe the U.S.' because if he is re-elected president the U.S. will become merely a Trump property, like one of his many golf courses.

Jack Smith’s case got stronger over the past month

****************************************************

The justices will keep Trump on the ballot. Here’s how (and why) they’ll do it.

They'll check which side their bread is buttered & slip into that side. It happens every time an empire is nearing its final collapse: All of the principles that once held it up become massively unbearable corruptions.

****************************************************

Why many coffee shops won’t let you bring your own mug

Well that sure fixes me: It's the only mug I have!

****************************************************

Dining chat: Help! A member of our lunch group refuses to tip.

Just tell that member it's okay, that the rest of you will chip in and take care of the tip for her. That'll show her!

****************************************************

Trump won’t be allowed to give his own closing argument in N.Y. fraud trial

Judge ruled that if Trump wants to claim the insanity defense he's gonna have to do it in front of a psychiatrist, not the court.

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Democrats attack Biden over strikes on Houthi rebels

Democrats are trying to pin Biden between a rock and a hard place, apparently. And claim that an American should turn the other cheek when one of them is blown away by a Houthi missile.

****************************************************

Governor Says Texas Isn’t Shooting Migrants Because Biden Would ‘Charge Us With Murder’

Well, thank Heaven that at least the Texas governor has some self-restraint against committing murder.

****************************************************

Trump assails judge in courtroom speech as N.Y. fraud trial winds down

Sez if he'd been 50 years younger and 200 pounds lighter he would have flown over the judge's bench and tried to strange him (like all defendants should do in Court).

****************************************************

Israel’s war in Gaza isn’t genocide, but is it proportionate?

No it is not: The Israeli army should rape more Palestinian women and cut the heads off a few of their babies, maybes. [sic.] Does that sound better to you? More proportionate?

****************************************************

Rashida Tlaib gave Palestinian Americans a voice. Then came the war.

And now the Palestinians are trying to find another voice. One which doesn't sound quite so much like it's ISIS. Yes, we know.

****************************************************

Why a third of all sharks are swimming toward extinction, despite efforts to save them

Because death is the way of life. We ourselves are walking that way (towards extinction), although we're just now starting to make some vague efforts to not walk that way quite so quickly, eventually we all end up there where the dinosaurs are waiting for us, a ways down the road inevitable because it is the only road available to all of us who have taken to the road of living--

****************************************************

Trump Claims He Won’t Have Time For Retribution – But Says ‘That’s Not So Bad’ If He Did

Claims that it would take much too much time away from his playing golf--That's how you know he won't be such a bad ass about it.

****************************************************

Israel could deport Hamas leaders, withdraw from Gaza in Qatari proposal

Or, Israel might try Hamas leaders for mass murder and make sure that Gaza is never again a military threat to anybody else (including to the Gazans themselves). Who would have imagined the Qataris to be such bleeding hearts when it comes to Hamas leaders!

****************************************************

Can shoveling snow give you a heart attack?

Not if you don't work yourself up watching your wife shoveling from a window.

****************************************************

Because of refusal to abide by rules, Trump won’t be allowed to give his own closing argument in N.Y. fraud trial

However, he will still be allowed to be president of the United States no matter how many rules he breaks. O what unstinting sense of proportion is in our human universe!

****************************************************

67% of Arabs believe Oct. 7 was ‘legitimate resistance,' survey finds

Which is why Israel must finish the job of securing its victory and turn a deaf ear to all the meaningless noises clamoring for it to just give up and declare a ceasefire.

Sadly, the war must go on until Hamas is stripped from power - analysis

****************************************************

Alabama court says state can make second attempt to execute inmate whose lethal injection failed

Wonder why they don't just use a tire iron. It works for me, every time.

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The media’s worst lapse: Refusing to identify Trump as a cult leader

The sign of a successful cult leader is when nobody in the cult suspects they're in a cult.

Trump Makes Plea To 'Sick As A Dog' Voters In Iowa: 'Worth It' Even if You Die

One thing about Trump is that he doesn't mind who knows his most vile wickedness. "Hey, look! I'm a cult leader!"

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I get compliments about my skin but I wear makeup

Okay: You don't get sarcasm. [We get it.]

****************************************************

Raskin demands Trump return money he accepted from foreign governments during presidency

Trump sez he would but that he doesn't wanna break his lifelong record of never returning any cash that he's already gotten a good hold of.

****************************************************

Freezer burn is a nuisance. Here’s how to prevent it.

1) don't stick your head in your freezer too long

****************************************************

A message beamed into space invites aliens to visit Lexington, Kentucky

Let's hope it included a proviso that they must be quarantined long enough to make sure that none of their alien viruses infect us poor stupid human beings.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: My son’s girlfriend’s snobby parents sent us a regift

The richer the cheaper--It's something to do with the love of money.

****************************************************

This Language Was Long Believed Extinct. Then One Man Spoke Up.

If only one man can speak a language, how do you tell whether it really is a unique laguage or it's just your neighbor got hit in the head with a brick?

****************************************************

Trump falsely claims ‘no terrorist attacks’ and ‘no wars’ during his presidency

He also remembers chatting up Glinda the Good Witch of the North on the White House lawn. [Trump's hold on reality is as good as his word. That's why it's such a carnival ride to hand him The Nuclear Button.]

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Teen daughter purposely broke her phone to get a new one

Lay in a lot of fire insurance for when she tires of living in that old family house of yours.

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The Houthi militia, shaped by years of civil war, said that it welcomed a battle with the U.S.

War-lovers ought always to get what they long for. That's how peace-lovers are born.

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Why Nikki Haley Can’t Win

She is a brown-skinned girl in a party of white supremists. Is she really that blind? [Facts say she is.]

****************************************************

Ben & Jerry’s ice cream board calls for Gaza ceasefire

After which they proposed a new Jewish-centered sweet fruit ball encased in a bitter butter Palestinian nut crust ice cream to be called Hamaza.

****************************************************

The Houthis sink an arrow into the West’s Achilles’ heel

The Houthis are like a nasty kid spitting at a man with a gun out in public: You can't just shoot the brat (while everyone's watching). The question is: do you have enough changes of clothes to stand there and take his spit?

****************************************************

Palestinian ambassador to UN calls on Non-Aligned Movement to pressure Israel to enforce cease-fire

When I was a little kid my mother always won our arguments with, "You have to do as I say because I'm the Mother and you're the son!" To which I had no answer, as she was speaking the truth. Then one day I discovered that my Grandmother was her mother, and my Grandmother always did what I asked her to do. So, having found the trick to dominating my Mother, I went to my Grandmother and told her to order her daughter to do as I said. Well, needless to say, even though I seemed to have hit upon the perfect scheme, my most logical and reasonable solution appeared to have unforeseen and mysterious flaws: It just didn't work! And so I still had to obey my Mother, even though I didn't understand for quite a while exactly how my flawless stratagem had been so ingloriously upended.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: What makes parents so annoying, even to their middle-aged children?

They love us unconditionally--Who wants that?!

****************************************************

Miss Manners: I hate being called ‘dear’ by strangers

Me too. I immediately call them 'pussycat.' Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't--You'd be surprised the number of strangers who enjoy it.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: I’m buying a house with my mom. My sister wants to visit for months.

Don't you have a shed in the property? Maybe you can stick her in there. Move the lawnmower.

****************************************************

An eccentric Danish queen abdicates - will others follow?

How many eccentric Danish queens can there be?

****************************************************

Why Some Voters See Trump As Really Honest About the World

Why did so many of David Koresh's followers choose to be burnt alive along with him? It's a curious question perhaps answered only by anthropologists who might study the ways our chimp ancestors organized themselves into groups.

****************************************************

What happens after your kid unexpectedly goes viral?

You mean the kid showing his ass? Is that your kid?

****************************************************

The Trump Trials: One angry Man

Well of course he's one angry man: As long as the GOP suckers were paying the bill for him Trump was a happy camper, but these trials now are starting to cost him [his own] money.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Do guests always have to reciprocate invitations?

If it was a pleasant experience, no. However, the only way to avenge an unpleasant one is to invite the bastards over and then give'em the works.

****************************************************

Israel's Dehumanizing Rhetoric Of Palestinians Becomes Central To Genocide Case

Of course I don't approve of applying such terms indiscriminately to all Palestinians, but Hamas and other Jihadists have obviously dehumanized themselves and should therefore justly be referred to as animals and other less than human beasts.

****************************************************

Biden Says Airstrikes Will Continue Despite Not Yet Deterring Houthi Militants

Reminds me of the cowboy movie where the good guy shoots the gun off the bad guy's hand and the bad guy then tries to pick up the gun so the good guy shoots the gun further away, and then the bad guy tries to get it again so the good guy shoots it further away and again and again as the bad guy keeps trying to get it... and I'm thinking, you know, the good guy is gonna run out of bullets and then the bad guy is gonna get the gun and kill him. [Sometimes I think the good guy is just too good for his own good!]

****************************************************

Haley sparks a 2024 debate: Whether the U.S. is (or ever was) a racist country

Well, I am from Cuba, and when I came here in the 1960s I was blown away by the racism I experienced from every American here almost without fail or exception: Whites were dangerous racists. Blacks were dangerous racists. Even Miami Beach Jews were dangerous racists. Every single American I met was either obnoxiously dangerously outrageously racist, or subtly and sinisterly racist (if they wanted something from you). It made me wonder why my own Cuban society wasn't as racist: I was born in a city neighborhood teeming with Blacks, Germans, Frenchmen, Spanish, and Chinese people, sometimes in mixed families. Obviously we too could see some of our neighbors were Blacks, orientals, Europeans, whatever, and yet I never once saw Cubans of any description work to make that ethnic difference something negative. Quite the opposite: "ese hombre si es un Negro" meant the guy, whether black or white, was an exceptional man, a brave man, an honest or a decent human being. In Cuba "Negrito" means 'my dear,' or 'my beloved one.' While here merely just to mention that somebody's black is a horrible insult. Case closed on America, my man. Here you gotta watch your step with every step you take. Here you gotta watch what you say, every word you speak. Racism is the eternal knife raised above your head here, waiting to strike you in the back the minute you forget it's there and say or do 'the wrong thing.' Not a good way to live at all!

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Maybe America wants an authoritarian leader? Jennifer Rubin answered your questions.

Sure. Rome finally tired of decades & decades of being a republic and went with an emperor. And for almost 300 years it worked out for them. Making war on others is easier if there's only one guy making the decision to send everybody else to slaughter.

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Dining chat: What do you do when a mouse appears in a restaurant?

Finally begin to get hold of what that odd aftertaste you were wondering about could be.

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Another government shutdown deadline is nearly here. Here’s what to know.

American politicians don't have anything better to do with their time: Biden could end all this waste of time with a simple order that the treasury follow the Constitution [which expressly forbids questioning the nation's ability to borrow money] but he too is a lover of wasting the people's time and energy with needless and pointless political games. Obviously we will have to wait for a more serious-minded president to finally put an end to these political ping-pong parlor games.

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Hillary Clinton Rips Republicans Over Child Food Move: ‘What Is Wrong With These People?’

In the Republican governors' defense: These are not their own children they're condemning to hunger. [sic.]

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Donald Trump is very confused

Extreme old age and the good life to the hilt are finally catching up with Donald Trump.

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Attorney Says He Quit Trump’s Legal Team Because ‘I Had To Follow My Compass’

When a lawyer sez he's too moral and ethical to represent a guy, that's when you really know exactly how indescribably corrupt the guy really is. [I mean, lawyers represent mass murderers and baby torturers, no sweat!]

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Ron DeSantis Spent More Than $53 Million To Win 23,420 Votes In Iowa

The good news, of course, is that none of it was DeSantis's own money. It was all the suckers'.

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'Denying Palestinians statehood is unacceptable,' Guterres says

There is a great misunderstanding in the West that what the Palestinians want is statehood. What they really want is the destruction of Israel and the butchering on every Jew in it (they make no bones about this). Right now anybody pushing for a Palestinian state is the same as pushing for what the Palestinians 'really' want (make no bones about that). So if butchery is NOT what you 'really' want, first the mindset of the Palestinians must be changed, the Palestinians must be somehow humanized, and only then would it be reasonable for all good men to push for a Palestinian state. To push for a Palestinian state right now is to push for more and worse wars.

It is a political mistake for Netanyahu to say that there will never be a Palestinian state. He should say instead that there will be a Palestinian state when the Palestinians renounce terror and accept Israelis as their peaceful neighbors--And not when they merely mouth it but when they really feel it in their soul-of-souls. In other words, when they become human beings like us all.

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We’ve all looked lousy in photos. These tips can help.

1) Stop showing your photos around: You're creeping out people

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‘Am I using too much weed?’ Ask yourself these questions.

1) Are you animal or plant?
2) If you turned the world upside down, would you fall out?
3) Can you touch someone in China with your outstretched arm?

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UCLA professor: 'Hindus serve in IDF to kill Muslims, Israel broadcasts porn on Palestinian TV'

This is exactly the sort of insanity that is driving American college students crazy and utterly detached from reality.

The key to a healthy democracy is a healthy access to the unadulterated facts. This is why a free press was so important to the Founders, who lived in a world where newspapers that lied lost subscribers. [Unfortunately college professors that lie can often keep their tenure.] Yes, perhaps the Founders should have made more provisions in the Constitution against sinister purveyors of the shameless lies of modern partisan propaganda; but the Constitution is a work-in-progress, and it is up to us to update it to deal with these latter-day ills the Founders could not have foreseen back then.

Arafat-affiliated former US gov't official to teach in Yale on Israel-Palestine

What can go wrong?

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Dining chat: What do you do when a mouse appears in a restaurant?

Get him a table in the back, way in the back.

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Miss Manners: Swimmer at my pool is always coughing

Look, he's washing his ass with the water you're gargling with. Stop fixating on things that don't mean shit already!

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Trump warns Supreme Court of ‘chaos and bedlam’

Once a school yard bully always a school yard bully. [15 cents the Supreme Court cites this as one of the reasons to leave Trump on the ballot.] Only fools allow themselves to be bullied by cowards.

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A Pink Floyd CD is returned to a Maryland library — 35 years overdue

Man sez it took him that long to realize that the CD wasn't damaged and he could return it without having to buy them a new one.

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Miss Manners: Passenger hogs the plane bathroom to do her makeup

That's because that is where the mirror is. What you have to do is cut in before she gets there, un-hook the morror and pass it out to her: "There ya go, honey. I need the toilet."

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There are only two northern white rhinos remaining in the world. A breakthrough may save them.

There are only two of them because while all the black rhinos take off the instant there's any trouble, the white rhinos tend to stay behind thinking, "What is this? Let me just take a closer look..."

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Senate Majority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) attacked former president Donald Trump on Wednesday during a speech on the floor of the Senate.

Apparently Trump just wandered in and Schumer punched him a coupe of times.

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Donald Trump Fumes At Nikki Haley: 'I Don't Get Too Angry, I Get Even'

What a bitch!

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Pope says Holocaust Remembrance Day reminds world that war can never be justified

Pope is all screwed up in the head as usual: War is what saved the remaining Holocaust survivors. If the War had been more intense and focused on rescuing the Holocaust victims then not as many would have perished. Holocaust Remembrance Day reminds the world that when good men 'do nothing' (or when good men stand in the way of those who are trying to do something) Evil wins: Finish Hamas! Do not stop fighting Hamas until they are all completely and utterly defeated. Do not try to stand in the way of those who are trying to defeat Hamas! The greatest favor you can do the civilians of Gaza is to do everything possible to secure Israel's victory over Hamas as quickly as possible. [Pope should always ring me up before making any pronouncements so I can straighten him out first. That way he won't look like a hopeless meathead or a tool of The Devil.]

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Protesters throw soup at Mona Lisa

Claim she was starting to look pale.

Look, if you're going to place the Mona Lisa inside the monkey house, you'd better be prepared to wash some feces off of it. Luckily they anticipated it.

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Sure, Trump and Biden are old. The similarities end there.

I don't know, I kind of enjoy The Laurel and Hardy Debates. I think they're funny. Especially when Laurel is the one that seems to have any brains.

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Passenger opens plane door and walks on wing

Coincidentally, both William Shatner and John Lithgow were on board.

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U.N. agency fires workers accused of joining Oct. 7 Hamas attack

Fires them?!? How about turning them over to Israel for prosecution on capital murder & kidnapping charges.

Israeli intelligence accuses 190 UNRWA staff of Hamas, Islamic Jihad roles

Israel cannot afford to stop the war in Gaza - opinion

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I was young and fit, and suddenly too exhausted to get out of bed

That happened to me a lot when I was a little kid. But my mother could scream, "Get up!!!" at me so loudly that it always fixed me right up and I was back on my feet before you could spit.

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Ask Amy: Sister-in-law asked for my mom’s possessions right after she passed

Start by sending her all the garbage in your mother's, including dead leaves, squirrels, left-over foodstuff, dirty laundry, broken dishes, and keep telling her not to worry, "We'll soon be getting to the good stuff."

If she ever cries out, "Hold it!" you can take that as a legal notification that she no longer wants any more of your mother's junk. Case closed.

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Falling inflation, rising growth give U.S. the world’s best recovery

The US Economy is the best it's ever been in history. This is bad news for Joe Biden, who's facing a self-loathing electorate.

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George Carlin’s estate sues over AI comedy special

No one could say 'Motherfucker' as deliciously as George Carlin.

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A Monkey Is on the Run in the Scottish Highlands

Trying to find a tree. Even a single one.

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I Didn’t Know If I Believed In The Afterlife. Then My Dead Father Sent Me A Message.

My dead father also sent me a message but right away I knew it couldn't possibly be from him because it wasn't sent COD.

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Man who stole Wizard of Oz slippers spared prison

He simply clicked the slippers three times and went home!

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I can’t stop eating these sticky soy- and honey-roasted mushrooms

Have you tried running out of money to buy them with? That always works for me.

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A mysterious sound is bugging Fla. residents. It might be fish mating.

It does sound a bit like, "Bay-bah-bay-bah-bay-bah-bay-bah..."

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Dining chat: When a diner gets drenched with ice water, how should a restaurant respond?

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a glass with that?"

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In two civil trials, former President Trump has showcased his disdain for the legal system.

This is always the case with most criminals. Fortunately the legal system carries out its work without being conscious of what opinions criminals might have of it.

'Make Him Crazy': George Conway Reveals How To Get Under Trump's Skin

Joe Biden must really be concerned about running against a rapist: It's never happened before. I don't believe anybody has ever run against a rapist for the presidency, so we'll finally see whether being a rapist is a plus or a minus when running for president in the United States. [Remember that Trump is a Republican, and Republicans mouth law-and-order crap like murderers whine against the death penalty.] If only Republicans voted then the rapist would be in like Flynn, but all Americans will get to vote, so it's a very tricky outcome to predict all right.

GOP struggles to account for E. Jean Carroll verdict against Trump

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My dad is jealous of my father-in-law. Hax readers give advice.

I have never known anyone, who was jealous of someone, who was never jealous of a ton of other people: Surely you've been dealing with your dad's jealousies all your life! Suck it up.

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Covid is back, and the U.S. is unprepared for the next bug. Here’s what to do.

Don't worry: Trump might become president again, and then we'll all quaff a large glass of Clorox to his good health.

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Israel-Egypt ties on verge of collapse amid war on Hamas in Gaza - report

Sometimes bad ties are worse than no ties at all.

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U.N. court orders Israel to halt killings in Gaza, but did not call for cease-fire

Yes. Wouldn't it be wonderful if wars were perfect! Wouldn't it be great if we could have wars where no one ever got killed!

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Netanyahu slams genocide case as 'outrageous' and says Israel will continue to do 'what is necessary' to defend itself

Justice must be obeyed, but not absolutely. I remember watching the TV drama 'The Fugitive' years ago and pulling for Richard Kimble to continue on the run from the Law. as the program had shown to us that he was innocent, in spite of my own very strong biased toward the police, the Courts, justice, and respect for the law. I could never have been comfortable with him patiently waiting out his sentence and hoping that someone would eventually find that he was innocent. Likewise, sometimes when we know that the Courts have made a mistake, to side with those they unjustly convict is the right thing to do. Sometimes Courts of Law indict themselves and then the matter has nothing whatever to do with the accused. That is the case with this unreasonable and unjust 'genocide' ruling by The International Court of Justice: This Court has poured opprobrium upon itself. [But I still think that anybody who helped Richard Kimble evade capture should have been charged with a crime.]

A top U.N. court’s ruling on Israel and Gaza is a perversion of justice

South Africa, Hamas, Arab world Iran welcome ICJ ruling against Israel

Throw in Hell and Nazi Germany and you pretty much can see where that ruling falls on the scales of justice.

Anti-Israel Judge Nawaf Salam elected new president of ICJ

Only time can reveal the ICJ's true motives - opinion

'Jihad must stop': Hamas founder's son talks UNRWA, support for Israel

We all were lied to – Gaza was a modern developed city before October 7th - opinion

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Democrat Urges Action After Fake, Sexually Explicit Taylor Swift Images Go Viral

Wait a minute: How do so many people know they're fakes?!? I think a closer look is in order.

How Taylor Swift’s legions of fans fought back against fake nudes

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Cooking chat: What should I serve to guests while watching football?

If you are serving your guests at the same time that you're watching football serve them something which won't cause them too much harm when you spill it all over them.

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It is possible that some of us have been mishearing God

God speaks poor English. He is obviously an immigrant from the Middle East; possibly illegal as He's always trying to go under the radar.

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Carroll Promises to Do ‘Something Good’ With a Fortune Won From Trump

This will probably be the first (and only) time that Trump's money is put to good use (or, at least, not put to some nefarious use).

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Ask Sahaj: My partner lost their job and still sends money to their parents

Sounds like there's a lot of people involved. So they can probably afford it.

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‘Origin’ Examines the Roots of Racism

Sorry but slavery explained it all already: If nobody made anything off racism it would be hard or impossible for racism to take a single breath again.

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Biden Must Campaign Against a Man Who Already Thinks He’s President

Unfortunately for Biden this country no longer confines loons like Trump in mental institutions, so they're perfecty free to run for president! [So I'm afraid that we're going to have to live & laugh at it all.]

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Donald Trump will be able to wait to pay the full $83.3 million until all his appeals are exhausted.

From here until all his appeals are enhauste on this one there's plenty of time for Trump to defame her many more times and thereby increase his penalties exponentially. It is a point of curiosity how much money Trump would have to be charged to make him keep his mouth shut, but I suspect we are going to find out.

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Presidential Campaign Could Be One of the Longest in Decades

Naw, it'll just seem that way because of the tiny careful steps the two old geezers are taking.

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Why does Norway put barcodes on ships? Alexandra Petri answered your questions.

Answer: So you'll only know how much they really cost when you're already at the checkout.

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Fear of missing out can keep you broke. Fight the spending temptation.

Or, what is money for? People who keep their money till the day they die probably have this crazy sick notion that they're going to live forever. "Probably holding on to that last nickle was what killed him." [Ok, slip him in the hole.]

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How to complain in a restaurant without sounding like a jerk

Or, how to be a jerk without letting people realize what you are. If you can pull this off I bow to you, you jerk!

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I haven’t seen my kids in 17 years. Should I give up on reconnecting?

No. Just tell'em that you forgot their names & that's why you were embarrassed to call.

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The historically familiar subtext to fears about immigrants to the U.S.

Sure. Americans have a lot to fear from immigrants: On the whole they are better educated, speak proper English (not talk American like us heah), polite, civil, law-abiding, and downright thankful to get any job (not resentful and paranoid like hired natives whose first question is about a raise).

The surge in immigration is a $7 trillion gift to the economy

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Carolyn Hax: In-laws are lovely, but their ‘guesthouse’ is an unfinished shack

And if you never want to come back again their work is done.

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Attack on U.S. troops needs a rapid response and long-term follow-through

Hey! What happened to diplomacy and a cease-fire? A thousand Jews are butchered and you want an immediate cease-fire but three Americans are killed and you wanna start WWIII?

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Today’s Opinions: What happens if Trump can’t run?

He'll walk.

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IDF may have violated international law in West Bank hospital raid, experts say

IDF went in to protect the hospital from terrorists and that is the headline they get!

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Will E. Jean Carroll’s victory over Trump change him in any way?

Yes. It will convince him that the only way he can avoid going broke is to become president again and enrich himself with blinding corruption.

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Arizona Republican Proposes Bill That Would Allow Politicians To Overturn Elections

Wouldn't it be wonderful if politicians could just elect themselves and cut out the voters altogether! [The Republicans' Dream Come True.] "You know, I'm not comfortable with the way I lost this election..."

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‘Why Haven’t the Democrats Completely Cleaned the Republicans’ Clock?’

Can you really picture Chuck Schumer in an all-out brawl?

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Ask Sahaj: Daughter’s boyfriend is ‘physically, mentally and socially’ inferior

You're talking about a monkey, right? Buck up, most daughters like to date monkeys, lots of them even marry them. So cross your fingers and grit your teeth.

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Trump outreach to Teamsters sparks tensions over his anti-union record

Record be damned, Trump will claim he's been the greatest friend that unions have ever had in all human history. And a lot of his followers will believe it. Reality is a lost commodity in Trump World.

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Trump spent over $55 million in donor money on legal fees last year, filings show

Yes, but you have to remember that Trump is exempt from all the laws that everyone else has to follow.

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Star Trek: What Does NCC Stand For?

Not Credible Crap. It was pained in 800-ft. letters on the little Enterprise model--Even then a lot of people still believe Star Trek was real, and even after the little model was held up to the camera in the Adonis episode.

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Dining chat: How should a restaurant respond after feeding burgers to vegans?

"There now, aren't you glad you helped to make sure that particular cow did not die in vain!"

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Friend shoots down all the advice she keeps asking for. Hax readers give advice.

That's why the only advice I ever give my friends is, "Ah-hah."

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Donald Trump Reportedly Claims He's More Popular Than Taylor Swift

And he also claims that he has better-looking legs.

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The crane who loved me: Zookeeper mourns bird who chose him as mate

Police have not yet ruled Zookeeper out in the death of the bird because the husband is always the first suspect they have to clear in cases like these.

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D.C. police release video of officer shooting man who ran from ambulance

"It was imperative that we stop him," police explained: "That abulance might have been taking him to the hospital for something serious."

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Trump delays, delays, delays

Of course. Trump knows that his best chance is to wait until he becomes president again and then throw in jail all the judges and prosecutors that wanted to do that to him.

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Carolyn Hax: Son’s fiancée is offended by comment aimed at someone else

Yeah, don't you just hate people who get offended when you kick an old bum in the street? "What, I kicked the bum, not you!"

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Howard Dean Has Blunt Warning For MAGA Fans: Trump ‘Does Not Give 1 Damn’ About You

Unfortunately that's why they love him. First get the GOP some group therapy with a good psychiatrist, then we'll talk.

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Alec Baldwin Pleads Not Guilty After Grand Jury Indictment In ‘Rust’ Shooting

Baldwin sez that strange things like this happen to him all the time. Just the other day a pair of pants got up and walked out of his bedroom just like that, without his even being in them.

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Biden issues executive order sanctioning 4 Israeli settlers involved in West Bank violence

Wow, 4 of them! You know, I betcha if Biden put his mind to it he could find many times more criminals than that in just the area around the While House. Maybe if Biden sanctioned a few of those crime in D.C. might actually go down.

My Word: Sanctioning settlers and the two-state obsession

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Who Should Be Trump’s No. 2?

Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? I doubt Trump is going to be given a cell mate (even though there is no end to Trumpists who would love to spend the rest of their lives in prison with him). He'll probably spend his prison sentence in a private cell with only secret service members watching him play solitaire. There.

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Microplastics have been found in breast milk. Will that hurt my baby?

Yes. Get him a steak.

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Are Americans getting even dumber? - opinion

No. It is physically impossible to get even dumber than Americans already are.

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Elon Musk is unfathomably rich. Here’s where his money is stashed.

"Excuse me Mister Musk, we're here to clean out your mattress..."

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Some young Pa. voters can’t bring themselves to vote for Biden this year over the war in Gaza

Next year, after Trump has won, they will have a pile of regrets & guilts they won't get over for the rest of their lives, if ever.

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What we know about the Bucks County man accused of decapitating his father

He obviously has some mental issues.

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Palestinian American Leaders Decline Invite From Top Biden Official

They are foolish to do so: Biden is a sucker for a sob story.

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Some Gazans using bird feed as flour: 'Forced to eat it' to 'silence their hunger'

When something cannot be helped then it cannot be helped. But if Israel is using the hunger of Gaza's civilians as a weapon of war then that is wrong and rightfully condemned in the modern world, and must stop at once before Israel loses the war not by the actions of Hamas but by its own actions.

I am unapologetically pulling for Israel in this war not because I'm Jewish (which I'm not) or because they're fighting Muslims but because in this war Israel is in the right (no matter how many others may think Israel is wrong, as long as I think Israel in in the right I will continue to support Israel, but only as long as Israel is in the right). The same thing goes for Ukraine: Ukraine is in the right and Russia is wrong, and as long as that holds true I will support Ukraine until such time as that no longer holds true. I know that Israel doesn't need my support, as I was very crassly told by a Jewish fellow a while back, but I will continue to support Israel as long as Israel is in the right because, no matter what, I will forever stand with those whom I believe are in the right. The day I know that Israel is no longer in the right is the day I will stop supporting Israel. This is why it is so important [to me] that Israel does not deviate from the path of honor, of decency, of righteousness.

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The Most Important Tool for Excellent Coffee

Faith. If you believe it will taste good it will taste good.

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Trump’s biggest disqualifier: He can’t put America first

Unfortunately you didn't say 'Simon Sez' and it's what Trump sez it is, not what it actually is. We all lose.

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28 Misunderstandings Atheists Often Have About Religion

1) There can be no religion without somebody making a load of scratch off of it: Check the Pope's home.

2) Religion is necessary to bring peace to the world: Check the reason for every war that as ever been.

3) Ok, ok: Atheists know what they're talking about.

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A Select Few Witnessed Alabama’s Nitrogen Execution. This Is What They Saw.

That man is still a bloodthirsty chimp. And he loves to innovate on killing.

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A Stunningly Well-Preserved 600-Year-Old Gauntlet Is Found in Switzerland

They threw it down several times and somebody always picked it up. "Yep. Definitely a good gauntlet."

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Alec Baldwin Pleads Not Guilty After Grand Jury Indictment In ‘Rust’ Shooting

Baldwin sez that strange things like this gun firing on its own happen to him all the time. Just the other day, he sez, a pair of his pants got up and walked out of his bedroom on their own just like that! [Baldwin is going to run that story by his lawyer.]

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Biden issues executive order sanctioning 4 Israeli settlers involved in West Bank violence

Wow, 4 of them! You know, I betcha if Biden put his mind to it he could find many times more criminals than that in just the area around the While House. Maybe if Biden sanctioned a few of those crime in D.C. might go down.

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Israel is weaponizing archaeology 'to propagate Israeli myth,' Turkish site claims

Apparently Israeli Archaeologists are discovering stuff Erdogan doesn't like for some reason (probably not a scientific one).

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I’m dating a guy with an obnoxious dog. Give advice to this Hax question.

A dog is a reflection of its master. Walk away (don't run).

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Ask Sahaj: I want more kids. My husband won’t even talk to me about it.

This is something you should have settled even before getting married. Now just get divorced before things get even worse.

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Three-quarters of Republicans back Trump being ‘dictator for a day’

I refuse to believe that there are people out there so dense that they can't see that it's 'dictator for a day--dictator all the way' with Trump.

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The Court Grasps for Ways to Avoid Booting Trump

Apparently, like MAGA Republicans out there, the Supremos would like to see whether the country really wants to replace democracy with a ruler. [Not a king, mind you, Britain has a king but is still a democracy.] No, what the MAGA mob wants is a ruler, and Donald Trump wants to be that ruler. We all know why Trump wants to be ruler, and it's nothing more complex than strictly to line his own pockets. He has said so on many occasions and in many different ways. But why does the MAGA mob want a ruler instead of democracy for themselves?! I can only propose that it has to do with what democracy confers on those whom the MAGA mob dislikes. I think that the MAGA mob is willing to pay dearly (the ultimate political price, in fact) in order to deny the fruits of democracy to those they hate. It's a sickness which cannot be easily explained or cured. It's like the child who is asked by his mother whether he would like her to give him and all his siblings [each] a piece of candy but only if they all get one, and the child doesn't want one of the other kids to get the candy even if he himself also doesn't get one. So it is extremely childish too. God help us. It seems that democracy is a gift only to a people capable of loving one another. People with hate in their hearts will yet turn down the sweet gift of democracy for themselves just to see it being denied to those they hate.

The economy is roaring. Immigration is a key reason.

Slaying of Georgia student becomes part of U.S. immigration debate

Naturally: Everybody knows that native-born Americans don't commit crimes.

In Arizona, Biden’s handling of immigration fuels frustration among key voters

We must close the border and not share what we have with strangers. And not even if they have more to share with us than we do with them. [For we are more logical than heartless, of course.]

Trump the autocrat? This research suggests the odds are against him.

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Subpar drywalling left our paint looking uneven. How can we fix it?

God! The petty things that worry people! If they worried half as much about our planet going the way of Venus (as it's obviously heading) humanity might yet exist here long enough to jump elsewhere before this dust ball we live on goes down in flames into the bowels of the bloating Sun.

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The functional weirdness of Patrick Mahomes’s running style

His little-kid-being-chased-by-a-bully-at-the-playground style is quite endearing, yes, even charming.

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An Alabama radio station’s 200-foot steel tower is missing, manager says

Police are now out measuring all the towers of competing radio stations around town.

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AI professional headshots are quick and easy. But should you use one?

Only if it's somebody else's head you're shooting. If you shoot your own head off you won't be able to enjoy how quick & easy it was.

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Earth breached a feared level of warming over the past year. Are we doomed?

Yes. But, luckily, our lifespans are so brief that none of us will live to see the oceans boil away or the Sun's habitable zone leave us behind to fry like paper tossed into a volcano. So, enjoy!

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Miss Manners: I’m offended that people are abbreviating my newborn’s name

Well, my mother gave me a sentence-long name. But everybody just calls me by the more friendly shorthand of, 'Hey, You!'

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Carolyn Hax chat: My parents want us to lie and say we had a happy childhood

Are you going to testify in any court procedure? If no, then you have to realize that the reality of the future is made up today, not yesterday but today. Perhaps you should consider all the people who will have to live in that future reality, going on from today.

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Putin to Tucker Carlson: “Ukraine is an artificial state”

And the Artificials seem to be putting up a pretty good fight against the real Russians, though.

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CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Says He’s ‘Fine’ After Nearly Vomiting On Air

Sometimes reporting on Trump just has that effect on people.

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He unearthed his roots. Now he digs up lost stories of enslaved people.

A little poem in a single headline!

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'Hamas a future partner for peace': says new Nationalist Northern Irish First Minister

And now you know why, whatever else, it is so critical that Israel puts an end to Hamas once and for all.

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Egypt Threatens To Suspend Peace Treaty If Israel Pushes Into Rafah On Its Border: Officials

In the long run, Israel's victory over Hamas is much more important that its treaty with Egypt: Israel can live with an Egypt that doesn't want anything to do with Israel, but it cannot live with a Hamas that's bent on carrying out massacres of her civilians. Even breaking with Biden is the lesser of every Evil threatening Israel: Israel can always renew its American tries later on, but it cannot live with death hanging around every corner it must come to.

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NATO's leader is warning that Donald Trump is putting the safety of U.S. troops and their allies at risk

Add to that the very real probability that a lot of people, countries, companies, and other institutions out there are going to be blatantly and openly blackmailed worse than Zelensky and Ukraine and all those election officials were during Trump's historically corrupt first term.

It's probable that no one has yet told General Jens Stoltenberg that Donald Trump has stated that Americans who fight and die for their country are suckers to do so, or if he just couldn't believe such a monstrosity was possible when he was told. [He could always go ask General John F. Kelly to verify this.]

I wish I could blindly say that not all Americans are backstabbing treasonous sons-of-bitches like Trump (as I would have certainly sworn to before the modern day GOP reared its ugly head), but nowadays I'm just going to have to hold off on that determination until after the November presidential elections because by now there can be no question that the American electorate knows precisely the implications of voting for an unapologetic criminal like Donald Trump, and it they do vote for him then they have forever smeared themselves with the most shameful filth.

Haley says Trump "mocks our men and women who are trying to protect America"

Surprise!

Trump 'encourages' Russia to attack non-paying Nato allies -- The US presidential hopeful says he would not protect any country failing to pay its bills.

Of course, Trump has no friends, only people off whom he can make or not make money--and if he can't make money off them then the Russians can gnaw on their bones as they like because with Trump it's always what's in it for him; and the idiotic MAGA mob seems to have been led into the insane superstition that this means what's in it for them too!

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My Father, Ronald Reagan, Would Weep for America

Especially knowing that he's one of the ones who help push America over the edge and into the current abyss we're in.

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Why the Age Issue Is Hurting Biden So Much More Than Trump

Because Trump's lies might not be credible but they are still confusing enough for the ignorance prevalent in the MAGA mob. It's like fat people needing to do just a little swimming to keep above water: Trump is almost impossible to push to the bottom right now no matter how heavyset he is:

Donald Trump said he warned NATO allies to pay in or he’d tell Russia to “do whatever the hell they want.”

Trump Says He Might ‘Encourage’ Russia To Attack NATO Allies

Yes. You heard it right: Trump is boasting that if you elect him he will bring down the world down on your head. Why on earth would Trump encourage a tyrant who sees himself as the next great world conqueror? And if you still don't believe that Trump is democracy's archenemy: why is he pushing for the destruction of peaceful European democracies? The question is: Do you now grasp that Trump really is on the side of America's worst enemies? Do you need a picture of Trump with North Korea's tyrant?

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UN condemns French statement calling October 7 massacre antisemitic

The antisemitism in the UN is truly historic, and disgustingly barbaric.

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The way to defeat Hamas: Recognition of a Palestinian state - opinion

The way to defeat Hamas: Defeat Hamas - Better opinion.

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UNRWA chief: We didn’t know what was under our Gaza headquarters

As opposed to assurances that there was nothing under there before it was all discovered, of course.

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IDF reveals: Al-Jazeera journalist by day, Hamas commander by night

Or, why you must never take at face-value anything reported by the Arab (or any anti-Israeli) news sources.

IDF catches 20 Hamas terrorists hiding in hospital in Gaza's Khan Yunis

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Are we alone in the universe?

I often play the state lottery, one ticket per drawing: The odds against winning are so huge that it would be a complete waste of money to buy more than one ticket [1 in 302,575,350 for the Mega Millions, 1 in 292.2 million for the Powerball].

I was recently considering everything that broke in our favor and allowed humans to exist here--not just the extinction of the dinosaurs, a yellow Sun, the earth's magnetic field, our position in our star's habitable zone, earth's plate tectonics, life's self-regulating climate effects, but also millions of other factors too numerous to cite here (any one of which had it not broken our way would have barred us from being here). And the conclusions are that the odds for intelligence life arising anywhere in the cosmos must be far, far greater than any of the astronomical odds against winning a state lottery with one ticket.

I am often amused, therefore, when naïve speculators wonder why with the huge number of planets out there the cosmos is not overwhelmed with intelligent life forms everywhere, as if one's chances of winning the Powerball were as simple as just going out and buying a single ticket!

Don't get me wrong, I believe that life probably arises inevitably everywhere the conditions are right even for the more brief period of time. I think we will eventually find that there is still a chance that some forms of very elemental lifeforms still exist in Mars. Maybe even in some of the moons of the gas giants. And such primordial lifeforms certainly must have existed in Venus billions of years ago. But these are elemental lifeforms, not even evolved to marvels of evolution like sponges, worms, or even viruses. Now consider all the things have happened on the earth between the evolution of those lifeforms and us, absent any one of which we would not be here!

Yes, somebody eventually wins the lottery. Humans won it here on this one planet, in this one blessed solar system, in this gigantic galaxy. Just don't expect you and your neighbor, and the guy down the street to all do it. The odds are too stupendously high against it.

If ever we do meet 'intelligent life' [from] out there it will most probably be AI mechanisms which have been self-replicating for perhaps billions of years, and whose original biological creators have long since been sterilized out of existence by natural cosmic processes. They might be quite astonished to come across us (perhaps they might not even take notice of simple 'biological life' anymore, just like we don't take much notice of the gravel under our feet), and even probe us to see how we 'work' (no anesthetics, of course, because such a thing would never occur to mechanisms might be needed until it's too late). "Aghh!" But it might also explain a lot of the 'silly lunacies' some UFO abductees have reported over the years. Who knows!

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Opinion: An astonishing blunder at last week’s Supreme Court argument

You may argue that the 14th Amendment does not give a state the power to keep Trump off its presidential ballot, but you cannot argue that it gives the federal government the power to keep him from serving as president: Fervid minds may argue that the 14th Amendment does not allow states to disqualify candidates for federal office, but in declaring Trump disqualified from their state's ballot Colorado was merely enforcing the Constitution of The United States, not enforcing Colorado-only specific laws. To rule against this principle is the same as saying that states' law officers are not allowed to detain criminals who have committed federal offences.

In any case, the Smith v. Allwright, 321 U.S. 649 (1944) decision already resolved that states must indeed apply the United States Constitution to the way they organize their presidential primaries. [which see]

Nevertheless, if states are permitted (and wish) to keep Trump on their ballots (as kind of popularity contests, knowing that he cannot legally serve as president), fine. Let them keep him on their ballots, and if he wins the popular vote, then have the candidate who came in second to Trump but is not disqualified from serving be declared (by the federal electoral laws) winner of that state's presidential election. What purpose this rigmarole might serve I do not know, but if it serves merely to get us pass the fact that Trump is absolutely disqualified from serving as president no matter what the MAGA mob sez I'm okay with it.

In point of fact Trump is not just merely disqualified from serving as president because he 'engaged in insurrection' (which he clearly did January 6th); the 14th Amendment specifically disqualifies those who have "given aid or comfort to the enemies" of the United States--which Trump has done in may different ways and by many different means (and continues to do so even today when he promises that he will grant clemency to the January 6th insurrectionists, or calls them political prisoners, et al). That by itself should be enough to disqualify him even though he will most probably not be disqualified no matter what by this very questionable Supreme Court.

Trump Says He Would ‘Free The Jan. 6 Hostages’ If Elected Again

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Trump asks Supreme Court to keep Jan. 6 trial on hold, citing 2024 election

Sez they only have to hold it until he's elected president, then he'll take it over from there.

He's a rapist, a shameless racketeer, a draft-dodger who outrageously dishonorably insults men in uniform, a tax cheat, backstabbing blackmailer, and insurrectionist traitor to his country, a thug who would condemn allies to death if they don't cough up enough cash, is this criminal really the GOP's best?

Russia preparing for military confrontation with West, says Estonia

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Why This Group of Undecided Independent Voters Is Leaning Toward Trump

Because they sense the end is nigh and that if it's to be done 'tis better that it be done quickly.

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Miss Manners: What do I do with all this Valentine’s candy?

Can't bring yourself to actually give your Valentine all that great candy you bought for her, eh!

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20 Dead Giveaways That Reveal Someone Grew Up Poor

1) they eat everthing with their fingers
2) they have to be reminded to bathe
3) they don't mind taking a nap on the sidewalk
4) they always protest that they're not buying the whole store no matter what little thing they buy

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With Earth's population at a record high, what does it mean for our future?

More unintended orgies.

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The Sun Is Setting on Indonesia’s Democratic Era

Indonesia's? Try right here, baby!

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The Deep Joy of Squirreling It All Away

Cannot compare with the high trauma when some SOB comes along and swipes your nuts.

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Donald Trump is considering backing his daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, for R.N.C. co-chair.

Why not? If he's elected again Trump's crime family will own the entire United States and not just the Republican Party.

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San Francisco crowd sets self-driving car on fire

That's all right: The insurance company will pay for it by raising all their rates.

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Why do we hold hands? Here’s what the science says.

It's a sweet way to make sure that their hands are not in our pockets.

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Why are Republicans more likely to suffer hearing loss?

Because Republicans are more likely to have people screaming at them.

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GOP Rep. McClintock Will Still Vote Against Mayorkas Impeachment If House Tries Again -- “It dumbs down the standard for impeachment and assures it’s going to become a constant fixture," the Republican said.

Yes, but without trying to impeach people Republicans in Congress really can't claim to have done anything whatsoever except whine and dine themselves on the public's dime.

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Nobody handles the cruelty of losing better than Kyle Shanahan

Shanahan: "Don't worry, boys. Tomorrow is another day!"

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The bubonic plague is still around in 2024. How is that possible?

Why are you asking me? Ask the Bubonics.

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China airbrushed away its foreign minister. Why?

Because it's less embarrassing than taking another picture of the others holding up his bloody head.

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Do apes joke around?

I've seen them do entire standup bits on TV.

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How to stay friends for 50 years? Ask the women of Sugar Hill.

Don't say a word.

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Dining chat: ‘Help! My food comes out too fast.’

You need some of that stuff that hardens your stools.

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How would the 14th Amendment work if Trump is allowed on ballots? Jennifer Rubin answered your questions.

It wouldn't really change anything since Republicans who have their hands on the levers of power always allow Trump to get away with breaking the law with total impunity. Some other president might do what Trump did and then that president might have to bend to the Constitution where Trump doesn't have to now. I cannot explain why this is so (the politicos are doing it because their Republican voters want it so); but why Republican voters want it so is a complete mystery to me. Like the work of the Devil.

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If Joe Biden is unfit to stand trial, he’s unfit to be president. It’s that simple

And if Donald Trump is an insurrectionist, he's disqualified from holding office. It's that simple.

Unfortunately, we live in a moment in time when people no longer behave decently, follow the law as written, believe in justice, or try to do what's best, right, or good: It appears that if one has the power to do what one wants, no matter how evil or illegal it may be, he does it--And with very little effective complaint or protest at all from most quarters!

Supreme Court All But Ignores January 6 During Trump Disqualification Argument -- Kavanaugh, who upheld voter suppression laws leading up to the 2020 election, warned that enforcing Section 3 against Trump “has the effect of disenfranchising voters to a significant degree.”

So would a state disqualifying those "who were under 35 years old, not born in the U.S. or had already served two terms." These people have disqualified themselves by being "under 35 years old, not born in the U.S. or having already served two terms;" the states (where a court ruled against them) merely formalize [legally acknowledged] their disqualifications. And so too in the case of Trump, who disqualified himself. No one disenfranchises anyone by not allowing them to vote for persons who are not legally allowed to hold office. You do not disenfranchise someone by not allowing him to vote for a dog.

Supreme Court All But Ignores January 6 During Trump Disqualification Argument -- Sotomayor cynically asked Mitchell (Trump's lawyer), “Are you setting up so that if some president runs for a third term, that a state can’t disqualify him from the ballot?”

We may yet get the opportunity to find out.

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Ask Amy: Boyfriend spends weekend nights at Mom’s

OMG! You've finally found The One!

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Miss Manners: Is there a polite way to tell people to get to the point?

Since time immemorial: You spin your fingers around in front of you at an ever increasing speed until the person comes to the point. Even chimps understand what that means.

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Don Damage Control: I Mixed Up Pelosi And Haley On Purpose!

He also sez he got fat on purpose in order to be able to roll like a beach ball if he ever tripped and fell. Smart cookie!

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Ask Sahaj: We’ve been dating for over a year but haven’t said, ‘I love you’

How lucky is that!

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Putin says Russia prefers Biden to Trump because he's 'more experienced and predictable'

Translation: Even Putin knows that ass-kissing Trump is dangerously nuts.

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Trump will attend New York hearing on Thursday, but not the one in Georgia

I'm sorry, you were surprised? The one in New York is the one that will cost him the pile of cash (which might even bankrupt him): Of course that's where he'll be. If he's reelected president he can always pardon himself of all that other Georgia stuff (by simply snapping his fingers). Do you have any idea how much graft and corruption Donald Trump is gonna have to force the United States to engage in just in order for him to recoup all that pile of cash he's gonna lose in New York!?!

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Trump fined more than $350 million in civil business fraud case

You have any idea how much the GOP suckers are gonna have to work in order to pay off Trump's criminal penalties--and his lawyers!

Trump owes more than $440 million in fines, damages from civil trials

Are you gonna sell Mar-a-Lago, Mister Trump, or are you gonna wait until the bankruptcy court seizes it?

And now you know that Donald Trump is as terrible at crime as he is at business and at president.

The Trump gravy train is about to run over the RNC. Good.

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Every day in the Trump Legal Universe will be a total spectacle

This will be one of the most interesting presidential elections since the Civil War.

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Miss Manners: ‘Is there a particular gift for a couple celebrating 27 months’?

Give her a Cicada.

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A stirring and provocative musical about a deaf sharpshooter in wartime

Yes. It is better to be deaf if you're a sharpshooter. Although blind is pushing it.

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Is it true that oysters can be an aphrodisiac?

They might be. But not as strong an aphrodisiac as paying the bill and leaving a generous tip.

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Work Advice: My husband says I shouldn’t be Facebook friends with clients

He's right: Friends don't have to tell friends they're friends (because friendship is heartfelt). You only tell your enemies that they're friends (as a wicked weapon of war, to disarm them). This is common knowledge, by the way, so watch your back.

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What’s behind the push to stop building highways?

Maybe they finally found out that the more places they make available for people to go to the more people will go there: This is an eternal consequence (truth), so eventually everyone will be going places and there won't be anyone remaining in the places they should be anymore--an infinite self-contradiction much too horrible to contemplate (for long).

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Guns, ammunition found at home of dog-abuse suspect, D.C. police say

Dog sez he's called the cops on him a number of times but no one has ever paid any attention to all his barking.

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A professional whistler blows onto the scene

I think this might have been the SOB in the movie house I was in the other night.

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Carolyn Hax chat: ‘I refuse to take care of my aging parents’

What terrible parents they must have been! I'm closing in on my 80s and I would love to still be caring for my parents. God Bless them!

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Two juveniles charged after Kansas City Super Bowl parade shooting

Find out how culpable are the parents of these thugs and charge them: They better than anybody else best control the actions of their kids; even better than anything the state might do.

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Former GOP Rep Slammed For Comparing Navalny With Trump

People like this is why Trump doesn't have to buy toilet paper.

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Kamala Harris says two-state solution for Israel, Palestine possible

When the Palestinians are ready for a two-state solution they will be the ones to let the world know: They will clearly tell us then that they are ready to live as good neighbors with the Jews of Israel. Right now they are (practically to the one) telling us that what they want is to butcher all the Jews in Israel. If you create a Palestinian state today these Palestinians will begin arming themselves to butcher all the Jews in Israel and Israel will have no choice but to wipe them out. Then the world will blame Israel, as it is doing today and has always done every time Israel must defend itself--But it will not be Israel's fault if they wipe out Palestine, it will not even entirely be the fault of the murderous Palestinians who will perish, no, it will be the fault of those who are out there today pushing prematurely for a two-state solution that even the most stubbornly ignorant person on earth knows is going to unnecessarily result in a tragedy. So, stop it!

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Mike Johnson needs a cognitive test

The entire GOP needs moral, ethical, civic, and insanity tests. It's maybe okay for a child to cut his nose off to spite his face but it is not okay for those charged with the welfare of their entire nation to do it to its citizens.

Some Republicans can atone for their betrayal of U.S. democracy

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Your brain may not want you to save money. Here’s why.

Meney saved is the same as things you could have done.

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Alexei Navalny’s death is a ‘sign of Putin’s brutality,’ VP Harris says

I'm sorry that Putin has murdered Navalny, but Putin is a serial killer and this was almost to be expected. Navalny was a brave and foolish man. Not all foolish men are brave, but perhaps all brave men are foolish.

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Mike Pence Mocked For Saying GOP Has No Room For Putin Apologists

As well he should be: If the GOP were to suddenly vanish there would not be a single Putin apologist left in the entire country.

Authoritarianism Expert Exposes Cruel Tactic Used By Both Donald Trump And Vladimir Putin

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Miss Manners: My friend keeps sending me photos of her tacky outfits

Maybe she just enjoys your praises of her taste & style in clothes.

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Trump Loses It Over $355 Million Judgment In Civil Fraud Trial

Poor Trump. I think I'll send him a couple of pennies to help him defray his crimes penalties.

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2 dead after terror attack near Tel Aviv

I wonder if Joe Biden will sanction this terrorist. I wonder how many Palestinian terrorists have been sanctioned?

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Ukraine troops pull out of key eastern town Avdiivka

The fall of Avdiivka: Another victory for the Republicans!

The Republicans are literally aiding Russians to kill Ukrainians. This is despicable shame and utter madness because every Russian tank the Ukrainians eliminate is one fewer tank that American service men might have to face in a battle with Russia. Somebody should really slap some sense into the Republicans before it's too late.

Ukrainian ground forces are in perhaps their most precarious position since the opening months of the war.

Please tell them to be patient: the Republicans are masturbating their Trump in Congress.

This is what happens when an entire political party becomes a personality cult.

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Putin, riding high before Navalny’s death, seems unstoppable

See: the GOP can be helpful. Maybe not to Americans, but--

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What everyone can learn from the woman who lost $50,000 to a scam

How can I find this woman and does she still have any money left? [Channeling my Trump.]

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Trump, facing multimillion-dollar fines, is now selling $399 shoes

Makes sense. Suckers out there have been paying hundreds of dollars for a pair of tennis shoes. So it was about time Trump got in on that suckers' market himself. Al Bundy would be proud.

Ex-Trump Org Exec Predicts Exactly How Trump Will Capitalize On $355 Million Ruling

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Trump Launches $399 Sneaker Brand A Day After $355 Million Verdict Against Him

I'm sure it will be a spectacular success, just like all his other 'Wunder' business ventures.

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U.S. Warns Allies Russia Could Put a Nuclear Weapon Into Orbit This Year

Well, put a U.S. Nuclear Weapon right over Moscow ready to fire at wherever Putin goes at the first sign of war. And make it a deep-burrowing one which will guarantee that, even if he's not killed, he'll be buried alive down there. Sometimes getting the murderer is as good as preventing the murder.

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We now have to pass laws to protect freedoms we thought we had

Trump obviously believed that if there was no specific law against raping E. Jean Carroll then he was free to rape her. And so too with every rotten thing that up to now no one ever thought of doing even though there was no specific law against doing it. Donald Trump has broken our Leave It To Beaver universe. Sorry. I lived back then, and it was a lot nicer than Trump's World.

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‘Vultures’ charts at No. 1 on Billboard despite Ye’s antisemitic rants

And now you know why hate is mainstream in the country.

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Documents reveal Abraham Lincoln pardoned Biden’s great-great-grandfather

That makes sense. If it had been anybody in Trump's family that had been pardoned--That I would immediately place in the realm of the hard to believe.

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A lightbulb broke off when I tried to remove it. What can I do?

Call 911. Americans' IQ has dropped so low that fetching a towel to unscrew it, say, is beyond most people's intelligence these days. So it's best to leave it to the trained professionals. [Or 3 Polish guys.]

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A Russian court extends the pretrial detention for an American reporter accused of spying

My question is: What are any Americans doing in a country where you can be accused of high espionage just for chewing a stick of American gum?!?

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UK's Prince William: 'Too many' have been killed in Gaza conflict

Sez a perfectly good number would have been...

Any decent human being would have said that no one should have been killed in Gaza, or in Israel, but the originators of all this killing are now being pursued by the authorities there. And it's indecent to decry justice.

Mohamed Hadid: Netanyahu kills more children a day than Hitler’s Auschwitz

Every army, like every police force, has its few bad actors; every group of human beings does. But the Israeli Army has been consistently praised as the most professional and disciplined in the world. Does anybody really believe that if it were the South African Army fighting Hamas in Gaza the civilian toll there would not have been stupendously much greater?

Israel must get the Hamas butchers no matter what else--It is Israel's principal duty here. Still, Israel is being as careful as humanly possible to avoid killing the men, women, and children Hamas is hiding among. Sometimes the police have no choice but to try to kill the perpetrator even if he is surrounded by innocent bystanders because he is armed and actively firing his weapon (or even simply threatening to shoot others with it) and the alternative is that many more will die if the killer isn't stopped at whatever cost. In such cases we do not make the police out to be the attackers; so I am perplexed by why there are people who want to make the Israelis the attackers here. Perhaps the answer is much more deeply troubling for humanity in more general and profound ways than merely what we can see with our eyes here.

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Fox News Report On Trump’s Dismal Ranking Gets The Treatment From Critics

The good news is that if Trump gets another term his shamelessness will be so outrageous that he's bound to hit the bottom of the list of presidents again, so Trump's current bottom rating will thereby go up to next-to-last.

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Is Trump about to become a billionaire or a pauper? Eugene Robinson answered your questions.

As long as there are suckers in the world Trump'll do just fine.

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Trump and allies plotting militarized mass deportations, detention camps

Anything to help usher in the American Nazi Era.

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Did you pay attention in history class?

No. I was paying attention to my history teacher: Miss Gruber.

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Putin killed Alexei - Navalny's widow

Are you sure? I mean, yeah, Putin's murdered hundreds of thousands of other people, but, would he murder Navalny? [Ah! Trump can only watch with envy--until he becomes president again, of course.]

Unraveling the Kremlin's Web: Assassinations and Poisonings in Modern Russia

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China says US veto sent wrong message over Gaza

That's one way to know the U.S. was right to do it.

Putin denies plans to deploy nuclear weapons in space

That's one way to know that he's probably seriously thinking about doing it.

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Measles Outbreak At Florida Elementary School After CDC Warns Of Nationwide Rise

Yes, but that's in Florida. So that so-called measles outbreak is officially classified as disinformation by democrats.

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A ravenous black hole created the universe’s brightest object, study says

Makes sense: If it smarts just stubbing your toe then getting devoured by a black hole must make you a tremendous genius.

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Fairfax County chief proposes 4-cent property tax rate hike

Who the Hell has that kind of money! I don't.

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A reporter investigated neo-Nazis. Then they came to his house in masks.

"I know you guys are wearing masks," said he. "But I'm pretty sure that you're the neo-Nazis."

"Darn!" The neo-Nazis said: "He got us this time. Next time let's come dressed as Barbies."

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The world confronts Israel over its occupation of Palestinian lands

It's like the old tale of the villager who saved his life by grabbing on to the tail of the attacking tiger. Well, all his neighbors came out at the commotion and seeing him hanging on for dear life like that quickly began berating him for pulling the poor tiger's tail: Sometimes a man just has to keep hanging on to the tiger's tail to save his life and just ignore all his stupid neighbors.

Chikli to 'Post': Radical Islam rampant in pro-Hamas and anti-Israel Belgium

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Biden’s dog bit Secret Service agents about 24 times, new records show

If they didn't want to get bitten by a dog, why in the Hell did they join the Secret Service!? Biden's gotta have something to pet. At least it's not as icky as when Melania used to have them try on her dresses to see how they looked.

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Today’s Opinions: You are lost. You are trapped. You are wearing Trump’s shoes.

Hey, two outta three ain't bad. I can always take Trump's shoes off and walk out of trouble in my socks.

Walk a mile in the $399 Trump sneakers

Yeah, no: When you drop old sneakers in a bucket of gold paint they stiff up once they dry; and then you have to wear thick socks to keep them from hurting your feet.

Fox News Pundit Insists Trump Sneakers Will Win Him Black Votes

I'm not a sneaker. I'm a second-story guy. Do you have any second-story shoes?

Ex-RNC Chair: Fox Pundit Said 'Quiet Part Out Loud' About Trump's Sneakers

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Teamsters give $45,000 to RNC, the union’s first major donation to Republicans in years

Mafia connections Trump the welfare of dues-paying members.

Trump Picks Up Police Support Even As He Glorifies Those Who Assaulted Police On Jan. 6 -- The former president praises Jan. 6 participants who assaulted and maimed officers, and police unions have to date not offered even a word of criticism.

Supremist connections Trump the welfare of the generasl public.

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The Alabama Chief Justice Who Invoked God in Deciding the Embryo Case

Well, back before doctors and modern medicine God was in charge of all medical procedures: Sweaty rituals and sultry dance steps erotically summoning God were very popular as the cure of anything from headaches to cancers; people would lay hands on each other to heal the lame, and even bring them back to life by calling them in the Name of God long after they'd already started to decompose. It certainly beats carving people with sharp instruments like doctors do today, or pouring dangerous chemicals into them. So who can blame the Alabama Chief Justice for being an advocate of trying to make medicine great again (MMGA)...?

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Dining chat: What’s a good way to introduce young kids to restaurants?

By showing them photos of them.

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Carpet stains seem to go away, then they reappear. What can I do?

Learn to eat in the kitchen like your mother tried to teach you to do.

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Carolyn Hax: What does it say when the ex is overjoyed about being divorced?

You've dodged the bullet.

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Wisconsin ethics commission refers Trump fundraising arm for prosecution

A branch of a Mafia crime family referred for prosecution--What a surprise.

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Pastor Under Fire For Claiming Women In Shorts Deserve To Be Assaulted

Was that a pastor here or in Iran? There's no way a Christian pastor said such an unchristian monstrosity, so I'd be really surprised if that Iranian pastor is under fire in Iran. Here in the U.S. at least, there are still a few people who would find that opinion beyond the pale--a few, sure, but some.

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Netanyahu’s Gaza Plan Is a Rebuff to Biden

Yes, but you have to remember that President Biden is only the Palestinians' knight-in-shinning-armor because he needs Muslim votes in Michigan; not because he's right or because he thinks Netanyahu is wrong. Netanyahu, on the other hand, knows that if he is not right then he and all the Jews of Israel will be butchered mercilessly. Make your bets now who will bow first to the other.

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The Particular Anguish of Being Palestinian in Israel

Is probably not as horrible as being a Palestinian in the West Bank or in Gaza right now--or you wouldn't still live in Israel.

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A Biden accuser was discredited. Right-wing media is undeterred.

I'm sorry, how are you gonna deter people who base their attacks on opinion rather than facts? You can always disprove false facts but, basically, one bad opinion is as bad as the next.

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Does the D.C. Council deserve the blame for crime?

I don't know but, criminals probably also deserve a little blame.

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Mary Trump Flags Stunning 'Freudian Slip' From Her Uncle -- “We’re going to take over Washington, D.C. We’re going to federalize. We’re going to have very powerful crime, and you’re going to be proud of it again,” the former president said. "Imagine how many headlines there would be about that story if Joe Biden had said those exact words," MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell said of the moment.

And now you know what's really in Trump's soul.

****************************************************

Micheline Presle, French movie star of ‘Devil in the Flesh,’ dies at 101

Her last words were, "Okay. That's enough."

****************************************************

Clifftop mansions stand on the brink after severe storms inundate California

I hope somebody had the presence of mind to take out the baby pictures!

****************************************************

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************t you just out & tell them that you only put it **** -- ut there to impress the hicks, not for them to actually*****<< it.

*********<*****************************************

Houthis knock out underwater cables linking Europe to Asia - reporef/ -- -- "https://www.google.com/search?q=Houthis+knock+ourt-- +underwater+cables+linking+Europe+to+Asia+-+report">Houthis knock out underwater cables linking Europe t

Those Houthis are incorrigible.

****************************************************Ask Amy: I’m worried about moviin with my hoarder boyfriend

Well, how many of his old girlfriends does he still have squirreled away around the house?

****************************************************

Trump faces a cash crunch as time runs out to post half a billion dollars in bonds

What Trump has is a short amount of time to complete his takeover of the RNC so he can have them cover his legal penalties. It's really gonna be fascinating to see if he manages to do that because if he does then his takeover of the U.S. government might be a given if he's ever elected president again.

RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel stepping down amid pressure from Trump, allies

****************************************************

Republicans who say they support IVF backed a bill protecting life ‘at conception’

Life begins when the baby is born. That's why we celebrate the birth of a person when he is able to survive outside his mother. Before then that baby is a part of its mother and only she may dictate what may be made of it. Not even the father has a say in this because you can't take a six month fetus and give it to the father without superhuman medical intervention (which if not medically necessary, should absolutely be outlawed). [As always: When anyone commits a malicious action that causes real-world damage or hurt, that person should not escape prosecution.]

****************************************************

Do You Really Need to Shower Every Day?

Not if you're a hunter of flies.

****************************************************

After 1,400 games and counting, Alex Ovechkin still doesn’t break

Sez he has a bladder like a beer tank.

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Ask Amy: My wife won’t have sex with me. What do I do?

You're doing fine.

****************************************************

Alabama Attorney General Says He Won't Prosecute IVF Providers, Families

Sure: Selective prosecution. That's when you know that you're lost your protections under the law and are subject to the whims of those in power.

****************************************************

Speaker Johnson Says He Supports IVF. His Past Might Imply Otherwise.

Yes. The most direct way of telling whether someone if lying to you is to find out what he's said and done before. It's hard for someone to lie about something all his life, so if his one statement to you contradicts all his previous statements: the chances that he's now telling you the truth are indeed slim.

Can someone change his opinion about something? Sure. But it's best that you ask him exactly why he was wrong about the thing in the past.

****************************************************

Donald Trump Is Racing Against Time to Find a Half-Billion Dollar Bond

Lend Donald Trump half a billion dollars? Sure. You plan on paying it back in a few months, a few years, or... not at all as usual? "Usual."

****************************************************

Alabama justice who quoted Bible in IVF case often invokes religion

And thus begins Sharia's slow creeping over American justice.

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After 2 years of war, questions abound on whether Kyiv can sustain the fight against Russia

With U.S. aid in doubt, Europe struggles to rearm Ukraine

Yet, in another year the European military industrial sector will begin to really produce equipment on a war footage, while Russia's can only wither from here on out. This doesn't even include the military equipment the U.S. is going to provide Ukraine: By the end of the year Ukraine's F-16s will establish air superiority over Russia. There can be no doubt that Ukraine will win this war. Nor can there be any doubt that starting this war in the first place will make Putin one of the stupidest villains of all time. If he had gone the other way Ukraine might have been Russia's man in Europe.

A Ukraine pilot said flying 'awesome' F-16s is like upgrading from an old Nokia to an iPhone

****************************************************

Moon Lander Is Lying on Its Side but Still Functional, Officials Say

Maybe they should have spread its legs farther apart so that a moon breeze wouldn't have knocked it over like that.

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Do gaslighters realize what they’re doing?

There have been a lot of houses blowing up lately in the news. So, probably not all of them do. No.

****************************************************

A cyclist, a gate and a pickup truck: Waymo cars keep hitting things

Head autonomous driver engineer, Mr. Magoo, is heartbroken at all the criticism: He specifically designed it to do that.

****************************************************

Car shoppers aren’t electrified by electric vehicles

Maybe they're just not sticking their tongues in the right socket.

****************************************************

Trump says Black voters like him more because of his indictments and mug shot

Calling African Americans a bunch of hoodlums like this... is certainly going to endear Trump to the MAGA mob, that's for sure.

A professor has said that Donald Trump's mental slip-ups are worse than Joe Biden's because of two key signs.

****************************************************

'He's in a bad place': Expert says Netanyahu 'emotionally shattered' by war

Does it have to be said? Netanyahu has to weigh the lives of the 100 or so hostages against the lives of the 10 million Jews in Israel; so it is rather unjust to accuse him of being cavalier (or even inhuman) about it and to blindly demand that he prioritize the hostages when there really are so many much more important things in the balance: How about a little understanding (certainly not from Hamas and its shameless supporters, but) from men of common understanding, from the people who stand on the side of righteousness and what is just & good for us all!

Yeah, sure, Netanyahu is a Jew and we all love to abuse and vilify Jews. But there comes a time in the history of man when suddenly somehow we yet manage to achieve some deeper, higher, or a greater understanding allowing us to move just that little bit closer to the ideal of finally becoming the human beings we would all like to be: Those moments are sometimes created by the catalyst (or in the lathe) that the worst of us brings about and which nurtures a budding newborn Renaissance from our breaking with torments that we can no longer bear.

I believe that these trying moments are an opportunity for our society to wipe the slate clean anew and renew ourselves: A sacred moment of reflection which may yet let us see the wisdom of abandoning our old and damaging animosities in order to forge a new set of more fair & decent bonds among right-minded souls.

I believe that everyone who stands back and takes an objective look at the real life consequences of their way of thinking about what we are watching will evolve an opinion more sensitive to how their own bad choices contribute to bad consequences not just for the people they do not like but also too for themselves.

What the families of the hostages should really be doing is demanding of Hamas that they return the hostages, and actually helping not trying to kneecap Netanyahu in his life-&-death struggle to put an end to Hamas so that the hostages may finally return home.

****************************************************

Qatar’s regime under fire for training Hamas terrorists: 'Qatar is Hamas and Hamas is Qatar'

Qatar is also the U.S.'s principal ally in the Arab world, which should surprise no one who understands just how discombobulated the American government is in its warped view of the Middle East.

Praise of Bushnell's self-immolation puts US closer to suicide bombings - comment

****************************************************

The Government Is In Danger Of Shutting Down This Week. Yes, Again.

What they should do is establish a daily vote in Congress to keep the government going (or to shut it down), that way a Republican congress could keep claiming that it's actually 'working' by passing, or not [simply talking about passing] a new budget every single day. Or they could simply do away with this [strictly American] artificial and superfluous gimmick Congress recently devised in order to exercise undeserved executive power, by having the president direct the Treasury to simply follow the (much maligned & ignored) 14th Amendment. [Albeit issuing a directive that the government observe all the provisions of the U.S. Constitution, and not just some, is strictly a move reserved for a president not as timid, conservative & reserved as Joe Biden--So we'll probably have to keep biting our nails & suffering through these completely artificial budgetary crises for some time to come, I'm afraid.]

If Civil War-era 'constitutional upgrades' [meaning the 14th Amendment] are not held to be as 100% valid as the rest of the Constitution then how valid really are its much more 'ancient' [if not altogether antiquated] 'War of Independence rules' --in effect, the entire text of the original Constitution?

****************************************************

Who is to blame for October 7 massacre? A guide for the perplexed

One can always blame the police for not preventing a crime; and those who are hurt by crime are very likely to be inclined to do so. But ultimately one should always blame the criminals: If there was some culpable contributing criminality involved on the part of the police, let the proper authorities deal with that separately.

****************************************************

‘Reduced to dust’: An elegy for Gazan life

Time and time and time again the Palestinians were given a golden opportunity to establish a state of their own in the lands they occupied, and time and time and time again they opted for all (of Israel) or nothing at all. Well, the time has finally come to definitively conclude that it is nothing for them.

What will become of the 'Palestinians' is up for debate: Perhaps they will continue to muddle on as they have in 'the new Israel;' or perhaps they will be given safe harbor in the Arab countries (not that it would be better for them there or that they themselves would want to end up there). But, one thing is certain: from here on out, their best chance in the at last fulfilled 'State of Israel' is to petition for equal rights & protections under Israeli law, and for recognition of their right to full Israeli citizenship. Perhaps now the story of the Palestinians will finally move from the military to the political sphere. Who knows! We'll have to wait & see.

Although if it comes to that, the 'new' Palestinians of Israel had better be prepared to defend Israel alongside their Jewish fellow-citizens because even if they are fully integrated the Jewish population of Israel will represent a substantial majority of the Israeli electorate--And therefore it is likely that Israel will continue to 'enjoy' the Arab states' hostility for some time to come still.

Palestine is dead: No one will ever be able to make a Palestinian state - opinion

****************************************************

Israel should move through Rafah without Washington's approval - opinion -- So why aren’t we moving into Rafah expeditiously and in force? While we wait, our holy soldiers are being picked off by the enemy popping up from still intact tunnels in the South. While we wait, tens of thousands of our citizens remain in distress, evacuated from their homes. While we wait, the hostages endure the unspeakable.

And now you know why Netanyahu seems to have aged 20 years in the last couple of months.

****************************************************

Ex-Trump Staffer Warns How Trump Has Recently ‘Gotten More Unhinged’

Yeah, that's what the MAGA mob loves about him.

****************************************************

How two outsiders tackled the mystery of arithmetic progressions

Arithmetic progressions? Screw that. What I wanna know is how come I live on the third floor but I only have to go up two floors to get up there?!? [And every time I look down from the 'third' floor I'm only two floors up! I'm absolutely certain I pushed the '3' button on the elevator.]

****************************************************

Adam Kinzinger Says Mike Johnson Lacks ‘Political Acumen’ To Pass Ukraine Aid Bill

Or he's just a Russian collaborator: Either way the net effect is the same. Perhaps, too, as a religious zealot, head Russian collaborator Mike Johnson simply longs for a time when the world was controlled by God-anointed rulers (like Putin, or Herod the Great). The West is full of myopic Russian collaborators, who even in a nuclear holocaust can only see the tip of their own noses.

****************************************************

Opinion: What the Alabama Supreme Court’s Decision Says About Our Failing Democracy

Democracy is the inevitable future of mankind: Along the way there, a few of us will fail democracy--but democracy itself will never fail us.

****************************************************

Uvalde Parent Says He Was Arrested For Saying ‘F**k’ At County Meeting

If you cannot engage in civil discourse: Go outside and throw rocks at people, which is probably more in your nature. The rules of civil conduct are in place in order to allow for the people's free exchange of ideas to proceed without undue and unnecessary interruptions: You can't have a beaver dam every yard of the free flow of ideas, pal.

****************************************************

Opinion: Why Do Journalists Let Lawmakers Get Away With Baldfaced Lying?

Because anybody is a 'journalist' these days. In the old days journalists worked long years in newspapers and news magazines learning how politicians obfuscate, trick, and lie in their 'answers' in order to promote themselves: Real journalists learned their profession thoroughly, developed a thick skin, and became as competent at what they do as are doctors with medicine (after experiencing a lifetime of the wringer that is the nature of man firsthand). You can't just give a 'pretty face' a mike or a notebook and expect him or her to have a thorough understanding of the personality, traits, and personal history & background of the people they interview just because they've been told to "show up there and ask them this question, write it down, and bring it back to us." You need sold journalists who actually ask married-to-the-moment questions to get to the bottom of things; to set their stonewalling interviewees up for a tough, thorough, and unexpected real debate, no matter how embarrassing--a 'debate'[ which might just break politicians omnipresent attempts at seeking to control "everything that goes out" about the people's business.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: My wife keeps asking about her wrinkles. Should I tell her the truth?

Of course not! Every time she asks about her wrinkles ask her about your beer belly. Eventually the twain shall meet.

****************************************************

Bowser, business leaders pitch $400M plan to fix D.C.’s ailing downtown

And now that Trump's coming into money from his Truth Social scam D.C. is thinking of suing him for any number of the frauds he's sure to have perpetrated there.

****************************************************

This time, Trump’s going to have to pay his own bills

Don't bet on it. There's a wise old saying that has yet never been proven wrong:

    "Trump never pays. Trump never tips.
      Trump only buys a round with shut lips."

****************************************************

Star witness’ testifies his claims about Fani Willis were only ‘speculation’

Man, I sure hope the judge punishes this SOB and all his vandal enablers harshly for wasting the court's & everybody's time.

****************************************************

Should Biden debate Trump?

Sure: People have a right to know what horrors await them.

****************************************************

How to protect yourself from America’s No. 1 killer

Hold on, friend: Trump hasn't even been elected yet!

****************************************************

Va. couple missing in Caribbean likely killed, thrown off boat, police say

Death is usually a terrible ordeal, sometimes worse even than birth--We will not remember either, true, but we will be much more conscious of our death than ever we were of our birth. Happy the mass murderer or serial killer who is put to sleep gently before they then inject death into him! We are never that lucky, naturally, and cancer or some-such awful beating shall crush us to our infelicitous ending.

A Botched Execution in Idaho Renews Scrutiny of Lethal Injection

Idaho halts serial killer’s execution after 8 failed attempts to insert IV

You should have well known that no poet ever writes the truth. That is always a matter for those who are caught off-guard.

****************************************************

Miss Manners: Guest makes rude comment about my china tea set

You mean the one you borrowed from them years ago?

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Friends never offer us compensation for regularly watching their dog

Isn't his company payment enough!

"Actually we'd much prefer he stay in the pound: He always comes home dogged-looking when he stays with you guys. But we thought you needed someone to pick up your spirits. And my dog Wassamatta is a great story-teller, as you know."

****************************************************

Carolyn Hax: Why won’t the wife just humor her condescending in-laws?

Because men marry their mothers.

****************************************************

Dozens Of High-Profile Journalists Urge ‘Unfettered’ Access To Gaza Strip

Guys, you're not going to protect Hamas by getting yourselves killed. You're just gonna get ourselves killed. Give it up! Hitch your stars to some other pollution.

Gaza's humanitarian crisis: Yahya Sinwar sets up a trap for Israel - analysis

****************************************************

Committee says 285 people and organizations nominated for the 2024 Nobel Peace Prize

Did somebody nominate Trump again? Because old jokes are always the best jokes.

****************************************************

My musician son isn’t as good as he thinks he is. Hax readers give advice.

Don't short-change him: I've heard the so-called 'best' of today's popular musicians out there and your son might yet turn out to be one of the better ones.

****************************************************

Trump said he had $400 million cash. Now his lawyers say bond is a struggle.

What? Somebody's still taking Trump at his word?!? Quick: Throw a pair of old sneakers in a bucket of gold paint and see how many suckers Trump can hawk them to for $400 a pair!

****************************************************

Deadly bird flu discovered on Antarctica, threatening penguin colonies

If they're gonna die anyway, why not fricassee a few of them: They probably taste like chicken.

****************************************************

Alabama judge says God opposes IVF. Religions hold varied views.

Well, I phoned God to get a reaction to this and God said that He's never heard of this Alabama judge: Told me to call The Other Place to see if he's one of theirs. [The line was busy.]

****************************************************

UNLV police end Israeli professor's black holes lecture after protest

And now you know that the American universities are no longer havens for the free exchange of ideas but fully in the hands of the most thuggish mobs. [We have gone from the Enlightenment to the Middle East.]

****************************************************

Trump Lawyer Argues ‘Appearance of Impropriety’ Is Enough to Disqualify Prosecutor

But actual impropriety by Trump should be given a pass: The Trump Doctrine.

****************************************************

TRUMP TIRADE AGAINST NATO

Don't worry so much about Trump: I have it on good medical sources that he's gonna die soon from a spectacular brain aneurysm.

He's already suffering from dementia:

Psychologist says Trump's latest rally 'consistent with a diagnosis of dementia'

A lot of MAGA fools are gonna wake up with egg on their faces one of these days soon when it's finally revealed that they've been worshipping a certified mental case as they watch Donald Trump do one of his victory jigs in the nude on live TV.

UBN: Ignore the Headlines - Momentum is Moving in Ukraine’s Direction, not Russia’s

****************************************************

Trump Casts Aside Repeated Scandals To Endorse Lauren Boebert Again

Sez that Jack the Ripper wasn't running.

****************************************************

Prospect Daylen Lile leaves Nats spring training game on a stretcher

That's what we like to see: Somebody who tries until he drops.

****************************************************

Big-box stores try to stay relevant by focusing on smaller stores

And, as an added bonus, it's really difficult for store thieves to get those big boxes out through their small store doors.

****************************************************

Would a Trump conviction really make a difference? Perry Bacon Jr. answered your questions.

It would if they finally gave him the chair. Let's hope.

Would a Trump conviction really make a difference? Perry Bacon Jr. answered your questions.

No: A Trump conviction would not make any difference. Trump could rape a troop of Girl Scouts and the MAGA mob would find some way to justify it: People in a cult follow their leader as if he were God (and God can do no wrong). The thing is for those of us who are not in the Trump Cult to vote against him [everywhere we can, and while we are still allowed to] and, that way, save ourselves & our loved ones from the return of The Dark Ages [MAGA].

****************************************************

Ask Amy: My friends won’t stop asking to travel with me

Take them on a tour of Ukraine's energy infrastructure. That should fix them.

****************************************************

Waymo robotaxis can hit California highways after state approval

Thanks for the heads-up: I will try to keep out of their way (if I see one coming).

****************************************************

Living with memory loss, working to fend off dementia

Or, Trump's autobiography? Sure: If I were degenerating mentally as quickly as is Donald Trump I too would write my autobiography NOW. As quickly as I could. Before all my brains had finally left the building.

****************************************************

Lauren Boebert doesn’t want to lose the House

Dear deadbeat: Get a job and pay the morgage on time!

****************************************************

In Florida court, Trump’s lawyers urge Cannon to hold trial after election

Sure: Who's gonna mess with The Don after the Trump mafia takes over the country!

Supreme Court Schedule Could Put Trump On Trial All Through Campaign’s Final Month

****************************************************

House Republicans often vote no on spending, but love to add pet projects

Yeah. It's called loving the perks of being a politician but hating to actually do the job: Taking a free ride (on the rest of us). Republicans now got it down to a fine art: "Assume they'll believe your lie and they do!" [Democrats are still stuck with having to tell the truth.]

****************************************************

Mitch McConnell's aides insist his decision to step down from Senate leadership is not related to his health.

Claim that Mitch could continue to serve well alter he was dead and buried; calling out "nays" from the grave.

****************************************************

How to Know if You Have Hearing Loss

"How's that again?"

****************************************************

He Cursed at a Police Officer. Now He’s Caught in a Free Speech Fight.

Cursing out someone is not free speech. It's a good reason to get punched on the nose. And asking to get punched on the nose is not a good reason to charge the puncher with assault & battery. [I am of the opinion that suing somebody for cursing you out is much too elaborate and complicated a response.]

****************************************************

Donald Trump’s allies are quietly working to remove voters from the rolls before November.

And you found out about this now? It's been in all the papers for years: This has been in fact the Numero Uno job of the GOP since Georgy Bush was last president, my friend. Wake up and smell the death of your children's democracy! It's the murder of all their hopes, and the least you can do is stay up and witness it.

****************************************************

Red-state Christian women are rising up, speaking out to defend IVF

If they're rising, in what other direction would they be going if not up?!?

****************************************************

Rudy Giuliani claims Donald Trump owes him 2 million dollars

Trump sez that the check is in the mail.

"Oh, thank God!" Giuliani exclaimed when he heard that.

****************************************************

The ‘Griselda’ Creator’s Miami

I tried one of those Griseldas, but it was too greasy. I had to wring the buns just to finish it off.

****************************************************

Why Are Pants So Big (Again)?

It's all those pizzas I've been stuffing in my mouth: Used to be I ate a pizza one slice at a time. But when it became one pizza at a time the pants just had to grow up.

****************************************************

Palestinian official: Holocaust was necessary because Jews planned to take over Germany

This could be one of those mental slips that unintentionally reveal what the Palestinians are planning for Western countries.

****************************************************

Ultra-Orthodox Jews block Israeli highway in protest of IDF draft

Authorities now working to try to find out which Haredi gang was involved: The Fat Asses or The Goldbricks [gang of pious draft dodgers].

****************************************************

Thousands of millionaires haven’t filed tax returns for years, IRS says

Paying your taxes is for the little people. Unless you're Trump. Then paying your taxes is for suckers.

What I wanna know is: With all the evidence (and convictions) coming out now that Trump gained extra income (not formally reported as income), why isn't he facing more counts of income tax evasion, and being brought up on even more serious criminal charges?!? [And before he's no longer competent to stand trial.]

Anybody who doesn't know that a vote NOT for Biden is a vote FOR Trump also should not cross a street without asking for somebody's help to do so.

****************************************************

Here’s Why I Invented A ‘Death Machine’ That Lets People Take Their Own Lives

Is this The Automatic Guillotine that comes with the hand-held remote control, where you push a button to release the blade? I love that.

****************************************************

A Nuclear Weapon Strikes. What Happens Next?

You die instantly or horribly. No escaping that.

****************************************************

The Supreme Court makes the right call keeping Trump on the ballot

Yes: Now, when he loses again, Trump can again claim that the election was stolen and bring eternal peace and harmony to the nation once & for all goodly time to come.

****************************************************

Trump v. Anderson

The Supreme Court Just Erased Part of the Constitution -- As of Monday, March 4, 2024, Section 3 of the 14th Amendment of the Constitution is essentially a dead letter, at least as it applies to candidates for federal office. Under the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling that reversed the Colorado Supreme Court’s decision striking Donald Trump from the state’s primary ballot, even insurrectionists who’ve violated their previous oath of office can hold federal office, unless and until Congress passes specific legislation to enforce Section 3.

Funny. I don't remember Congress passing any other specific legislation to enforce ANY other part of the Constitution: I wonder if ANY part of the American Constitution is still valid? [Wait until Trump is elected again, my friend. Then you will be certain that none will be. "Okay."]

In the NYT article above, David French has implicitly [but very perfectly] stated the reason why the members of this particular Supreme Court will forever be remembered as having 'reasoned out' the most political and least law-based decision in the entire history of the Supreme Court:

"Section 3 or the 14th Amendment isn’t self-executing," claimed the minority's opinion, "and thus has no force or effect in the absence of congressional action" [as imagined from Section 5 of the Amendment's: “Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.”] -- But Section 5, on its face, does not give Congress exclusive power to enforce the amendment. As Justices Elena Kagan, Sotomayor and Ketanji Brown Jackson pointed out in their own separate concurring opinion, “All the Reconstruction amendments (including the due process and equal protection guarantees and prohibition of slavery) ‘are self-executing,’ meaning that they do not depend on legislation.” While Congress may pass legislation to help enforce the 14th Amendment, it is not required to do so, and the 14th Amendment still binds federal, state and local governments even if Congress refuses to act. The Section then says, “But Congress may by a vote of two-thirds of each house, remove such disability. In other words, the Constitution imposes the disability, and only a supermajority of Congress can remove it. But under the Supreme Court’s reasoning, the meaning is inverted: The Constitution merely allows Congress to impose the disability, and if Congress chooses not to enact legislation enforcing the section, then the disability does not exist.

In any case, the 15th Amendment also has the same language: “The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.” And yet no one has [yet] questioned that the 15th Amendment is self-executing: Hypocrisy strikes again, or perhaps blind ignorance of the law?

Which SEE: In the 1883 Civil Rights Cases, the Supreme Court had already decided that the 14th Amendment “is undoubtedly self-executing, without any ancillary legislation, so far as its terms are applicable to any existing state of circumstances.” So, so much for this Court of legal amateurs' respect for (or perhaps knowledge of) Supreme Court precedents & settled law.

It appears that we will have to wait for a future Supreme Court (not nominated by GOP presidents and rammed through by GOP senators) to align itself with the Constitution again. Sarcastically, if one section of the 14th Amendment requires such 'enforcing legislation', then every one of its sections does. Therefore equal protection under law no longer exists in the United States (according to this current amateurish Court) and slavery has never really been abolished--so former slave owners may reclaim their slaves and all their current-living descendants (as they too are by antebellum definition legally still very much slaves).

Was there ever a more warped Supreme Court decision?

This decision will be forever referenced as the best of all possible examples of partisan hacks twisting logic, reason and honor in order to justify & promote a personal prejudice (in this case, these particular justices wanting by any means possible to keep Trump on the ballot no matter what (law, decency, ethics, or shame be all fully damned).

[The liberal justices may have attempted to make themselves look less damnable by issuing their concurring opinion, but we all know what they are as much as the Court's unanimous opinion tells us. Period.]

Justice Amy Coney Barrett cautioned. “Particularly in this circumstance, writings on the Court should turn the national temperature down, not up."

Really! No. Since the first tyrant arose in the first human settlement, the fight for democracy is ever humanity's most ardent one: The struggle can but only get much more heated the closer we come to our victory because the tyrants will fight all that harder the closer that we come to defeating them. The moment will never come (must never come) when we can ever let up in our fight for democracy--To do so, ever, will always denote democracy's saddest tragedy, even if it's only just briefly transient.

“States have no power under the Constitution to enforce Section 3 with respect to federal offices, especially the Presidency,” this most forgettable Supreme Court said in its per curiam ruling. And as the liberal justices noted: “Allowing Colorado to do so would, we agree, create a chaotic state-by-state patchwork, at odds with our Nation’s federalism principles.”

Really! No. For, as Free Speech for People, a group that represented plaintiffs in several cases similar to the Colorado one, said: the Supreme Court had “made a mockery” of the 14th Amendment: “As of today, states can exclude a presidential candidate from the ballot because he did not submit the proper paperwork with the proper number of verified signatures, but not because he fomented a bloody insurrection against the U.S. Constitution.”

So much for the Court's ignorance on the law (purposeful or real), or its profoundly shameless moral and/or ethical hypocrisy.

"Could Congress refuse to certify Trump’s election on the grounds that he is an insurrectionist not entitled to hold office?" Well, Congress has already twice been asked to impeach & convict Trump for the highest treason anyone could possibly perpetrate against his country on indisputable and in some cases undisputed evidence that he did exactly that; and twice Congress acquitted him. So that question has been roundly answered. [But those were political questions, which might yet be excused (neither morally nor ethically, of course) politically--The Supreme Court is supposed to issue their decisions according to whether they agree or not with the American Constitution: with the law of the land.]

Finally, "Our differences are far less important than our unanimity," wrote Justice Amy Coney Barrett.

If that were true, or had even been true in the past (or in the least), we would all still be wild cavemen cracking each other's skulls to determine who was in the right and who was in the wrong--Because reason never breaks out universally in all men at once, but is usually born in one man's unique set of experiences and from there springs onwards to the infinite seas of mankind.

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TurboTax and H&R Block now use AI for tax advice. It’s awful.

But it saves [them] a lot of money in man-hours.

****************************************************

Ask Amy: Grandpa was a corrupt cop. Should we tell our kids?

Why? So that they grow up with a false sense of somebody else's low-worth? Or grow up into bad cops themselves? Tell them he was the first man on Mars: They'll love that (and nobody else has the claim yet).

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US urges Iran to dilute all its near-weapons-grade uranium

Iran answered: "Sure."

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Russia says it is considering putting a nuclear power plant on the moon with China

Apparently even the Lunatics are running out of fossil fuel.

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UN Special Rapporteur 'unaware' of rocket attacks on Israel

Sez that the UN has a specific policy of See No Evil/Hear No Evil when it comes to the murder of Jews. [Always suspected that.]

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Archaeological site in Ukraine yields clues about the first Europeans

Archaeologists found their original inscription on a rock: "Here: No one will ever bother us here."

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What happened after a man got 217 coronavirus shots

He said to his nurse: "Ok. I'm ready for my next one!"

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Weirdly Warm Winter Has Climate Fingerprints All Over It, Study Says

Ew, screw this world! It's used up anyway: Let's pack it in and jump on to the next one already! ["You mean: Die?!"] No! I mean move to another planet out there somewhere. Preferably one with 4-star accommodations.

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Profound Damage Found in Maine Gunman’s Brain, Possibly From Blasts

Moral of the story: When you're shooting a whole lot of people, try not to have a blast--And especially not too many of them: You may hurt your poor delicate mind.

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Psychologists say the looming rematch is prompting intense feelings of powerlessness and unease among Americans.

Which, say the same psychologists, is the counter-intuitive response to Americans' true eternal longings to be forever powerless and paranoid ninnies: The best of both worlds!

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Men get it too: Breakthrough in diagnosing and treating male breast cancer

Yeah. That's why I stopped beating my chest. [Yet another beloved chimp tradition sacrified on the altar of living too long.]

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North Korea leader Kim Jong Un orders heightened war preparations, KCNA says

And those, of course, are heightened from the already heightened war preparations that North Korea has been heightening since back when it was first founded. [As Ross Perot used to say: "If you're gonna talk about a nuclear war, talk about a nuclear war; if you're gonna fight a nuclear war, fight a nuclear war."]

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Md. law removing time limits on child sex abuse suits is constitutional, judge rules

This provision should be extended to all forms of child abuse; including those committed against adults: The damage they do lasts a lifetime.

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U.S. floods arms into Israel despite mounting alarm over war’s conduct

Well, let's hope that the Israelis never run out of arms, because their weapon of last resort are nukes: They were just about to use them against Egypt when, miraculously, just like that they won the war. I think the Israelis winning a war benefits the entire Middle East, especially its enemies! Let's hope that they win this one too. Even their worst enemies should be pulling for them to win.

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This Is The 1 Skill You Need To Perfect In Order To Cook Well

Stay in the kitchen: The minute you go watch TV 'for a sec' is when you burn down the house.

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Republican Senators Don’t Mind If Party Picks Up Tab For Trump’s Legal Defense

Say that it is a sound strategy for when they too get caught.

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How Bad Is Crime in the New York City Subways?

No one should ever be allowed out on our streets again if they have 50+ or 60, 70+ arrests. And not even if most of them are misdemeanors: These people do not belong out freely roaming our streets! Ever. They are obviously mentally sick and will end up doing worst and worst crimes if they are ever released again. Either cure them permanently or keep them locked up as long as they remain a danger to themselves & to everyone.

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Trump is a 'traitor to the United States' who is headed for 'life in prison': former aide

A man is always his own future.

Was Trump’s Nomination Always Inevitable?

The electorate is always its own future.

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Senator Mitch McConnell endorsed Donald Trump, whom he once denounced.

And now you know what the Republicans in Congress would do if Donald Trump were ever to declare himself absolute President For Life.

McConnell is the kind of a guy who, if it is advantageous to him, would endorce Satan himself. [He just might have.]

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We’re Not Asking the Most Important Questions About Age

Does the penis get flabbier or shorter as we age, or both--just like the rest of us?

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After Super Tuesday, Trump Is Stronger Than He’s Ever Been

Only in his own mind, as always. Because, mentally, Donald Trump is deteriorating so rapidly right in front of our eyes that a short coupla months from now Donald Trump will be a babbling monkey, if at that: He might not even be that lucky:

Dr. John Gartner: The world is watching "a fundamental breakdown in Trump’s ability to use language"

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Activists in England defaced a portrait of Arthur Balfour, who in 1917 called for “a national home” for Jews.

It was just a matter of time before all the Middle East immigrants resetting in the West brought their bloodthirsty antisemitism to their new countries. Perhaps with time they might yet become used to the West's notions of respect for the human rights of others; but for the time being a lot of European and American Jews are going to have to pay a terrible price.

Columbia Uni. investigating Israeli prof. for combatting campus antisemitism

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Ask Sahaj: Conservative parents don’t approve of Indian boyfriend I met online

Just pass him off as a new Indian boyfriend that you met at a bar: Maybe they'll like him.

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Miss Manners: I lied to the restaurant owner and said the food was good

So, what are you saying--that now you've lost his respect because, obviously, he knows his food's rotten no good? Is that the problem?

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Ask Amy: My boyfriend is offended I don’t want him at my academic conference

He shouldn't be: Most women are humans, but most men are still chimps. And no human being wants people to know they're in a relationship with a chimp. You can't understand that? [Because you're a chimp.]

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Should I use diaper cream on my face?

If you like. Just make sure that the kid who used the diaper wasn't sick.

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How to Responsibly Get Rid of Old Clothes

Wear them until they arrest you for public nudity. Can't get more responsible than that.

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Stop Stressing About Turning Off the Lights When Leaving the Room

What, you think it's that easy getting over fifteen or twenty years of, "Turn the damn lights off when you leave the room! You think I'm made of money?"

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UNRWA report says Israel coerced some agency employees to falsely admit Hamas links

Sez that one of its Hamas members wrote this report.

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We went furniture shopping with a pro thrifter. Here’s what we learned.

That, no: The cheap stuff is never as good as the more expensive items, and no matter what the self-called experts may tell you.

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Don’t go in the kitchen. I’m delivering a State of the Union response.

The Republicans are always cooking up something. Now they just put it out there shamelessly blatantly.

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Carolyn Hax: Wedding guests melt down over rules for which kids get invited

Rule should be: Which kid is mentally and emotionally prepared to see that adults are even more childish than kids.

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What Weight Did Biden’s Words Carry?

100% for the Democrats, zero for Republicans. And if you didn't already know the answer to this question even before it was asked then you just having been reading the papers lately.

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This Bird Is Half Male, Half Female, and Completely Stunning

"Honey, why don't you leave the egg laying to me and go out for a night with the boys. You're starting to creep me out."

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Trump posts $91 million bond while appealing E. Jean Carroll defamation judgment

My question is: Who does he think he's kidding? He must know he's gonna lose his appeal. This is a terrible gamble on Trump's part: He's not only going to have to pay this right & proper judgment, plus interest, but he's also going to have to pay the lawyers and the bond company. Trump is a terrible businessman, and an even worse gambler. If he were smart he'd take the hit and leave it there.

Trump posts $91 million bond while appealing E. Jean Carroll defamation judgment

All his life Donald Trump has adhered to the motto that, "If you can pay the fine then it's ok to do the crime." (especially when it was his old man paying them). But lately not only have his fines been bigger than he bargained for but he's also had to start paying some of them out of his own pocket! Maybe he just might have to force himself to become an honest scout now like the rest of us. Only time will tell, of course.

Reminder: Trump’s Last Year in Office Was a National Nightmare

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Mass exodus threatened by Chief Rabbi if Haredim are forced into military service -- Emphasizing the critical role of Torah study in Israel's success and survival, Yosef argued, "The yeshivas and kollels are what hold up the world. The state exists on Torah study, and without the Torah, there would have been no success for the army."

Reminds me of that stone age tribe they found somewhere that believed a local couple of stones balanced on top of each other was what was keeping the universe together. And the horror they expressed when one of the expedition's guys sat on them to take a smoke.

Maybe they should start drafting the Haredim just only to see what happens: When the stone age natives screamed at the poor guy taking a smoke he stood up so quickly at the fright that he knocked over the rocks holding the universe together. But we're still here.

Sometimes it takes a little push to move an entire people ahead.

"The relationship between Haredim and Zionism became more complex after the founding of the State of Israel in 1948. Some Haredi groups "with great reluctance permitted" being involved in the political process of the state by voting in elections and accepting state funding." -- Wikipedia's Haredim and Zionism

How extremely gracious of them! No. If one can vote, the only way to pay for that privilege is with military service to one's country: "A public that is willing to pay with its life for the Land of Israel will not give it up under any conditions." Universal military service is the best guarantee that there will always be a country (for all her citizens).

The Chief Rabbi if Haredim continued: "If they force us to join the army, we will all move abroad," signaling a potential mass departure that could shake the very foundations of the state.

Especially if they all move to Iran. Sure. Well, at least there the Iranian law will allow the Haredim men to continue to subjugate their women without having to put up with all that annoying disapproval of modern civilization.

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Man arrested after trying to bring hammer into Capitol, police say

Cops tried unsuccessfully explaining to him that no hammer is involved in hammering a point.

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Miss Manners: Ask me to hang out, not if I’m busy

That's why I've been trying to catch you when you're not busy. So I can ask you to hang out!

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Why not require a civics test as a rite of passage for all Americans?

Would you really want Donald Trump and Republicans in power to compose such a test?

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Biden urges Congress to pass Ukraine aid

The correct sequence is: Putin's got something on Trump, and Trump's got the GOP.

Now, Biden's got no pull with Putin. Therefore Biden's pleas to the GOP are falling on deaf ears.

Trump will not fund Ukraine, says Hungary PM -- "He will not give a penny" and the Russia-Ukraine war will end, claims Viktor Orban after meeting Donald Trump.

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5 children killed in humanitarian aid airdrop, Hamas-run Gaza Ministry of Health says

It is therefore obvious that aid agencies are engaging in genocide in Gaza: The world should step in and put a stop to aid to Gaza immediately!

Hamas's Gaza death toll is exaggerated or faked, statistics expert claims

Editor's Notes: 'There is no famine in Gaza' - comment -- While it’s not accurate to say there is a famine in Gaza, there are indeed hungry individuals struggling because they can’t afford food. Even if Gaza were to be inundated with food supplies, hunger would persist because the issue at its core is not about availability but access and affordability.

Are these the facts? Are all or any or most of these assertions pure politician misinformation warfare? I can't tell. And the best way to arrive at the correct answer is to look into it. Preferably by a joint Israel-American entity.

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Pope Says Ukraine Should Have the ‘Courage of the White Flag’

And they still dare to say the Pope is infallible!

However, for a life-long Catholic like myself it is kind of comforting to know that the Pope is as much a moron as everybody else.

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Why It’s Hard to Explain Joe Biden’s Unpopularity

Joe Biden’s unpopularity stems from the fact that just when you think he's finally walking the right path, the wrong people call him and he goes off their way! Somebody should sit Biden down and explain to him that his enemies will always despise him no matter how many kisses he blows their way--That the best way to get the other side to respect you is for you to do everything you can to strengthen your side against their push.

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Attacks on ships and US drones show Yemen's Houthis can still fight despite US-led airstrikes

Wars fought piecemeal are prolonged even unto infinity. To force the Houthis to capitulate in this war: target their armies and their leadership. Erode their armies and the Houthis have plenty of enemies in Yemen to ensure that they never engage in this sort of outrageous high piracy on the seas again. Right now the Houthis' economic interest is not in having a safe and secure transit of the world's commerce by their shores but in Iran's paying them to cause trouble in the world: Degrade their armies and Iran's money will be of less importance to them.

Houthi leader promises 'more surprises' for US, Israeli ships

Of course, if the Americans have the patience to postpone permanently persuading the Houthis to become peace-lovers until after they cause some monstrous loss of innocent lives, then more power to them. [Pretending you fight wars humanely is always needlessly expensive; but the U.S. is a wealthy nation and (unlike Israel) can afford to waste a ton of surplus wealth.]

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Carolyn Hax chat: How do I fall out of love with a married man?

Meet his wife for lunch and ask her how her marriage's going: Trust me, whether she says that it's great or that it's rotten you will not love that man no mo, no mo, no mo.

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Ask Amy: Sending gifts to my grandsons’ half siblings, too? No thanks.

I'm sure those kids will understand that you're no relation to them and that they mean nothing to you. I'm sure they will grow up without any hang-ups about belonging to your family, and who merits inclusion/who does not. Sure, their brothers & sisters have a grandpa and they do not. It's the way of life. Some people are good, some people are evil. When you get kicked in the teeth, smile, smile, smile! [I foresee a great future of love, harmony & mutual respect for your family!] When I was a kid I got a Christmas gift from my cousin's boyfriend, nothing fancy, but it brought our family closer by a mile. Of course, if you're cheap--

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The Oscars always get it wrong. Here are the real best pictures of the past 50 years.

Greatest motion picture of all time:
Plan 9 From Outer Space

"It has never been considered because few people 'get' its stupendously brilliant satirical takes." [All these lists are purely personal opinions and usually include movies that really were overlooked by the Oscars for very good reasons.]

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Donald Trump, the luckiest politician who ever lived

Too bad his luck doesn't extend to those around him.

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Jerusalem rabbi becomes father at 88, 'like our forefather Abraham'

Ah, those were the days: Decrepit old geezers robbing the cradle in the name of God.

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As Israel’s Ties to Arab Countries Fray, a Strained Lifeline Remains

Yes. All the Arab countries kicked their Jewish populations out after the founding of Israel, and that was treated as normal and natural by the world. But kicking the Palestinians out of Israel would be a war crime, of course, and demand that the entire world come down hard as it can on Israel. [Normal, and natural.]

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Should I Kick My Dog Out of My Bedroom at Night?

No. If you just open the door and encourage him to get out on his own instead, he won't spend the next hour or so screaming in pain; and then you may fall asleep faster.

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America Has No Official Language. Instead It Has Hundreds.

That's why I learned to speak dog; and dog is the only language I speak now: All dogs speak dog, no matter where in the world they come from. With the exception of Irish dogs, of course: The Irish like to share their booze with their dogs, and therefore Irish dogs speak a merrily jiggly slurred dog that only other Irish dogs can lap up (becoming drunk as well); after which they all always want to get into terrible fights with dogs much bigger than themselves.

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Whoopi Goldberg Dishes On Dating Man 40 Years Older Than Her

Sez it felt kinda strange spoon-feeding him chicken broth on their first date, but he no longer had the muscle mass to lift the spoon himself.

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A Hearty Irish Bread Absolutely Anyone Can Make

If you only have but just a half a bottle of whiskey, you can still make this Irish bread.

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If There’s One Thing Trump Is Right About, It’s Republicans

Those flim-flam men do love their marks! They've studied them for years. They know to the dollar how much is in which pocket.

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1 Person, 1 Button, 15 Minutes: Absolute Authority to End the World

And the great thing about it is that there won't be any recriminations.

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Jeremy Strong Isn’t Sure He Knows Who He Is

When this happens to me I always call my phone number: The person who answers--That's me.

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General Election Campaigns Begin With Attacks as Trump Mocks Biden’s Stutter

I'm old enough to still remember when such depravity was enough to cause someone like Trump to be permanently shunned by every decent member of society: That seems like such a distant world now! Yeah: MAGA.

American oaf Donald Trump is the eternal school yard bully who loved how his hangers-on would cheer his disgustingly childish and hurtful pranks. But while other schoolyard bullies quickly learned that such outrageous behavior is not in their best interest, Trump escaped growing up and becoming a fully-formed adult because of his old man's money: In his warped mind, Trump is still living back in the old schoolyard he used to rule as a child; only now he is being cheered by new infantile hangers-on ever as morally bankrupt as Trump's old schoolyard accomplices were.

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Trump Courts Black Voters Even as He Traffics in Stereotypes

Well, he can use their vote, even though he has no use for them.

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Six ways to get more joy with your dog

1) Go to the dog park naked. Your dog already does and he has lots of fun. I'm pretty sure you're allowed to go naked there as well (I think as long as you take your dog, and he too is naked). The worst they can do is tell you it is not allowed. [Then make sure to ask if it's you or your dog who's not allowed naked because the world is full of nosey people who just like to horn in when it's not their job and tell you what to do or not to do just to make themselves feel important.]

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Chit Chaat Cafe: The exceptional Indian restaurant in a gas station

That seems so digestively apt, somehow.

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Can I do a stool test at home instead of a colonoscopy?

Sure. But I must still caution you, if you choose to go the other way: Doing a colonoscopy at home can be tricky!

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Miss Manners: Can you say something other than ‘I’m sorry’ when you hear bad news?

Absolutely. You can instead choose to express honestly the way it truly makes you feel: "Better you than me."

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Trump Aides, Taking Over R.N.C., Order Mass Layoffs

Say Trump needs the money. Now!

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'End your silence, declare Hamas a terror organization,' FM Israel Katz urges UNSC

First, "Before we do that," sez the United Nations: "We would have to have everybody in here who is a member of Hamas agree to it." And, really, there's very little chance of that, I'm afraid.

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Biden effigy beaten, kicked at Kansas county GOP event, drawing outrage

Except from Biden who, unlike GOP-practitioners, does not believe in Voodoo.

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The improbable U.S. plan to revitalize a Palestinian security force

And this time they will only employ Hamas members who are committed to secular democracy.

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Trump’s TikTok reversal suggests his China policy is for sale

Hello! Trump himself is for sale. Just make him an offer. Please!

How Donald Trump switched to defending TikTok

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Communication Crisis: NASA Receives Unintelligible Messages From 15 Billion Miles Away

"mo reI L oveL uc y"

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Trump seeks delay in N.Y. trial pending Supreme Court hearing on immunity

And when that fails he will seek delay pending his best pair of shoes getting properly repaired by his cobbler of choice in Sicily.

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Donald Trump Suggests Cutting Retirement Programs In Incoherent Ramble

Of course: "The old geezers no longer contribute any work, so why are we paying'em? If they wanna eat let'em get up out of their cushy assisted care hospital beds and get jobs like my hard-working Mar-a-Lago workers."

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‘They’re All High’: New Orleans Police Say Rats Can’t Stop Eating Marijuana In Evidence Room

Say that the smell of marijuana smoke permeating the entire police building is probably due to the rats having learned to smoke it as well--Rats are very clever animals that can learn new ways just from casual observations. That might explain the weed's mysterious vanishing act from the evidence room.

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Donald Trump says Adolf Hitler 'did some good things,' Biden hits out

Maybe Hitler put on his pants one leg a a time and buttoned his shirt efficiently, but it is sinister to not specify the pants and the shirt when making such a statement. One never knows if Trump should have known better, but he just never 'seems' to know.

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Bernie Sanders Proposes 32-Hour Workweek As New U.S. Standard

Back when I was working, in my youth, I proposed that we work our 40-hour weeks in four days because I wanted to spend three full days at Disney World with my family: I loved it. It was only 2 more hours per day, nothing more than the typical overtime. And for a while I took tremendous trips to Disney World, Busch Gardens, and every other Florida vacation spot we could get to every weekend. But then the firm I worked at suddenly decided to go back to their old five 8-hour days because, and this is sadly a true story: because some workers started to complain that they were having marital problems as a result of their spending too much time stuck in their damn homes with their families! So that was the end of my three-day weekly vacations. I wonder if Simple Sanders gave any thought to this before making his 'easy' suggestion.

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‘General Hospital’ Actress Found Dead At 64

OMG, when this woman was born I was already delving into the deepest unknowns of the human experience!

Spacetime's "Brownian Motion" Could Spell The Death of Dark Matter

At least I was luck enough to survive long enough to witness some of my pet thories bear fruition:

     "Dark matter's existence was first inferred by Swiss
      American astronomer Fritz Zwicky, who in 1933
      discovered that the mass of all the stars in the Coma
      cluster of galaxies provided only about 1 percent of
      the mass needed to keep the galaxies from escaping
      the cluster's gravitational pull."

Of course, at that time supermassive black hole stars were not yet in the equation. Today we know that some SMBH stars can have as much mass just by themselves as all the rest of the visible stars in their galaxies (and this doesn't even include the mass of billions of other roaming black holes in those galaxies). It is well to always keep this in mind when making assessments of the gravitational lensing by distant galaxies (their lensing power may not be due to their proposed amount of dark matter but to the fact that their mass may be mostly invested in black hole stars).

Sagittarius A* (the black hole at the center of our galaxy) has a mass of only some 4.3 million Suns. But the TON 618 black hole star's mass is 66 billion times that of the Sun's [that starts to nip at the 200 to 400 billion stars in our own Milky Way, and we know that our galaxy has a staggering number of additional black hole stars throughout].

Conclusions about stellar motions from Zwicky on down must now be reconsidered in light of "Brownian Motion" (from Mordehai Milgrom's Modified Newtonian Dynamics or MOND), which unlike the dark matter theory, has an actual mathematical framework rather than being purely imaginary--And now, University College London's Jonathan Oppenheim's and Andrea Russo's work on why Milgrom's MOND idea might be true after all has been publicized [a modification of general relativity at low accelerations which yet leaves Einstein correct one more time].

     "In other words, the entropic force acts as if it were
      additional matter: "The entropic force driven by a
      stochastic cosmological constant can explain galactic
      rotation curves without needing to evoke dark matter,"
      they conclude."

For someone who has promulgated since the last century that the Big Bang theory is purely religious, not scientific, watching the slow but growing number of observations disproving it has been comforting indeed: I was sure that the 1990s finding that the universe's expansion is accelerating would finally put an end to it; and I must admit that contemporary theorists' nutty proposal of a 'dark energy' fueling this acceleration was as funny as it was unexpected. It's fascinating to see how long that notion persists.

But, I can wait, reality isn't going anywhere, sooner or later enough observations will lead even the most stubborn thinkers to the only explanation left--that the universe is a stupendous thermodynamic implosion [of the Qfoam cosmos]. And, unlike the Big Bang myth, which is constantly being battered by every observation made, the idea of an imploding universe has not yet run into even one single verified observation that disputes it. And it perfectly explains the 'acceleration' of the universe's expansion that we can see with our own eyes.

We May Have "Misunderstood the Universe," Nobel Prize Winner Says

New research suggests that our universe has no dark matter

New Evidence Suggests the Universe Is Twice as Old as We Thought

“Something doesn’t add up”: The Webb Telescope Identified Premature Supermassive Back Holes

Dark Matter Mystery: Telescope Uncovers Mysterious 11-Billion-Year-Old Galaxy That Defies Logic

Scientists Befuddled by Impossible Galaxy Seen by James Webb

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Why the U.S. put a bounty of $1 million on a Russian yacht’s alleged manager

He was observed pissing over the side of the boat.

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How the gang leader ‘Barbecue’ became one of Haiti’s most powerful men

Haiti + starvation = Barbecue power.

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Montana rancher illegally created giant hybrid sheep to sell for thousands

The beast does look demon-like, but why is it illegal to conjure up one?

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Why a too-tight sports bra may affect your breathing and energy

Because the girl sporting it is really built? [Why do men find women's breasts so attractive? Women's breasts were specifically built for their babies: They're the only ones who can really use them.]

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Trump has a bunch of crazy new claims. Here’s a guide.

Wait until he gets elected again and all those 'claims' start showing up as U.S. policy. Then you'll really know what crazy is.

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My 7-year-old and 4-year-old keep swearing. How do we get them to stop?

Tell them that the reason all their TV heros swear is so that the Republicans don't take their shows off the air.

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Why do the majority of polls break for Trump? I answered your questions.

Frankly, because The Age of democracy may be coming to an end: The world swings from Dark Ages to Enlightenment and back to Dark Ages again. Be patient: After the Trump Dark Ages there will yet come another Enlightenment. [I hope--How long did the Dark Ages last?]

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Navarro must go to prison for ignoring Jan. 6 subpoena, appeals court says

"But," stammered Navarro: "Jail is for the little people! Not for the King's favorites like moi." [The King ain't crowned yet.]

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Want a more sustainable meat for the grill? Try a 13-foot python steak.

Never tried python exactly, but it would probably take me days (if not weeks) to finish off a 13-foot steak.

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Scientists Discover Why Cheetahs Are So Fast

Say that you'd be that fast too if your hamburger ran away from you as fast as a gazelle.

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What we can learn from whale grandmothers

The perils of eating every last little bit on your plate.

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D.C. area tree pollen is surging because of abnormally warm weather

On the plus side this means that more trees are getting pollinated!

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Don Lemon says Elon Musk canceled X deal after taping an interview together

Musk sez Lemon was not ass-kissing enough.

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Work Advice: I’m a foreign-born woman making less than my male direct report

Sue them for a few millions and go live in Bemuda.

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Advice Miss Manners: I put my elbow on the table at a restaurant. A stranger corrected me.

Everybody makes mistakes. It's only human. So I would keep an eye on the busybody and when she slipped I would very loudly call her on it under the What's Good For The Goose authority.

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The UK has an Islamist problem - opinion

Today the Jews, tomorrow the Christians. It will be easy: Today the Christians will stand idly by and do nothing to save the Jews. Tomorrow the Christians will be all by themselves.

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Why do I wake up at 3 a.m. every night?

Because you keep waking up at 3 a.m. Stop doing it and you'll never wake up at 3 a.m. again.

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‘Enough Is Enough’: Alec Baldwin Asks Judge To Dismiss Manslaughter Charges

"I'm a star! for Heaven's Sakes! Not some two-bit extra or a third-string stand-in." He yelled in court: "Hello! Is this thing on?"

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Boeing Tells Airlines To Check Pilot Seats After Report On Plane’s Plunge

I knew they were flying by the seat of their pants all along!

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Biden Embraces Chuck Schumer’s Speech Castigating Benjamin Netanyahu

At a time when Jews should be standing together, some are throwing in the towel and joining with the pro-Hamas ["Palestinian"] protesters!

One does not excuse the death of Gazan civilians in any way, shape or form when one points out how much worse for everyone is the alternative to Israel's war on Hamas--no matter how bad it gets! The full blame for the deaths of innocents lies with Hamas: It is Hamas that must never be excused.

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Former Vice President Mike Pence said he wouldn’t endorse Donald Trump, but wouldn’t vote for President Biden either.

Wouldn't vote for the Devil but wouldn't save his countrymen from Him either. Sounds about right for a not-quite-radical, now "principled" formerly MAGA Republican.

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Why Biden’s appeals to democracy aren’t working

Because we seem to be living at a moment in time when lies (utterly shameless impossible lies which not even a hopeless idiot would have believed years ago) seem to be working no sweat for Republicans--But Joe Biden can't go there because his democratic voters are not as hopelessly idiotic as Trump's. If Biden were to suddenly start sprouting even 1/1000th the lies Trump does he'd be run out of town in a wink.

Trump has a bunch of new false claims. Here’s a guide.

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Miss Manners: Am I expressing empathy or making it about me?

We should always leave making it about you to others, and making it about others to you: That's what becoming human is all about. Anything other than that becomes a primitive struggle about getting as much as you can before the others do. Dogs are still in that stage of evolutionary development: Throw the pack a piece of meat and they'll bite each other as much as the food their fighting over. Humans are trying to get away from that primitive stage. We're not there yet, of course. But that's no reason to quit doing everything we can to get there. Whether you lead by example or moral teaching, you will still have to suffer some sacrifices in order to win the ultimate prize of humanity. However, at the very least on the level of the family, it is always better than getting mauled as a way of living.

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Netanyahu snaps back against growing criticism after being accused of losing his way

The right way is to defeat Hamas, utterly and completely: As long as he's going there Netanyahu is headed the right way.

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U.S. attempts to stop arms smuggling to Yemen with limited resources

Give the Houthi a good solid memorable pinch: The Houthis have never felt the exquisite pain of a good pinch, apparently. Then you tell them that they will keep getting pinched until they start behaving themselves. See how sensible they are. Children learn by sense or by pain. Only a few learn by brain.

Yemen’s Houthis obtain hypersonic missile, upgrade weapons arsenal - report

We animals evolved sensitivity to pain because brains were scarce a while back. Today, even dogs and other animals can learn by other means than pain. Yet Man himself has not yet evolved beyond the need to learn by pain--Let me tell you: As long as the Houthis don't feel the pain, they're going to continue hurting others. Some people are just like that (even after they grow up & aren't fucking kids anymore).

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Trump says some undocumented immigrants are ‘not people’

Can Hitler be far behind?

Trump says some undocumented immigrants are ‘not people,’ warns of ‘bloodbath’ if he loses

I wonder what kind of ‘bloodbath’ there will be if he wins.

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A Suspicious Pattern Alarming the Ukrainian Military

For a mere $1200 dollars one of the West's powerful commercial satellite companies can give Russia very precise visuals & coordinates on Ukrainian targets. Many Ukrainian civilians have been killed because of this; and these companies accepting money to finger Ukrainian 'hits' is no different than paying someone to do a murder-for-hire. It must stop. Governments in the West must instruct these commercial vampires that they must not give Russia (whether directly or via third-party channels) the means to murder Ukrainians. It seems incredible to me that regulations have not been put in place to blur images of Ukraine for the duration of this war.

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Commenting on Navalny's death for first time, Putin says he supported prisoner swap for his foe

Sez he thought of this almost as soon as he murdered Navalny.

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Putin claims landslide and scorns US democracy

Sez that democracy where the dictator picks himself as the winner of an election before it's held is much preferable and efficient.

The war of Russia on Ukraine must continue until Ukraine wins: No matter 'how much' Russia wins, the war can never end because it is about Russia conquering Ukraine--and that cannot succeed as long as there is even a single Ukrainian alive to oppose Russia. But when Ukraine wins, then the Russians will go back to Russia, and there will finally be peace in Europe.

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‘We see our history in their eyes’: Why Ireland is so staunchly pro-Palestinian

There be lots of Whiskey flowing loose herein: It's not just the little people the Irish believe they're seeing dancing a Jig about, they're also seeing Muslims holding up their Jig too. And they'll drink to that!

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How Biden became embroiled in a Gaza conflict with no end in sight

By constantly threatening to kneecap Israel's efforts to finish off Hamas instead of doing everything he can to get it over & done with already!

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Trump can’t find anyone to spot him $464 million. Would you?

Well, I might stand up from my sofa and rumage through my loose change jar if somebody can explain to me why Trump's nickname is Donald 'The Freeloader' Trump.

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Trump Says Jan. 6 Committee Should Be Jailed

Keep that in mind, but: Can Trump still run for president from Debtors' Prison?

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Carolyn Hax: Parent embarrassed that college-grad son is a bartender

But--Didn't he graduate from Boozers College? Am I missing something here?

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Need help with your March Madness brackets? Ask The Post.

Screw that: Gimme a dollar!

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Ask Sahaj: I resent that my parents have relied on me my entire life. I’m so tired.

Yeah! Even right after you were born you not only had to wash your own diapers but do their laundry too! You poor baby!

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Carolyn Hax: Impaired mother-in-law won’t stop driving, and husband won’t step in

Husband sez he doesn't wanna get run over--again.

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What can my blinking tell me about my health?

Everything depends on what questions you ask of the mirror: "Blink twice if you have a headache. Blinks trice if a bellyache. Blink four times..."

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North Korea says Kim Jong Un supervised tests of rocket launchers targeting Seoul

As their holding power is never justified by being popularly elected to their office, the only justification for why Communist (and many other) dictators hold their position of power is because they are the smartest, most brilliantly competent, most universally educated, most well-combed men in the entire country.

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See picks for who could pull off an upset in the first round of the N.C.A.A. men’s tournament.

The world is falling apart. Trump is opening the Gates of Hell. Wars, famine, pandemics, and overly priced breakfast cereals crowd out our lives to the brink. But if we can watch men in their underwears running after a bouncing ball, everything's fine for a while in this freaking world.

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Putin Hails Conquests in Ukraine in Red Square Spectacle

Several Christians were also thrown to the lions during the celebrations. And the little Emperor also poisoned yet another dissident in front of the cheering crowd with some impossible toxin.

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Israel agreed to send a team to Washington to discuss alternatives to an invasion of Rafah in Gaza.

It is simple: If the U.S. thinks it can be done better, then let the U.S. military clear Rafah of the Hamas terrorists. That way no civilians will be killed & everybody will be happy & well fed. End of story.

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President Biden, You Have Leverage That Can Save Lives in Gaza. Please Use It.

Translation: "Please save Hamas from being defeated, Mister Biden! The Israelis are on the brink of putting an end to Hamas like America put an end to ISIS! Stop them before it's too late!"

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a religious conflict - opinion

It is shameful how Progressive 'useful idiots' in the West are assisting in the Islamists' religious war for world domination: The purpose of this dehumanizing war on humanity is the eventual creation of a religious mind-control universal cult in which every person on earth will be enslaved in a primitive and barbaric savage religious enterprise from which we will find it next-to-impossible to free ourselves again! [So why Progressives want to bring down upon us a Dark Ages worse than any that has ever cursed this earth before is truly mind-blowing!] And yet you see utterly contemptible Western stooges everywhere pushing for this astonishingly hideous & appalling Islamist threat to Mankind (simply because it is now 'only' pushing for a 'small local' victory over Israel and the Jews). I have even seen Jewish Progressives participating in this monstrous movement! There are no brains left in the Progressive movement: It is as lost now to the hopeful advancement of mankind as are MAGA Republicans.

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Justice Breyer, Off the Bench, Sounds an Alarm Over the Supreme Court’s Direction

This particular Supreme Court no longer respects the supremacy of the Constitution: At any given moment it is just as likely to declare portions of the Constitution itself invalid as it is to declare other laws unconstitutional. We are no longer living under the rule of law but at the whims of a handful of the willfully blind.

Texas immigration law back in federal court after whiplash rulings

Texas should not be able to make laws with respect to foreign matters by itself because it would obviously be infringing on the rights of the other states. Only the federal government is empowered to speak for all the states (for the nation). Although I don't see how it can be illegal for Texas to detain someone who has violated a federal law, unless the federal government itself specifically says that no federal laws have been violated by that individual.

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Carolyn Hax chat: I think my daughter’s boyfriend is charging her too much rent

Waitaminute! He's got a girlfriend with extra benefits?

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Miss Manners: Friend rudely told me not to touch his wife

Maybe his wife complained that you have very cold hands.

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'War is always a defeat': Pope calls to end wars in Gaza, Ukraine

It takes two to tango: Wars are always about attack and defend. There is no war where conquerors are unopposed. Therefore war is always a sign that some evil is being opposed. To argue against opposing Evil is a sin. The Pope should know better. It is one thing to demand that those who are doing evil in this world stop: And I most certainly will always join my voice to that of the good people who call for the removal of evil men from this ill-treated earth. But it is quite something else to also demand [and with an equal moral authority] that those who are opposing evil also lay down their defenses: Those who do this I most strongly condemn & always will oppose, for they are the cruel enablers of Evil--and whether that is their intent or not.

War is not always a defeat: The dearly-won victories of man over evil, here & there, are written in the great sacrifices made in this most worthwhile of all human struggles.

Helping to create the conditions for an even worse disaster ten years from now is not the way to help those suffering through the present one: The same voices now clamoring for an end to Israel's war on Hamas will be again clamoring for an end to Israel's inevitably worse war on Hamas a decade from now if they succeed in saving Hamas this time. And next time we can absolutely expect the suffering will be that much worse--And you can expect that these so very compassionate voices today which will set up that much more terrible future disaster will never admit their terrible complicity in bringing it about.

If you truly want to help the Palestinians: make them civilized human beings who can live with their neighbors without constantly threatening them with murder (and actually carrying out their threats). Humanity is a never-ending enterprise of compromises not all-or-nothing victories: Those who lose all-or-nothing battles deserve what they get; while compromises are the means to earn what we want.

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Blinken says Israeli assault on Gaza's Rafah would be a 'mistake' and isn't needed to defeat Hamas

Sez all anyone really has to do is to simply ask Hamas politely to "pretty please" surrender and he's sure that they will comply like the good fellows they are.

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What to know about Islamic State group, which claimed responsibility

They like to butcher innocent people to please the bloodthirst of their gods. An old habit of man's from even before the Stone Age. It is a sick demented superstition where devotees are convinced that if they willingly consign their souls to Hell [by committing the most outrageous monstrosities here on earth] then the Devil will promote them to better jobs pitchforking the other souls also condemned to Hell when they get there. Unfortunately it is impossible to present real facts to disprove this delusion, of course; so about the only thing we can do for the moment is hope for improved education in science where superstition still reigns.

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Miss Manners: Grandparent can’t hear the speeches at grandkids’ graduations

Tell him they are political rallies and that way he won't wanna hear anything being said anyway.

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Who’s to blame for expensive groceries?

The grocery buyers: If store customers would simply stop eating, the grocers would have to lower their prices to bring them back into the stores.

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Why is my gas so smelly? Gender, diet and plane rides can play a role.

I had that problem myself, but then I switched over to an electric vehicle. Even though it's Hell-on-wheels taking it for a plane ride.

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Hamas claims Israeli hostage dies due to 'lack of medicine and food'

NOT from the fact that he was kidnapped and held hostage, and kept from his medicines, of course.

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My top eight spine-tingling concert moments

1) the lady in front of me came in with what I was sure was a large crop of bed bugs in her hair
2) the guy next to me kept elbowing me and quizzing: "Have you seen this symphony before?"
3) the clarinetist swung his instrument and it flew into the crowd--Luckily a little girl near me caught it midair
4) the seeing-eye dog in my section knew the music
5) I should have bought gum instead of crackers
6) a blind man and a deaf woman came in and helped each other enjoy the concert
7) a woman asked me to hold her baby while she went to the bathroom and then couldn't remember where she'd been sitting
8) a nudist took off all his clothes: "Sir," said he to me right in the middle of the Menuetto, "Someone seems to have run off with my garments. Could I possibly borrow some of yours?" For a minute I thought it'd been a case like when one of those magicians whips out a tablecloth leaving everything still on the table, so I grabbed myself to make sure I still had on my own clothes. "All you needed to say was no," exclaimed the nudist curtly as the lights were coming back on.

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Who is Nicole Shanahan, the woman Robert F. Kennedy Jr. chose to be his running mate?

Don't you love headlines that answer the questions they pose so you don't then have to also go through the bother of having to read the entire stupid article!

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Why is it taking so long to bring Trump to justice? I answered your questions.

Answer: Political cowardice! Republicans are so terrified of the MAGA mob that you're not going to find very many of them (outside of those who are quitting and running for cover) willing to side with the facts [and not even the most self-evident ones] against Donald Trump!

But even democrats are unwilling to lead the battle against Trump, only to follow--That way those in the lead can be called names by The Loon and mocked for their physical traits: These days even a pie in the face thrown by a monkey is deemed political suicide.

Forensic Psychiatrist Identifies Physical Indicators of Trump’s Cognitive Decline: Alterations in Movement and Gait

The GOP should have gotten together a long time ago and removed Trump from the ticket! (Placed him in a home, where he really belongs.) But they seem to be waiting until he comes out in his underpants screaming about Melania being an alien from outer space and then suddenly falls down dead from a brain aneurysm on stage. [Or, maybe these days too many of them would just rather wait & see such a thing--Who knows about Republicans, right?]

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Trump has sold $60 Bibles, $399 sneakers and more since leaving office

My mother used to buy me $2.99 tennis shoes on sale and they lasted a lifetime. And, why would anybody pay $60 for a Bible? They're free at every corner motel, especially the more seedy ones like those at which Trump stays when he's the one having to foot the bill --Wait a minute! Has there been a rash of Bibles reported being stolen from seedy hotels lately...?

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U.S. raises treatment of imprisoned Palestinian leader Barghouti with Israel

Barghouti has gone from an unimaginably vile murderer to The New Mandela in the U.S. estimation (of the growing number of Arabs voting in democratic primaries).

'Hamas treated us like animals': Rescued hostage speaks on Gaza captivity

Could the U.S. [or somebody, anybody] raise treatment of the Jewish hostages with Hamas and the Arabs--or at least with the pro-Palestinians protesters... somewhere!

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Flaco, New York’s famous owl, had rat poison in his system when he died

Follow the money: It was probably either his wife or one of his business partners who murdered him.

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Study finds 3 big risk factors for dementia

1) being a former president of the United States
2) trying to become president again
3) needing to become president again or face bankruptcy

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Ask Amy: Young son worries about growing up

Tell him that the world is coming to an end soon, so he shouldn't worry.

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Judge recommends conservative lawyer John Eastman be disbarred in California

C'mon! You're not gonna tell me you didn't know that a lot of lawyers are crooks too!

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Work Advice: Co-worker’s smells have everyone’s nose out of joint

Maybe he's just trying to keep people from asking him to lift stuff at work.

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Trump benefits from an unequal system. Still, he can’t outrun justice.

Don't put all your money on that one: Trump can buy his way out of a ton of human justice--But Eternal Justice is beginning to catch up to him: Dementia is a terrible punishment for anybody. Keep your eye on Trump as an evil life comes to an evil end. And tremble!

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French principal receives death threats for telling student to remove hijab

Look, if France and other European nations are going to move to the Middle East you can't then blame Islamists if they start demanding that Europeans comport themselves with Islamic values.

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Trump the huckster

A huckster is just another name for a politician. You may not know this but Trump obviously does.

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Carolyn Hax chat: My fiancé and I are minimalists. My dad keeps sending us junk.

Maybe he doesn't understand what a minimalist is: Start sending him empty boxes. See how he like it.

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Ask Sahaj: He told me he saw a future with me. Now he has a new girlfriend.

A future with you when you were with him! Why can't girlfriends understand something this simple?

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Trump placed under limited gag order ahead of N.Y. hush money trial

How ironic! And ow apt.

Ex-Federal Judge Blasts Judiciary And Entire Nation For Not Calling Out Trump More

Trump knows, as a notorious scoff-law and shameless criminal, that it is in his best interest that those who administer justice be brought down to his own level, if not lower: If the public loses all respect for the law then this must legitimize his own illegitimate claim of being victimized by the law as it tries to bring justice to his many crimes.

Like Judge Luttig, I too am stunned by how little pushback Trump's self-serving attacks on the American justice system has generated--as most of the 'power' of judges and their ultimate legitimacy really resides (mostly, or even solely) with their reputation and standing in society! Perhaps they believe that a fight for their very survival is beneath them; but if that's true then they are making the case for their own destruction themselves. Judge Luttig's public outcry is a timely (even belated) wake-up call for the self-preservation of law in this country.

"Ultimately," Judge Luttig wrote: "It is the responsibility of the entire nation to protect its courts and judges, its Constitution, its Rule of Law, and America’s Democracy from vicious attack, threat, undermine, and deliberate delegitimization at the hands of anyone so determined.

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Trump seeks to dismiss Georgia charges claiming free speech

Sez asking for a bribe or blackmailing someone is constitutionally protected free speech (as long as it's Trump doing it).

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My toilet is sweating. What can I do to stop the condensation?

When your toilet is sweating you out it's time to go start using the neighbor's. Just 'happen to be there' at the appropriate moments.

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The internet was supposed to make humanity smarter. It’s failing.

As I've said many times before: The only way to make humanity smart is to hit it over the head with a brick.

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Putin 'Is Weak Now'—Former CIA Worker

The border problems will be with us today, they will be with us tomorrow, and they will be with us for as long as the United States has a border. But we suddenly have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to defeat America's greatest enemy in the world stage and the Republicans are refusing to provide Ukraine the means to finish off the Russians because their Trump ass is itching?!? It should turn your stomach.

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Mediazona confirms identities of over 49,200 Russian soldiers killed in Ukraine

Putin is decimating the Russia Army, and it is a lesson on just how unprepared such an army really is to fight its obliteration from the inside.

"Since Russia began its all-out war against Ukraine, over 3,300 officers, with 386 holding the rank of Lieutenant Colonel or higher have been killed in combat in Ukraine. On Feb. 24, in a joint study with independent Russian media outlet Meduza, Mediazona reported that at least 83,000 Russian soldiers had been killed in Russia's war, although total estimates of Russia's casualties since the full-scale invasion vary widely."

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Biden administration signs off on more bombs, warplanes for Israel

On the one hand Hamas supporters want the U.S. to use its leverage against Israel. On the other hand, if the U.S. stops helping Israel it loses its leverage. It's simple to understand. The only people who cannot understand this are those who do not want to.

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Under Biden and Trump, the presidential first pitch has disappeared

Either of these two guys pitches a ball and their arms are likely to break off & knock the catcher right on his ass.

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Peace is not made with arms, says Pope in Easter plea

Nice to dream the impossible. But sometimes it's better to just stare reality in the face, and study how all the instances of peace were actually achieved.

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Trump Is Financially Ruining the Republican Party

Guess nobody can be all bad fter all.

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Dining chat: I found glass in my food and was still charged for dinner

I found several rat turds in my food but I paid for my meal because I couldn't really be sure whether they were mine of the food joint's.

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Ask Amy: I think my mom is trying to manipulate me

Shut up and eat your Count Chocula.

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Donald Trump ‘Hasn’t Got The Brains’ To Rule As A Dictator, John Bolton Says

The problem with that assessment is that Trump is always surrounded with guys who can do the thinking for him just like the producers who actually made him look smart on The Apprentice by editing out his unending stupidity.

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Veteran terrorists at Shifa show: Israel is fighting the Hamas it should have defeated decades ago

This is how Hamas is enabled and sustained by those who shamelessly promote its propaganda.

Sen. Merkley invokes Easter to condemn 'indiscriminate bombing of Gaza,’ drawing condemnations

Israel is fighting a humane ground war - just ask experts

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Scotland's government says a new law will tackle hate crime. Critics say it could hurt free speech

There is a difference between speech that offends and speech that hurts and threatens. Speech that merely offends should be protected because being offended is mostly all on you. But speech that hurts and threatens is a crime and should be properly punished.

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Trump posts $175M bond to keep N.Y. authorities from seizing property

See! This is why I avoid owning property.

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The problem with your sneakers? They’re built to last too long.

If only they could figure out how to pass that problem on to my car tires!

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Muslim leaders decline White House Ramadan invitation

How many times are you gonna have to be told that Muslims always play all-of-nothing-at-all sum games.

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Trump reacts to Mexican president's $20 billion demand from the Biden admin: 'I wouldn't give him 10 cents'

Sez 10 cents is more than he has ever even tipped an excellent good waiter.

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China will have 300 million pensioners. Can it afford them?

Very few people in this world just sit around and eat. Most of those 'retired' pensioners spend their time contributing in many ways, and can't be replaced that easily. Most of them are still doing work which is greatly undervalued or highly underpaid both at home in their families and even outside the home: So pensions paid to 'retired people' are always a good and sound investment.

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Carolyn Hax: How do you get over someone you don’t want to get over?

Or, how do you turn off the light you don't want to turn off? The answer is simple: You unscrew the lightbulb instead.

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Mailbag: Trump’s threats to the rule of law continue

Trump is like the little boy who's let in the wedding and suddenly discovers that he can get away with just about anything until the wedding is over: "Is there nobody here willing to take this misbehaving kid outside for a while?"

Trump Has 'Plenty to Worry About' After Eastman Ruling: Legal Analyst

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Trump said he spoke to murder victim’s family. The victim’s sister said it never happened.

What she doesn't understand is that it did happen. It's just that it happened in Trump's head--a reality by itself.

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Are you a nudist? Knitter? Golden Girls fan? There’s a cruise for that.

The problem I've always had with being a nudist is not walking around without my clothes, but the fact that there are other people also walking around without their clothes: It's ickier than being in a house with a load of roaches.

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Climate change is altering Earth’s rotation enough to mess with our clocks

I know my watch hasn't kept the right time for years now but I always attributed it to 'them' constantly changing to Daylight Savings Time & back, plus the fact that it only cost me $4.99

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As famine looms in Gaza, the U.S. humanitarian strategy is failing

Middle East conflict live updates: 7 World Central Kitchen workers killed in Israeli strike, group says

What the world should do is help Israel finish off Hamas as quickly as possible so they can then come in and feed the hungry civilians in Gaza without any fear of getting in the way of the ongoing battles. But this solution is too perfect, of course: The world would rather slow down Israel's march to victory at every turn as much as it can to make the Gazans suffer as long as it's inhumanly possible.

No one should have any sympathy for those who are running interference for Hamas at the expense of Gazan civilians on the sad excuse of caring for them: Their actual achievements are not feeding the hungry of Gaza but prolonging the war and thereby prolonging the suffering there. They should get out of the way or be pushed out of the way so the removal of Hamas can finally proceed unimpeded.

Top Israeli official Ron Dermer began yelling during a meeting with U.S. officials about Gaza, officials say

Israel has no choice but to utterly and completely destroy Hamas no matter what it costs or how long it takes: The alternative is nothing less than the destruction of the state of Israel, no matter who doesn't understand this or who might pretend they do not understand this.

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Work Advice: Is that chill in the air retaliation from my employer?

Naw. Everybody knows that when you do something to somebody else they should just get over it. It's only when somebody does something to you that they should spend some time worrying about it. [It's in 'like' the first or second page of The Idiots' Handbook.]

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Israel is at a crisis point: The world has had enough

Yeah. What's this obsession Jews have of surviving in this world. Give it up! Let'em butcher you to the last man, woman and child of you. We'll shed some tears for you--

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Visiting an eclipse city? Here’s what to do after the sun reemerges.

1) check to see if you still have your wallet (a lot of'em have been known to simply disappear in the absolute darkness of a full eclipse)
2) look at the people around you: see if they now look as stupid as you normally do (sometimes people travelling to see an eclipse can appear temporarily scientifically brilliant in the excitement of the built up, and then go back to just looking up with their mouths open afterwards like a bunch of turkeys out in the rain)
3) see if the chicken you brought with you to experience the eclipse woke up (lower animals are known to doze off from sheer boredom during eclipses, and sometimes it's hard to rouse them back up again without some coffee)

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Want an elephant? Botswana’s president says his country has too many.

The problem is that they're just too big: Geneticists should find a way to shrink them to a manageable size, like we did with Poodles and Chihuahuas. A cat-sized elephant wouldn't be that much trouble to people.

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Is America no longer the land of the free, home of the brave? - opinion

Not as long as there are so many MAGA Republicans here. We must eventually start the unavoidable conversation of possibly deporting a lot of these un-American anti-democracy [antide] cultists back to their countries of origin before we all wake up one day eating mayo on white bread & washing it down with Clorox.

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Donald Trump: 'If I don't get elected, it's going to be a bloodbath for the country!'

Trump also claimed that the Rock of Gibraltar would crumble into the sea, and that his lovely daughter Ivanka might grow an ugly pimple on her beautiful beautiful nose [he was meaning to say 'ass' but made one of his famous slips of the tongue at the last moment out of his daughter's ass].

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Biden slated to survey bridge collapse in Baltimore

Oh, good. Maybe he can give some pointers to the engineers working out the job there.

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Trump swindles his followers — again

I'm not a psychiatrist, yet I'm starting to think most of Trump's followers are in it because they love the way he swindles them: To each his own. And, let's face it, if Trump wasn't vacuuming up all their cash they'd probably be pouring it into some other white supremist movement out there. So it's not all a bad thing.

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Denmark says a navy missile with a tech error might launch unintentionally — but won't explode

Zoom!!! "You know where it's going?" [Don't worry, it won't explode when it gets there.] "It might've been nice to let'em know it's coming, though." ["Tell'ya what: If it's worrying you that much: Let's pray."]

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Why Some Billionaires Will Back Trump

If you're talking about the same type of billionaire that backed Hitler in Germany, it's because they think they can control him.

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G.O.P. Congressman’s Wild Claim: F.B.I. Entrapped Capitol Rioters

Demands that all the thousands & thousands of videos clearly showing otherwise be erased from the millions & millions of places in which they're now permanently recorded, including millions & millions of Americans' private recording equipment. The Supreme Court will probaby get the case.

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Trump’s bid to dismiss Georgia case on free speech claim rejected

Judge rejects Trump’s bid to dismiss classified documents case based on Presidential Records Act

If Trump wasn't so vain he could try to have his cases dismissed on the grounds that he's too fat to have committed the crimes he's accused of. That might be a more reasonable & successful defense for him than all the other nutty ones he's tried so far.

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1 in 5 GOP primary voters keep bucking Trump. What does it mean?

Zilch: Trump plans to win the election even if he only gets 5% of the vote (the other 46% having been 'stolen' from him, obviously). "Hello! Listen, all I need is for you to find 73,857,872 votes..."

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How to age better than your parents

1) don't have a kid like you

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Thinks The Solar Eclipse Is God Telling Us Something

Definitely: "If you wish to get more sun, move the earth a little to the left."

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Hitler would have loathed this painting

Is Hitler a very rare last name? It seems to me that there should be a lot more Hitlers around: Mister Hitler the dentist. Billy Hitler. Dominik Hitler, the guy in charge of vegetables at the grocery store. Hitler! the best-selling rapper. And Mrs. Hitler, our beloved English teacher, of course. Where are they all?

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Ask Amy: My brother’s negative comments about my life make his visits hard

God gives us siblings in order to teach us to stand up for ourselves in this harsh world. But there are people who never learn to stand up for themselves, even with the help of the best siblings that God may give us.

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Trump says it would be a ‘great honor’ to be jailed for violating gag order

This is one honor Trump definitely shouldn't miss out on. Especially when so many of the people he misled are now honoring him by doing long stretches in the pen.

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Jose Andres says Israel is committing 'war against humanity' in exclusive interview

Jose Andres is letting his personal feelings break out into outrageously unacceptable blood libels against the Jewish State: Israel is conducting a war for its survival, and it is doing so with the greatest military professionalism which has ever been displayed by any military in the history of the world:

Israel is fighting a humane ground war - just ask experts

The Israeli Military has already disciplined those responsible for the death of the 7 aid workers and explained how the terrible mistake came about. To accuse Israel of purposely targeting aid workers is a sign of profound antisemitism or of unwarranted pure hatred lashing out blindly (outside all possible evidence one way or the other).

What Jose Andres should be doing, if he really had any humanity in him, is consoling the victims of this tragic error. Not spewing venom on an entire nation which is doing everything in its power to prevent tragedies like this, including placing the lives of its young solders in harm's way in order to prevent them, while fighting an enemy whose expressed aim is the butchering of all her citizens without mercy.

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'Houston to Gaza, globalize Intifada:' US Rally praises October 7 attacks

Under no circumstances should antisemitism in any of its forms be protected speech: It is a very real physical attack on those who cannot defend themselves, and as such it should be a deadly crime as serious as that of any other vicious physical attack. If laws are lacking to protect the innocent then laws must be placed in the books as soon as possible to criminalize this unpardonable hate speech.

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Trump’s secret plan to end Ukraine war would yield territory to Russia

A stab in the back by Trump is hardly a secret, it's to be expected. It is Trump's modus operandi. It's who he is. If you didn't know that Trump's plan for Ukraine was to plunge a knife in the back of every brave Ukrainian there who has been fighting for his country (just for Trump's personal convenience), then you don't know which side is up.

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RFK Jr. downplays Jan. 6 attack, says he wants a special counsel to review related cases

Sez that it's possible 333,000,000 Ameicans were suffering from a mass delusion when they 'imagined' they were seeing what they saw on their TVs that day. [It could happen, sure.]

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The mounting allegations against Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs

If you can't to the time don't do the crime: I guess Diddy figured he could do the time.

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Amnesty International mourns death of terror prisoner as 'Palestinian writer' -- “You have a disturbing obsession with glorifying sadistic murderers,” the official Israel X account slammed Amnesty International’s tribute to Daqqah on Tuesday: “Looking forward to your next tribute to Ted Bundy.”

Unfortunately, too many world organizations view crimes against Jews differently than they do crimes against anybody else. I personally do not understand this because those who commit crimes against Jews are even much more likely to have unimaginably vile & vicious plans to commit like crimes against Christians and other non-Jews. It's not as if these Jew-hating terrorists somehow love Christians & other non-Jews. No. Even as they are trying to exterminate Jews they have written in their to-do lists: "You are next" about the rest of us.

That is so simple to grasp from even the most casual glimpse of the situation that I can only believe Jew-hatred blinds the entire Western World to the real and present danger of these vicious murderers! No, my friends: These murderers will not be satisfied and never bother you again if you throw them a couple of Jews they can massacre to quench their mythological lust for blood! They will only become more empowered and more bloodthirsty when they finally come after you.

NY club cancels Israeli band over 'The Jews' name

Swastika drawn on poster of baby and other Hamas hostages in Toronto park

Fools, fools, fools...

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Carolyn Hax: Sister-in-law wants time with family — but not with their kids

Maybe they're not good conversationalists.

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The Middle East is on the precipice of the wider war no one wants

Nonsense: If no one wanted a war there it couldn't happen. If there is a war there it's because somebody wanted it.

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Is Trump: (a) Lincoln, (b) Mandela, (c) Jesus or (d) all of the above?

You left out (f) the Antichrist. Which is a much better fit.

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Iranian commander warns Israel not to retaliate for missile and drone barrage

What will Israel do? What will Israel feel obligated to do when this is so evidently Israel's 'golden opportunity' to destroy Iran's nuclear ambitions once and for all? Can another better opportunity ever be expected to be presented to Israel (by Iran itself)... which does not also in the future involve some measure of probable ruin and destruction for the state of Israel?

Therefore, unless, Israel is offered what I can only describe as "a better guarantee of a permanently nuclear-free Iran," I don't see this war concluding until Israel destroys Iran's nukes in such a way that they will never again present the real & (ever) present threat to Israel that they have presented up to now.

Because the threat from Iran's nuclear ambitions is existential, I don't think anything will be (or really should be) off the table, including a nuclear strike by Israel [or even a series of them] aimed at permanently crippling Iran's nuclear capabilities. This is what Israel has been keeping its nuclear capabilities secret for: Conventional strikes against secondary military targets may accompany this, of course; but, truth be told, the real threat to Israel are Iran's nukes: They must be the focus of Israel's response whether by conventional means--or otherwise, because Iran itself does not present merely/only a conventional threat. This is the crucial difference here & now.

Israel probably has a lot of very powerful deep-burrowing conventional weapons the U.S. [Biden] probably thinks ought to be used here (and has been giving to Israel exactly for this purpose: if only to deter Israel using nukes). So now it's all a matter of whether the Israeli military has the confidence that a conventional attack will complete the job: Iran has been preparing for just such an attack for years--an attack which if it does not succeed completely will immediately means that Iran uses whatever nukes it has against Israel (or loses them).

The matter then will be: has Western Intelligence really gotten a handle on Iran's true nuclear capabilities? This is why a conventional attack on Iran might be too huge a gamble by Israel: If Iran's nukes are not completely & utterly obliterated, the consequences for Israel may well prove fatal. Can Netanyahu run such a risk? Would any Israeli leader?

As a secondary concern, of course, this is also a must opportunity (which Israel also cannot afford to pass up) to show her enemies [whomever they are or might be, real or potential], that they cannot attack Israel with impunity. Can Netanyahu or any other Israeli leader live with the fact that Israel has suffered this big a direct attack by an enemy country and not responded in kind or even much more robustly? What lessons can Israel's enemies take away from this, from what happens next?

We shall have to watch and see.

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Will add more later. SDR

REMEMBER: This page is my scratchpad: Occasionally items which are edited (relevant & checked for factual errors) will be incorporated into my Tricky Headlines series [others with be purged]. For example, THE BOOK ON TRUMP will never be finished until Trump is finished (and, hopefully, doing a long & well-deserved stretch in prison... or an asylum for the criminally insane). We'll see.

Want to read more?

Buy the books: Each has hundreds & hundreds more...
[Thousands & thousands if you get the entire set.]
These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.

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DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
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PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
S D Rodrian

* NO mucus, please.

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SUNDRY OTHER S D Rodrian NOTES:

The Rules of Life
http://thesolutionisthis.com
The Stories and Poems of S D Rodrian
LATTER-DAY MUSINGS
.
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